FLASHBACK

"Kan...ame," he choked out, sweat beading on his brow. He couldn't even look at her. He wanted to ask her something for a good week already. He wanted to understand. That night at that Chinese restaurant completely baffled him. He even considered talking to the Arbalest's AI to get answers. That piece of junk.

"What?" She looked up from her reviewer, the end of her orange highlighter dangling from her mouth.

"I'm afraid I..." More sweat. The room became stifling. He was sure he was about to pop a vein any moment. "A-are we..." His question would jeopardize their four years of friendship. "Am I...?"

She felt concern for him, but that quickly transformed into slight annoyance. Six hours of non-stop studying nibbled at her patience. "Spit it out, Sousuke. I'm a little busy here." She stretched her arms above her head and felt the knots on her back untangling.

"Oh, well, I...if you're busy, Chidori, I'll just...um, right. I'm sorry," He was stammering. Even more sweat. "I apologize for disturbing you." He was accepting defeat. He felt ashamed and relieved at the same time. The question would have to wait until...well, he wasn't sure. He considered consulting Mao more about this matter. No doubt she would have more knowledge about this. If he approached Kurz, a series of prodding and pushing would only aggravate him more. It would definitely have to be Mao.

He started to march away, his legs stiff from standing in one spot so rigidly for so long.

"Hold on."

He froze at the sound of her voice. He knew he should have changed into his fatigues before this attempt at clarity.

"What is it, Sousuke?"

She didn't seem angry, but for all he knew, she could be holding her fan inches away from his head. What this really worth the risk of her avoiding him or insulting her? Or causing a rift between them so large he might just go back to Hong Kong and stay holed up there until he died the last time they were truly apart? "Chidori, I..." He closed his eyes and kept his arms glued to his side. "I do not understand the current situation. I find that my knowledge in this area is very limited, and it is not my intention to discomfort you in any way, however, I...I..." Shit. He braced himself for the hit.

But instead, he felt her hand against his back. The shock of it caused him to flinch. Her touch was so warm.

"Was this about the other day?" Her voice was calm. He felt a little stupid for having worried so much. "When I told you I love you, and I said I wish we were more?"

But I was only correct to worry. This is too important. "Affirmative."

"You're such a big knucklehead, you know that?"

"I'm sorry."

Her fingers clutched a portion of his shirt, eventually eased their hold, and dropped away. He instantly regretted apologizing, but he considered saying sorry again. He was almost sure he said the wrong thing again. Like he seemed to always do.

Until he felt her fingers occupy the space between his beside his leg. Their palms pressed together. She placed her other hand back on his back, in the same spot, as if it was his body's source of heat. He wondered if she could feel his dangerously violent heartbeat.

"Kaname," He said in a voice that took almost all his strength. "All I know is I..." She held his hand more firmly. "I don't want to be without you. Ever." He could have been more articulate, he thought, but at the moment, those words represented all his intentions and all his courage. He couldn't tell her he couldn't say the words she wanted to hear yet—because he wanted to understand it all on his own first and save her from the burden of educating him all the time like a child—but he felt them; he was sure of that.

He was just standing. He could still feel her hand through his clothes. It was as if she was the one holding him up. His body relaxed. "I'll make this easier for you, Sousuke."

What?

Then, he felt her two hands on his back again, followed by the top of her head on his nape. He didn't realize he had been holding his breath, and this made him dizzy, but the feel of her body against his was beyond pleasurable.

"We'll take this one day at a time."