CHAPTER 8

Kendall PoV

I opened my eyes not ready to move a muscle. It was a hard task to move when all you wanted to do was to lay and never get up for the rest of your life, but I had to, in a couple of hours we were leaving for our tour…and I had never seen the band so fucked up before. Carlos was in good terms with everybody but was still a little mad at me…Logan on the other hand had taken James' side like always and was giving me the polite cold shoulder and Gustavo was going insane…pretty picture for our awaiting fans. James, I hadn't seen him at all and that was tearing my soul apart.

My eyes and head hurt like hell, I felt a big pressure inside my brain that I could only blame on sobbing for an entire day…yes the unbreakable fearless leader was a total mess, even my mom was concerned now…not that Carlos or Logan knew that I was like this, for them I was just mad and screaming at them for no reason, I didn't need them to see me like this, to know how much I hated myself for not taking the awesomeness that was James Diamond when he willingly stepped up to me…damn, self-loathing was too easy.

"Kendall honey are you up?" asked my mom reminding me that I had to compose in order to see James again…but how was I suppose to react? I wasn't mad at him, for once, but it was too much pain to endure.

"In a minute" I answered not moving at all. I heard the door open and I pulled the covers on top of my head not wanting her to see me like this, I felt the bed shift a little when she sat behind me and start rubbing my back.

"Please tell me what's going on…I'm seeing a friendship I thought that would never end going to the dump" she sighed "You know I love those three like they are my children, it pains me to see you fighting like this…what happened Kendall? Ever sense James came out you're not yourself" deciding that I needed to tell someone I lowered the cover just to hear her small gasp…man I probably looked like shit "Oh baby" she hugged me. I had always been a mama's boy and proud of it, so having her there humming slightly while she embraced me kind of broke all my barriers and I started crying silently.

"He hates me mom" I sobbed passing a hand through my face "I'm such an idiot, and because of that I lost him"

"James loves you Kendall, and you will only lose him if you stop fighting for him"

"But I don't love him like that" she frowned "Mom I LOVE him, more than anyone I could ever love…more than I can stand, I love him so much that I can't event think of being just friends with him" I closed my eyes feeling a little lighter now that I had told someone about my feelings, but at the same time I was worried of how my mother might take it.

"I know son, I know" I frowned at her words before I turned to look at her, she had a small smile on her face "Took you long enough to find out"

"W-what?"

"I have known that James is gay sense he was thirteen, his mom told me" she took a strand of my hair out of my face "I talked to him and I found out that he liked you…just then I started to watch your behavior around him, baby sometimes you were too obvious but then Jo appeared and you were all about her…it was funny to see how jealous James got" she grinned and I just kept looking at her like an alien "Stop giving me that look Kendall Knight, I´m a mom, I know stuff"

"I don't know what I should do…perhaps it´s better if I follow his word and don't talk to him, be just his workmate from now on" I looked away from her in shame of my dreadful state.

"My son is not a quitter, he never was and I will make sure that he never will be one" her tone grew stronger "You love him and I´m sure he loves you too…"

"He doesn't anymore, he told Carlos and Logan" I covered my face with my pillow feeling more tears falling from my eyes.

"Bullshit!" I stopped moving surprised at my mom´s sudden curse…it was the first time I heard her curse in my life "Now get up, shower and get that ass to the studio thinking that you have a whole week with James to win him back…I said NOW Kendall Knight!" she pulled me until I was up and pushed me to the bathroom, I had to smile, leave it to my mom to make me think a little more about giving up so easily.

James PoV

I bit the sensitive skin of his neck earning a small moan, he was tired I could see it in his amused eyes but I was not and I needed to fuck him again so frigging bad.

"Someone´s hyper tonight" he breathed against my lips making me smile; I covered his lips with mine sweetly wanting to take my time, I let my tongue explore the soft insides of his mouth like I had wanted sense I knew what a French kiss was. His hands kept lazily playing with my hair as mine caressed his sides, I was on top of him tired of waiting while he slept in a attempt of recovering from his third orgasm.

"I can´t get enough of you" I stared into his bottle green eyes taking my right hand to ghost over his heavenly hole.

"Neither can I but I´m too tired…" he sighed before a mischievous smile spread through his lips prior pushing me to my back and sitting on top of me "I guess I can take another round" I put my hands on his hips before he raised them and positioned himself above my dick, my breaths quickened cause seeing him there fucking himself on top of me was one of the hottest things I had ever seen, his ecstasy filled gaze, his hair sweaty and glued to his forehead, his own dick bouncing between our bodies, his muscles contracting in each thrust…the incredible sounds that left his lips and the simple way he moaned my name over and over again made me climb my peak in no time.

"Kendall" I gasped knowing that I was too close to the edge, so I moved my hand and started pumping him causing shudder than ran though his entire body, he mouthed looking for air and I took the opportunity to pull him to me and turn our bodies so I was on top and continued fucking him making sure to hit his sweet spot in every thrust.

"SHIT!" he screamed hitting his orgasm and knowing that he was done I let go of mine shooting my seed inside of him painting his inner walls white, I let my head fall into his chest breathing hard knowing that sleep was finally going to find me, my eyes closed before I made one last movement to get out of him not wanting him to be that sore in the morning "I love you" he said and I smiled hugging his body close to mine not bothering with an answer as I gave in to dream land hearing his steady heartbeat.

I opened my eyes and sighed…I had no idea what was wrong with me lately, I had been having tons of wet dreams about Kendall, it was even worse than when I was going through puberty and I got a boner every time he wiggled his eyebrows. I looked down only to find my wet boxers…if I continued like this I was going to have a hard time at the tour.

I looked at the alarm clock only to find out that I had overslept, oh well they could wait a couple of minutes for me. I got up, took some clean clothes and walked to the shower feeling a little antsy because in all of my dreams that had been the only one that ended with him saying that he loved me…not ever had I dream something like that, reality used to be secure even in dream land letting me know that he would never love me like that…but then, what was different now? It wasn't like our relationship had come into better terms, on the contrary we hadn't even spoken to each other in a while –except from that morning that was only between us two because I was not that proud of snapping at him like that when he seemed not that hostile-, I could see him once or twice at the studio never announcing my presence, he looked tired and irritable, something told me he wasn't ok but when I lightly commented this concerns with Luca he just got mad and told me that Kendall wasn't worth my time…why the sudden change of behavior? And just like that I was on my own with my crazy wet dreams… I shook my head not wanting to get into that much head drama, I finished showering and got out hearing some knocking on the door, I put on my sweats and walked to open.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Carlos and Logan" answered Carlos "Ow! What was that for?" he said as I opened the door to see him massaging his head.

"You have to say Logan and Carlos, the other person first" was saying Logan when they got in "Morning, ready to go?"

"Morning, why are you here?" I walked to my room starting drying my hair with my towel before I continued changing into comfy clothes fit for a trip to Phoenix…six hours in the same place as Kendall, seven if there was traffic…I hoped I could switch seats with Carlos.

"We came to pick you up, where are your bags?" I pointed at the two medium bags in the living room "Finish up and then we go, we´ll have breakfast on the road"

"Okay…what happened to Kendall?" I asked before I could stop myself, Carlos smile widely at my question and Logan grimaced.

"Who knows, he´s been all PMS-y all week" he mumbled not happy "I´m seriously disappointed of him, and he won´t talk to me either…anyway, I think this trip will help us" he grinned looking at Carlos and I knew they were planning something…I feared for my safety.

"Okay" I said slowly before I shook my head and put on my vans "But I was waiting for Luca, he said he would come and pick me up…I guess we can wait so we can say good bye" I crooked an eyebrow at them, they shrugged.

"Fine for me" said Logan.

"Early morning cartoons!" screamed Carlos running to my TV and starting to see Tom and Jerry, the only good thing at 6am, I rolled my eyes and started to make my bed. Logan went to the kitchen.

"Don't you have nothing edible in here?"

"Nope"

"Why? Not even cereal…and you seem a little slender, James you have to eat properly"

"Yes mom I will when we come back" I spoke walking to him as we heard someone knocking, I went to open it "Hi!" I greeted Luca palming his shoulder.

"Only you could be cheery at this ungodly hour" he muttered before giving a big yawn "Hey guys" he smiled to the other two.

"Hey" they said and I took Luca´s hand and pulled him to my room closing the door behind us, he gave me the weird eye not getting why was I acting like this.

"What´s with you?"

"I have no idea what to do once I see Kendall again" I passed a hand through my face "I know I told him to not speak to me –quite rudely- last time I saw him but…and all this dreams I´ve been having and…fuck, help me! How did you get over Marcello?" his eyes darkened at my words. Marcello had been his first official boyfriend back in Italy, but once Luca´s mom had found him with his hands inside Marcello´s pants everything had gone to the dump. Luca´s mom had gone crazy, she had screamed at him of how he was a freak and a monster that should not be in her presence…Marcello had denied that he was gay and told his parents that it was all Luca´s doing…of course this broke Luca´s heart and just when he was about to throw himself over the edge of a building, Gio had found him and taken him to America…I knew Luca blamed himself for this, saying that he knew Marcello wasn't completely out of the closet, saying that maybe he had seen the signs wrong, that what he had thought of love was just lust…I knew that he had closed his heart to everyone and was slowly letting people in, that I was let in only because we kind of knew how the other felt and right now I needed him.

"You know I hadn't" he softly said "Wait!" his eyes shot back to me "When did you said that to Kendall? When was the last time you saw him?"

"Saw who?" I frowned.

"Who the fuck are we talking about? Kendall!"

"The day after I got doped…" he cursed before storming out of the room, taking Logan´s hand and pulling him out of the apartment, I looked at Carlos who had the same expression as me, I had a pretty crazy set of friends.

"What was that?" asked Carlos.

"No idea" I passed a hand through my face "Ready to go?"

"Always" we turned off the lights and TV before taking the bags and going to find Luca and Logan speaking in the entrance, Logan was looking at the Italian like he was crazy and Luca looked kind of nervous…that was odd.

"What's up with you?" I put a hand on their shoulders stopping them from running away, Logan literally jumped at my touch.

"W-wha…nothing pfsh w-why do…?" began my nerdy friend.

"We kind of were out here and you were there and stuff and you said so I had to come and…" I couldn't hold back a chuckle hearing both of them blustering trying to explain, the two ramblers collide.

"Okay stop, stop!" the kept the guilty look in their faces and I decided I didn't want to know "We're running late, let's go" I walked to get my stuff inside the BTR mobile before taking Luca by the arm and going to his car.

"So…where's Kendall?" he asked me as he drove to the studio.

"I'm starting to get annoyed by all this" I said truthfully "First you hate Kendall, then you're all about getting to know him again, then you hate him again and now you ask for him? What the fuck?" I spat clearly confused because something told me that he knew something about Kendall, and didn't want to tell me.

"You said to Logan and Carlos that you didn't love him anymore…then you talk about dreams with Kendall" I widen my eyes realizing what I had just said to him a couple of minutes ago…damn "What's up with that?"

"Forget it" I mumbled and he laughed, I turned to glare at him "WHAT?"

"You clearly still love him…what are those dreams about?" his dark brown eyes turned distant, like he was thinking hard.

"I don't get them, they are weird dreams" I said not ready to confess that I was having problems with my crazy libido.

"Okay" did he sound disappointed? I shook my head, so not the relaxed morning I was looking for, luckily we got to the studio and I exited the car seeing a big 9 people van.

"Are we that much trouble that you can't get us a bus?" I said to Kelly.

"We did, but we got some complications, the bus will be catching with us at Phoenix…and we don't have enough space in the trunk for your bags so we'll have to put a couple of them in the back seat next to you and Kendall"

"I'm not going in the…" I turned to look inside the van to see Carlos and Logan happily sitting in one of the middle seats and Gustavo in the other "Kelly, please, please change seats with me?" I begged her and I could swear that I saw a mischievous glint in her eyes before she shook her head and walked to talk to the producer, I groaned and walk to Luca who was frowning.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I have to seat six hours next to Kendall, trapped between bags and him…It's hell!" ok I knew I was over reacting but I hated that, having his body right next to mine, his heat radiating to me, maybe our knees touching…STOP! James Diamond don't even go there!

"Yeah… I think he heard you" Luca said grimacing and I turned to see a pair of pained emerald eyes.

"M-morning" Kendall said before taking his bag to the van, I couldn't even phrase a simple statement, not just out of shame of saying that to his face but of the state he was in, his hair was even messier than normal, he looked kind of pale, his shoulders were down and his eyes lacked of his normal shine. He saw me staring and he put his shades on letting me notice the small blush that crept in his cheeks, I looked back at Luca who was frowning deep at the sight of Kendall.

"He looks bad" he bit his lip "James…there's something I need to tell you, and I know that you probably wont want to talk to me again but I don't care and just know that I'm sorry and I think I made a big…a huge mistake and I let my over protective instincts get the best of me because you are my first true friend and I didn't want you to suffer the same I did when I was in Italy and…"

"James get in NOW!" yelled Gustavo making me jump.

"In a minute…"

"I SAID NOW!" I turned to Luca and flashed him an apologetic smile.

"Let's save that for next week" I hugged him fast.

"No James, wait!" I waved at him and ran to get inside the van not daring to look at Kendall as he sat beside me…this was going to be a long trip.

Short one I know, but I had to make this little thing today lol Okay what did you think? Quite uneventful chapter but we found out some interesting things xD

Review? Please?

Take care!