Forty-Four Years and a Thirty Minute Drive
A/N: Hardest f-ing chapter to write. And I had already written it but kept going over it.
Didn't go the Westboro Baptist Website because I refuse to give those people web hits but read their Wikipedia entry. And they call Catholics vampires thus the use of vampires in this chapter.
2001
When Castiel was 24 years old, he knew the truth, he just had to stay the course. There were times when his faith was tested by living away from his family in Lawrence. It was only these past few years in order to get his education. There was temptation and he fought with himself, his family, in particular his Aunt, often giving him looks whenever his eyes lingered to long on a member of the same sex.
But he had proved himself a good warrior for God. In fact he had told them about the travesty his school was partaking in by presenting this play. He had set-up and organized this protest with his family. They were bringing the truth to the sinners.
The early summer sun was beating down on him and his family. Late July in the plains was a muggy hot affair. He could feel the sweat trickling down his back.
He had not felt good when he woke up that morning. But he had to do this and kept drinking more caffeine to say alert. He was doing this for his family, his soul and because this was the righteous way.
He just had to keep repeating that in his head.
"Castiel," said his Aunt Judy, "Go grab more signs with Anna and maybe talk with her."
"Yes ma'am," he said as he took the keys from her and signaled to Anna to follow him. His cousin nodded and put her sign down then started the trek back to their vehicles.
They walked a block and turned a corner, the sun their constant companion. He should get a water bottle from the car.
"Anna," he started.
She groaned and side eyed him.
"Judy set you up to this didn't she?"
"She just thinks…"
"No she really doesn't. Listen Gabriel was right this place is horrible. What we are doing is wrong."
"ANNA!" snapped Castiel. "My brother even though he is older is the one who is wrong. This is a country of sin, the way they appease the Sodomites, the liars, the vampires and Jews. Either we burn with them or we save ourselves from their sins."
"Listen to yourself. I know you have doubts. I know what you really think but you put on this face because of who you are. Do not hate others because you hate yourself. In order to love these people accept who you are."
"And who am I Anna?"
"You're Castiel, you're…you're… you were created this way by God."
"You know nothing, the bible says…"
"YES! The bible says Jesus said the greatest commandment was to love thy neighbor. And all we do instead is condemn them…"
"They condemn themselves."
"Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a bad preacher from a crappy movie of the week. No, we are doing it to ourselves. And I can't be a part of it any more," she said and started to walk faster down the block.
He tried to keep up with her but could feel instead himself slowing, the burst of adrenaline from the argument spent.
"You cannot walk away from this…" he said his breathing getting harder, slowing down and he felt himself fall on his knees.
When did his mouth get so dry? Looking up at the sun beating down on him, but how could it be so dark when he was in the light? looking at the light? His body hot…it was a deep pain… his voice called… opened his eyes briefly a face framed by the sun above him… shiny green eyes … beautiful… hmm another dream…one of those dreams… he told Aunt Judy he stopped having them...dark…voices shouting something about water… a breeze across him … hmmm his shirt must be off…was he swimming… and the cool waters enveloped him…slowly back to world the murmurs getting louder…
Then there was nothing.
When he came to he was wet, and a feeling of compression in the middle of his chest.
A deep voice calling his name, "Come on Castiel, wake up man. "
He felt full lips breath into him, the stubble scratching him lightly, he moved his arm to push the man away but he could barely lift his arm.
"Dean he just moved," said another voice.
"Oh thank god. Put down the phone Sam. Rufus will be here soon."
Castiel slowly opened his eyes to see the profile of a man with light hair, sharp cheekbones and the lips that were just pressing to his mouth. The man Dean turned his head and looked at him.
Green eyes like those in his dreams.
Oh no, and did he just say that aloud? Evidently not because the man continued to stare at him, then put his hand on his arm.
"Glad you could join us," said the man who then smiled a slow steady dimpled grin.
Now it was an, oh shit.
"We're going to put you back into the water. You still need to cool down some more. Okay?"
Castiel nodded his throat was to dry to say anything yet.
"Isaac, Sam grab his legs, I'll get his upper body."
A very tall white guy and a bald black guy lifted his legs while Castiel could feel himself pressed against Dean. The two set his legs down in the water, while Dean slowly let him down against an inclined edge.
"Can you stay sitting up?" asked Dean.
Castiel nodded and attempted to smack his lips; it made a dry cracked noise instead.
"Sam still got those ice chips? Isaac could you check the ETA on Rufus? My Mom should know."
"Right here," said Sam who handed a cup over to Dean.
"Alright I'm going to give you a few. You're probably parched. We'll move up to some water and Gatorade after these."
He started feeding them to Castiel who was trying to ignore the way his fingers brushed across his lips.
"Hey Sam, tell his cousin and brother he's awake."
Brother?, wondered Castiel.
Dean must have known what he was thinking.
"Your cousin Anna was really worried, you're very lucky she was there. After we got you in here she called your brother Gabriel. He got here about five minutes ago. When they left the room to talk to my parents you uh sort of stopped breathing."
He stopped breathing? And Gabriel was here? That helped to distract Castiel from each touch of Dean's fingers and the way he stared at him. But where was here?
"Um where am I?" he asked.
Dean blinked and looked him in a strange way, "Uh wow your throat must really be scratchy."
"Nope he just sounds like he gargles with gravel everyday," said another voice Castiel knew really well.
"Hello Gabriel."
"Cassie-boy."
"Cas!" shouted Anna, a red blur, who ran in and was hugging him tight getting wet from the tub.
He attempted to hug her back, and watched over her shoulder as his brother shook Dean's hand. There was a low conversation that he could not hear over Anna as she talked about what happened.
He gathered from what he she said, he collapsed on the ground. Luckily these guys were coming out a few houses down and saw what happened. Dean was a paramedic and got him into the house. They put him in the bathtub. Meanwhile she called Gabriel and he just got here, she was worried.
That's when an older black man with a stern expression walked into the bathroom.
"Rufus," said Dean who shook the man's hand.
"I take it my patient is the one in the tub?" said Rufus who walked over to the tub. "Excuse me young lady."
Anna nodded and moved out of the way.
"Hello Castiel, I'm Dr. Turner and well you gave everyone here quite a fright. From the sounds of it you had a heat stroke. What have you had to drink today?"
"Coffee and coke," he said then had to clear his throat.
The doctor nodded like he suspected as much. That's when he noticed a Star of David peaking out from behind a collar. Castiel could not help but stare at the man even more. Just where the hell did Anna bring him?
Dean moved next to Dr. Turner and was about to hand the cup over.
"Dean fill it with cool water instead," instructed the doctor.
"Of course," he said and got up to grab some from the tap.
"Please keep this under your tongue," he said and placed the thermometer into his mouth.
There was a beeping noise just as Dean sat back down, Rufus pulled the thermometer out of his mouth and looked at it.
"Good you're at a normal level. Go ahead give him some water Dean," he said as he pushed himself up to go talk with his brother and cousin.
Castiel lifted his hand out of the water and took the cup. Dean cradled it as he tipped it back.
"Go slow," Dean advised.
Castiel heard as the doctor said he needed to rest for a few hours.
"He can crash on my bed for a few hours," said Dean.
There seemed to be an agreement about that while Castiel wanted to protest and say he should get away this place. He tried to convey that to Gabriel who merely gave him a look of shut it, you're resting.
"Alright you two guys help him get to the room," said Dr. Turner.
They got him out of the tub and there was slow walk down the hall to a room two doors down but felt two million miles away.
They set him down on a big bed, and got him to drink some more water. The top sheet, which felt like what he imagined clouds felt like, was pulled over him. Closing his eyes there was comfort and peace.
When Castiel awoke later he heard someone humming a song he distantly knew.
He opened his eyes to see a woman knitting what he suspected to be a sock. When she looked up, Castiel couldn't believe it.
"Mary?"
"Hello Castiel. Glad to know I have not aged much."
"What are you doing here?"
That's when Dean walked in.
"Hey Mom is he awake yet?"
His eyes must have opened wider because she chuckled at him.
"Castiel this is my eldest son Dean. I believe you met my younger son Sam."
"I assume you mean the tall guy," answered Castiel.
Mary and Dean both smiled and nodded.
"You have the same smile," he said.
"Oh," said Dean.
"No it's nice, it's a good smile."
"Well you still have the bluest eyes I've ever seen," said Mary. "Doesn't he Dean?"
Dean blushed and nodded, "Yes, yes he does."
Mary seemed to smile at that, "Oh here you need to have some more water. Dean help him with the water glass."
Dean grabbed the cup and handed it to him from the bedside table. Castiel licked his lips then took the straw and started sipping.
"Um I'll let you two catch up," said Dean who walked out of the room.
For sometime they talked. Turned out this was a house Dean, Sam, Isaac and a fourth roommate named Tamara rented from a family friend. They all attended the University together. Dean even though a paramedic was back in school for the engineering program, Sam pre-law, Isaac poetry and Tamara in business.
He told her about going there for undergrad then finishing up his law degree. Her intrigued questions, gentle teasing, words of encouragement and just in general her maternal nature made him realize just how much he missed his own mother. He ended up telling her about his mother's death weeks before he bumped into her ten years ago. How things were not easy, he did not exactly come out and say what doubts he held but she held his hand tight as he tried to express what he had been holding in for sometime. Gabriel with his leaving and now Anna's own doubts were just bringing more and more questions up.
That's when he started to cry. He'd blame it later on the combination of exhaustion and just everything that was happening. She climbed into the bed and enveloped him in a hug.
She held him; he didn't even mind the warmth from her body. He could smell a light perfume that reminded him of his Mother, so like her but not her. Castiel wept. She continued to rub his back and scratched the base of his head with her nails, relaxing him
At the first sign of a yawn Mary insisted he take another drink of water and lay his head down.
Sleep claimed him once again.
When Castiel awoke a second time this time it was just Dean sitting at his bedside, knitting what looked like a very blue hat.
"Could I have more water?" he asked.
Dean looked up in surprise, "Um oh of course."
Dean put down his knitting and grabbed the glass from the table closer to the door.
Castiel was sprawled across the bed, closer to the window. Instead of handing the glass to him, Dean sat on the bed next to him and held the glass to Castiel's mouth. Dean tipped it back and Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean's that was holding the glass. He finished the whole thing then placed it on the closer table. Dean was saying nothing, just sitting there next to him.
He seemed to be debating something in his head, his eyes searching Castiel's face. That's when Dean leaned forward and touched his lips to Castiel's in what was the religious man's first kiss he truly enjoyed.
Castiel having been kissed before knew it was common to close one's eyes but found he could not. When Dean pulled back he seemed as shocked by himself as Castiel felt.
"You have freckles," said Castiel.
Dean stared at him, then smiled, "Not many people notice that."
"I uh just did, they're right there across the bridge of your nose," said Castiel and his damn traitorous hand reached up and started tracing the length and breadth of said freckles.
His hand stopped only to stay on Dean's face, holding it, while his thumb stroked a cheekbone. He could see how pale he was in comparison to the younger man. And just how young and beautiful he was.
"You're gorgeous," he said voicing his thoughts.
Dean blushed and leaned forward, except instead of a brief gentle kiss, it was different.
In later years Castiel would realize how chaste it all was, but at that moment there were full lips, seemingly everywhere, a tongue inside his mouth and hands were buried in hair. He could barely catch up.
Dean then pulled off and was sucking on his neck on some spot that Castiel had never realized existed but would never forget. Castiel had his nose buried in Dean's hair wondering how one human being could smell like everything he ever wanted.
The younger man's hand moved down his body and brushed his nipple. But at his own first sound of pleasure a loud moan muffled by Dean's hair, he stopped.
What the hell was he doing?
He had to stop.
He pushed Dean off of him, the green eyed man flushed and dazed.
"Stop, we have to stop, this is wrong," said Castiel.
Dean looked even more confused and asked, "What?"
"No, just get out of here."
"Castiel?" he said and attempted to touch him.
"NO! Do not touch me. You are sin incarnate. We're both going to hell. If we both don't ask for forgiveness we're going to burn in eternal damnation," said Castiel looking at his hands.
"Castiel James Novak, shut the fuck up," said a familiar voice. "Dean I'm sorry about this, you should tell Anna we gotta go. Please close the door behind you."
Castiel looked up to see his older brother standing there.
"I just walked in on you making out with a guy," said Gabriel.
Castiel was about to protest he was in fact rejecting the advances.
"Save it little brother. I saw, stepped out because for once in your life you were being true to who you are. Then you started yelling at a guy who saved your freaking life all because you can't handle the fact that you're gay.
Castiel opened his mouth and Gabriel just held up his hand to stop him from saying anything more.
"Here's the thing I don't care, you are not condemned by me. And you need to own up to who you are. Otherwise you will be miserable the rest of your life.
"While these nice people are not kicking us out, I think after what you just did we should probably leave. I'm going to drop you and Anna off at your place then I'll go tell 'the family'," said Gabriel. "You two are okay. I'll tell them Anna will be staying with me from now on and I'm going to give you a few days. You however need to think about it."
Gabriel walked out, and Castiel sat there in the quiet. Gabriel with an assist from John Winchester got him into his car. Mary kissed him on his head and just looked him with sadness in her eyes. Sam and Isaac waved goodbye while Dean stood on the front porch his arms crossed, a black woman standing next to him. Castiel could not see his face but figured he was not happy.
Gabriel's car took off into the cool summer night, all the windows were open, the rush of wind the only thing that kept the drive back from being quiet.
They got to his place and he got into bed after more water.
In his dream he was at the Kansas River. Except instead of the songs that his family had created and would teach him to sing. He heard the song of love that he first heard when he met the Winchesters. It was filling his head as he waded into the river; it was cool and refreshing, like the water in the tub from earlier.
He was under the water and it was louder than when he was on the surface. He broke through and the world of his dream was different, he did not know how but he could feel a change.
This was a new baptism.
Another rebirth.
The next day he walked to the record store, when he asked the salesclerk for a CD, the clerk smiled.
"Of course Cassie-boy. I think we might even have a single for it. And hey you might even get a discount," teased Gabriel as he fidgeted with his name badge.
"Also Gabriel what is a Zeppelin?"
His brother laughed and slapped him on the back, then started steering him to some racks.
"Oh brother we're going to have some fun."
That night after the first listen to the single he made the decision to learn the trumpet.