Chapter 3
Hey! I'm back! Well, let's see…I may not update "Cleared" or this fanfic tomorrow since I have a family thing going on since my mom is taking until Tuesday off and I'll probably be busy with some stuff, but ANYWAYS, I'll try to update over the weekend. But back to this fic. I was so HAPPY that I was screaming when I saw that I had 12 reviews…it was like totally unexpected. I thought I'd probably get flamed for writing something so random and OOC, but I guess you guys like it. What can I say? Anyways, I'd like to thank ALL MY REVIEWERS for clicking the purple button and telling me what they think…I'd like to thank Maxxride, K.C., and Demon of Konoha especially for giving me ideas for this chapter. Well, ON WITH THE FIC!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto –I own Sasuke….-winks-….well, technically I don't, but still…I'm controlling him in the fic…MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
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While our favorite ninjas were grinding in Tsunade's office, Tsunade and the others started calling someone from the primetime network. Let's just call him Bob, okay?
Anyways, while Tsunade was talking to Bob about the pros of having the ninjas on t.v., the heard a knock on the door.
"Come in!" Kakashi opened the door, and lo and behold, Shizune and Anko were at the door with cake! (you know what this means, guys…XD…thanks to Demon of Konoha for this idea…)
Kurenai turned around, sniffing the air, "Do I smell…cake?"
Kakashi, Kurenai, Jiariya, and Asuma, immediately jumped up, ignoring the television screen depicting Chouji bellydancing and took the cake from Anko and Shizune. They started stuffing their mouths immediately, quickly finishing the cake.
It was Tsunade who got suspicious of the cake first, since she was still on the phone with Bob, "Shizune…where did you get that cake?"
Shizune, watching the television screen as her mind was being scarred by the sight of Chouji's stomach, didn't reply until a few seconds later.
"Oh…I went into your office to tidy up a bit and saw the students," Shizune pointed to the t.v. screen, "Then, I saw the cake on your desk and thought it was a gift so I brought it over."
Tsunade and Jiraiya paled.
"At least we didn't eat it…" Jiraiya said.
"Why?"
"Because the cake is sort of spiked with one of Tsunade's potions. It'll make whoever eats it become their Inner Self…and usually, your Inner is a little aggressive…and er….romantic…"
"Like that?" Anko pointed to the screen, where Gaara was pole-dancing (ok..i know there isn't a pole in Tsunade's office, but let's use our imaginations, okay?…eew..not THAT way people…I think this fic is enough for you guys…XD).
Jiraiya quickly turned back and started taking notes again.
"WILL SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT'S GOING ON?" Shizune started screaming for attention. (Note to readers: If Shizune is mad, bad things begin to happen…very bad things…)
Unfortunately, no one was listening to her because:
Kakashi began making out with Anko while reading Icha Icha Paradise (it's a feat, I tell you! XD) , who was pinned to the floor.
Kurenai started playing strip poker with Asuma, who was losing badly.
Jiraiya's head began hurting from turning around from the television to what was happening in front of him so many times. His nose also began gushing out more blood, too.
Tsunade was in a heated conversation with Bob about the "actors" consent of being put on primetime.
Shizune, knowing that she wouldn't be able to help in this kind of situation, began participating in it….by being the MAIN ATTRACTION a.k.a. THE HOOKER. Seeing only one guy left in the room who wasn't taken, she made her way slowly towards Jiraiya….and got closer…and closer….and started stripping in front of him.
I, as the authoress, will not mention what went on for the next half hour, as it might kill the rating for this story. However, I WILL say that by the end of those 30 minutes, everyone besides Tsunade, who was talking to Bob about the rating of the show, was on the floor naked.
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At
Tsunade's office, the party began winding down as Hinata suddenly
announced that she had to go see her father about something
important. Naruto, being the nice little ninja that he is, said that
he'd go with her. The others, noticing their departure, went and
followed them to the Hyuuga compound.
However, their journey to the Hyuugas' was far from uneventful. Sasuke and Sakura, of course, began the craziness.
Sasuke and Sakura started singing.
I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still
feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't
know why.
Without you it's hard to survive.
'Cause everytime
we touch, I get this feeling.
And everytime we kiss I swear I can
fly.
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
I
need you by my side.
"STOP SINGING! I need silence to focus my thoughts on darkness…don't you understand my needs and longings?" Lee started musing about the effects of noise and sound while Chouji was preaching about youthfulness. However, no one paid attention to either of them.
Neji and Tenten were licking and sucking at the sidewalk as they moved along, of course being stepped on so many times that Tenten's buns were all out of place (not THOSE buns people…god, people these days…XD) and Neji's hair was a bit…er…dirty. (seriously, have you ever seen THE Hyuuga Neji with his hair dirty? No…I didn't think so…XD) During this, Gaara was trying on a YELLOW, POLKA-DOTTED bikini while Sai was …er…drawing pictures of naked woman all over his shirtless chest. Shikamaru was carrying Ino, who was licking his face.
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(Hyuuga Compound)
"We're FINALLY FUCKING HERE!" Hinata screamed as they arrived at the front gate. Skipping in, (yes, they were all skipping…apparently Inners like to skip…XD) Hinata and the rest crowded in, searching for Hiashi.
Suddenly, someone came up behind them.
"…what are you all doing in my house?" a deep voice rumbled.
"HIASHI!" Hinata screeched as they all turned around, "I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU, YOU BASTARD, SO YOU BETTER LISTEN UP!"
Hiashi cocked up an eyebrow, surprised that his daughter was speaking like this.
"Well…what is it?"
However, he didn't get to hear what Hinata was saying because, apparently, Sasuke started singing again.
I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world
Life in plastic, it's
fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me
everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on Barbie,
let's go party!
I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world
Life
in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me
everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Gaara
started strip teasing again, only this time on a nearby couch and Ino
and Shikamaru were at it again. Shino was raiding the house for
hairspray and some hair gel, and Lee was talking to himself about the
moon.
Sakura started taking off Sasuke's shirt while he was singing so parts of it came out muffled so it what was supposed to be
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees
Come jump in,
bimbo friend, let us do it again,
hit the town, fool around, let's
go party
Came out like
"I can crap on a star, I can french on my knees
Come hump it, bimbo friend, let us do it again
Hit me 'round, fool around, let's go party"
Meanwhile, Hiashi looked on with undisguised horror as Kiba whipped out a boom box and began playing some disco music and doing the electric slide while Shino and Akamaru were styling each other's hair. Suddenly, Hiashi felt someone jump on his back and was tackled to the floor by Tenten and Neji. They then began sucking on various parts of Hiashi's anatomy while Hinata walked up closer and began screaming at him.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT A FUCKING BASTARD YOU ARE? I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND ALL DAY AND CRITICIZE ME WHILE AT NIGHT, YOU WATCH IMPORTED PORN ON THE WIDESCREEN TV DOWNSTAIRS! DO YOU THINK THAT'S HEALTHY? IT'S GROSS! GO GET LAID OR SOMETHING!"
Hiashi began doubting himself and wondering if this was all just a prank because Hinata was all up in his face. He hurriedly wiped some spit from his face where Tenten had sucked on his nose and was about to start killing the ninjas when he heard a familiar song.
Uh huh,
this is my shit
All the girls stomp your feet like this
A
few times I've been around that track
So it's not just gonna
happen like that
Because I ain't no hollaback girl
I ain't no
hollaback girl
I ain't no hollaback girl
Ooooh ooh, this my shit, this my shit
I
heard that you were talking shit
And you didn't think that I would
hear it
People hear you talking like that, getting everybody fired
up
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna get a
touchdown, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms
downs, getting everybody fired up
Hiashi suddenly stopped whatever he was about to start and began grinding with Sasuke, who was singing "Hollaback Girl" (A/N: I don't own any of these songs you'll find in this chapter. You should know the names of these songs, but if you don't and if you want to, feel free to PM me, okay?) Gaara, who was finally done strip teasing, started dancing naked to the disco music on the other side of the room with Kiba, while Chouji started talking about PMS with Ino. Suddenly, Temari and Kankuro (sp?) come out of nowhere (let's just say that they were visiting konoha with gaara and suddenly appeared at the Hyuuga's, okay?) and start turning up the volume. Hiashi, seeing the newcomers, started going up and greeting them. Five minutes later, Temari, Kankuro, and Hiashi are at it in a threesome.
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(in the middle of the woods)
Tsunade finally hung up the phone.
"IT'S ON PRIMETIME RIGHT NOW!" She hurriedly got the others awake (hey, they might have been tired after going at it for hours…) and turned on the tv.
"And here we have our new show, 'Attack of the Inners!' What would you do if your Other Self started taking over your body? What kinds of messes will you get into? What kind of romances?" Bob was on the screen with a picture of Naruto and the gang before they ate the cake, "Well, watch and find out!"
The image on the screen faded as it was replaced by what was going on at the Hyuuga compound.
"Is that my youthful Lee there?" It seemed as if Gai was back, and was annoying the hell out of Tsunade.
"Gai, either watch or get out. Take your pick."
"I WILL CHOOSE THE YOUTHFUL DECISION! I WILL WATCH!"
"Fine, now shut up."
All of the senseis, along with Tsunade, Jiraiya, Anko, and Shizune, started watching the show.
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(in the middle of nowhere…)
Kabuto was making some popcorn when he heard Orochimaru.
"Ka-chan! Guess what? There's a new show on primetime! Attack of the Inners!"
Kabuto smiled, bringing out the popcorn.
"Sure, Oro-chan! Want some popcorn?"
The two men started munching on the popcorn while their eyes were glued to the screen, where Sasuke was grinding with Sakura, and Sai was still drawing naked women…except on …different….areas of his body…
"Oooh! Ka-chan! I want THAT body!" Orochimaru pointed to Sasuke, whose head was where Sakura's …er…chest was.
"Sorry, but it seems as if he's taken…" Kabuto said, "But you still have me, don't you, Oro?"
"Yesssss….I still have you!" Orochimaru turned off the tv. "Now, why don't you show me what you I taught you today from that old Icha Icha Paradise book?"
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(on the moon…(jk)…)
Itachi's Sharingan eyes were stuck on the tv., where Sasuke was now at it with Hanabi and Sakura. (let's just say that Hanabi appeared out of nowhere, okay? XD..this is getting way too random, but I can't help it…it's just too hilarious! XD)
"So that's why my little brother hasn't been after me…it seems he's found…other means of reviving the clan…"
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(Hyuuga Compound)
Hinata had finally finished the speech that only she and Naruto had heard. Satisfied, they both went to her room, oblivious to what was going on.
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The others, seeing that their "leaders" were gone, started wrapping up their "party". Tenten and Neji took turns sucking Hiashi's nose one last time as they grinded to "Everytime We Touch", and finally left, saying that they were going to the woods near the training grounds to "train". Sasuke and Sakura finally leave, too, after Sasuke suggested that they go buy some Britney Spears cds.
Now, the only ones left were Kiba and Sai, who were STILL doing the electric slide and drawing, Shino, who had finally tamed down his 'fro, Shikamaru, Ino, and Temari, who were having a threesome, and Kankuro, Lee, and Chouji, who were "playing" with Kankuro's banana-shaped dolls…er…puppets. (let's not get into that, shall we?)
Suddenly, the door slammed open.
"LEE! WE MUST TRAIN AFTER OUR DAY-LONG BREAK! IT IS YOUTHFUL!"
Lee, in his current Goth state, said, "Gai, youth is part of the light. I detest light. Therefore, I will not be youthful, which means I WILL NOT TRAIN!"
Gai, shocked that his favorite pupil was so…different, broke down crying.
Lee, getting fed up with Gai, left, saying that he had to go and meditate.
The rest of the ninjas, getting bored, also left, but not until they got at it with Hiashi, who, surprisingly, wasn't complaining.
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(in the middle of the woods)
"That was AWESOME!" Tsunade screamed, laughing her head off. The tv screen had faded after showing the image of Chouji, Shikamaru, Temari, and Ino staying at a nearby hotel.
However, only Tsunade appreciated the show for its…er…creativity. The rest of the Jounins were either making plans of how to torment their teams (Kakashi was thinking about following Sasuke around wherever he went with a video camera and was planning on using it as future blackmail) or were busy making out, as was the case with Shizune and Jiraiya and Kurenai and Asuma.
Tsunade sighed, feeling left out.
"Hey Tsunade!"
She turned around.
It was Jiraiya, who winked. "Want to join us for a threesome?"
"Gladly…"
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Well, there you have it, people! Chapter 3 of "Attack of the Inners" is done. How was it? It took me FOREVER, people. I tried to put many of the suggestions that I got into the chapter so I hope you all liked it. Anyways, please REVIEW! And also, give me some more IDEAS since I really have no idea of what to put in for the next chapter –probably something about how all of this disrupts the ninjas' lives…I seriously don't know yet, so if you have ideas, I NEED THEM! Please! (thank you, thank you)