A/N: References to Mindless Self Indulgence, The Used, Blink-182, and Green Day.
I don't like this chapter too much but I wanted to update SOMETHING so, here.
Chapter Two: Calvin Klein
"Holy fuck, what if it's a mass murderer?" Taylor worried, peering over the kitchen and living room to the door. It was glass with metal vines and twists running along it. All I could make out was a tall man wearing a hat and uniform holding a box. The mail man?
"Well, I see a guy. It could be a rapist. Or just the mail man. Did you order anything online recently?" I asked her. She blushed but it quickly faded. She was proud of her nerdyness.
There was another scream but we ignored it. Probably just Gerard freaking out. The norm.
"Only my limited edition Party Poison laser gun, a replica of the wonderfully awesometastic one featured in the Na Na Na and Sing music videos. Why do you ask?"
"Because I think it's here..."
"WHAT? HOLY DAMN!" Taylor screamed as she pushed past me and and raced over to the door. She waved to the guy with the package and smiled. "Should I open the door? Mom tells me that I shouldn't open doors for strangers..."
I rolled my eyes and left her with the controversy of the mail man. I walked back to her room-also the source of the screaming.
"Hi Gerard what's u-OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
Gerard was still laying in bed, mouth wide open, staring at some sort of poster. I couldn't see the picture on it but Gerard seemed horrified so I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.
He slowly turned the poster around. On it was a photo of him shirtless in a Calvin Klein ad and different dirty phrases written all over his face and body.
"What the fruit is your friends problem?" Gerard asked in shock. I shrugged.
"My theory is that she's mentally unstable," I said as I heard Taylor wickedly laughing and opening her package in the kitchen. I moved a bit closer to the bed and took the poster from Gerard, reading a few of the phrases surrounding his motherfucking perfect face.
Sexy face, PERFECT NOSE, awesome eyebrows, die for eyes, I totally wanna bang this guy.
Yeah. Taylor wrote THAT. She's a fucking psychopath, I know. But she's my psychopath.
"Uh. Sorry for her insane behavior. By the way, Target is on fire so... we can't exactly get you to your car... because it's in flames," I slowly said. The last part was a bit tough to explain but I just told him straight up.
"WHAT?"
"Yeah. I think we forgot to screw the gas thing and you left your lit cigarette on the ground... that wasn't smart. You shouldn't smoke, by the way."
"WHAT?" his eyes were wide and he sat up on the bed, standing up. "Fuck it, I'll call Lyn-Z to pick me up."
"NO WAIT, GERARD!" I cried, running after him.
"Pew, pew, pew!" Taylor yelled from the living room. Shit, she was having ray gun battles with Gerard's motherfucking replica ray gun.
I picked up the iPod docking station, just in case, and followed him out.
"PEW PEW! PARTY! THERE'S SOME DRACS UP AHEAD!" Taylor called as Gerard ran to the other room to see her holding the ray gun and running around. He ruffled through his hair and got his phone out of his pocket.
"That's it, I'm calling the police. YOU knocked me out!" he yelled, pointing to Taylor. "And YOU kept me here. So there. That's enough evidence."
Taylor pointed the fake laser gun at Gerard and muttered through clenched teeth, "Don't. You. Dare."
"Taylor, stop fucking around, this calls for desperate measures!" I yelled.
And in a few seconds, I hit Gerard in the same spot on the head, and he fell to the ground with a BOOM. Poor guy. He'd probably have brain damage.
"Madison..."
"What? You used a trash can."
"Yeah, but-"
"No butts. We'll put him in the upstairs closet."
"WHAT?" Taylor argued.
I must have sounded crazy. Mental hospital insane. But I was okay with that.
"It locks from the outside, right?" I questioned, beginning to grab his arms and pulling him to the direction of the stairs.
"Sure... but... you know it gets really hot in there... and why don't we just take him home before we get in anymore trouble?"
I raised an eye brow and shot her a look. "Oh, please, we'll get some goddamn fans. Not the fangirls electric fans. We'll keep him for a few days. That's it. Ask him the questions we've always wanted to know."
Taylor hesitated but finally agreed. After a ruthless five minutes of taking his body up the stairs, we managed to pull him into the holiday closet that contained the air conditioning system and decorations. For some reason, the closet always felt like a thousand degrees.
It seemed like a repeat of what we had just done a few minutes prior. But that's okay. We had Gerard.
"Are... we... at... all... thinking about... the... consequences... of... what we're... doing?" Taylor asked, breathing heavily after leaving the closet and running back down then upstairs to get fans.
"Mleh. Who cares?" I answered, repeatedly stroking Gerard's hair. It was soft. But I liked it better black. Maybe I'd buy him some hair dye...
"MADISON, it's not like he's gonna fall in love with us or something."
"OBVIOUSLY! He's motherfucking married!" I yelled, moving away from Gerard and beginning to plug in fans around his body.
"That would make this plot line so delusional and predictable," Taylor said, trailing off into some rant about how stories involving love interests are so overrated.
"What the fuck?" (A/N: You know how Frank and Ray were in a horror movie? Picture that being said like Frank says it. Message me if you don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Continue xD)
Taylor shrugged. "Fuck it."
"With pleasure," I muttered as I walked out of the steaming closet and downstairs to get some root beer.
"HE'S ALIVE!" Taylor screamed.
"CLOSE THE DOOR," I yelled to her.
I heard the door slam and the lock click.
I ran back upstairs, my root beer still cold in my hands, and up to the hallway that ended with the door.
Taylor and I heard a muffled, "HEY!"
I turned to her and laughed. We actaully kindapped someone. Why wasn't I that guilty for what I had done? I actually felt a bit... rebellious... like a bad ass. Hip like bad ass? MAYBE WE COULD KIDNAP JIMMY TOO!
After pondering other people we could hold for ransom (or for pleasure), I snapped back to reality and stared at the door.
"Hi!" Taylor said joyfully.
"Where... where am I?" Gerard asked from his prison room.
"You're at my house," Taylor answered.
"HEY! Get me out of here!" Gerard yelled, banging on the door a few times.
"Ah, fuck, what if we get arrested?" I asked her. I set the root beer down on a box labeled "Christmas Shit". Oh, how creative her Step Father was.
"HMMM, you should've thought of that BEFORE you hit him with my iPod speakers!" Taylor raged, stomping off downstairs to her room.
I sighed and walked closer to the door, wondering what Gerard was doing behind it.
"Hey," I said calmly.
"WELL HELLO," he angrily yelled.
"We just want to ask you a few questions."
"I JUST WANT TO GET HOME TO MY WIFE AND KID."
Hmmm, he was being tough. Maybe we could starve him...
...But we weren't savages.
Not yet, at least.
"Soon. I promise. Just answer the questions."
"OKAY, THEN ASK THEM."
"Later. I need time to think."
"OH, I'VE GOT ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING TIME IN THE WORLD," he retorted. Fuck, I actually felt bad. Oh well. What's done is done.
I hurried downstiars and saw Taylor in her room, putting on her Killjoy costume, and ninja-ing around with her ray gun. On a normal occasion, I would be okay with this. The fact that Gerard was upstairs and might be able to hear her yelling about Dracs and BLI, that was a bit uncomfortable.
"I'm gonna turn Destroya on, okay?" Taylor said as she walked back into the living room to grab her abandoned iPod speakers. She threw them onto her bed, too lazy to turn music on.
"Mhm. What are we gonna do about him?"
She smiled like the devil had possessed her. "Heh heh, we'll feed him if he's good."
"TAYLOR."
"No, I'm joking. We'll feed him sometimes and let him go soon. I dunno. Endings are tough to brainstorm."
"He has his phone... doesn't he?" I asked her. She shrugged. Then her eyebrows rose.
"HE COULD CALL THE-"
"-POLICE!" I finished for her.
We both ran all the way back upstairs and approached the door. Hmm, he could escape. We stared at the door for a bit and I decided to talk.
"Gerard?" I inquired, inching closer to his residency.
"WHAT?"
"Stay back, okay. We have..."
Taylor made hand signals towards her gun. I figured it'd be smart to tell him that we had a weapon.
"A gun," Taylor said as she put her ear against the door.
"That's just great," Gerard laughed. "I'm going to die. Murdered by a fangirl. That'll be a new one."
I slowly opened the door to see the lovely Gerard sitting upon the air conditioning system and holding the phone to his ear.
"Shit," he said, hanging up. "I called the cops on you bastards."
"Oh. Well, call them back and tell them everything is fine."
"Why would I do that?"
"CALL THEM!"
He slowly dialed the number as Taylor walked in the too-small closet behind me. She pulled her bandana down and smiled at the sight of our hero.
"Hi. Yeah, I called a few seconds ago," Gerard said into the phone. There was a pause. "No, no, officer. There's something very wrong."
Taylor held up her Party Poison gun in defense. Gerard shook his head.
"Uh, never mind. Sorry I called."
He hung up.
"Ask me those questions," said Gerard as he leaped off his perch and stood in front of me. "And let me go. Simple as that."
Taylor and I exchanged glances and nodded.
Taylor turned to Gerard and thought for a moment. She must have been deciding on the perfect question to ask. But, apparently, Taylor had more important things to think about. So, she asked, "Tell me everything hilarious and interesting about the band. OH! And are you divorcing Lyn-Z anytime soon?"
I hit Taylor's arm and recoiled, "Sorry. Taylor's a fucktard. Uh, why didn't you release that scrapped album? Some of your fans might have liked it a lot."
Gerard shrugged, "We didn't feel it was necessary to release something we weren't proud of."
"Was it like your older music?"
"What do you mean?"
"Dark."
He shook his head in disbelief. "Listen, you girls need to understand that Danger Days was the band growing after realizing many different things about the world. The Black Parade is dead. Three Cheers is over. Bullets is long gone. Please get the fuck over it."
I told him, a bit more angry, "Well, Gerard, as one of your newer fans, I think your older music has gotten me through many more tough times."
"Well, writing it got us through tough times. But those times are over."
"Yeah, well your FAN'S shit lives aren't!"
He was silent. Taylor looked to me, then to our hero. She backed up towards the wall. I was all up in Gerard's face. I was pretty tall and the top of my head nearly hit his nose. But he couldn't have been intimidated by me.
"Sorry about that. We made that music in a dark period of time. That era is ceased."
Gerard then pushed past me and opened the door to the closet. I picked up a nearby plugged in fan and brought it to the landing, where he walked away. He was trotting downstairs. Where the fuck was he going?
"GERARD!" Taylor screamed, carrying her ray gun and scurrying next to me.
"FUCK OFF."
"Mleh," I mumbled.
"Ray gun or fan?"
I gaped at her. "Wha-?"
"LISTEN," Taylor started as we slowly walked down the stairs. "We're in some deep shit. It's gonna get worse if he leaves and tells the cops or something."
"No, it'll get worse if we keep him here..."
"SO! WE COULD GET MOTHERFUCKING JIMMY URINE, BERT MCCRACKEN, MARK HOPPUS, OR BILLIE JOE TO COME TO MY HOUSE. Do you know how mind blowing that would be?"
I nodded.
Gerard was almost to the front door. It was an odd front door, let me tell you that much. Very difficult to open and it had a complicated lock.
He was struggling trying to push it open when Taylor walked up behind him and hit him on the head with the ray gun.
For the third time, Gerard's head hit Taylor's tile floor.
He had to have brain damage after being handled by us.
A/N: I know, not as funny as the first chapter and kind of confusing to understand exactly where they are at the varied times.
LET ME EXPLAIN:
Taylor's house is like this.
You walk in, you're in the front room. It has two couches. Not too exciting-not much action goes down there. If you keep walking a little bit, you'll get to the kitchen. Well, the living room. You're nearly in the kitchen but it's separated by a counter. The living room is just a TV, two couches (I think), and a chair. There are windows and a door that leads outside to her pool and backyard. If you keep going down the front room to the kitchen path (near the living room) you reach... BUM BUM BUM, TAYLOR'S ROOM! Her room is basically trashed. Sometimes. I dunno. No meaning to bash on her, she's one of my best friends xD But there's a bed up against the farthest wall from the door and a window that you can see the garage out of. Well, the entrance to the garage. She also has a closet and bathroom in her bedroom. If you leave her room, the stairs are near there. They go straight upstairs. The closet is close to the landing. It actually does lock from the outside. I locked Taylor in it once. Heh heh heh. :3
Sorry if that was really vague and it doesn't make any sense at all. I'm also sorry that it was a stupid chapter. It'll get better, I promise.
-Contro May