A/N: Wow. This chapter oozed it's way out of my pen/keyboard very slowly. That and it's a rather slow chapter in general, but important to the overall story. It's like a stepping stone. Or something of that sort. *laugh*
Thank you again to all alert-ers, favoriters, reviewers, and even you lurking readers out there! I appreciate your time and patience, it really means a lot to me.
My disclaimer remains the same.
Chapter Five Decision
When Seto wasn't busy or involved with the ceremonies preparing him to be Pharaoh, he went to visit Mahad. The heart-broken Priest rarely left his room now; as far as Seto knew, he only left for things such as bathing or other bodily needs. He had his food delivered directly to his room, when he ate at all. What he did all day was a mystery, but those passing his room often saw him sitting motionlessly on his bed, staring off in apparent thought, or walking to or from his balcony, his expression lost and distracted. For a few days, Seto assumed Mahad would return to his duties after a period of grieving, but as time continued passing, he began to wonder. The usually hard-working Mahad seemed to have been changed completely.
He may not have been the most outspoken of people before, but now he didn't speak unless prompted with a question he couldn't answer with a nod or shake of the head. It seemed almost as if the weight of his sense of failure was literally going to drown him as it would continuously drag him under into his grief, over and over. His emotional displays in the past had always been limited, and often very rare unless the Pharaoh was near, but now his pain and self-hating disbelief were all too clear to the other Priests. It was as if the loss of Atem had broken the man's will and spirit.
Seto eventually took it upon himself to bring Mahad his meals, when he could, to try and coax him out of his room, or into speech. It rarely worked, but Seto was as determined as he always was and he refused to give up and let Mahad wallow. He knew that the Priest's depression would only grow darker the longer he dwelled on it, and he refused to let his old rival lose himself to that. Mahad was too strong for such a fall, and Seto was resolutely determined to prove it to the man.
"Mahad." He knocked twice on the door frame of the Priest's room, looking at the silky, translucent curtain that hung to hide the balcony, where he could see Mahad's shadowy silhouette against the sunlight. He waited as he watched, not entering the room until Mahad granted him permission, not wanting to intrude on his thoughts. There were many long moments of silence, but Seto had grown to expect this, and he continued to wait patiently, not making another sound, not moving. For the first few days he'd just come barging into the room, demanding that Mahad speak or eat or rejoin the others, but he quickly learned that only made the Priest retreat farther into himself, into his memories, to get away from the verbal assault. So he learned to wait, to be patient, no matter how long it stretched his nerves. Then Mahad shifted slightly, his voice soft but controlled.
"Come in, Seto." With a small bow, the Pharaoh-to-be walked into the room and over to the balcony, moving the cloth out of the way to look at Mahad. He was looking out over the city, his hands resting easily on the railing. Seto walked up to him, mimicking his stance, scanning the golden, sun-lit city as well before eventually speaking.
"Do you plan on returning to your duties, Mahad?" His words were carefully chosen to be free of any accusatory or judgmental tones; he was simply inquiring, and Mahad gave a faint ghost of a smile in understanding. It was more of an expression that Seto had expected.
"I…do not know if I can, Seto." He looked at the blue-eyed man, who was watching him with muted surprise in his gaze. He wasn't used to such an answer from Mahad. He'd expected a simple nod or shake of his head, like usual. But then Mahad kept speaking. "This…this whole place…" He motioned with one hand to indicate the entirety of the palace, his words careful but calm as if he had been thinking on them this whole time. "It is empty without him." Seto watched him, trying to see past the pain in his eyes, trying to see what he was planning.
"Will you leave the Palace, then?" There was a flicker of nameless emotion in Mahad's eyes, but he didn't respond at first. He looked back out of the city again, and Seto did the same, shifting as he waited. A breeze moved around them, warmly brushing across their skin and clothes. Seto sighed slightly at the feeling, letting Mahad think, turning to his own thoughts to keep from getting to impatient. For so long we fought with each other over power and strengths… He shook his head and chuckled softly and shook his head a little at the memory of his aggressive accusations towards Mahad. At least I have tried to calm my temper since then…
"Yes." Seto blinked and looked at Mahad, who was still gazing at the city without seeing it. "I will leave." Seto's brow furrowed a bit, but he nodded none the less. To lose a Pharaoh, then a powerful Priest…
"Where will you go?" Mahad shifted his weight from one foot to the other, his gaze growing more distant. For a moment, Seto feared he had lost himself again and wouldn't answer.
"Farmland," he then murmured quietly. "I was born to a farming family, I lived as a farm child before I was brought here, and I can return to those roots." Seto raised a brow at the idea of Mahad, high Priest of Egypt, farming and working land, but then he simply shrugged. If it can help to heal him, who am I to stop him…
"You have been a Priest for so long, will you be alright farming?" He looked at Mahad. "It will be harder than you remember after life in the Palace." Mahad nodded, his voice still soft, a tone of regret managing to work it's way into it.
"I know. I will be fine." I cannot stay here and look at his empty throne, or wander the halls knowing they will never again hear his voice. As he finished speaking and lapsed back into his numbing thoughts, Seto saw his stance change, watched his gaze take on that lost, guilt-riddled look it wore all too often, and he knew their conversation would go no further.
"I will speak with you again soon," he said, bowing his head slightly to Mahad. Then he turned and brushed past the curtain again, hearing Mahad sigh softly behind him on the balcony. He glanced back at the silhouette again, then walked out of his room. We will miss you, Mahad. More than you know.
Seto had assumed that Akunadin's death would hurt him more, now that he knew who he was. But it seemed his heart was too numbed by loss already to really feel the pain. Yes, he felt emotion, as did all the others as they mourned the loss of their senior Priest, but it felt dulled, muted. As if there was some kind of disconnect in his body between his heart and his mind. He wondered if this was how Mahad, who stood with them at the mourning, had felt ever since Atem died. The loss of feeling and response would have frightened him, or startled him at the very least, if those emotions hadn't been dampened down as well.
Despite the tears and choked farewells, everyone seemed detached, at some level. It was as if they couldn't handle this loss so soon after Atem's death, and especially now that they knew they were going to lose Mahad as well. During the ceremony, Seto vowed to himself that when he recovered from this seemingly unbreakable numbness, he would offer his farewells to Akunadin properly. As his mentor and teacher and fellow Priest, the old man deserved it, despite never saying who he truly was. Knowing Akunadin, he had to have a good reason for it…
A few days after they had buried Akunadin, when Mahad was ready to depart, he looked almost like a completely different person. He had discarded his fine, Priestly robes and left them in his room with his armor and gold decorations. Instead, he wore plain and simple commoner's robes, the tan cloth hiding his body entirely. It hung to his ankles, the sleeves draped down his arms to his wrists, and a loose hood covered his hair in place of his headdress, which had been left behind as well. He no longer wore the Millennium Ring around his neck; it had been left on a sacred alter in one of the temples until its next chosen carrier was found.
On his back he carried a durable bag that held a few spare robes and the white-linen-wrapped belongings of Atem. Under one arm he carried a rolled up sleeping mat and blanket. Tucked away inside his pack was a pouch of gold that he was to use to feed himself until he got his crops growling.
He stood alone, facing the empty throne for a long while, gazing at it as if he could still see Atem sitting there in all his young, regal glory. The other Priests stood behind him, waiting in pained silence until he finally turned to look at them.
"Mahad, I—" Seto held a hand out to his side to stop Isis from continuing. Mahad looked at his old rival, trying to imagine the hot-tempered, stubborn man as the next Pharaoh. He smiled faintly.
"Good luck, Seto." The blue-eyed Priest nodded once.
"If you ever change your mind…" He half smirked slightly, but his tone was gentler than it used to be, if only by a little. "I would be honored to have you as my high Priest." Mahad blinked slightly in surprise, then half smiled in return.
"Thank you." But I cannot stay here anymore… I cannot serve another Pharaoh. The very thought sent a twisting wrench of pain through his heart. Seto nodded and bowed his head slightly in acknowledgment.
"Of course. I hope your new life treats you well." The other Priests' murmured their encouragement and agreement, smiling a little despite the clear sadness on their faces. Isis wanted to say more, say something meaningful, or tell the departing Priest how she had truly felt about him all this time, but she couldn't get the words out past the tears in her eyes that she was trying so hard to hold back. She was tired of crying, and she knew that if she spoke another word, her self control would shatter once again.
Mahad looked over them, a bit of longing in his eyes, knowing he'd miss them more and more as time went on. They had, after all, trained together on some level. They had lived together, fought together, watched each other succeed and fail, been friends and rivals and ultimately fellow Priest's for years. But it will only be more painful to stay… He nodded in thanks, the earnest gratitude showing in his still-lost eyes, then he bowed low to them.
"Thank you." He looked up, staying bowed. "I hope to see you again sometime." And with that, he straightened up to look at the Priests once more before turning and walking away, adjusting his hood to hide his face. Serve Seto well, my friends. Do not allow him to meet Atem's fate.
A/N: Musical Assistant: Love and Loss (Extended) by Two Steps From Hell. I used this song for a lot of inspiration in Chapter One as well, I just couldn't remember the name.
If there are any Akunadin fans out there reading this that are unhappy about me not giving the old guy more time for a death scene, or a burial scene, or whatever, I'm very sorry. A brief mention of his funeral is all that was important or relevant to this particular story. ... That and I don't really know how to write Akunadin anyway. *laugh* Sorry guys.
Thank you, all, for sticking with the story!
Please review, I'd appreciate it.