Chapter 7- Secret
"You want to know how to make me smile, take control, own me just for the night
But if I share my secret, you're gonna have to keep it, nobody else can see this
So watch and learn, I won't show you twice, head to toe, ooh baby, rub me right
But if I share my secret, you're gonna have to keep it, nobody else can see this, and it goes like this
Take me by the tongue, and I'll know you, kiss me 'til you're drunk, and I'll show you
All the moves like Jagger, I've got the moves like Jagger, I've got the moves like Jagger"
Moves Like Jagger by Maroon 5
Anders stumbled out of the Deep Roads tunnel; he drew in a deep breath as he tilted his head back, enjoying the warmth of the sun on his face. Maker's arse, the past five weeks had to have been the longest in his life and after the whole episode with turning Carver over to the Grey Wardens with the hopes of saving his life, Anders now was emotionally as well as physically drained. Watching Charlie say good-bye to his brother had been heart wrenching to watch. The two of them had always had some strange bond between them, but as they said farewell Carver gripped Charlie's shoulder and desperately whispered something. Anders was able to pick up pieces of the conversation.
"Tell him…unfair…put him out of…misery…be honest …you love him… needs to know."
Now as Charlie strode up beside him, Carver's words swirled around in his head and he tried to put some kind of context to it, but was coming up short. Maybe after several nights of uninterrupted sleep things might seem clearer.
Anders slid his arm around Charlie's shoulder, "I am so sorry about Carver, but don't worry too much about him. He is strong, he will survive this."
"Yes, but will I survive my mother's wrath? That is the real questions," Charlie chuckled as he tried to make light of the situation.
"Maybe give her a nice bouquet of flowers before you break the news," Anders suggested.
"That's bloody brilliant Anders! I'll just stroll in and say, 'Here ya go Mum, I lost your son in the Deep Roads, but I brought you this lovely bouquet of roses to replace him with. Besides, Carver was kind of an ass so I thought this might help make things smell better around here'. I'm sure that will go over beautifully."
Anders chuckled. "No need to be sarcastic, it was just a suggestion."
Anders looked over at Charlie who smiled that radiant smile of his. His heart twisted in a knot as he thought about Charlotte and how she wouldn't be there when he returned to Kirkwall. The thought was depressing and Anders really didn't want to go home to all of the memories of her. While in the Deep Roads, Charlie had been a great friend as Anders wallowed in self pity and depression. Without compliant or hesitation, Charlie had let Anders vent about the unfairness of the situation, express his love for Charlotte and his hopelessness. At times he knew he made Charlie uncomfortable and the man's cheeks would burn red with embarrassment.
There was this one time in particular that came to mind because it had been the strangest conversation Anders had ever been involved in. It was almost as if everyone knew something that he didn't and they were trying to make him see the light. After a hard day of fighting, they were sitting around the campfire relaxing and drinking some of Varric's whiskey when Anders brought up Charlotte.
"Charlie, she was perfect…in every way. I will never find that kind of perfection again no matter how hard I look," Anders groaned.
"Oh, I don't know about that. I don't think you'll have to look that hard, Anders. Just open your bloody eyes for once," Varric chuckled.
Anders ignored the dwarf. "I thought I loved you Charlie… I really did, but I realized how wrong I was when I met her."
"Well, now I feel like a cheap piece of meat, tossed aside for a better grade of beef," Charlie laughed.
"It's so hard now- a-days to tell a quality product from an inferior one, you really have to give them a good squeeze, a hard rub and maybe even a nice smack to tell the difference. If I were you Charlie, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I doubt Isabela is as picky as Anders," Varric stated.
"I'm not picky. I just know what I like," Anders replied.
"Oh, and what exactly does Charlotte have that Charlie doesn't," Carver argued.
Varric raised an eyebrow, "Do I really need to explain the birds and bees to you, Junior? I left all of my diagrams in Kirkwall."
"Yes, Anders, besides the physical differences, I'm curious what Charlotte has that I don't?" Charlie asked.
"You definitely know how to put your foot in your mouth, don't ya, Blondie? I would either answer very carefully or start praying for the earth to swallow me right now if I were you," Varric warned.
"Well, for starters she was available and interested in me. Mutual attraction is big turn on," Anders replied defensively.
"I've never said I didn't find you attractive, Anders. You made that assumption on your own. So what does Charlotte have that I don't?"
Anders paused and hung his head as he thought about the question. "To be honest Charlie, it wasn't the differences that drew me to her, it was the similarities that attracted me."
"So you slept with Charlotte because she reminded you of Charlie?" Varric asked.
"We did not sleep together!" Both Anders and Charlie exclaimed in unison.
Varric snickered as Anders' eyes widened as he stared at Charlie who was clearly scrambling for a reply. "Aaah…oh, you meant Anders and Charlotte not Anders and I," Charlie sighed clearly embarrassed.
Varric chuckled, "Wow you were quick to deny that, Hawke. Is the thought of sleeping with Anders disturbing?"
Anders watched as Charlie glared at Varric, "No, of course not… that isn't it at all…It's just, I don't want anyone getting the wrong impression."
"If I didn't know any better I would say your hiding something," Varric said.
"Good thing you do know better, Varric, I would hate to enlighten you by sticking my boot up your arse," Charlie growled as he leaned back against a log. "Besides, I'm an open book, what could I possibly be hiding?"
"I don't know. There's lots of room in that armor of yours. So, you tell me," Varric observed.
"I'm well endowed. Just ask Bells," Charlie stated dryly.
"It runs in the family,' Carver chimed in.
"Really? Then why do the workers at the Rose call you little Carver then?" Varric paused as Carver's face grew red. Then he continued as if pondering out loud. "Hmmm, must be because you're Hawke's little brother. Those lovely ladies at the Rose wouldn't be referring to something else now would they?"
"Shut up, dwarf!"
Anders looked over at Charlie, who on the surface looked calm, but he was twitching his foot which was a sure sign that he was agitated and Anders could tell that his irritation was directed at Varric. It was almost as if the dwarf was pushing Charlie to admit or confess something, but Anders had no idea what. Anders decided to help Varric out. He just hoped he didn't regret it later.
"It does seem at times that you're covering something up, Charlie," Anders stated.
"Wow Anders, did you come to that conclusion all on your own? Maybe… just maybe I'm hiding the fact that I'm an apostate," Charlie retorted.
"No, it's more than that. I have a feeling that it has something to do with Charlotte." He looked as if he was deep in thought for a moment before he continued, "Wait, don't tell me. She sometimes dresses up as a man to avoid templars," he joked.
All three of them began to choke. "Close Anders, but no cigar. She actually dresses up as a male templar," Varric replied.
"And then she serenades, Meredith outside her window," Charlie added.
"Before feeding her bon bons," Carver concluded.
"This has the makings of a really good story. I just need to find a way to weave you in there, Hawke."
As Anders stood beside Charlie now thinking about that night there was something there that bothered him. He couldn't place his finger on it, but like an itch that can't be reached, there was a tickling sensation in the back of his brain that was trying to sort through all of the pieces to form a big picture. However, probably from sheer exhaustion nothing was clicking into place.
xxXxx
Over the next few years life slowly return to normal. Eventually Anders fell into a daily routine of taking care of patients, writing his manifesto and helping Charlie whenever he needed his aid. At night though as he lay in bed, his thoughts would drift to Charlotte and he would ache for her. He thought about the feel of her body pressed against his, the way her lips molded perfectly to his and the sweet taste of her mouth.
Tonight, Anders was up late working on a revision to the manifesto, hoping that if exhausted, he would be able to fall into bed without any thoughts of her. He heard a loud commotion outside his door and then singing.
"Fifty-two bottles of beer on the wall, fifty-two bottles of beeeer, if one of those bottles happens to fall, f-fifty…..three bottles of beer on the wall…"
"No, it's fifty-one…we didn't add a bottle, one fell."
"I wanna add a bottle not have one fall…falling is b-bad….that's alcohol abuse."
Anders opened the door to find Charlie, Isabela and Merrill holding onto each other as they swayed back and forth.
"I am still out of hangover drought from the last time you were here," Anders stated as he opened the door wider to let them in.
Charlie tenderly poked him in the chest as he swayed on his feet, "We aren't here for healing. We are here to see you, Mr. Sexy Mage."
"N-no healing needed. We are happily and s-stupidly drunk. At least I think s-so," Merrill slurred.
"That elf can't handle her liquor," Isabela stated.
"Lick her…I hardly know her," Charlie chuckled.
Anders groaned as Charlie and Isabela burst out laughing.
"So if you aren't here for healing, why did you decide to intrude on my doorstep at this late hour," Anders said exasperated.
"What? We need a reason to visit our favorite renegade apostate?" Isabela asked.
Charlie shook his head in disgust, "There was a time that you begged me to visit you late at night. Now I could show up naked and you wouldn't even bat an eye."
Isabela spit her ale out all of herself, "Somehow I doubt that. What an eye opening experience that would be? Can you do that sometime? Show up naked on his doorstep; I really want to see his reaction to it!"
Charlie grinned at Isabela, "Maybe if you sing me that song again."
"Please, no singing," Anders said.
"Oooo, I like this song too. Please sing it, Isabela," Merrill begged and then hiccupped.
"I'll sing it if you get naked," Isabela replied.
"That's later, love…remember," Charlie said with a wink.
"I want to see Anders' expression the first time he sees you naked. You have never seen Charlie naked before, have you Anders?"
Anders shook his head, "Aaah, no, why would I?"
"Don't you find that kind of odd; I mean in all of our travels, not once have you seen him without his clothes on…. things that make you go hmmm."
Charlie threw a pillow at Isabela, "Shut up and sing."
Isabela chuckled, "Only if you help with the chorus… and you too Anders, you'll know it."
"I am not singing… and neither are you… I have neighbors that are trying to sleep."
"Oh, stop being such a party pooper," Isabela cooed as she got up and sat beside Charlie.
"Aaaah, I didn't say you had to sing it to me. Sing it like you did at the Hanged Man… to everyone," Charlie said as he slid away from her.
However, Isabela closed the distance between them as she began to sing, "I can't stop this feeling deep inside of me. Girl, you just don't realize, what you do to me…."
Anders leaned toward Merrill, "Why is Isabela singing about a girl to Charlie?"
Merrill shook her head, "That is a very good question; one that I don't have a very good answer for."
Isabela had reached the chorus, Charlie and Merrill joined in even as Charlie tried to move away from the songstress. "I'mmm, I'm hooked on a feeling, I'm high on believing, that you're in love with me."
Isabela sprung onto Charlie's lap, her fingers ran across his lips as she started the next stanza, "Lips as sweet as candy, their taste stays on my mind. Girl, you keep me thirsty for another cup of wine. I got it bad for you girl, but I don't need a cure…"
"Maybe Isabela needs her eyes check," Merrill stated.
"Or her head," Anders retorted.
"All the good love, when we're all alone," Isabela crooned as she slid her hands down Charlie's chest, grabbed his groin, and as Charlie's eyes went wide, Isabela sang, "Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on. Aha-ha I'm hooked on a feeling, I'm high on believing, that you're in love with me."
"It's a fucking conspiracy… and you and Varric are in on it together," Charlie hissed.
Isabela just smiled as she sang the chorus again.
Charlie glared over at Merrill, "Do you know too? Are you in on their little plot?"
"What the bloody hell is he going on about?"
"And they said I couldn't handle my liquor," Merrill replied.
Over the past few years, Charlie had grown his hair longer, but always wore it in a tight ponytail. As Isabela finished the song she reached around Charlie's neck and pulled his hair out of the holder, waves of raven black hair fell around his face and Anders blinked in astonishment as all the pieces fell into place.
"Fuck!" Charlie exclaimed as she shoved Isabela off of her lap and ran for the door.
Isabela grinned at Merrill, "Let's go, Kitten. Our work here is done."
"Oh that's good… what exactly did we do?"
Anders was on his feet in a heartbeat as he scrambled out the door and called for her, "Charlie…Charlotte!"
He saw her head up the passage to the Amell estate and he raced up tunnel after her. He caught up with her just as she entered her room, he grabbed her arm, spun her around and before she could stop him his lips covered hers and the world just fell away. His mouth moved against hers, his tongue licked and pierced her lips open as he moved between them in a fierce hunger.
Her arms wrapped around his neck as she ran her fingers through his hair. He drew her into a deeper embrace as he pressed into her. Her kiss was intoxicating.
Anders lips slid to her cheek, than to her jaw, "I've dreamed of you…" The anger and arousal pulsed in his voice. He nipped at her ear, "For three fucking years, I've ached for you and mourned what we could never have and you have been here all along."
Charlie moaned as he roughly pressed his rock hard erection against her thigh. He wanted to punish her for the years of agony that she had inflicted on both of them, but the sound of her excitement caused his hunger for her to rapidly grow. He raked his teeth along her neck, nipping at her skin, "Why Charlie? Why did you lie to me?" He hissed as his tongue licked erotically at her flesh.
Yearning surged through him, as years of aching, needing, of suffering the on the edge of dissatisfaction was finally going to end here tonight. "Why? I have to know," he growled as sucked and nipped at her earlobe.
"To protect you," she moaned.
His hand reached up and cupped her face as his fingers gently worked the adhesive on the goatee. He pulled it way exposing her beautiful face. Blood pulsed hot through his veins, heating his skin, awakening every nerve ending in his body as his lust for this woman surged through him.
"You could have told me… you could have trusted me," groaned as he pressed his tongue against her lips, sinking into the dark silk of her mouth. She shuddered against him, her nails digging into his back, through his shirt. Her tongue tangled with his, drawing him in deeper. Anders couldn't believe it…she was in his arms, feeling her touch, her kiss. She was the drug he would never recover from. He needed her like a plant needed sunlight to live. Maker help him, she brought light to his soul when nothing else had in years. He would do anything for her, kill to have her, but he couldn't go another night without being with her.
His lips moved to her neck, he nibbled and licked at her fragrant skin as she trembled and gasped in his arms.
"Anders… they have hunted me from Ferelden… I would die if they got you…"
"Sssh, let's talk about this later," Anders whispered as he pulled her shirt over her head. He stared down at her bound breasts and smiled.
"Such an elaborate charade," he whispered as he began unwinding the cloth until her breasts were completely exposed.
He looked at her admiringly…at the perfection that his mouth eagerly wanted to devour. "These are too beautiful to hide in bound strips of cloth."
A fever of want burned deeply inside of him, he never had experienced lust like this before. It never had stolen his control, had never made him tremble with hunger. Anders swiped his tongue over the hard little points, her body jerked and her hips bucked sharply.
He smiled up at her as he lowered his head and covered her nipple with his mouth. With his free hand he worked the laces on her trousers and slid them over her hips. He ran his hand over her hip to her thigh and moaned from the feel of her velvety skin. He pulled his lips from her breast as he backed her up toward the bed and eased her down. He was on top of her in a heartbeat, she arched up to meet him as his lips recaptured the swollen bud and suckled it. She chanted his name and it was music to his ears. Fuck, she was so incredibly hot, so sweet and soft he could hardly breathe from his want for her.
His hand slid down her taut stomach to the source between her legs that was radiating heat. His hand covered the cotton cloth that covered her and he slid his fingers around the edge of her panties pushing the material aside, his fingers slid into her slick, wet heat.
"Oh, Charlie," Anders panted with greedy hunger as he nibbled at the hardened tip of her breast as his hand sank deeper into her and his thumb gently circled the swollen numb. Her hips arched against his hand as her thighs opened wider to him. Her mouth parted as her breath became more ragged and her hands tightened in his hair.
"Oh, sweet Andraste, yesssss," she purred.
Anders planted soft sweeping kisses along her chest, her neck, back to her lips as he reclaimed them and his tongue eager plunged deep into her mouth tasting her sweetness once again.
"You feel so good," he growled against her lips as his fingers rhythmically glided in and out her. She cried out his name, pulled at his hair as her body went stiff and muscles clenched around his fingers as the orgasm hit her hard, rocking her body uncontrollably. Watching her as the pleasure washed over her, made his groin ache with pain to be in her.
"Maker, Charlie… I have to have you," Anders groaned as he pulled at her panties, the sound of fabric ripping filled the room. He looked up at her beautiful face, her eyes darkened with hunger and excitement and he grinned. What else, would excite her, he wondered?
Anders rolled on top of her, his lips moved over hers, molding perfectly to his before they parted and her tongue was once again intertwining with his. He moved against her, pressing his hard length against the heat of her core evoking a loud groan from him.
His lips left hers, he planted desperate kisses across her jaw, down her neck and then licked a path to her breasts. As he worked his way down her torso, his hands roamed her body sending tiny electrical pulses through her flesh. Each pulse made her moan his name in ecstasy as he took her higher and higher, but not letting her reach the pinnacle.
His lips moved to her abdomen, his tongue stroked, teeth nipped as she writhed against him. His touch and lips moved lower as his hands gently spread her thighs. A guttural groan escaped his lips as her sweet musky scent hit his nose. He looked at the already glistening curls and his mouth watered at the thought of tasting her.
"I'm going to eat you like candy, Charlie," he groaned in a deep husky voice.
He lowered his head, his hands pulled her hips closer as his tongue swiped through the dark curls and into her slick folds. Charlie cried out, her fingers clenched at the blankets as his tongue stroked every inch of her.
"So sweet," he growled against her lips before his head dipped back down and he pushed his tongue deep inside her with a slow, even stroke as his thumb vibrated against her swollen pearl. She arched into him as she begged him for more, desperate to quench the out of control fire now burning through her. He closed his lips over her throbbing nub as he sank his fingers deep inside her and released a pulsating current.
Her back arched as she threw her head back, "Oh Maker… fuck yessss!" Anders continued to lick, suck and stroke her until every last tremor had escaped her body.
Anders stood up and quickly removed his clothes then he lowered himself on top of her. He lovingly tucked a lose hair behind her ear.
"Do you know how incredibly beautiful you are, Charlie?" Anders asked in rough, low voice. He didn't give her a chance to answer as his lips moved over hers, parting them, letting the taste of her fill her mouth.
She moaned against his lips, then she gently pushed him onto his back, she straddled him, guided him into her until his hardened length filled her completely. Anders moaned as she started to rock against him. Her scent washed over him, pulling in him under and as his hands caressed the curves of her body, he was sure he was drowning in her.
"Oh, Charlie, I'll never get enough of you," Anders groaned as he grasped her hips and pressed her against him.
"I feel the same way," she sighed. Her breath was slow and deep and like the rhythm of her hips it slowly guided him toward the edge of bliss. Anders reached up, cradled her neck and pulled her to him to capture her lips with his, while his other hand cupped her full soft breast, massaging, stroking, caressing.
She quickened her pace as she reached between them and stroked herself. Oh damn, that was… that was sending him spiraling of control. She arched her back, her hair hanging down her back, breasts stretched toward the ceiling.
Anders' hand replaced hers and he caressed her as he whispered. "Let go Charlie. Come for me."
She was so enticing, her ecstasy so breathtaking, his hips surged forward with an incredible need to be deeper inside her, wanting to bury himself in her forever.
"Oh Maker, Anders, YES!"
Anders tightened his grip on her hips, pulling her into him as he arched deeper into her. She rode hard against him as he thrust into her, over and over again. She grabbed at his chest to steady herself as she rocked against him. Watching her as her body quivered against his, as she was calling out his name over and over again, set his body on fire.
Her body went ridged as her core spasmed around him, tightening and releasing rhythmically as she pulled him over the edge with her, into pure ecstasy."
She collapsed against his chest as she tried to catch her breath. Anders kissed the side of her neck and ran his fingers through her hair. "I love you, Charlie," he whispered into her ear.
She nipped at his ear and sighed, "I love you more."
He grinned as he pulled her down beside him and covered them with blanket. "Oh really, we'll have to see about that."
"Well, when you dress in a skirt and heels to protect me we will be even," Charlie chuckled as she feathered kisses on his chest.
"Oh is that all it will take to prove I love you more...well, consider it done."
Anders ran his fingers through her hair as he thought about everything that had been right in front of him the whole time. He couldn't believe that he hadn't seen it the whole. Isabela had seen it immediately...
"So this whole thing with you and Isabela..."
"Don't worry, Love she is just my beard."
"Oh so you and her never..."
"No Anders, you don't need to worry about that. I am strictly into guys. Which is why when Charlotte accidentally came along it was a perfect way for me to act like a girl. It was hard walking around all the time pretending to scratch and adjust myself."
Anders burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, love, but you never managed to pull that off well. There were numerous times I wanted to ask if you had something going on down there that you needed me to heal."
"You're kidding?"
"Nope."
"What else did I do that made you think twice?"
"Well, I did notice that both you and Charlotte seemed very confused about which privy chamber to use."
Charlie giggled, "Trust me, there were times I couldn't remember if I was suppose to pee standing up or sitting down."
Charlie sat up, threw her leg across his stomach and straddled him. "Well, I only had Carver to teach me how to be a man, but now I have you to help me fine tune my more manly ways."
Anders couldn't take his eyes off of her luscious body and he didn't have a clue what she had just said. "Huh?"
She grinned, "I take it that is lesson number one."
Anders grabbed her waist, pushed her over on her back and rolled on top of her over. "Yes, lesson number one, don't expect a man to be able to think when the most delicious breasts he has ever seen are on display in front of him."
"The most delicious, huh?"
Anders drew one of her taut nipples into his mouth and sucked hard. "Absolutely," he groaned.
"Sooo, if some woman should show me her breasts and they happen to be a breathtaking, I should act like a bumbling idiot."
"Absolutely," Anders moaned as he move over to her other breast and drew the unattended bud into his mouth.
"Soooo..."
"Lesson number two, shut up and let me make love to you," Anders said as he claimed her mouth with his.
They spent the rest of the evening learning the details of each others bodies and how to please one another until they were both completely sated and exhausted and fell asleep in each others arms.
The following morning as the sun peaked through the curtains, Anders watched Charlie peacefully sleeping. He felt the need to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming and that he had actually made love to Charlie last night. She stirred and as she stretched to wake-up she made the cutest purring sound that immediately made him hard.
He pushed those thoughts out of his head as he shifted his hips away from her. There were things that needed to be discussed...most importantly how he could protect her.
Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled up at him.
"Good morning, sleepy head," Anders said as he leaned over and kissed her forehead.
"Please tell me you haven't been watching me sleep... 'cause that's kind of creepy."
"Who me? Never!"
"Liar, Liar, beware that I don't set your sexy ass on fire," Charlie cooed.
"You can kiss my sexy ass, you can spank my sexy ass, you can..."
"I get the point."
"I have one of those for you too," Anders said with a cheeky grin.
"I'm surprised you haven't hung an out of order sign on it after the work out it had last night," Charlie chuckled.
"I'm warning you, Charlie, you may have problems keeping up with me. That Grey Warden stamina is no myth."
"I'm willing to take my chance. I have Hawke blood in my veins, we're no slackers ya know."
"Speaking of your blood, how did the Ferelden templars track you down all the way in Kirkwall. They don't have a phylactery for you do they?"
"No, the only thing that they had was a description of both Bethany and I. That is why I disguised myself as a man to board a ship out of Ferelden and I had to keep up the charade even once I arrived because it was Charlie Hawke dressed as a guy that got us into the city."
Anders thought about it for a long moment. "It's a great disguise, Charlie. If for some reason you had to give up this persona, it would be easy for you to start over again."
Charlie laughed. "Great minds think alike."
"I also think you should continue using Isabela as your beard."
"Well that's right up her ally... she loves when I use her." Charlie ran her fingers through his hair. "If I keep using Isabela as my beard, what am I using you for?"
"Outrageous nights of mindblowing sex would be a great start."
"And?"
"Oh, and a happy long life together, naturally."
"Hmmm, I like the sound of that. When can we start on that?"
Anders pulled her on top of him, "Is now to soon?" He asked as he ran his hand back to the nape of her neck, pulled her to him and claimed her once again as his.
Epilogue
How the hell would I know how it turned out? You're the ones that played the game...you tell me!
A/N – Since the Twelfth Night is a comedy I thought this was a perfect place to end the story because Act III is really a tragedy. I really hope you enjoyed the Dragon Age version of this play. Thank you to everyone who read, reviewed and added it to their lists. I really appreciate the support.
*A huge shout out and be big hug to my Beta Goddess, Jinxy for her help with this entire story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart putting up with my craziness and standing by me. You are the best and I am lucky to have you as a beta and more importantly as a friend. Thank you!