Wow people seem to like this story and that is always great! Thank you so much!
And for the ones that want to know which groups I use for inspiration you can always ask xD
Here it is! Enjoy!
CHAPTER 2
James PoV
I paid the taxi driver before I walked inside the Diamond Cosmetics building; the doorman Mr. Lightwood greeted me with a smile.
"Good night Mr. Diamond" he said handing me the key to the apartment, I did not love the idea of living inside one of my mother´s working areas but now that I had fucked things up I had nowhere else to go.
"Good night" I whispered giving him a faint smile, it wasn't his fault that my insides were about to break. I walked to the room and got inside not bothering on looking around, I just stumbled to the bed and let my body fall into it before I curled into a ball, I felt numb and broken, my body shook as the first tear slid through my cheek followed by my first sob in years…James Diamond did not cry, I was sure that the last time any of my three best friends had seen me cry was on fourth grade when my parents divorced…now all I could do was hug a cold pillow and sob harder…so this was how it felt to have your heart shattered?
Kendall PoV
"AAAAHHHH!" we flinched at Gustavo´s screams, he was at the studio trying to write a new song but as Kelly told us when we got there, it was proving to be a hard task.
We were still waiting for James to show up… I was not so ready to see him…I was so confused about everything and I had no idea how to tell the guys about the reason of James departure, they were worried even if a couple of hours after James took off he texted my mom telling her that he was staying at his mother´s apartment and the he would come to the studio like every morning and after he would pick his stuff from 2J…I knew I needed to talk to him to get things clear but at the same time I had a little voice in my mind telling me to leave him alone, to get away from that creep who having feelings about me dared to be in the same room when I changed, or slept next to me in so many occasions…and what was the hell him? Gay, bi? I had no idea what to think of him, it was terrifying to not have a clue about what the person that knew you the most was…James why did you do that? We were cool, I was getting over Jo and it was dude time again…ahh shit I started to feel a headache coming.
"Why would he want to live alone? He can´t take care of himself" mumbled Logan from his spot in one of the couches.
"He can" I said simply, he could take care of himself just perfectly he just loved playing dumb so people would take care of him, I had found that about him when we were on seventh grade.
"I just don't get it" whined Carlos at the moment when we heard some familiar footsteps, we looked into the hall as James came inside, I grimaced seeing him, that was not the James I´ve known sense we were on first grade, he had the same clothes he wore the day before and they were wrinkled and not fashionable at all, his hair was clean but not styled and his expression was blank but knowing him like I do –or maybe I didn't know him all that well after all- I could see a deep pain inside his eyes. I lowered my eyes avoiding any real contact with his hazel gaze.
"Are you ok?" asked Carlos putting his arm around James´ shoulders.
"I´m fi…I´m good" I closed my eyes at his answer…fine was an ambiguous word.
"You don't look good" this time was Logan who talked.
"I left all my products at 2J, you don't expect me to look like my awesome self without them" I didn't lift my eyes to see his fake smile, I didn't need to because his voice told me everything.
"DOGS!" we turned to look at Gustavo walking inside followed by Kelly "We need a new song and…what happened to you?" he looked at James like he had grown two heads, seeing him in this state was that unusual.
"Nothing, I´m good" he sounded like he was telling this more to himself than anybody else…and I still could not bring myself to talk to him. Sense when the Knights were such wimps that we couldn't talk to our best friends…who kissed us…who was also a guy? Damn it!
"Okay, to studio A and do harmonies while I finish the song…"
"Gustavo?" we turned to James, he looked a little frighten but resolved at the same time.
"What?"
"C-can I write the song?" at this even the sound guy stopped moving, then all of our eyes went straight to Gustavo.
"And why would you do that?" eyes back to James.
"Because I would like to and I think I can do it and…" he seemed like writing that song was a lifesaver.
"Fine" we all looked at Gustavo with our mouths open.
"R-really?" James stuttered a small smile threatening to appear on his lips.
"Well you did write most of the Oh Yeah song, write the lyrics, you have a couple of hours…don't look at me like that! I have a small writer´s block and having dog number 2 write a little would do him some good…but I still hate you" true words, I was not good with lyrics but James just had a way with words. He gave a sharp nod before he looked for my eyes for the first time in the morning, I held his gaze not speaking a single word, looking at him like he was a stranger because I was starting to feel like he was, he bit his lip and looked down prior storming into the studio and locking himself in it.
"What was that?" asked Logan at my side, Carlos was looking at me too, they were crazy but not stupid and they figured out I was being a jackass with my best friend pretty easily.
"Nothing" I mumbled going to the couch.
"Kendall…did you and James fight?" mumbled Carlos sitting next to me, he was a free happy spirit he didn't like it when we fought.
"Something like that" I passed a hand through my face. We stood silent for a while before Carlos started talking again.
"Do you know why he…?" he trailed off frowning before he stormed outside the door where James was working on the song "James?" I didn't hear his reply "Can I come in?" and seconds later the door opened just enough to let him in and then it closed again.
"What was that about?"
"Who knows, those two can only get each other" shrugged Logan "James has a bruise on his cheek, I could see through the makeup…did you punch him?"
"Yes" I whispered, why had I reacted like that? If any of my girl friends would have done something like that I wouldn't lay a hand on them, just a simple apology telling them that I didn't felt the same, but James…he just freaked the shit out of me…I was not homophobic I knew that much but…yeah but.
"I know you have anger management issues but this is James we´re talking about, what possessed you to do that to him? What did he do?" Logan looked confused, like there was a math problem he could not solve and that pissed him big time.
"Not the time or the place to tell you" I said closing my eyes and letting my head fall back into the couch, I had the feeling things were not going to get easy from now on.
James PoV
Ashamed or embarrassed couldn't even describe how I felt. There I was sobbing like an idiot on my friends shoulder, pathetic… I tried to be quiet I didn't want Kendall or Gustavo to see me like this. I had no idea how Carlos had heard me but I was somehow glad he did, I needed a friend so much right now.
"You´re not going to tell me anything are you?" asked my latin friend as he rubbed my back.
"Not now, I need to…get better" we were sitting on the floor against the farthest wall from the door, I straighten a little starting to wipe my tears "Fuck I hate crying"
"Nobody likes to but as my mom says, sometimes it does you good, take away some of the pain" he moved to pick the sheet where I had started the song "This is sad"
"I know, I have no idea what possessed me to ask Gustavo to write a song if I can´t write a single happy shit right now" I rested my arms on my knees letting my head fall into my right hand looking at him tiredly. He grimaced before starting to hum a slow melody like he was starting to bring the lyrics alive "I like it, it should be good with some guitar at the start"
"I think it would be too slow, we have nothing like that"
"That´s exactly why, every group has a sad slow song, it´s like a law or something" I eyed him not convinced at all, I had some self esteem issues at the moment, he rolled his eyes before he started speaking "Imagine a packed stadium, everything dark except for thousands of lighters and fans singing with you with tears on their faces…I think it would be epic" he had a point…a big point.
"Ok but I have no idea how to finish it or if it even has a chorus" I passed a hand through my hair.
"Well…it could be painful but you have to think again of whatever has you like this just to get the inspiration back…or hold your breath, that helped me with the Oh song" he gave me a small smile. I sighed closing my eyes, he didn't have to tell me twice about thinking of the reason I was hurting because even with everything that had happened I could not bring myself to get Kendall out of my mind…even if he had told me with his eyes that he didn't care about me anymore…I could almost see the disgust in his features, not because I was gay, I knew that much, but because I felt something for him…Fuck, why did rejection hurt so bad?
"Give me the paper" I took it from his hands and walked to a desk and started writing while more tears fell from my eyes, Carlos didn't go for me this time…perhaps he knew that I had to get this entire shit out of my system on my own. I scratched some words and made my brain race to remember all those nice words I supposedly learned in English class, if I was doing this I had to do it right…who knew maybe if Kendall voiced his hate towards me and get me kicked out of BTR I could be a songwriter...yeah James all that was clear in your future was that from 6pm and on you will be a waiter…brilliant future.
"Why are you moving?" I turned to see Carlos, he was sitting on the same spot giving me a sad look "I´m too used to have you there every day, it would be weird just to see you here…and what are you doing about school? Are you dropping off?"
"I don't know" I sighed it was going to be hard but I could bet that it wasn't as hard as dealing with the pain of living with Kendall "But I´ll figure it out and…" the door shot open and I wiped my tears furiously seeing that Griffin made his appearance in the studio.
"I want to hear how the new song´s going" his minions took away the desk I was sitting on and put it in front of him before the big dude pushed me off my chair and delivered it to his boss. I sounded my throat just as Kendall, Logan, Gustavo and Kelly found their way inside, I looked down hoping they didn't see my swollen eyes. I walked to sit at the piano, the only instrument I could play somehow Ok. I took a deep breath and after exchanging a look with Carlos I started singing.
Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
The future's open wide beyond believing
To know why hope dies
Losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
The silence of this sound is soon to follow
Somehow sundown
And finding answers
Is forgetting all of the questions we call home
Passing the graves of the unknown
As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting
Love gone for so long
This day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know
Knowing that faith is all I hold
I closed my eyes…faith, hope…so easily torn away, I opened them desperately searching for Kendall´s gaze, I was a masochist but he was still my best friend and like every time I was in trouble I looked for him when I was unsure…except this time he found his shoes a lot more interesting than me, swallowing away more tears I continued to sing.
And I´ve lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Life
Less words
Carry on
But I know
All I know
Is that the ends beginning
Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
And I will run
I will not be silenced
All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over
There´s a light
There´s the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer
I decided that even if it was the longest chorus I had ever heard I would make those last paragraphs my chorus, so I repeated them a little louder and stronger closing my eyes for good not wanting to feel more miserable by watching the pitiful look the people on the room were sure holding, I lowered my voice to a faint whisper to give away the last lines.
Yes his love will conquer all
Yesterday I died, tommorrows bleeding
Fall into your sunlight.
Everything was quiet and I had to take a really deep breath before I opened my eyes and looked at the people in front of me: Carlos had a small warm smile, Kelly was cleaning her tears, Gustavo and Griffin looked thoughtful, Logan was biting his lip looking at me…when my eyes went to the spot where Kendall used to be I found nothing…if I thought my heart could not break more, I was wrong.
"How is it called?" inquired Gustavo, I bit my lip thinking about it…everything I felt was because my heart was so broken and…
"Shattered" I mumbled.
"I like it!" said the executive standing up "I had already told you Gustavo that we needed a sad song, so here it is…ah crying fan girls, almost as good as warm pants…record it!" he walked away followed by his minions and Kelly walked in front of me before embracing me strongly.
"I´m sorry…for whatever happened that brought this to life" she whispered as I hugged her back.
"Thanks but don't worry…I´m good" maybe if I kept saying it one day it might come truth.
"Dog" I looked at Gustavo "Why weren't you with the other dogs at the palm woods?"
"Because I don't live there anymore…I wanted to talk to you about it…"
"I´m not paying for anything more" I rolled my eyes, of course he worried about his hated dog spending his money.
"No, I have a job, I just was wondering if I could have a free pass at five to get there on time" well Logan and Carlos were looking at me with their mouths open…thanks guys you really made me feel like a good for nothing.
"Where are you working?" apparently I hadn't convinced the producer because he was giving me a raised eyebrow and the most disbelieving look he could master.
"At the shore, in a place called Lombardy´s Sports bar…they called me just before coming here saying that they had accepted my application" and that was the only great news I had in the entire day…well before the song, that was pretty cool too…even if it had made Kendall run away from his freak best friend…if he stopped talking to me could I still call him my best friend?
"Fine by me, let´s see if the other dogs learn from this" I chuckled at the whines that emerged from the guys "Lend me the lyrics I still have to work a little on them and you start with those harmonies…where´s Kendall?"
"I´m here" he said getting inside the room and standing on the furthest place from me.
"Ok, start now"
The rest of the day was us working in that same way, I tried to not get in his way, after all I had been the one that fucked things up, I wanted to think that he just needed time to get around the idea…God I was so scared of what Logan and Carlos would think of that whole shit…Luca was right, sometimes it was good to have someone that understood those fears and insecurities… I had known him for one day but I was sure I could trust him, I needed someone to talk to about all of this, my parents cared and understood my pain, but it was not the same.
"I´m hungry" announced Carlos before he took my hand and pulled me where Gustavo was, I think he couldn't stand the tension between me and Kendall and had the great idea of separating us…I could not stop thinking that perhaps that could be the emergency plan to get over this "Gustavo can we go and eat? Please, please, pretty please!"
"Sure guys" answered Kelly before the producer could yell at us "You four can go to the restaurant downstairs, the song´s almost done and then you can go James, you have two hours"
"Thanks!" bounced Carlos before calling for our friends, we walked to the elevator and I panicked having the image of Kendall taking the stairs instead of getting down with us, Carlos pushed me to the elevator and I almost cried when I saw that my imagination was right, Logan shook his head and Carlos called for the blond twice before the doors closed, inside I looked at my shoes what did he think I would do to him? Harass him? Kiss him again? Yeah I would not make that mistake ever again…I had granted that small whim to my heart and by doing that I had ruined my relationship with him…no I was not letting anything more slip from my control. When we got out he was there waiting for us texting furiously…probably talking to the bitch of his ex-girlfriend. I walked pass him and his extremely loud sigh caught my attention.
"James we need to talk" my heart began to race in fear as I gave him a nod.
"We´ll save you a seat" said Logan before he continued his way; Carlos gave me an encouraging smile as he followed our shorter friend.
"Why did you do it?" it didn't surprise me that he went straight to the point, he didn't like to go around a conversation.
"Because I wanted to" I decided to man up and look at him, he sighed and raised his gaze, his emerald eyes were so distant that I knew what he wanted to tell me before he even spoke.
"I can´t do this James, I won´t stop you from moving because honestly I don't want you around me" first kick, right in the gut "It creeps me to think that you had a crush on me and still you saw me undress in front of you so many times, I don't even have to ask because now that I think about it I could feel you checking me out" second kick, right on the balls "I don't know if later I would want our friendship back, but now…" he trailed…third kick, right on the face.
"Want me to quit BTR?" I couldn't ask him to quit if he was the main reason we were there on the first place.
"What? No" I could almost breath again seeing his straight answer "This is your dream, I won´t take that away from you"
"Thank you" I whispered feeling a faint blush making its appearance.
"We worked well enough today, I think that if we keep it like that this might work…time to eat" he breathed before storming to the restaurant, I stood behind…it was hard to think of a way for this to be right again, needing of someone to talk to I dialed Luca´s number.
"Hey James! Ready for your first day? Wait…don't tell me you´re bailing on me! I need you dude! I hardly know you but I really like you…oh shit, no I didn't meant that in a romantic way…sorry I start to ramble when I get exited…shutting up now!"
"You have no idea how helpful is your ramble right now…and don't worry I like you too…and also not in a romantic way" he chuckled "I just wanted to get my mind of things and you popped inside my head"
"Oh, the escape friend…yeah I can be that, where are you?"
"At my other work…you?"
"Near downtown, wanna get lunch together?"
"Do you know the Rouque Records building?"
"Yeah, I´m not too far from it…"
"I work there…a block from here there´s a cafeteria, we could go there? I only have two hours" I really, really hoped he could.
"Done, I know that place, they have the best burgers…see you in ten?"
"Sure…bye" I hung the phone before slowly walking to meet the guys to tell them I was not eating with them.
"Hey dude, want me to call the waitress so you can order?" asked Carlos who already had his mouth filled with French fries.
"Sorry a friend invited me to eat…"
"Oh, like a date?" Carlos started to wiggle his brows and I rolled my eyes "What´s the name?"
"Luca, he works with me…ok see you in an hour" I started to walk back just as I heard Kendall´s sardonic words.
"Have fun at your date, Jamie" I made myself keep walking like he hadn't said a word, like the way he had said my name –if he had changed that Jamie for a queer or a pussy I wouldn't had even noticed- didn't hurt me at all…like I didn't know that he had already made up his mind to give me hell for bursting his little happy bubble and let him know that his best friend was a fag completely in love with him.
I have no idea why I love so much angsty James and jerkish Kendall lol but we know Kendall´s an impulsive guy and I really think that when he´s really pissed or confused he could be a real asshole…soo what did you guy´s think?
Review please? (uses Carlos´puppy eyes)
P.D. The song I used is "Shattered" by Trading Yesterday
P.D.2 Being that I will go on vacation the next week I won´t be able to update like I normally do but I´ll try to make it at least every third day…take care! And lots of love!