Chapter 5

Hey you guys! It seems as though the review count has sort of dropped for last chapter…:(….anyways, even though I only got 6 reviews for last chapter, I'm going to make this more or less 8 pages because I'm nice. ;) …Anyways, this chapter is dedicated to Arue because of her INSPIRING review. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: DIE YOU LAWYERS! I DON'T OWN NARUTO!

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Gaara woke up in the middle of the woods, bathed in stale sweat and leaves and shivering in his yellow polka-dotted bikini. He rolled over.

"Argh…." Apparently, his muscles were still sore from the "events" and grinding at Hiashi's.

"So! You're up already?" Temari's face was suddenly right up in Gaara's line of vision.

"AHH! IT'S THE BOOGEY MONSTER!" Gaara screamed, backing away and stumbling into something hard.

"Oow…what was that for?" The black shapeless lump moved.

Gaara was slowly losing it, "AHH! THE TEDDY EATER IS ALIVE!"

The black shapeless lump spoke again, "Gaara…it's Kankuro….and did last night really happen?"

Gaara's memory came flooding back and looked down at himself, "yellow…bikini….polka dots…."

Temari and Kankuro burst out laughing.

"Gaara….your fashion sense….is….," Temari couldn't finish her sentence because of her laughing. Luckily, Gaara chose this moment to restrain himself from killing everything in sight and brought out some spare clothes.

"Hey! Where'd you get that?" Temari crossed her arms, angry that Gaara hadn't brought any spare clothes for her.

"From Hiashi's wardrobe…" Gaara muttered, "sneaked into his room when he was busy grinding with Neji and Tenten…"

Temari frowned, "Then why didn't you get me any?"

"Do you think Hiashi likes dressing up like a girl?"

Just then, Hiashi skipped by, after scarring Neji for life, and was still dressed in the tutu and frilly dress and ballet shoes.

Temari stared, "Err…yeah….now that I've seen THAT…plus, where else would you have gotten the bikini?" Temari eyed the bikini that was now lying on the floor now that Gaara was in a grey sweater and black baggy pants.

"It's from your closet…I stole it…"

"YOU DID WHAT!" Temari started advancing on Gaara who looked at little scared. Usually, his sister was scared of him, but now it seemed that she was over it.

Temari cracked his knuckles.

Kankuro backed away, with some dolls in his hands…er…puppets…

Gaara backed up against a tree.

Suddenly, all three heard some music.

Oops!...I did it again
I played with your heart, got lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops!...You think I'm in love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

You see my problem is this
I'm dreaming away
Wishing that heroes, they truly exist
I cry, watching the days
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways
But to lose all my senses
That is just so typically me
Baby, oh
Suddenly, Sakura came running past them, with her shirt half torn and her clothes nearly off and Sasuke chasing her with a boombox and belting out the words to Britney Spears' "Oops! I Did It Again".

Sakura and Sasuke disappeared from view a few minutes later.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Ribbit.

Splat.

It seems as if all this craziness is causing a certain frog to commit suicide…(if you read Chapter 9 of "Cleared", then you'll get this inside joke…XD)

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara looked at each other.

Suddenly, Temari slapped Gaara.

"What was that for…sister?" Gaara had a huge red handprint on his face.

Temari looked scared, "I didn't do anything! I'm serious! Someone just moved my arm or something?"

Gaara looked at her closely, "There are no chakra strings…"

"Back off, pervert!" Temari punched Gaara in the nose.

"TEMARI! I'M YOUR BROTHER!" Temari looked shocked, "I didn't do anything! I swear! Someone forced me to!"

They both looked at Kankuro, who was chuckling evilly while playing with a Barbie and Ken doll. However, the dolls were in the same position as Gaara and Temari.

"Kankuro…" Gaara started.

"Are those voodoo dolls of US?" Temari was turning redder by the moment.

Kankuro nodded and Gaara was suddenly doing the hula while Temari was doing a handstand.

"Which…one…is…me?" Gaara shouted over the hula music that was playing in the background.

Kankuro smirked. He knew that either answer would make Gaara really, really angry.

"Barbie…"

A vein in Temari's forehead suddenly appeared as she proceeded to do the electric slide, "YOU MEAN I'M KEN!"

Kankuro started laughing out loud, who was joined with Gaara.

Temari glared at both of them.

"At least I'M not BARBIE, Gaara…" she muttered.

Gaara suddenly had a dangerous expression on his face.

Luckily, he was interrupted from his thoughts of torturing Temari as Sakura appeared before them, looking very dirty and VERY tired.

"…finally…got…rid…of…him…" Sakura said in between pants.

"Who? Sasuke?" Kankuro spoke up.

"Yeah…"

Gaara walked up, "Sakura…," he said in a romance-y/commercial-man voice, "will you do me the honor of…marrying me?"

Sakura backed up, "Temari, what's wrong with your brother?"

"It's my stupid brother, Kankuro! He's contro" Temari stopped and then began talking again, this time, controlled by Kankuro, who was playing with the voodoo dolls behind his back, "GAARA'S REACHED PUBERTY!"

By now, Sakura was getting VERY confused.

"Er…Gaara? I'm only 15…"

"So? I'm only, like, 16" Gaara replied in a girl voice. (Barbie must be rubbing off him…XD)

Sakura suddenly noticed Kankuro mouthing the words Gaara was saying and saw the dolls in his hands.

"Er…Kankuro…are those voodoo dolls?"

"Err…yeah…" Kankuro suddenly whipped out a poodle doll and began controlling Sakura with it.

Five minutes later, Sakura was on top of Gaara and they were…er…making out…

Now, if you looked at Kankuro, he would be mashing Barbie and her dog together while the Ken doll was lying flat on his stomach, which Temari was.

"Kankuro…I ….need…to…get…up…" Temari choked up, her mouth filled with dead leaves and dirt.

Kankuro chuckled evilly, ignoring Temari's pleads and the muffled groans (and no, they're not moans…XD).

Suddenly, a rabid squirrel from Shino's disco dancing party ran up and bit Kankuro on the butt.

"ARGH!"

"Serves you right!"

Suddenly, all four ninjas heard a strange rustling.

every night in my dreams

i see you

, i feel you,
that is how i know you go on

far across the distance and spaces between us
you have come to show you go on

near, far,
wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on once more
you open the door here in my heart

and my heart will go on
and only love can touch us one time

and last for a lifetime
and never let go till we're gone

love was when i loved you one true time
i hold to in my life we'll always go on...
Sasuke suddenly burst through the bushes, singing Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" and found Gaara and Sakura…er…on top of each other.

"NO! MY LOVE! MY HEART IS BROKEN!…." Sasuke cried, "Ahh…however, as one wise person said, 'it is better to have loved than never love (?)'….but still, MY POOR SAKURA! YOUR BEAUTY HAS BEEN DEFILED!"

Gaara, Kankuro, Temari, and Sakura suddenly froze.

"Sasuke…you can talk like that?" Sakura questioned, turning blue at the thought of Sasuke cutting his hair like Lee's.

Cricket.

Cricket.

Chirp.

Ribbit.

Splat.

Ahh….another frog has commited suicide…I feel so bad for the frog population in Konoha…XD

Another rustling was heard from the bushes. Was it the body of the dead frog?

No.

It turned out to be none other than…

"KABUTO! WHERE IS THAT YOUNG UCHIHA! I MUST HAVE HIS BODY!"

Orochimaru stumbled through the bushes and looked around, searching for his glasses-clad companion.

He turned around and suddenly saw Sasuke.

"SASUKE! I MUST HAVE YOUR BODY!"

Kankuro, Temari, Gaara, Sasuke, and Sakura snapped out of their trance.

"WHY DO YOU WANT MY PERFECT UCHIHA BODY!"

"SASUKE-KUN! DON'T! HE'S A PEDOPHILE!"

"AAHHH! IT'S MICHAEL JACKSON!"

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Well, I guess I kept my promise –I made this chappie 8 pages long…anyways, if you didn't already know, the last three lines were said in order by Sasuke, Sakura, and Kankuro…I wouldn't put it pass through Kankuro to know about Michael Jackson…anyways, I hope this is less random and more funny…I've been sorta getting reviews that this fic is really random…anyways, this is just for my own amusement so I guess that makes me a really random person…XD…anyways, REVIEW!(thank you, thank you) Oh, and THANK YOU TO ALL MY WONDERFUL REVIEWERS!