7

Scared Stiff

"Blaine, I don't know about this…" I mumbled, glancing at him as his eyes scowered the halls for Miss Holliday.

"She might be able to help," he assured, squeezing my hand. I sighed. Yes, she might be able to help, but that meant we'd have to tell her what's going on and our love-life and I felt that was a little too personal. "Hey," Blaine said softly. I jolted from my daze, looking up at him. He was smiling at me, his eyes warm. "I just want you to be okay, okay?"

I smiled back. He did have my well-being at heart.

"Oh, Miss Holliday!" Blaine called, waving her over. I felt my cheeks turn red.

"Hey, Blaine," she smiled, bubbly as usual. "Hi, Kurt." I managed a small wave.

"Do you still, um," Blaine ventured, trying to find the words. She stared at him, waiting. "Could you help us out with a problem of ours?"

"Like a…relationship problem, or…?" She ventured.

"Yes, a relationship problem but…an intimate relationship problem," he said in a low voice.

"Oh!" She said, looking between us. I buried my face in my hand, mortified. "Oh…okay. Yeah, uh, just stick around the choir room after rehearsal today and we'll talk, alright?"

"Thank you," Blaine smiled.

"No problem." She walked away humming down the hallway. He turned to me.

"See? She's gonna help us out," he said, trying to make me feel better. It wasn't working. He pulled me into a hug. Now that did make me feel better. His arms wrapped completely around me, surrounding me. His hugs were so loving, deep and warm. I sighed, closing my eyes. "It's alright, Kurt. You don't have to be so scared, it's alright."

"I know, I know," I said, exasperated. "I just…I don't think ahead to the sex part, remember? I just think about the romance aspect of it, and when it gets to the other stuff I just…I freeze up. I don't know what to do."

He held my face, thumbing my cheeks. "That's okay," he nodded. "That's perfectly okay." We stared at each other for a moment. I dove forward, kissing him hard, suckling his lips. He squeezed me tighter before pushing away, gasping hard.

"I don't think this is the time or the place," I breathed. He shook his head.

"I agree," he nodded. "Let's get to rehearsal."

"So…you guys are having sex dreams about each other?" Holly asked. Kurt winced. I patted his leg.

"Yes," I said. "They're, uh, they're pretty intense." Kurt nodded. "We haven't been getting much sleep and it's becoming hard to even look at each other. So…what do you think we should do?"

She nodded slowly, looking between us again. "Can I ask you guys something?" We nodded. "When was the last time you guys took the time to just sit down and have a make-out session?" Kurt blushed. I frowned, thinking…

"It, uh, it's been awhile," I chuckled, rubbing the back of my neck. "Probably um…I don't know, winter break?" Her brows rose.

"How far have you guys gone?" She ventured. Kurt bit his lip. I felt myself blush as I spoke.

"Um, second base," I said.

"Barely," Kurt sighed. She smiled a little.

"Well, as cute as this little shy routine of yours' is, I think you guys should schedule a date where you just be with each other. No parents, no interruptions, just the two of you." I nodded in agreement. "I mean, the sexual tension between you two is so thick you could cut it with a decent sized chainsaw."

We looked at each other, Kurt deeply embarrassed.

"Really?" I winced.

"Oh yeah." She held up her hands. "I-I'm not telling you guys to have sex or anything-" Kurt made a small noise caught between a snort and a whimper. I patted his shoulder. "but, I think it would be good for the two of you to just spend some time together."

"We do!" Kurt offered. "We go to the movies, we go to dinner-"

"I think she means alone, Kurt," I said gently. She nodded. She looked at Kurt.

"Kurt, honey, are you afraid of sex?" She asked. Kurt turned incredibly red, chewing his lip and staring at his hands. He didn't speak, merely nodded rapidly.

"Can I ask why?" She ventured. He shook his head.

"No, no, no," he mumbled. "No, I just don't want to."

"Alright," she surrendered, holding up her hands. "Alright, that's fine. No biggie."

"Thank you, Miss Holliday," I said, taking Kurt's hand and standing. "We'll give that a try."

We walked out of the room, Kurt tugging me along, practically running in his quick little steps, head bowed.

"Kurt?" I said once he'd finally stopped. He didn't look up at me, he simply wrapped his arms around my waist, crying into my chest. "Whoa, hey, hey! Kurt, what's wrong?" He didn't answer.

"I'm sorry, Blaine," he gulped. "I'm so sorry."

"Hey, hey, why are you sorry? There's nothing to be sorry for? Shh…" I soothed, rocking him and rubbing his back.

"I'm afraid I won't be any good at it!" He blurted.

"What?" I leaned back, trying to look at him.

"That's what I'm so scared of. I'm scared that…that we'll start, you know…and I'll be so terrible and you'll laugh at me and break up with me because I-"

"Kurt!" I lifted his chin, touching his cheek. "You, I…God, Kurt, there's no way that I would do something like that to you. I mean, I've never had sex either."

"But you know more about it than I do. I-I'm so awkward and I have no idea what to do, o-or how to…I read those pamphlets my dad gave me but-" He started to cry again. I held him still, smoothing his hair and thumbing his cheek. "Blaine, it's, it's just that…being bullied so much the thought of making myself to vulnerable to another person really scares me, and that's not fair to you."

"I know, Kurt, I know. I feel the same way," I whispered, shutting my eyes at the memory. He looked at me curiously.

"You do?"

I nodded. "I went through the same thing, Kurt. I was attacked in the shower room once."

God, I'm such an ass. A selfish ass, that's what I am. So worried about my own little insecurities when he went through so much more than I did.

"Really?" Was all I could manage to choke out, trying to keep myself from shaking. He nodded, smiling sadly, trying to make the situation better. I loved that.

He leaned his forehead against mine, holding my cheeks, so engrossed in helping me through this. "Whenever it happens, we'll be fumbling around in the dark together. We'll be going through everything together, okay?"

I hugged him tight, trying to get the dramatization of what happened to him in the shower out of my mind. It was nearly impossible. Defenseless, huddled in a corner, trying to fight them off or keep himself from being beaten. Tears welled in my eyes again. He held my chin, thumbing my cheek.

"My parents are out of town on business this weekend. Come stay with me?" He asked softly. "Just you and me, no one else, alright?" I nodded. He kissed me, still smiling. "We can watch movies and cuddle all night. Just you and me."

I smiled gently. "That sounds wonderful."