Imperfect

Healing comes so painfully

And it chills to the bone

Will anyone get close to me?

I'm damaged as I'm sure you know

I'm scared and I'm alone

I'm ashamed

That I need for you to know.

There was so much of her that was imperfect. That was frightening. It was horrible to know that despite the know-it-all behavior, the consistently perfect school scores, the role as the jack of all trades - a fighter and a medic, she was still lacking.

Gwendolyn was great. Gwen was smart and beautiful. Gwen always made people proud. Gwen could lead, Gwen could follow. Gwendolyn had an accepting, warm heart but she never rid of her intelligence in the process.

But they were wrong. She was a perfectionist, if only to clean up the fact that she was damaged. Perhaps if she held everything together, if she covered up everything that made her inefficient, nobody else would notice. But she did. To her, all her mistakes were so painfully obvious. When it rose to the surface more so than the usual, she always panicked to fix it.

She had tried to deliver chest compressions for fifteen more minutes on an unresponsive patient and had tried desperately to keep going even if the heart rhythm wasn't restarted. People had to pull her from the body as she kept on going. It was probably just one of the multiple cases of her stubborn, irrational attempt to keep her patients. It still didn't register that some people were past saving. To her, she had to try her very best or she was useless.

It was her first that wanted to trust in Kevin. Her cousin, despite being one of the most accepting people she'd ever known, still had his doubts on the person who had endangered them repeatedly out of a petty way to get back at them for a fudged money-making scheme. Back then he was perhaps taking some of the things he was also selling, which made him less safe. But when Kevin came to them, still keeping some hidden agenda but relatively more sober than he had been, her belief rose.

She coaxed her cousin to consider it. Perhaps in his heart he also wanted to but he just needed her input to finally make it happen. So Kevin was able to become a double agent for the rebellion. A government insider most days who also helped the freedom fighters on his off days.

He worked well with them, even becoming regarded by the other rebellion members with enough respect through this time. Kevin had earned his place beside her and her cousin. Through the time, without even trying, he managed to steal her heart.

Bad boy, cocky charms with a self-assurance that he'd eventually tug her by his side. So she shot him down a peg or two.

He was fixing the engine of his most priced possession: an improved muscle car that looked like a cross between a Dodge Challenger and a Camaro. He had dragged it down into Los Soledad territory despite Gwen's warnings that it would throw his discretion out the window. Something that huge being lugged down into the tunnels did not make for inconspicuous. She gave up trying at his insistence.

"You act like that car's your girlfriend," she said impatiently, crossing her arms.

"What?" he asked mockingly. "You jealous?"

She snorted way too loudly, making her sound less incredulous and more like lying. "As if!" she responded in a far too shrill tone uncharacteristic of her usual cool sarcastic one. "You love it so much you might as well marry it, is what I'm saying. That's pretty unhealthy."

"You stick 'round me," he pointed out in even more amusement. "That sounds pretty unhealthy to me too." After properly feeling the heat of being underground in the tunnels, he released a sharp breath and took off his shirt. Rubbing his hands, he said to himself, "Now let's get cracking." He started fumbling around for his tools on the nearby bench.

She refused to make a comment. It almost felt like her cheeks were going to burst as she kept herself from saying anything.

As if finally noticing the silence, he turned around towards her with a wide, mischievous smile on his face. "Like what you see?" he teased, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

Completely losing interest after that one remark, she stared at him flatly. "You wish," she retorted, throwing a nearby towel she plucked randomly from a desk right at his smug smirk.

Then Michael Morningstar attempted to infiltrate into rebellion ranks, all for the purpose of gathering intelligence. Of course, she was just a girl. She felt so dumb after being duped into believing he was a good man simply trying to pursue the greater good. All his finances he would dedicate in their noble aspirations, even at the risk of being caught by the System for fraternizing with terrorists. She bit into it; hook, line and sinker.

The added expressions of Kevin's face as he twisted his guts in jealousy was also part of why. It wasn't easy to believe Kevin when he doubted Mike because he was spiteful. Emotions always clouded one's judgment. And she was too stupid to realize that it didn't just apply to certain people. To her, too.

When it was finally revealed who Mike was, before he was taken into the other sections of their headquarters that were more private - the number of rebels and innocents that it housed would have been a gold mine - she felt dumb. She hadn't felt quite as dumb as that time.

They took care of it by imprisoning Michael, if only to stifle any more information from being sent and because killing was always a last resort.

That probably wasn't the worst move she's pulled. There were others. All for love.

Some people said that love made one crazy or stupid. But she believed that it was just natural for her to have a couple of issues in decision-making. She masked it as well as she could, putting on a strong, assured face as if she knew what she was doing. Even knowing the repercussions, her heart was still so easily pulled into things.

"Marriage?" he repeated incredulously, the rhythmic clicking of his fingers on the computer stopping. Dark eyes, less sunken and dark circles gone except in the depths of her memory, stared at her. He blinked. "You're serious." He gawked at her.

"Never been more serious in my life," she said determinedly.

"Shouldn't you wait for me to ask?" he added lightly, making a jest out of it. She slapped his arm and frowned at him. "Ow! You're so aggressive." She raised an eyebrow. He winked up at her. "And that's what I like about you."

"Every time we leave this place, every mission, every moment is a risk we won't see each other again," she explained grimly, her eyelids fluttering as if she was trying to keep herself from crying. But no tears actually appeared. Just steadfast determination. "I just want to take this moment and never regret anything. I don't want to feel like I missed out on things."

"That serious face is going to give ya early wrinkles. I'm not marrying an old lady," he mocked again, unable to keep from chuckling before he was shut up by her hitting his shoulder again. "Eighteen's a bit early to settle down, ain't it?"

"When was the first time you held a gun again?" she asked simply.

"Eleven," he answered somewhat begrudgingly. "Still, kinda different to being married and having babies. Though you can just ask with the making babies part and I'm easy to convi-"

"Kevin," she cut him off, glaring at his continued insistence to make it a joke.

"We'll get in trouble, ya know," he reminded her.

"When did that ever bother you, Mr. roguish charm?" she remarked, pulling a smirk that did his own one better.

He started laughing rambunctiously. "You got me at the making babies part."

"I didn't say that."

"It's in the little print in marriage deals."

It might not have been official so as to keep their relationship from government knowledge, but it was pretty much sealed for the both of them. It was in their hearts and it was well-acknowledged. Her cousin only wanted her happiness and supported them. He continued expressing his concerns, but kept well away from their decisions. It was theirs and their alone. For the most part, they were happy.

Things only really escalated when they began making even more impractical decisions. Her life in the upper ground and her life in Los Soledad were very different. She was a normal member of the populace, working as a librarian and occasionally interacting with her 'brother' on special occasions. But in Los Soledad, she was one of the most important leaders that were sent out on missions and always played a part as a medic. She also spoke with Ben more than the government ever knew.

It took a lot of discretion and molding information and records to keep her activity hidden. It was risky but she knew the consequences. She always knew. It never stopped her.

This personality quirk of hers - recognizing danger but never quite shirking away from it - made her accept Kevin much easier. It made her a freedom fighter. It also made her decide something that could have been the biggest mistake of her life. But it was always going to be the most beautiful regardless of what it cost.

"No," he cousin snapped coldly. "Are you stupid?"

"Don't talk to her like that," Kevin barked back, stomping in front of her in readiness to fight against his best friend to prevent Gwen from being reprimanded that way.

But she reached out and touched Kevin's arm to stop him from picking a fight.

"You should know better than this," the brunette continued, tone rising from the stress. "Do you know how hard it is hide? Do you know how hard it is to pronounce someone dead and then they live again in another name without anyone noticing? Do you know what kind of life you'll put that kid through if you go ahead with this?"

"Yes!" she responded, practically shouting. She knew. As hard as it was. But she wanted this. It was a mistake, but she could never find it in her heart to destroy a person. Not with a gun, nor in any other means. She clenched her fist.

"You done it before, anyway!" the black-haired man hissed. "Why is this so different?"

"A child who just randomly pops up in databanks? Adults are a little easier, they can have histories that you can bullshit through with papers and documents. Too much info or with immigrants, the government only goes so far until the research stops," Ben explained, about as far as his calmness could take him. But his entire body was shaking. "This one needs to come out from a hospital. It will have a much shorter track length and the System will find out Gwen doesn't have a boyfriend. Not on their records. They'll have this kid tested and they will find you." He was breathing so hard and clutching his forehead as if this was by far his biggest headache.

It was the fact that Kevin understood exactly where Ben was coming from that prevented him from trying to rationalize anymore. But he was seething. To him, it wasn't Ben's business. She knew it wasn't that simple. It was all her heart talking, not her brain. Kevin did that more easily than she did, if only because he was focused on what he wanted rather than the things that were about to happen in response to what he just did.

But she was steadfast. She usually was when it came things of her heart because she trusted it. She hoped it wasn't directing her down the wrong path.

"Nine months, Ben. Give me nine months," she pleaded, looking right at his green eyes.

With a final deep sigh, he pivoted from them. "Let me see what I can work out."

It was difficult then. For the majority of her days, she had to pretend she had no one. Continued to exist like she was alone. For the few times she could return to her family in Los Soledad, she made the most out of it. It was an imperfect living condition. Just like her.

Unfortunately while Ben had been able to arrange her disappearance for an entire year, he had been incapable of manipulating circumstances to arrange the child to be born then be adopted by her. Just the child's mere existence was too risky. Medical facilities everywhere were loyalists. It might not have been the doctors or the nurses, but the monitoring system was rigid. It was partially because the population count was very well documented especially in facilities like that. It was just difficult to cheat that particular system.

So she had to resolve with her child being non-existent, just like her marriage. To that day, she still believed she was the worst mother ever for making that happen.

But sometimes when she went home to her real home, and Kevin would smirk at her and her baby boy would stare at her with the bluest eyes that reminded her of her mother, she felt less imperfect.

Lucy smiled at her in that eternal smile, the scratch marks on her face seeming cosmetic even if they had been carved on her during torture. Since Lucy Mann was supposed to be dead and disinterested in returning to the surface, she stayed permanently in Los Soledad. The dark-haired child sitting across from Lucy immediately looked at what his babysitter was staring at.

A bright smile adorned the child's face, and he ran to where she was. As she picked him up, she stared at the boy's blue eyes.

"Welcome home!" Devlin greeted enthusiastically.

In his youth perhaps he still barely begrudged her of her constant absence and instead enjoyed whenever she was there. She embraced him tightly as if she would never let him go. She eventually had to leave with Ben on a mission to recover people from a training mission. Kevin had pinpointed a general location that was scarily close to the area where her cousin's family was traveling.

"Since you're hugging people," a voice commented from behind her.

She quickly turned to the source and saw a familiar smirk. Shaking her head in amusement and laughing all the while, she waved her hand for him to come over. Sometimes, Kevin and her didn't even act like they were together. At least not in public. If only to keep as professional and relatively safe from possible agents of the government lurking in Los Soledad from finding out their most priced secret. Or those who were interested in bringing down her cousin or her to take over the leadership. So barely anyone knew.

"Group hug!" her five year old piped in excitedly. The blonde babysitter giggled at her charge, sharing his happiness.

Their family situation might not have been perfect but with those few moments, it felt like it was.

In the back of her mind, she thought that her grandparents, parents and her brother would have loved Devlin.

Hate To Love pt.1

She didn't know what exactly would have happened to them if they kept on going on their own. All three of them injured and only her companion seeming to recuperate by sheer force of stubbornness.

Her body hurt so much but she ignored it. She was focused more on her child. Whenever her Kenny cried from the hurt, she occupied his attention to keep him from thinking about it. She made a quiet game of pointing out the mushrooms or birds then playing a game of "I spy" when Kenny got bored of the other game. As much as possible, she carried her baby boy so that he wouldn't have to exacerbate his injuries.

She also ignored the eye rolling her companion did when she was playing with her child.

At some point during their travel, somehow not being pinpointed by the soldiers for the majority of it, she cringed at the increased in the pain on her shoulder. There was a wet feeling, but she thought it was simply sweating. Everything hurt enough that she couldn't notice which was her injuries or just tired muscles. Thankfully her Kenny didn't wake up when she stumbled a little from the pain.

"You've reopened your wound," his deep voice suddenly broke through the silence.

Glancing at it, it finally occurred to her what exactly was going on. Smiling reassuringly, she told him calmly, "Don't worry. I'm fine. I'll live with it."

For a second or two, he allowed silence to settle. Then he sighed, as if he was giving up.

"Allow me to carry the child. Redress the wound," he ordered her stiffly.

She looked right into the deep red of his eyes. "Do you really think I'm going to fall for that?"

"What would be the use in killing the child now? I realized how unreasonable you are. Implication processed," he retorted coolly. "Now stop being obstinate and do as I say."

"Unreasonable?" she repeated coldly, icicles of anger rising at the very idea.

"Will we continue fighting enough to become unmoving targets just for you to emphasize your spite?" he asked in aggravation.

Breathing deeply to herself for a while, she stared at her son then looked back at her white-haired companion. "How do I know you won't hurt him?"

"Keep an eye out. Stay beside me. I don't care," he ranted, trying to keep his voice down even in an obviously uncontrollable urge to shout. "Point a gun at my head at any opportunity. Whatever. Do what you must. But first, redress the wound and give me the child. You're inept and slow-moving while this injury burdens you."

Even in her fear, she understood that she was being difficult and unreasonable. But she was paranoid that he would attack Kenny. She had every right to be since this Emilien-character has so far proven to be capable of doing so - twice. How could she trust him then? Even if it would be sensible for him to help her while she fixed herself. He hadn't been sane enough before to avoid crossing her when he had the opportunity to attack her child. Why then?

"Tell me something so I can trust you," she suggested, her voice wavering. Just something, anything to feel like he had finally stopped wanting to hurt her baby. To hurt her.

"Like what?" he asked impatiently.

"Think of something," she remarked. "Anything."

As if giving her idea some thought, he surveyed the forest, then snorted. Again, it seemed like the action implied he was giving up at something. She didn't know what it could be. Maybe he was willing to concede now.

"My real name is Sven Albus Tennyson," he pronounced through gritted teeth, as if he absolutely despised the name. "I prefer to be called Albedo." Piercing red eyes. This time, it didn't seem as if he was lying. She almost half-expected him to be like her husband, left eye twitching if he said anything untrue. "If this was in any way recorded, everything that I had planned will be for nothing. It wouldn't matter. My name will kill me. So now, give me the child."

Tennyson. Not her husband's last name. She wondered to herself if her instincts were wrong.

She handed her child to his arms carefully, cooing when Kenny seemed to stir. "Don't wake him up," she murmured. It was odd staring at him that close. The similarities just became more pronounced.

He just snorted in response. Albedo was carrying Kenny as if the child was the oddest parcel he'd ever carried. She had to correct him a few times lest he accidentally broke her son's spine in places.

"You've never carried kids before?" she asked lightly, smiling at his discomfort.

"Do I look as if I would willingly do so?" he remarked flatly, glaring at her.

She had to giggle. She must have gone absolutely mad since she was making light banter with a man who had tried to kill her son. Sitting down on a tree root, she proceeded to tear another piece from her dress and start wrapping it around her shoulder. Just more tightly than the last one so that it wouldn't bleed again.

He watched her and continued carrying her sleeping son carefully. It was a surreal sight.

Things changed when they encountered a group. It wasn't long then until they stumbled across them. They were running and trying to avoid bullets that whizzed past. Her companion insisted they didn't associate themselves with other people to keep from attracting too much attention. Large numbers were an issue in hiding.

But she insisted. She didn't know what it was, a glimpse of someone important or just pure natural instinct that led her to keep from leaving when the group arrived. She wasn't holding Kenny. The one who was, swore loudly when she refused to follow his direction.

It was then that she noticed. A familiar head of black hair being carried by a strong, muscular lady. Bright green eyes opened after the shoot outs lessened. It was her baby girl. Her heart burst with happiness. She felt the tears at the corner of her eyes. She ran.

Her family was whole again.

When she took her child from the surprised woman's arms, Gwenny was so excited to see her again.

It didn't take long for their little reunion to be abruptly rained down by attacks. Her companion appeared to not be the only one who armed himself. The members of the group that had taken Gwenny with them seemed to have guns. Or at least a few of them were. The others stuck to blunt weapons and falling behind the ones who can use guns.

Albedo carried Kenny rather crudely with one arm, practically dangling the child, while he used his other arm to shoot. She wanted to berate him for doing that because he might break her child's arms or hurt his torso even more. But she focused on getting Gwenny out of the line of fire.

Though Albedo was surprisingly twisting his body in a way that kept Kenny from being accidentally hit by any gunshots targeted at the group even if it made his aiming difficult. It was enough comfort for her for the moment.

After the group had outrun the soldiers remaining and had hidden off into a ditch, they were finally given the time for calm.

A tall authoritative looking man had walked over to where she and her companion sat, huddled together with her children. He looked down at them, though he hadn't actually sunk down to meet them in the eye. Standing straight, he introduced himself coolly, "My name is Officer Pyke."

It was almost automatic when Albedo shot his right arm out to point his gun at the man.

The man was quick to redirect the barrel with his hand, but she was probably quicker on holding her companion's shoulder. She didn't know which one of them managed to stop Albedo from pressing the trigger.

"I'm used to telling people that. I'm retired but I've been in service for most of my life so it's difficult to get over," he explained, with that airy tone that almost matched Albedo's own arrogance. But not really. He still fell short somehow. "Just Walter Pyke now."

"I'm sorry for that," she apologized profusely, trying to push Albedo's gun away from the man's direction. "He's just antsy."

"Understandable," he said. "If you're going to follow us, don't fall behind."

The snort from beside her was so harsh she thought that her acquaintance damaged his tonsils in making the sound. "It would be preferable for me to die right now in my own time than to follow someone else into death."

A man with glasses and a dirtied suit commented irritably about 'what the damn country had gone to that one only had a choice between a threat or a menace to lead'. But Albedo and Pyke were too absorbed in their own quarrel to take notice.

The black eyed glare was just as harsh as the red eyed one that met it. Two men who were too strong to handle anyone else's leadership.

She felt cold sweat dripping down her forehead.

So far, none of them had tried to kill the other person. Yet. Albedo seemed to constantly be on the edge of doing so but restrained himself with enough convincing from her. Pyke just looked like he considered the younger man as one of the rowdy teenagers he used to put in jail regularly. This was another notch in the offences Pyke had against her companion.

While Albedo avoided the rest of the group and was unpleasant with everyone, there was a little more annoyance at the older man who was treading on his accustomed leadership. It was as if this particular issue was touchier than other things, like being alive and lugging behind him.

She never really thought too much behind his infinite patience with her. While he was always sarcastic and cold towards her, there was much less lashing out. Her existence didn't seem to be an offence on him as much as the others' existences.

She wished didn't have to think about it more.

The group was huddled together, hiding away from detection from the soldiers using them as target practice. The white-haired man she was with continued scouting, on alert for suspicious movement so that the group could run on signal. For the moment, there was an agreement to look out for the entire group's best. The rest of the detail on who was to be followed would be negotiated later, which was really more of a 'wait to see who's right' pissing contest.

She was holding her children close to her, trying to keep them quiet by making it a game. Both her kids were competitive.

"Is that your boyfriend?" the woman who had been carrying Gwenny asked in curiosity.

"Huh?" she asked, stopping from running her hands in her daughter's hair.

The woman nudged her head a Albedo, who was focused on the bushes instead.

Her eyes widened. "Good gracious, no," she responded quickly, glancing at him only to accidentally meet his gaze. She suddenly felt awkward about the horror in her tone. This was quickly followed by bristling righteous anger and holding her son's hand more tightly.

He wasn't crying about the pain anymore but it was pure pot luck that the way he had been carried earlier didn't exert too much on the wound.

"Could've fooled me," the woman said teasingly.

"Do I act it?" she asked carefully, honestly confused.

The woman looked at her thoughtfully. "Nah," she responded, waving a hand. "Not so much you. Him. He's got that overprotective, possessive thing going on." She waved amicably at Kenny, who stared back in the bug-eyed curious way that kids had when adults said weird things. "And he looks like your boy too-"

"No. He doesn't," she snapped sharply, holding both of her children tighter. Gwenny just took this as a cue to hug back, but Kenny looked like he was about to complain.

"Okay, okay," the woman conceded, raising both her hands to placate Julie. The rest of her words were mumbled out, "No need to get snippy about it."

Silence.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, sounding incredibly exhausted. "A lot has happened."

"That's the general story for everyone," the woman said, nodding in understanding

"My husband's not here. Paper filing…" Her eyebrows furrowed. Her husband, away on business that might not be official. It hit her only then. The day that her companion told her that her husband was the leader of a secret organized faction dedicated to overthrowing the government, she hardly registered the words. It felt like a dream, like it was unreal.

It probably looked like resilience at the time when she was told her husband had been lying to her and her sole reaction was to move on and ask what to do next. It was also strange that she managed to not be angered by the lie to completely adhere to her companion's direction. She refused to negotiate her continued existence with the government by playing by the game's twisted rules. It was with a cool, collected mind that decided to stand her ground yet match the irrationality of his belief of her compliance with her insistence to find her thought-to-be-dead children.

It took forever and a day to really understand the meaning of her mad protector's words.

She and her husband told each other everything. Despite her husband's childishness, he was always mature and upfront about things that mattered. It was just difficult to understand why he would keep it from her.

"Hey, you okay?" the woman asked worriedly, waving a hand in front of her to check she was still there.

"Yeah," she answered simply. Then she looked farther ahead from the group where Albedo continued to stalk through the area to inspect for movements. It was frightening to consider that whatever this woman told her might answer her nagging question about why exactly he kept her alive; why he didn't just abandon her when she proved too difficult to deal with.

She redirected her attention. Her mind was reeling from everything that she just found out. But she kept it from appearing on her face. Instead she looked back at the dark haired woman. She noted absently that the constant exposure in the sun must have made the woman's skin slightly red.

"By the way, I forgot your name," Julie started sheepishly.

"Tini," the woman responded, smiling amicably. "Everyone just calls me Tini. Because that's not what I look like."

She shared laughter with this new friend of hers and talked about other things that weren't the revelations that had coagulated in her brain.

They've encountered multiple soldiers. It was as if the group members were the last few left, which was why they were somehow hoarded by greater numbers. Due to the gunfight and the chaos keeping the two arrogant men trying to lead the group rather busy, they weren't arguing.

Things had gone relatively quiet and everyone was jumpier for the uneasy silence. The smart guy who followed Tini around kept even closer to her by that point. For all of Tini's ability to notice that Julie's companion held her in better regard, Tini didn't seem to notice the guy's obvious interest in her.

They just walked, trying not to crunch on the leaves and break the overwhelming silence. It was so quiet it was practically deafening. The only children in the group, her children, made barely audible whimpers. It was her comforting hold that kept them from being louder. The fact that she could touch them comforted her.

Then something exploded. It was so loud her ears were ringing for a while after the sound erupted. Everybody had ducked for cover, except her white-haired companion. He remained standing upright. Only the red hood that looked more like a cowl moved and only because of the wind that rushed from the site of the explosion - as if whatever had happened was barely deterring him.

He simply lifted his left arm and stared at his wrist, where a watch was. Then a smirk laced on his lips, one that made the skin on the back of her neck crawl.

"Just in time," he commented lightly, like it was just an observation.

The rather loud member of the group, someone whose name she heard was Harangue, asked angrily, "What the hell do you mean by that?"

Albedo ignored him.

Staggering to a stand, she tried to heft her children upwards. Squeezing her finger on her ear to stop the ringing, she tried to confirm, "Your plan working?" She remembered the suitcase and bet her life that was probably the cause of the explosion.

Her companion turned to her, a smug expression on his face as if he was particularly boastful of this particular invention. "Like a charm."

A/N: I resolved to finish what I started. This might not reflect on anything else. I've been losing my love for the Ben 10 fandom, though my love and respect for the series itself increases.

I still have issues with wording in this fic that I feel need correcting. Critique this fic as much as you wish. I'll fix accordingly. I thank you in advance for any input you may give me. As much as this looks like treating people like they're dumb, I thought I should mention this anyway (just to clear up any doubts or confusion):

Uneasy Lies the Head: Vilgax's POV.

Growing Up: Ben POV.

Impaired: Tetrax POV.

Imperfect: Gwen POV.

Hate To Love: Julie POV.