Useless

Chapter 5: Hike Up Your Skirt a Little More

"I'm the king of the castle
You're the dirty rascal
Crash into me"
-Dave Matthews Band

"I'm calling bullshit on that one," I said and leveled myself down onto the covered toilet seat.

"Please stop. My head hurts too bad for your psychological babble."

"We're not doing this in Ashley-fucking-Kerwin's bathroom."

"We'll do it when and where I see fit. And I say we're doing it here and now."

"Don't do this. You're hurt or you're pissed off; you're something. Can you please explain what you're feeling so we can find an end to this that doesn't involve you breaking up with me?"

"I don't know what I'm feeling, not exactly. But I just need to walk out of here a single woman."

"Why is that, Ellie? Have I not been good enough for you? Have I not accepted you enough? I fucking love you, and I don't want you to hurt yourself. I worry about you, that's why I don't want you stripping anymore."

"I know you love me. And that's exactly why I'm breaking up with you."

"Just stop saying that, okay? You're not making any sense. I don't understand what you're trying to do."

"I only bring you down. From the beginning, when I conned you into cheating on Ashley, through all the drugs in college, now..."

"You're fucking insane, you know. You're the one good thing I have."

"I'm nothing. I'm the parasites that feed off of pond scum. I'm absolutely nothing, Craig. You're so much better off without me."

I draped my head in my hands. "I love you, and we're not breaking up. That's fucking final, Ellie."

Her hand slid off the side of the bathtub and hit her knee lightly. "It's right. I know it's right."

"I'll do it. I'll sleep with her."

Her facial expression took in slowly what I'd just said. "The supermodel?"

"Yes. If that's what you want, I'll do it."

She changed her stance on the edge of the bathtub so her hands were clasped and her elbows rested on her knees. She looked ready to strategize. "Do you think you can get her? You haven't gone after a woman in awhile."

I almost laughed, but I held it to myself. "She's pretty dumb. I think I can handle it."

"Flattery is key. Flatter her until you're ready to vomit on those two thousand dollar shoes of her's." She stared at the nail bed on her right pinkie until she decided to start biting it. "And don't bring up Toby. Let her bring him up, if she wants. My guess is that she won't. And don't you, for once second, feel bad about this. This is his punishment for dating a gold digger."

"I don't care about Toby. I care about you."

"Don't, Craig. You and me, we're a certain kind of people. The kind that only cares about themselves. So next time you think of tugging at my heart strings with a corny line from a Brat Pack movie, remember that I know you better than you know yourself."

Burn.

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I sauntered back into the living room with purpose. Ashley stared at me, confused like usual, and I could read her mind so easily, it wasn't funny. I gave her a wink, and she immediately averted her gaze. Didn't Ellie dump him? Isn't he supposed to be upset? Well, one would think.

I took the occupied seat next to Chloe. Her fingers were strumming against the wine glass, and the most obviously bored expression was painted on her face. Her body contorted slightly to allow me enough room without our bodies actually having any contact.

"How do you like Toronto?" I asked. "I mean, compared with England."

She glanced nervously around the room before allowing her gaze to settle on me. "It's fine. Our queen's on your money."

I laughed slightly. "What are you doing, as far as work goes?"

"Meeting with designers. Trying to get on my feet, as far as being in shows goes."

"Oh. Interesting. Are you getting around the city okay with Toby working as much as he does? Do you have a lot of friends here?"

"Not a lot, but I try to keep busy with work, and I usuaully try to stay with Toby when he's not busy with work."

"Well, maybe some day this week, if you don't have an important meeting with designers, I could take you out to lunch. Show you the city. I usually don't do much during the day."

She looked around, searching for Toby's frame I'm sure, but she just brought her wine glass to her lips and tasted it when she couldn't find him in the room. "That would be wonderful," she said, almost in a whisper.

She excused herself to the ladies' room, and Ellie took the chance to softly shrink down into the couch where Chloe had been only seconds before. "Is she good for it?"

Ellie treated everything like a drug transaction. "Looks like there are still some people who can't resist my puppy dog eyes, present company excluded."

She shrugged. "You still have charm, it's just lost on me. I know you too well, now. I can only see your lovely charm when you use it on someone else. Which, yes, you do have that loyal puppy dog spirit, and you'd never cheat on me." I smiled to myself again. I have one thing. One thing on pretty Ms. Nash that she would never, ever know about me. "Unless I begged for it."

Whatever Ellie wants, Ellie gets.