A/N: I'm really happy to be getting this out to you guys. I lied when i said this would be 2 parts-i think it's going to be 3. Nonetheless, thanks so so much for the story alerts, favorites adds, and reviews. They mean a lot especially for this story since this is so based on one of my friends. Writing a lot of this has made me nostalgic! Enjoy everyone! Continue to review!
Disclaimer: Don't own.
Sometimes when Rachel is completely stressed out and can't handle what's going on, she takes a nap. Somehow, sleep makes just about everything better. When she wakes up from her nap a couple hours later, she's able to think more clearly and get ahold of herself.
Since she added Noah on Facebook, she's completely avoided looking at his profile. She figures since they're going to be seeing a lot of each other over the next year, she needs to get herself reacquainted with his life.
The various posts on his wall aren't really of interest to her, and instead she goes straight to looking at his photos. His profile picture is of him sitting on a couch with Brittany in his lap. They're smiling brightly at the camera, and even though it seems like a long time since she's been friends with Noah, she knows when he's happy.
The pictures she continues to see of the couple prove it.
Over the past couple years that they've been together, it seems like Noah and Brittany really integrated themselves into each other's lives. Rachel remembers that Brittany has a little brother and sister, who seem to love Noah judging from the pictures of them hanging off his shoulder.
She can't help but be happy for him, even if a part deep inside of her aches a little. Seeing a picture of Noah, his mom, sister, and Brittany at regionals pulls at her heartstrings. She refuses to identify why. She loves Jesse…she really does. And this is what Noah has always wanted-a family. He's become part of a family with the Pierces. He goes on vacations with them, celebrates holidays. She knows that even though he didn't talk about it very much, his dad leaving left a huge hole in his life.
She takes a deep breathe, and responds to his previous wall post. Whatever history between her and Noah is purely of friendship. They were never together, and she has no right to feel like this. She should be excited…this way she'll know someone when she goes to NYU. Knowing she has a friend to fall back on is comforting in some ways.
"I'm not playing a joke Noah. We're going to be neighbors! I'm sure it's going to be a really great year with you around."
She decides to let go of her feelings about the living situation and enjoy the last summer she has left.
She and Jesse take a lot of day trips to the lake and soak up the sun and play in the water. They also go on a weekend trip to Chicago to see Wicked up on stage. What she appreciates about Jesse is that he's interested in so many things that she is. Most boys think her love for Broadway and music is a turn-off, but she knows the way to get Jesse really hot is singing All That Jazz to him.
They're lying in their bed in the hotel room in Chicago, completely spent and sleepy. She's laying her head on his chest and focusing on the way he breathes and how his heart is slowing down after exerting so much energy.
"I can't wait for you to come visit me," he murmurs.
She smiles and pokes his chest playfully. "Well what are we going to do first? Scope out Hollywood I hope?"
"Maybe I'll take you to see a play," he responds while stroking her hair. "I'm gonna miss you."
"Stop talking like that. It's only July…we still have a whole month, vacation with my dads, Kurt, and Tina, and you're coming with us to New York to help me get settled in right?"
"I wouldn't miss it."
She sighs contentedly as he leans down to kiss her hair. She slowly drifts off the sleep wishing this didn't have to change, but she knows it will.
Rachel and Mercedes decide to meet up in Cleveland in a cute little coffee shop close to Mercedes' house. As Rachel drives there, she's a little nervous about meeting her roommate. While they've gotten along really well through facebook messages, meeting a person face to face is a whole different ballgame.
The two girls hug each other excitedly as soon as they see each other. They sit down at a small table in the corner and start gushing about things that have happened in the past week. They keep up pretty regularly with each other's lives, and Mercedes loves hearing about Jesse. In fact, he calls her at one point and tells her to say hi to Mercedes. Rachel talks to him for a few minutes, considering he's at the airport to go sing in London with his glee club the Warblers. They were invited to a special all boys choir competition and he'd be gone for about 10 days. Mercedes grins and coos at how cute the two of them are.
"So I saw that one of your friends or something is going to be at NYU too?" Mercedes mentions.
"Yeah…his name is Noah. We went to middle school together actually and he's living across the hall from us. How crazy is that?" Rachel responds nonchalantly.
"Wow really? Were you two good friends? Or do we have to be worried about some crazy fool living near us?"
Rachel laughs. "No Noah is harmless. We were really good friends in middle school but lost touch during high school since he went to public and I went to private. I think you'll like him though, he's a fun guy. Very mischievous sometimes but his heart is always in the right place."
Mercedes looks at Rachel for a moment and she shrinks back, thinking that the way she described Noah gave something away. Instead Mercedes ignores it and they continue their conversation, changing over to room décor.
It's like when she talks about Noah, she slips up.
Before she knows it, Rachel is walking in Hayden Hall.
It's so early in the morning that her eyes hurt, but her dads and Jesse want to get a head start on getting everything set up before it gets too crowded. Her dads were able to send a lot of her things ahead so the task is really just unloading the U-Haul.
The room is really quite gorgeous and spacious. She didn't think she and Mercedes would have so much to work with, but she's determined to make this apartment a real home.
Most things are on their way to being set up and established by the time Mercedes gets there. The two girls greet each other and hug while both the Berrys and the Jones get acquainted. Rachel introduces Mercedes to Jesse and is pretty proud by how much the two of them get along already.
By the early afternoon, everything is unpacked and pretty much done. The girls and Jesse get lunch and explore the campus a little bit before going to get ID cards and other supplies.
That night, her dads and Jesse think it would be a good idea to let Rachel have the night on her own so she can get used to her new hallmates. She kisses Jesse goodbye and tells him they'll have breakfast the next morning, and she's left to herself.
Strangely enough, she managed to avoid seeing Noah for most of the day. She knows she'll be seeing him in at least a hour during their hall meeting but she should probably go say hi to him. She's excited to see him anyway.
She goes across the hall and knocks on the door, smoothing out her shirt as she waits for the door to open.
When it does, little Sarah Puckerman is smiling widely at her.
"Rachel Berry! Mom, Noah it's Rachel Berry!" she exclaims. She jumps into Rachel's arms, catching her off guard with an "oof", but the smile on her face can't be erased. She always loved Sarah and the way she idolized Noah. She hopes that hasn't changed.
She walks into the room and it seems like mostly everything has been set up. Noah, Mrs. Puckerman, and an extremely built black guy come from what seems to be the boy's room, and Noah immediately pulls Rachel into a hug.
"Well if it isn't Rachel Berry! You ready to take over New York B?" he asks her as he pulls away with a smile.
She blushes a little and plays with the ends of her hair in order to distract herself. She didn't think she would be this nervous seeing him again. "B? That's a new nickname Noah."
"Noah? He told me to call him Puck," the boy who seems to be his roommate interrupts.
Puck rolls his eyes. "Yeah B wasn't too keen on the nickname when I first came up with it. She's probably the only one who still calls me Noah. Besides my mom and Sarah anyway."
At this, Rachel turns to Mrs. Puckerman and hugs her. Noah's roommate stands among the greetings awkwardly and Rachel feels bad that they haven't even been introduced.
"Hello! Since Noah seems to be too rude to make the introductions I guess I will have to do it myself. My name is Rachel Berry and I live across the hall. I know Noah here because we went to middle school together but we didn't go to the same high school therefore we lost touch over the years. So don't feel too awkward around us. What's your name?"
The boy blinks, a little astonished at the energy that comes out of Rachel as she talks. Noah snickers and claps him on the back. "Some things don't change…you still ramble Rach. This is Jake."
Rachel beams and the boy gives her a small nervous smile. "So I bet you think you have to be this friendly to me cause I'm black or something…right?" he says with a straight face.
Rachel pulls back, eyes wide. "I-I-I don't know what you mean," she sputters.
Jake simply stares at for a few seconds before cracking a smile and looking at Noah with a smirk. "I'm just fucking with you. It's what I do."
Noah shakes his head with a smile. "The guys been doing that to me all day I swear."
Rachel lets out a small laugh, still a little unsure of what just happened. Mrs. Puckerman simply shakes her head as she continues unpacking things.
"You actually came at a good time Rach, we were about to go get dinner. You wanna come with?" Noah asks.
She nods, trying to quell the old feelings of happiness she used to get whenever Noah was around "I'd be happy to join you. Actually, I'll go get my roommate Mercedes and we'll all go!"
She's a little thankful for Mercedes and all the other buffers she has. It'll completely distract her from the feelings she's not supposed to have.
Surprisingly, her hall is full of a lot of great people.
Their Grad Advisor seems to be a bit of nutcase though. As she talks about herself and all the different degrees and schools she's already been too, Rachel is certain that the woman is basically just a professional student. She's also hell bent on getting everyone to "bond" with asinine activities. None of them are amused.
For the rest of the night, she doesn't see Noah and hangs out with Mercedes and few other girls they meet in the hall as everyone goes to various orientation events. There's lots of free food, dancing, and new people. She's completely overwhelmed by it all.
By the end of the night, half the hall is holed up in Rachel and Mercedes's room looking up Youtube videos and laughing about absurd things. She looks over at Noah across the room and they make eye contact. He gives her a small smile before going back to his conversation with Jake and another boy.
The next morning, Jesse arrives at her building and suggests they all go out for breakfast. Mercedes goes to get a few of the girls and boys. Rachel doesn't mind too much. She wants her hallmates to meet Jesse after all…but mostly she wants Noah to meet him.
Grace and Karen, a couple of girls who are nursing majors agree to tag along while Noah and Jake also appear with the group. Rachel nervously introduces Jesse and Noah while rambling incessantly about her middle school history with him. The two boys look at her amused and shake hands good heartedly.
"Gosh it's good know some things don't change-like B here rambling like a crazy person. I missed that," Noah jokes. Jesse laughs and the two boys walk ahead of the girls with Jake.
She should be happy that her boyfriend and middle school crush get along but somehow it unsettles her.
She spends the rest of the day going to events for the theater department with her dads. Jesse decides to hang out around New York and do some things before he and her dads leave that night.
Talking with a few professors and some of the other people in her major get her excited about everything she's going to be learning. The few students she spoke to are great, but she doesn't take it completely serious. Once classes get underway it's every man for himself. People are going to get cutthroat and in the end she can't completely trust everyone.
Jesse and her dads are set for a 7:00 flight, so at 4 she's standing outside her building watching her 3 men get into a cab. It hits her then that she's on her own completely without the support that Jesse has given her for almost 3 years and the love her dads have given her for 18. She tears up a little but wipes away the tears quickly wanting to be strong. Jesse notices though and smiles. He hugs her closely and kisses her cheek tenderly, making her tears come faster.
"I have something for you," he tells her while reaching for something in his bag. He pulls out a book, and when Rachel opens it she sees that it's actually a photo album.
It chronicles just about everything from their relationship and Rachel cries even harder as she quickly looks through.
Her daddy quietly tells her that they have to go as he gives her a hug and kisses her forehead. She nods in understanding and hugs her dad tightly, telling the both of them that she loves them and they better call her when they get home so she knows they're safe. She looks at Jesse sadly, and he laughs as he takes her into his arms again.
"It'll be ok Rachel. You'll see me in October for your fall break ok? I love you."
She nods and places a lingering kiss on his lips. "I love you too. I'll talk to you soon."
She watches them drive away with a heavy heart.
After a few weeks into the semester Rachel is feeling completely exhausted and overwhelmed. She didn't think college would be this hard. Granted her classes are absolutely fascinating and her professors are brilliant, but it's the requirement courses that are screwing her over.
Calculus is a bitch.
Other than that, the friends she's made in the hall have been a huge relief to her. She and Mercedes are getting along wonderfully. While she's never necessarily been an outcast, she's never felt completely at home in a place. The way it is at Hayden Hall though, this is becoming a family she never knew she needed. Everyone has their doors open, with music and laughter constantly…she doesn't want it to change.
She never spends time alone with Noah.
They fully caught up on each other's lives with Jake and Mercedes looking on amused. Noah told her all about what some of their middle school classmates are up to now. She can't help but feel somewhat satisfied that Azimio didn't even go to college and is working at some McDonalds. He was always the biggest bully in middle school.
When he talked about Brittany she could tell how much he missed her. She's going to school outside of Philadelphia, so while it's not too hard for her and Noah to see each other, it's also not completely easy. In some ways she's a little jealous of Noah…he at least can see his girlfriend on a somewhat regular basis.
She tries to stay in touch as much as possible with Jesse. He's loving it in L.A. and told her all about his roommates and hallmates the first day. All of them are theater majors like Jesse, and he went on and on about how even though they are really great, they're probably not at the same caliber as him. She laughs at this. Jesse's confidence was always a little too much but it really just made her laugh most of the time.
Well..sometimes his confidence makes him look like an asshole. But she misses him nonetheless.
She figured that sooner or later Brittany would come to visit.
It's early October on a Saturday. She and Mercedes are up, dressed, and eating breakfast with the door open for anyone that wants to come through. Rachel's thinking about going through Soho for a little shopping and exploring. The amount of homework she has to do isn't that bad, and she can just do it that night anyway.
They hear the elevator chime but think nothing of it, and it's not until they hear a soft knock that they look and see Noah and Brittany standing there hand in hand.
Rachel shakes off her shock and puts on a smile for the both of them.
"Brittany! It's so good to see you, it's been so long!" she exclaims while going to hug her. Brittany receives the hug warmly and looks Rachel over.
"I know it's so great to see you! When Puck told me you guys were living across the hall from each other I freaked out. I mean seriously what are the odds?"
They all laugh a little and Rachel introduces Brittany to Mercedes. Noah just stands back and lets the girls talk and catch up quickly.
She wants to hate Brittany…she really does. But if she's going to be honest, she knows that the girl is actually very sweet. She was never mean to her in middle school…she was actually quite nice. She also seems to mellow out Noah already who has been stressed out and high strung with everything he has going on here at school. He joined a rock genre centered acapella group, which Rachel was seriously surprised at but he simply shrugged his shoulders when he told her the news. "I liked glee club ok? I need an outlet or whatever."
She wanted to hug the boy with the sheepish look he gave her.
She knows he's hardly been sleeping and basically trying to enjoy everything NYU has to offer. But he's stressed. Seeing him with Brittany makes him calm.
She decides right then that she really likes them together.
Midway through October is Fall break, which is really just a 4 day weekend for everyone to do whatever they want. Rachel decides to spend it in L.A. with Jesse.
He picks her up from the airport and immediately takes her out to lunch to what he says is one of his favorite places. It seems incredibly high end and fancy but she doesn't question it. It's just…she doesn't know how he affords it.
Everything at UCLA is wonderful. California in general is a great place. She gets a different feeling and energy as soon as she gets off the plane. He shows her around campus and she wonders how anyone gets any work done at college campuses as nice as this. It's the same with NYU-they're distracted with everything it has to offer.
She meets his roommates and finds that they're all really great guys. She knows Jesse likes them for the most part but keeps a certain amount of distance since they're all in the same program. She can understand that, but after talking with them for only 5 minutes she knows they're a lot of fun.
She's tired from the flight and misses cuddling with her boyfriend so she makes him take a nap with her. His bed is much more comfortable than hers and she thinks that's not really fair. Before she can think too much about it though she falls asleep with her head on his chest.
When she wakes up, it's slightly dark outside and she's alone. Usually when she naps with Jesse they don't leave the bed until both of them are awake. It's always been like that.
It bothers her more than it should that he just kind of left.
She heard giggles and laughter outside the door and gets up and straightens herself before she goes out to the living room. She finds two girls sitting on the couch with Jesse and one of his roommates laughing like old friends. She's not a jealous person, but there's something about the girl with the long red hair and needy look on her face that has her suspicious.
Her name is Betty.
Betty is nice enough, along with her other roommate Amanda. But she notices the way Betty looks at Jesse and laughs at everything he says. She hangs off of every word in fact.
Her boyfriend is great and all but does the girl have to be that obvious?
Regardless, she has a lovely weekend with Jesse, catching up and seeing some of the sights of L.A They go to a party one night at one of his theater friend's apartments and it's fun up until someone pulls out the drugs. Rachels not a prude. She hasn't been a heavy drinker while at NYU mostly because she never felt the need for it and wanted to be safe. Some of the parties they went to were too creepy to get a beer from.
But when the drugs come out she has a problem.
Jesse doesn't react because "it's not a big deal" but he understands when she says she wants to go. He looks a little hesitant at first, but she puts on her coy smile and tries to persuade him in other ways. That always works at certain times.
The weekend is over too soon.
She waves longingly as he leaves her at the airport. While she missed Jesse and had a wonderful time with him, she has a strange feeling in her chest. She wants to remember this weekend, and them being this happy for a long time.
Halloween comes along and 2 things happen. She and Jesse get into a massive fight over the phone and she dresses up as Dorothy…but Mercedes decides to "modernize" it.
She doesn't even know what they're fighting about at this point. He has an early workshop the next morning and is in a bad mood. In fact he's been in a bad mood a lot lately. She's never fought this much with Jesse and truth be told the number of times they've had major fights can be counted on one hand, which is why this all seems strange to her.
The whole hall goes out to a Halloween party, except for Noah who is apparently visiting Brittany over at her school. Hearing something like would usually send her into a state of confusion, but she's surprised to find that she doesn't feel much about it.
She has a great night with everyone, dancing and laughing at the general absurdity of Halloween in New York City. The amount of people she saw dressed up like Lady Gaga is atrocious.
She texts Jesse before she goes to bed that night, but all she gets is a short and frustrated response.
She doesn't know what's wrong but she hopes that he figures it out soon.
Except it's 2 weeks later and things are still the same.
Their phone calls are awkward and she knows he's not acting the same. They haven't had a skype date in a very long time, and the strange part about it is he's avoiding it.
She doesn't understand what's wrong or how to figure it out. Every time she mentions it, he snaps and shoots it down.
While sitting with Mercedes in their room, doing homework, she tries to figure it out.
She has her laptop open and in front of her and she's staring at it. She knows one thing she could do but she wonders if she even should. She has the information for a reason…because he trusts her with it. He has the same information too, and she wouldn't care if he used it without asking her or telling her.
She reasons with herself. She probably won't find anything. She just needs to see if there's anything that'll give her a hint to what's wrong.
She logs into his Facebook.
They gave each other their passwords when they first made them, mostly out of trust. It was never a big deal and she doesn't have anything to hide. And apparently it's proving to be useful now.
She looks around on his news feed for a little bit, not seeing anything of interest. She bites her lip as she clicks on the messages tab, feeling a little guilty for even doing this…because she's not going to find anything.
Except she does…she sees a long message sent a few days ago from Betty.
Jesse,
You're probably going to get pissed at me for even mentioning this and sending a message but I had to. I feel like it was the only way to communicate since you seem to be ignoring the whole situation. The thing is, I thought what happened on Halloween was really special to both of us. You know how I feel about you, and yeah having Rachel around is a problem but you kept telling me I'm such a great girl so I believed it. And you didn't stop kissing me. I know that if you hadn't stopped, I wouldn't have even gone out that night.
I just want you to acknowledge what happened. You owe it to me, and I know you felt something too. I know you feel bad about Rachel, but just think about it ok? We'll talk later.
Betty
Rachel had never understood the term 'seeing red' until this very moment.
Without saying a word to Mercedes, Rachel closes her laptop, gets up from the couch and goes to get her phone and shoes from the bedroom. She puts on some slippers and gets her ID card and heads out the door.
She walks outside of the building, fuming with a red face. She's glad that she doesn't see anyone she knows around because they would immediately know that something is wrong. She presses the 3 in her speed dial as she walks, finally sitting on a bench right outside the building.
It rings a few times and she creases her eyebrows, hoping that he decides to pick up.
When he does, his greeting sounds slightly frustrated as if her calling is some sort of inconvenience for him. She wonders if he's with Betty now.
"Yeah Rachel?" he greets exasperated.
"What happened with Betty?" she grits out. There's no need to beat around the bush. She can't stand to just act like everything is ok when it's clearly not.
She can only hear silence on the other end for a few seconds. "What are you talking about?" he responds carefully.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about Jesse. What. Happened. With. Betty?"
He sighs. "Did you go into my facebook?"
"You didn't answer the question Jesse. I'm not the one with a message from someone else about kissing ok. So tell me what happened!" she shouts.
"It's not as bad as you think!"
"So why are you hesitating to explain to me?" At this point her voice is cracking and becoming more desperate and sad. Gone is the initial anger she felt but is replaced with complete sadness.
She listens as he tells his side of the story and begins to cry silently.
"It was Halloween. You know I wasn't going to go out that night because of my early workshop…so everyone else was dressed up and getting ready to go out. I was in my room but all of the girls, including Betty, were with the other guys. Betty came in the room because she wanted to say bye before they left. She was sitting on the bed with me and we were talking, and she just…kissed me. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before but…I just didn't know what to say."
She dries the tears coming down her face with her hand, and clears her throat so that she can speak. "Did you kiss her back?" she croaks.
She already knows the answer because of the time it takes for him to answer the question. "Yes."
"How far did it go?"
"Rachel you-"
"How far did it go Jesse?" she repeats sternly.
"I would classify it as…a make out."
She shakes her head, looking up at the sky and hoping this is some kind of cruel dream. "I don't even know what to say to you right now."
"Say you can forgive me. I'm sorry you had to find out that way, but I regret it so much. I love you Rachel. I do."
"Well based on that message I saw it seems you kind of like Betty too."
"It's just…Rachel I love you ok? I don't even know what's going on with Betty. I can stop talking to her. In fact I will. As long as you'll forgive me and we can work this out."
Rachel closes her eyes and rubs her temples, feeling a headache coming on from the onslaught of emotions she's felt in the past 20 minutes. She takes a deep breathe, thinking about what she wants. But she can't think of anything.
"I don't know if I can do that Jesse. I just..I need to think."
"Ok. You just…you think and we'll talk in a couple of days."
"Yeah. I'll call you when I'm ready."
"I love you Rachel. I really do. Please remember that."
She doesn't answer back and hangs up.
She doesn't tell anyone what's going on.
Mercedes knows that there's something wrong but doesn't say anything and gives Rachel as much space as she can. She's kind of thankful for that. She completely isolates herself from the hall for a couple days, studying hard in the library and practicing songs in the music rooms.
It's not until 3 days later that she finally cracks.
She comes back to the room after a vocal class where she completely botched the high note at the end of her piece. Her head and her heart were not in it, and she's not surprised when her professor cuts her down in front of the whole class. On a certain level, she can't find it in her to care. But she's never been like this-she's never given less than a 100% on her work. She hates that Jesse has taken that from her.
She walks into her room to find Mercedes, Noah, and Jake watching TV in the living room. They all look at her worn out face with concerned looks and frowns. She simply stands at the door and stares at their faces before she can't take it anymore and starts crying.
The 3 of them stand there stunned, not knowing what to do. Mercedes finally gets up and reaches for Rachel, leading her to the armchair. Her eyes are blurred with tears, but she can slightly see the tissue that Mercedes is holding in front of her.
"B what's going on?" Noah asks softly.
She calms down a bit in order to look at the 3 of them. She's pretty embarrassed and can only imagine how blotchy and red her face looks at the moment.
"It's Jesse," she tells them.
She goes through the whole sordid story, giving them all the details that Jesse gave her. Their expressions vary from shocked, angry, to sympathetic.
Noah is the first one to say anything when she's done.
"This is bullshit. Do you want me to kick his ass?" he asks seriously.
Somewhere deep inside her heart lightens at his concern.
"What are you going to do?" Jake asks.
"I don't know," she shrugs. "It's just…I've been with him for almost 3 years. That's so much of my life, of what we've built. I don't know if I could throw all of that away when I could eventually forgive him. Would you be able to do that with Brittany Noah?" she asks while looking at him earnestly.
He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Well when you put it that way, the decision does kind of suck doesn't it?"
They all sit in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. Mercedes gets up and grabs her keys, ID, and wallet from the room.
"What are you doing?" Rachel asks.
"I'm going to Duane Reade and getting us some cookies and that frozen yogurt stuff that you like. I think this kind of night calls for it," she tells her.
Rachel smiles, wanting to hug the girl in front of her. She's kind of an awesome roommate.
She goes on the rest of the week, trying to concentrate on her classes and getting herself together. She can't slip like she did the other day, she has too much at stake. She spends her days in classes and lessons giving her all, and her nights rehashing her situation with anyone who will listen. The whole hall seems to be one big therapist for her, and they're all sympathetic to her situation.
Some think she should just leave him.
Others like Noah and Mercedes seem to be more objective and concerned by what she feels, which is why she spends most of her time talking to the two of them. She doesn't want to be influenced by anyone else's opinions.
It's not until she's sitting on her bed one night, looking at the photo album Jesse gave her that she feels like she can make a decision.
There's a picture of the two of them at the lake, singing together and looking ridiculous and happy. She can only imagine what they were singing, but it was probably Lionel Richie since that's a favorite of theirs.
She doesn't want to lose this. She thinks she owes it to herself to see if they can make this work. Somewhere in her heart she knows that he still loves her, otherwise he would have just broken up with her.
She calls him that night and tells him they can try to make it work.
"I'm going to do everything I can to earn your trust back," he tells her.
She hopes that she can believe him.
She realizes that she hasn't told Tina or her fathers what's happened.
She doesn't want to tell them. She doesn't want them to worry about her and she doesn't want this situation to change how they see Jesse. If they completely work everything out and stay together, they'll hate him if they know. No matter what. She doesn't want her 3 favorite people to hate him.
And her fathers love Jesse. In some ways she doesn't want them to feel hurt either.
But with things the way they are by mid November, she doesn't know what to do.
They still fight. She's still a little bitter and he's trying so hard but so frustrated. He complains about how this entire mess has distracted him from his theater work and that just sets her off.
"This has distracted you? What about me Jesse? You know the week you first told me I completely ruined a solo piece I had for class because your infidelity had me so distracted. Don't act like you're some victim here. You're not. Please just stop."
They continue to yell at each other for a few minutes before she gets fed up and hangs up. She walks into her room and sees Noah and Mercedes doing homework at the table. They look at her with knowing looks on their faces.
She simply huffs in frustration and goes to her room.
Jesse calls her back a couple hours later with a decision that makes her stomach drop.
"I think we should take a break," he tells her solemnly.
"What does that even mean?" she asks confused.
"It means…look I love you and I want to be with you but it just seems like all we do is fight. We argue and it's not healthy and maybe we need to take a break from everything and just regroup."
"So does this mean we're not together?"
"Well…we are but…not really. I just don't think we should talk as much, especially if we're just going to fight."
She walks away from that conversation feeling completely screwed over but she can't place why.
It seems like Noah confirms it for her.
"Taking a break? What the fuck does that even mean?" he asks incredulously.
She simply shrugs while picking at her ice cream.
"Look B, from what I know…that's just a weird excuse to do shit he wouldn't do otherwise. I wouldn't take that bullshit. Honestly."
She nods and decides to wait it out for a few days. Once she can figure out his motives, she'll know what to do next.
A few days later, she's texting back and forth with Jesse about their situation. She's still confused. He hasn't been contacting her as much, and she really just lets him make the first move.
She's hanging out in Grace and Karen's room watching the girls bake some delicious cookies. They're all trying to spend a couple relaxing nights before they all go home for Thanksgiving. Her phone buzzes with another text message, and she looks to see what Jesse has to say.
I'll be there in a sec. I'm trying to get Rachel to stop nagging me.
She stares at her phone, trying to think in her head of who he may be sending this to.
Before she can react properly, she gets another text.
Rachel I'm so sorry that text wasn't meant for you.
She sighs and tells the girls that she'll be right back. She presses the 3 in her speed dial while walking into the stairwell and sitting on the stairs. The phone rings a few times before he answers with an apology already out of his mouth.
"Rach, I'm so sorry. I did not mean for you to see that-"
"So I'm nagging you?"
"No it's just-"
"Then why did you say that? And who were you sending that to? Tell me the truth Jesse, you owe me that much."
He's silent on the other end and she already knows the answer before he says it.
"It was Betty," he sighs.
She bites her lip to prevent the tears from coming out of her eyes. She refuses to cry about this anymore than she has to.
"You still talk to her?" she asks.
"Yeah…I do," he answers quietly.
There's no reason for him to be talking to her unless he actually wants to. And it definitely appears like he wants to talk to her.
"You have feelings for her don't you," she realizes.
His silence confirms this assumption. Instead of continuing the conversation any longer she simply hangs up and goes back to baking cookies with the girls.
She knows what she has to do.
A couple days later she's home for Thanksgiving. Her dads are more than excited to have her home and she spends her first night home with them fretting over her with her favorite foods and desserts. They watch movies all night and catch up on some of the things going on at school.
She only mentions that she and Jesse are having problems. She doesn't give them details, and embellishes a lot with reasons of growing apart and being busy. They're sad for her, but understand and don't ask too many questions.
Thanksgiving passes over without much fanfare. None of her friends are home and opted out of coming home for Thanksgiving. Even Noah stayed in New York with Jake and Brittany was going to come to him.
The only person in town was Jesse because they both decided months ago to come home.
She hasn't contacted him since their last conversation, but she knows she needs to talk to him. She calls him on Friday afternoon, the day after Thanksgiving, and tells him to meet her at their favorite coffee shop.
When she sees him, her heart hurts to know that even though he still looks the same, she sees him differently.
They sit down in a quiet secluded corner. He orders and pays for her coffee without asking.
They make small talk about their classes and workshops they're doing. He tells her about the possible spring production he might take part in and it sounds absolutely brilliant. She's proud of him for doing so well so far.
It's also nice to be able to talk like this with him after everything that's happened in the past month. Except it makes her feel bad about what she's about to do.
"Jesse…I asked you to meet me here for a reason," she tells him.
He only stares at her expectantly, as if he already knows what she's about to say. It doesn't make it any harder. She takes a deep breathe. "I can't do this anymore. I think we need to break up."
He nods, taking a long sip of his drink. "Yeah. I figured. Is this forever? Because I love you so much Rachel. And this has only made me realize how much. I'm sorry I keep hurting you with all of this Betty crap but…if a complete break would make you feel better then…I can deal with that."
She shakes her head. "I don't know if this is forever. I can't answer that…I just know that I can't do this right now."
He reaches for her hand and she pulls back quickly. He sighs frustrated and runs his hand through his hair. "I'm going to get you back Rachel. We will get through this. I will earn your trust, and I will get you back," he states firmly.
She smiles sadly. "I'll see you later Jesse."
She walks away, knowing this is exactly what he said last time. She can't take him at his word again.
When she returns home, the reality of what just happened hits her and the tears begin to fall. She walks into the house and sees her dads sitting at the table in the kitchen. They look at her worriedly as she stands in the doorway.
"I broke up with Jesse," she cries. They immediately engulf her in hugs and her soft cries turn into sobs.
When she returns to school to finish out the year, she simply tells everyone she broke up with Jesse and leaves it at that. She doesn't want to rehash anything anymore. She doesn't want to think about it. She just wants to finish the year.
Things go back to normal and everyone treats her mostly the same. She studies hard because she absolutely needs to get a great grade on her calculus final in order to do really well in this class. She also needs to nail this classical piece in the vocal class she's taking. After botching up one of her pieces, her professor has basically hated her. She needs to prove the man wrong…she is Rachel Berry after all and she needs to get back to remembering that.
One Saturday night Noah comes into her room while she's studying and snatches the textbook out of her hand.
"Get up B," he orders.
She looks at him surprised. "What are you doing Noah?"
"You need to have some fun. Seriously. I'm taking Jake and Grace to this party one of the guys in my acapella group is having. You're coming with me and you have no excuse. You don't have to drink but you do have to have fun and I'm not taking no for answer. All work and no play makes Berry a bitchy girl."
"Gee Noah say how you really feel," she says sarcastically.
"Just get up."
"Why?"
"Because you never do anything, you're getting boring," he shrugs.
"Excuse me? I'm sorry I was so busy trying to deal with my boyfriend cheating on me while you had your perfect girlfriend and perfect relationship," she hisses.
"That's not what I mean," he responds. "Look I know it's been shitty for you. I know that. I want to smack that Jesse kid up for doing that to you but I also know you can't let him take away everything. You can still have fun Rachel. You don't have to let him hold you back."
She stares at her hands and all she can hear is the beat of her heart. She knows he's right, but to go out there and let herself forget and act like this semester hasn't happened seems wrong to her. She looks up at a strange sound and see Noah going through her closet and looking through her clothes.
"You know I haven't said this B, but your clothes have gotten cooler haven't they? I kind of miss your schoolgirl skirts and animal sweaters," he says playfully.
She smiles despite herself and watches on as he continues to look through things. He finally pulls out a purple dress she has and throws it at her.
"Whatever this is good enough. Just wear it."
He leaves and it seems she doesn't have any choice. She gets up and starts to get ready.
She refuses to admit this to Noah, but she's having fun at this party.
She doesn't drink, but she dances heartily with Grace, Jake, and Noah throughout the night. She has to laugh, because Noah's dancing is so incredibly awkward and she wonders how he gets away with that when he has Brittany as his girlfriend. It's a great time though. She even sees a few people from some of her classes and talks with them in the quieter parts of the house.
At one point she's in the kitchen with Grace cackling over a guy who tried to creep on Grace and dance all over her when she sees a familiar face.
Matt Rutherford.
Matt went to school with Jesse and was pretty good friends with him. She was aware he was going to NYU but hadn't thought about it since she got here and never saw him. He was always a very sweet guy, very quiet and polite to everyone.
She makes eye contact with him and waves him over to her. They laugh and hug when he reaches her and she introduces him quickly to Grace.
"So how are you Rachel? How's Jesse? I haven't talked to him since the summer," he asks.
She raises an eyebrow. "You haven't heard?"
"Heard what?" he asks confused.
"We broke up…over Thanksgiving."
"Wow…I didn't know I haven't really kept up with any of the guys. It's been really busy. What happened?"
She looks around at the loud party and tells Grace she's going to talk to Matt outside. She leads him out of the apartment and they don't say anything until they get outside and sit on a bench.
She then tells him the entire story, up until Thanksgiving and where they are now. It's sort of cathartic to be able to tell the story to someone who knows Jesse. She doesn't understand why this all happened. She thought Jesse loved her, and she thought everything they had built meant something.
"But can you believe that? Can you believe that Jesse, the guy you know, would just cheat on me and play with my emotions like a guitar? I don't understand Matt," she finishes resignedly.
She looks at her companion and sees he's a bit pale and nervous. "Matt what's wrong?"
"Rachel…Jesse never…Jesse never told what happened during the summer did he?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Shit," he mutters under his breath. "Let me preface this by saying that I had no idea you didn't know. He told me he told you. He told all of us that he told you and that you were working through it. It was when we were in London. It was the last day, we were celebrating the great performance and we were all pretty drunk. Even Jesse. He hooked up with some chick at a club we were at. He was pretty beat up over it in the morning and we were pissed because we all love you Rachel. But he promised he would tell you when we got back. He even texted all of us a few days later saying he told you, you were really pissed but you decided to forgive him and you were working through it. He asked us not to say anything about it to you because it was such a sore spot. So we never did."
She stares at him, mouth agape, and completely shocked.
She has absolutely no words.
At that moment, Jake, Noah, and Grace come out of the apartment and see Rachel and Matt on the bench. They head over to them but stop when they see Rachel's face.
"I'm so so sorry Rachel," Matt apologizes sincerely.
She nods. "Thank you for telling me," she whispers.
She gets up and walks over to the trio, and simply tells them they're going home. They know she means business and they all don't say a word the whole walk home.
She needs to see Tina.