Simon was standing at the head of the table, answering Inara's concerned questions. The rest of them were arrayed around the table, it all felt rather familiar, like the first time Simon had appeared before them with a report on his little sister.
"My best guess is she was overwhelmed by the crowd's emotion, she'd never been around something like that, and they were all thinking about Miranda." Simon sounded uneasy, as he always did when asked to give a prognosis when he wasn't one hundred percent sure of his diagnosis.
Jayne glared at Simon as he spoke, "She could've crashed an killed us." Simon gave as good as he got with his sharp retort, "She held on until you were back safe."
Jayne mumbled something under his breath, likely flamboyant cursing, but at least the volatile, at best, nature of their relationship hadn't escalated to full blown shouting and nasty accusations as it had so many times before.
Kaylee looked at Simon anxiously, "She alright?" The boy smiled kindly at her and moved closer to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I think she'll be okay, her vitals are good and her brain activity seems normal." Kaylee twisted her neck to look at him, concern still evident on her features, "So she's gonna wake up?" Simon looked at a loss, so Mal stepped in to reassure her.
"Course mei mei, been through worse ain't she?" Simon looked unconvinced, but he leaned down and gave Kaylee a quick peck on the cheek before leaving to check on his sister.
"So the crowd was rioting? Do we know why?" Since Simon had answered all questions medical, Inara's questioning now turned to him. Zoe, being the excellent first mate she was attempted a deflection, sensing his volatile and potentially nasty disposition at the moment. "Reckon we won't 'til she wakes up." Mal nodded, still angry with the Alliance and what he had seen, he wanted this interrogation over with as soon as possible.
"An' they just shot inta the crowd? Even though there was kids?" Kaylee's voice was full of disbelief and sadness. Before he could help himself Mal snorted, "Course they did, 'lliance don't much care who their bullets hit, so's long as they hit." Zoe looked as though she agreed, and surprisingly so did Jayne, but Kaylee and Inara both had looks of shock on their faces.
"Wash n' Book wouldn't've wanted people dyin' on our account." Kaylee's voice shook as she spoke and there were tears glistening in her eyes. Mal wasn't sure what to say to that, but once again Zoe intervened. "Can't control people Kaylee." Her voice was a little too detached for Mal's liking.
Inara moved closer and gave Kaylee a hug, and even Jayne tried to comfort the little mechanic. "Hell, just made a spark, them folks was already upset 'bout sumthin' or other." But Kaylee, being the sweet girl she was, wasn't so easily comforted. So Mal thought he'd give it a go, "Wasn't us, 'lliance did this."
Of course, the anger he still felt came out in his voice, and instantly Inara called him on it. "How can you say that? Simon said River knew it was related to Miranda."
Instantly he argued back, "So? It's our fault for lettin' people know the truth? We didn' put Pax on that planet. 'lliance did that their ownselves."
"If we hadn't told people, that crowd wouldn't have rioted." Said Inara forcefully.
They were arguing, as nearly every conversation with Inara ever went, and he'd completely forgotten there were others in the galley with them. Just as he was about to inform Inara of just how naive she was even after shipping with Serenity for as long as she had Zoe's voice cut in brittlely.
"We did what we had to do, can't be responsible for what people do with it." The table went silent, and Mal thought he might as well put an end to the ill fated discussion. "Gonna go check on our pilot, make sure she's alright. Zoe check our course, make sure there ain't nuthin' nearby as could harm us."
Zoe rose from her seat and headed to the bridge, and as he left the galley he noticed that Kaylee still looked quite upset over what had happened, and Inara looked rattled; just as she had when they first discovered the Pax. Jayne of course was rummaging about for food, but he seemed to be making a bit more noise than was strictly necessary.
She could hear voices, faintly.
"She gonna be alright?" Was that Mal? Malcolm Reynolds, Captain, Serenity.
"I don't know. I didn't sedate her, it's as if she was so overwhelmed she just shut down. But that's just a theory. I could be wrong." Simon. Only Simon would be so worried. She was fine, just fine thank you very much. Fine, okay, all right, good, shiny.
Mal started to apologize, "I'll leave her on the ship from now on."
"No. Chose to go. Like to go. Want to see the sky, helps me to remember what I am." She said, her voice coming out in more of a croak than anything.
"River! How are you feeling mei mei?" It was a measure of how anxious he had been about her condition that he didn't frown at her affected speech.
River frowned as she spoke, "Just wanted the secret to go away, didn't mean to get anyone killed. Jao gao" Simon immediately patted her shoulder, and Mal looked at her sadly as he replied, "Weren't you albatross, if yer gonna blame someone, blame the Alliance."
"No. Told you where it was. Showed you. Could have left it there. My fault. Showed the 'verse, people died. Didn't need to. Could have stayed secret." It was true, only Simon had heard her say Miranda, and if she hadn't gone to the bridge Mal would never have known the planet even existed and taken them on the crazy quest that got Wash killed.
"These things, they just, they just happen." Said Simon, attempting to comfort her. And then Mal, trying to do the same said, "Ya can't control the verse, least of all the people in it. Mayhap that signal meant nuthin', could just be an excuse for people to act violent."
They were valiant attempts, but she knew the truth. She knew Simon was relieved, happy even about how things had turned out. True he felt guilty about Wash and Book, but he was also happy to see glimpses of the little sister her remembered from before. Mal had done exactly what needed to be done, and though he'd had a burst of purpose and meaning once he'd found the secret the sharing of it had cost almost too much. She turned to Simon first, "Glad to have me back. Not as broken. Worth it to you." Simon drew back as if she'd hit him, shame evident on his features. Turning to Mal she continued, "Excuses. Not for you. Not that one."
Mal contemplated her words for a moment then replied with a small smile in his eyes, "No, not that one. Don't make it less true for others."
She thought on that for a moment. He was right in his way. She couldn't be responsible for the choices others made. True she didn't have to reveal what she knew, but it was done, and there was little use wishing she could have foreseen all the consequences and thus chosen a different path than the one taken.
As Mal was leaving the infirmary she called after him in an insistent tone. "Captain. No excuses, I want to go next time." Simon looked concerned, but kept his own counsel. Mal just smiled at her, teasing her gently, the only one not the least bit afraid of her. "Didn't I jus' tell you, ya can't control people?"
She decided to tease him back. She cocked her head to one side and peered at him intently as if she were trying to control him with her mind. "Well, ya, ya can't! Not even with that fancy brain o' yours. " He spluttered. She giggled and Simon joined her with a laugh of his own. It was good to laugh together. Mal didn't, but his smile widened.
"Gorram geniuses." He groused as he left the infirmary, meeting up with Zoe as he headed into the cargo bay. River watched them go, then said softly."Hurt her."
Simon was busy checking her over as he answered, "I know, but you got them all back to the ship safely, I'm so proud of you."
River shook her head and corrected him, "Not me. Zoe. Hurt her. My fault. Can feel her, crying, sad. Misses him. Lost without him. Banged up, not even flying true. Make sure Simon. Make sure she takes them." Simon looked confused. "Takes what?" He asked.
It wasn't her secret to share, hopefully Simon would do some sleuthing of his own to decipher or meaning, or better yet Zoe would come to him. "Make sure." She reiterated.
"River?" He was concerned, she was slipping back into nonsensicalness.
"Need to rest now. Not broken. Tired." She started to get out of the bed. Immediately Simon was admonishing her to stay put. She quickly put a stop to that though by giving him her 'little sister thinks you're a boob look.'
Backing down he said, "Alright, but I'll sleep in the room next to you in case-" She interrupted, he did worry far too much, "Simon. Not broken."
"Okay, I'll sleep in the common area then." He was being stubborn, so she used a more forceful tone of voice, "Simon."
He threw his hands in the air in resignation as he said, "Do you think I'll ever get the last word in an argument?"
Smugly she answered his question, "The odds are about one in 16,789,341. Maybe when we're both white and wrinkled." They both laughed, though as she headed to her room she felt a weight of guilt settle over both of them. As she laid down she let her mind wander over the ship.
Mal was alone in his bunk, watching the capture he took of Wash and Zoe's wedding. Inara was trying to meditate, but as the incense curled around her she couldn't quite suppress a shiver. Kaylee was swinging in her hammock, listening to the different sounds as the rebuilt engine turned. Jayne was lifting weights. Not an uncommon occurrence, but he was thinking on the Shepherd as he did it. Zoe was lying alone, off to one side of the bed she'd shared with Wash clinging to one of his Hawaiin shirts.
They were all hurting, not quite together, but they shared. Their hurts were different, but they all had them. And River joined them with her own. She felt guilty over her friends' deaths. Over the innocents who had just happened to get in the way. If she hadn't asked for Simon's help he'd still be there, and Serenity would be a different, more happy place. The thoughts threatened to overwhelm her, and for a moment she thought of asking Simon for a smoother, but then she remembered other things.
The way Simon and Kaylee smiled at each other. The hope growing inside Zoe. The way Mal had remembered what it was to have a purpose and a reason for being. How Jayne was remembering another way of being. And finally, how Inara was contemplating making a change. Those were good things. As she thought on that she slowly drifted into sleep.
Author's Note: This fic is complete, but there's more to come. Hope you enjoyed the reading as much as I enjoyed the writing.
I'm curious on what you all think about the ending, I wrote a more fleshed out ending with each character getting a paragraph instead of a sentence, but felt the sentence version was stronger. If there's interest I can post that version as an addendum. Also, If anyone is interested I can add the script format as an addendum to this story.
CHINESE TRANSLATIONS
I do not speak Chinese at all, these translations are from: .com/wiki/Dictionary
Jao gao Alas, not good, what a mess, too bad (literally "spoiled cake")