CHAPTER 4

James PoV

"What?" blurted Logan looking at me wide eyed.

"You heard him" said Kendall stopping his laugh parade as he straighten himself "James is actually…for real…Jamie" I glared at him, oh with that emotional clearness also came in the rage towards the blond asshole I had in front of me…now I heard Luca´s voice clearly in my head letting me know how stupid I was for being all kicked puppy with Kendall´s attitude.

"Could you please stop calling me that?" I growled.

"Yeah Kendall, that´s not nice" I heard Carlos say, at least one of my friends was on my side, I knew Carlos was more loyal than a dog "That's why you were so upset this morning?"

"Kind of" I shrugged looking at him.

"Did you already know this Kendall?" inquired Logan giving him a suspicious look.

"Not that he was gay, I just thought he was bi-curious" I rolled my eyes, really? "But I guess being the way he is you can´t expect any different"

"Did you punched him just because he´s gay? Are you a fucking homophobic?" screamed Kelly surprising all of us, that was so nice to hear.

"I fucking hit him because he kissed me!" Shit, I did not expect him to tell that. Now everybody looked at me searching for denial, well I was not lying my bests friends, was I?

"Hey he´s cute and sexy, any gay dude with eyes can see that, I wanted to know how it felt like" I shrugged smiling when I saw Kendall narrow his eyes…so the jerk had figured out that I felt something for him and still treated me like trash? Oh way to power the anger Kendork! Now I´m gonna make you pay!

"James that´s also not nice, you don't go around kissing people cuz you want to!" scowled Carlos…if only he knew, but I was ok with them bitching on me if that meant giving Kendall some hell.

"Yeah I could see that once Kendall started to be an ass about it" I turned to the stunned blond "Dude you´re supposed to be my best friend, not someone to be an ass the minute he finds out I´m different"

"I didn't know! You harassed me…"

"Unless…" I crooked an eyebrow with a smug smile taking some of the confusion and anger I saw in his eyes to make myself talk "I did something you wanted to do all along and you got upset because you didn't have the balls to do it in the first place" I kept my gaze on his eyes not wanting to know the reactions of the other people in the room…I was a little shaken that Gustavo hadn't said anything yet.

"W-what?" he stuttered.

"Maybe you´re so hostile towards me because you have the same problem that bully from Glee has…you´re a closet gay" I saw him pale before his face turned bright red in anger the moment Luca started laughing…if there was one thing Kendall knight hated more than anything was somebody laughing at him.

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up" he hissed looking ready to punch anything that came in his way…only this time the only one in front of him was me and I was not letting him lay a hand on me again "Don't try to turn this on me Jamie" I winced fisting my hands, he was begging for a nice beat down "Besides I haven't been any different from other times, you´re the one over reacting with all of this…maybe you have someone´s" he glared at Luca then back at me "Dick way up your ass and it´s starting to mess with that brain of yours …" he didn't get to end because he was too busy eating my fist. Kelly let out a small yell, maybe she was used to us fake fighting but she had never seen a real fight, and between four hockey players those never ended up well…and with all the rage I felt right now it would be even worse.

"Fuck you Kendall!" I screamed towering his figure on the floor "I´m done with listening to your insults and taking your shit, I'm done with you…if you want to treat me like scum fine but don't except me to treat you any differently…from now on you and me are just workmates and don't fucking talk to me unless it´s completely necessary" I raised my eyes searching for Gustavo "Any problem with me being gay?"

"I´m a boy band producer I´m used to this kind of shit" he shrugged "I don't care who you like unless that stops you from working your ass up"

"Don't worry´bout that…see you tomorrow" I smiled like my ex best friend wasn't sitting on the ground wiping his bleeding lip taking Luca by the arm and walking away; I felt good, my knuckles hurt and my hand sent needles of pain though my arm, that helped me focus. When we reached the lobby I closed my eyes sighing.

"Dude, you are my hero" I heard Luca say putting his hand on my shoulder "He doesn't deserve you and that was so awesome" he took my hand and dragged me outside "Let´s go to my car and pick up your stuff"

"Yeah" I smiled still in my pain induced cloud…maybe with time I will get over Kendall, after all I was just going to see him a couple of hours a day…and like I said to him we were done. Luca walked me to his nice orange chevy, it looked like a fun car a little like his owner. We got in and headed to the Palm Woods. When we got there he followed me to 2J.

"James! Honey I was so worried!" exclaimed mama Knight as I entered and embraced me in a big hug, I had to swallow a big bump in my throat…the high was reaching its end and the ache in my chest was slowly growing back.

"Don't be, I´m good and you know where the apartment is, you can go visit anytime" I smiled my model smile, the only one fake enough for me to master at this moment "I just came to pick up my stuff…this is Luca, a friend that´s here to help me"

"Afternoon ma´am" he greeted following me to my room, the minute I walked in the air left my lungs leaving me frozen in the entrance…this was going to be so hard. I swallowed away my fear taking my bag and starting to get my clothes inside, Luca roamed the room stopping when he saw a picture of me and Kendall when we were young, I let my hand caress the scar on my neck lowering my gaze…my favorite picture, it was right after the day I got out of the hospital, I was pale and my hair was a mess but I was the happiest boy alive because Kendall had saved me and he was right there with his arm across my shoulders with a bright smile, we looked so happy and relaxed…I wished I could feel like that again some time. I shook my head walking to the bathroom and closing the door behind me before I started gathering all my products in a smaller bag, I saw my hand shake when I raised it to grab the last one and a sob escaped my lips, I didn't even realize that I was crying until that moment.

"Fuck…I hate you so much…why do you do this to me?" I whispered clenching my eyes grasping the sink, I had lost my best friend for good, I had lost my home and family…I hated it, I hated every single breath I could take inside that room feeling so shattered…I needed to feel nothing again, I needed to have my head clear…my eyes went straight to the scissors I had in my bag then to my injured hand, I let my nail dig inside the cut just like some minutes ago, I knew it wasn't enough and before I could think more about what I was doing I grabbed the scissors putting the blade next to the cut thinking that maybe if it was a little bigger it would help…two teardrops fell into the cut, one of them mixing with my blood and I widen my eyes realizing what I had been doing and what was I about to do. My breaths got erratic clearly triggering a asthma attack as I let my scissors fall into the ground, I panicked going thought the shelves for my inhaler feeling my lungs close, my eyes watered even more as the pain got bigger…when I found it I had started to see black dots, I took a deep breath and laid on the floor hugging my knees hearing the words he had screamed at me that morning four years ago.

Why did you do it? You're too important for this! Don't do this James! You have to live, for me! Please! Please…

I closed my eyes continuing with my deep breaths, all I ever did was live for him, maybe I acted like a ego maniac but that was my cover, I couldn't spend a day without seeing his smile at least once a day, I couldn't fall asleep without chatting with him a little or hearing his usual nighty James, or those seldom times when I big thunder storm stroked LA leaving him a mess…little people knew that the fearless Kendall Knight was terrified of lightning's –who wouldn't be if that was the reason you father was dead and you had been right there to see it-, those nights we would stay up all knight talking or just being there next to each other, trying to distract him from the memories…that was the only thing that hadn't change over the months we had in this place because the first time it happened I had promised him that I would be there for him every time…now I was going to break that promise for life and that made me hate myself and him even more, if I wasn't so impulsive I might have never kissed him and things would be normal…if he hadn't been such an ass with me we might have get this thought…I had never asked for him to feel the same way I felt for him, I had that thought clear sense I admitted that I loved him…it didn't mean that it hurt less…it didn't mean that I hadn't felt fireworks when our lips touched for those two seconds…it didn't mean that being apart from him wouldn't destroy what was left of me, but I had to get together because my hellish day wasn't over, I still had to finish packing and go to work…welcome to your new crappy life James because even if I felt like this I knew for sure that it was nothing compared to what I could feel if I stayed at that damn place, it was time to say good bye to the 2J and finally say good bye to being James the face Diamond and start being…just me.

Kendall PoV

Jamie… a name I knew he despised with all his being and I had called him like that more than once in a single day…best friends fights, always the best ones because we knew exactly where it hurt the most and we attacked that part merciless until we realized that by hurting that person so dear to our soul we were only hurting ourselves and that it would never help us feel better. I could make a nice book about his shit, the only problem was that I didn't understand the fucking shit that went thought my mind over the past two days…that until my best bud had knocked some sense into me…literally.

I wasn't implying that I was less confused about well everything I just didn't feel the urge to snap at him at all, now I was sitting at a bench in the palm woods park silently watching him load the small orange car with his stuff, even from afar I could see his red eyes and his dull expression…his high was gone, I was glad of this, it meant that he didn't hurt himself anymore but at the same time I felt a sharp pang in my gut…it was like all those years ago, what could he possibly feel to think that hurting himself physically was better than the ache of his heart? I didn't understand it then and I didn't understand it now…not that I had never asked him about it, I was pretty sure he didn't know I knew what had really happen when we were thirteen.

When I watched him get inside the car and going away I got up and walked back to the apartment, I passed by the lobby, the elevator and our living room not putting much attention. I took a deep breath as I took the handle in my hand thinking of that afternoon, I had laughed because yeah it was funny to think of James the Casanova was gay, I hadn't intended to sound so harsh, it was just plain funny…of course if I had explained that to him instead of calling him that damn name he wouldn't hate me right now…and then he starts saying all that shit and I obviously got pissed, I mean I'm fucking straight! He can't go around making fun of my manhood! I groaned opening the door and stepping inside…the room looked empty, we hadn't really made the whole your side my side deal because normally we didn't care if the other took our stuff, so now my things looked lonely scattered around the room. His bed was made with the hotel sheets instead of his own t-shirt blue sheets that he loved so much, I walked to the bathroom grimacing when I saw the empty shelves, it hurt to see all of James Diamond's trail lost from my room, I walked to his bed and looked at the floor…I wanted to apologize and tell him that I was an idiot, I didn't mind swallowing my pride to get back my best bud, but then something caught my attention, I frowned when James' hazel eyes looked at me from a wrinkled paper on the trashcan, I went down to get that piece of paper just to find our bright smiles and brotherly hug in a picture…the day he came out of the hospital…the day I begged him to stay with me because I couldn't lose my best bud…the picture that I knew he liked the most, was now trash to him. I'm done with you…I sat on his bed thinking that even if I did lead the group and helped them when I could, I knew I was a hard friend to have, too impulsive and angry all the time, not always supportive or caring about what he wanted, yeah I had helped him become a pop singer but the minute things got hard I had bailed on him, ditched him and tried to replace him…he didn't even get mad at me for that…

"I said I wanted him away from me to get things straight…be careful what you wish for Kendall because it can backfire and fuck you up when you least expect to" I said to myself closing my eyes, I had been away from him before, it shouldn't be too hard to treat him like the estranger he really was…right?

Sooo? This is short I know, but don't worry next one will be longer and more fun ;P if you know what I mean …NOT THAT YOU PERVERTS! I just thought some fun time with the guys! Geez! lol

Okaaay thank you so much for your reviews! They made my day and fuel my writing xD

Take care!