A/N: So this was a bit of a tricky chapter, I wanted it somewhat believable and ultimately I think that this is definitely something Edward would do if he had someone to redirect his more spontaneous bouts of anger/revenge. Makes you curious don't it? This Chappy got double polished so it should be a real easy read, next chapter will show up tomorrow sometime(and so will the plot!) anyways, thank you MadamWolf and Gisel for reviewing! Let's get even more reviews this chapter yes?

Retaliation of Legends

Ed didn't want to do this. He gripped his report in a clenched hand and trudged towards Mustang's office consumed by a sense of dread. It had been several days since the incident in the library. The vile librarians had indeed called the Colonel to report on just what his hoodlum alchemist, as they put it, was up to and he wasn't letting it go. Oh no, he wasn't letting the fact that it was an accident even slow him down as he lived up to his rather crude nickname that Full Metal had give him. Of course it didn't help that Elric had been stubborn and lying through his teeth, most obviously, claimed that his flesh leg had been cramping up so to work it loose again he had done a high kick to the bookshelf which had sent them all crashing down. Everyone saw through the fib but that was ok because it was better than admitting to Mustang that it had happened because he couldn't reach a stupid book and had thoughtlessly jumped on the shelf for it. Even with Maes vouching for him there was no reprieve. Ever since he was forced to do menial stupid chores for the Colonel as punishment. Fetch this from the mail office. Take this to this person and that person. Sign these papers, organize this and that and hell he'd had to scrub the damn floors even! He didn't take the abuse quietly.

Everyone smiled and waved at him as he worked slowly towards the office. How much longer this would last he didn't know. He was beginning to have thoughts of homicide and Roy in the same sentence. Again. He didn't bother knocking on the door but rather just barged in knowing it would anger Roy and slammed it behind him. A moment later everyone outside heard a snap, the crackle of alchemy, and could smell the lingering scent of smoke followed by the roaring anger of Edward Elric. Yet another written report burned to cinders before it could be delivered. That was the fifth report since the the library accident that Ed would have to rewrite because the Colonel burned it the moment he arrived, on time no less, to turn it in as ordered. Something had to give. Another few minutes passed and Edward abruptly tore through the room slamming the office door again so fiercely the hinge popped loose as he left Command stringing curses in his wake. Hawkeye grabbed a foot high stack of paperwork and let herself into Roy's office plopping them mercilessly onto his desk with a loud thud.

"You know you really should let up on him already" she began not waiting for her superior to acknowledge her.

"He's earned it. He trashed half the library and it was the second largest library in all of East City" Roy countered eyeing the stack of paperwork disdainfully.

"Maes said that he started cleaning it up of his own volition and was ashamed of what happened" she didn't miss a beat.

"He kicked down those shelves working cramps out of his leg!" he poked his pen at the stack viciously growing angry as the Lieutenant Colonel continued to lecture him. He was determined to be in the right.

"Don't be an ass you know he didn't actually kick that shelf down, he just told you that to save face, and I can see why the way you're acting!" she harshly shoved the paperwork so close to Mustang that he couldn't avoid doing it.

"Where did all this paperwork come from?" he whined trying to get off the subject of his unruly alchemist.

"You've been so focused on tormenting Elric by burning his reports that you failed to do yours!" Riza barked accusingly then stormed out of the room leaving her commanding officer alone. Clearly he refused to see reason.

Ed fumed, pacing like an enraged caged tiger, cursing and cussing to himself. His fingers were still tingling from being signed. That had been a good report! It was thorough, lengthy, honest, and even his handwriting had been far neater than normal damnit! Just the way the Colonel was always bugging him to make his reports! He kicked over an innocent trash can and gave a yell of rage. How could he! It was a damn accident! He'd even taken responsibility for it. He cleaned up the mess and had even left nearly a quarter of that month's pay to compensate for the inconvenience and any damages that may have occurred. He'd have to eat noodles and carrots the rest of the month because he wouldn't have the money for anything more expensive now. He hated noodles and carrots but they were cheap. He sighed scrubbing a hand through his loosely braided hair.

He'd been on his best behavior ever since that night at the library. He'd taken the short jokes without his usual explosion of raving, which everyone took full advantage of, done nearly all the stupid assignments that Mustang had given him, and weren't really his job, almost passively and even his reports were neat and tidy. Not only had he taken the time to turn them in on time he'd bothered to turn them in early! Ed slammed his foot into the already downed metal can over and over with his auto mail leg denting and deforming it beyond recognition feeling a strange sense of empathy with it. He was being kicked while he was down to all because of an accident. An accident he was terribly embarrassed had ever happened.

The anger was like a fire surging through his veins. Burning and charring, devouring everything in its path. Suddenly he couldn't breathe. He sucked in a breath and it was lost to his fiery anger, jaws clenched painfully and suddenly he slammed his hands together in a bout of fury fueled transmutation. All over the pristine manicured lawn little poofs of dust shot up from the ground, hundreds of little 'gopher holes' formed in the luscious grass. He thought about the numerous holes lying hidden in the grass like land mines waiting for some unsuspecting victim and felt the rage that had been so strong as to steal his breath fizzle down to an aching simmer. The red mist of his vision fell away and he was finally able to notice the slight tang of copper in his mouth. He groaned with annoyance as he realized he'd bitten through part of his cheek and that it was now bleeding. He took a deep calming breath and dug through his pocket pulling out the paper and pen he'd grabbed ahead of time knowing he would have to rewrite his report today and got to work on it.

"Hey Full Metal, what are you doing?" Havoc asked, some time later, sauntering out of the building lighting a cigarette as he approached having seen the kid on the lawn. He was currently tying a neatly folded piece of paper to a large rock with some twine.

"Delivering my report" Ed hissed jumping up and running to stand outside the Colonel's office window. The report hadn't taken long to rewrite but it wasn't nearly as thorough or neat as the first. Ed didn't care this time as he took aim at the second story window and began swinging his report and rock hard and fast above his head by the long twine tail.

"As entertaining as this delivery method is, I'm sure, I don't think it will help your situation much," Havoc stated with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders and a long drag from his smoke.

"No but it'll make me feel better! He's determine to be a bastard! I'm done behaving!" Ed snarled picking up the speed of his swing. He was gonna make that window shatter.

"True, but speaking from experience, if you intend to retaliate you oughta do it in a way that makes him think twice about snapping those nice early reports you've written to cinders" Havoc had a sly grin, hands shoved cooly in his pockets, cigarette dangling precariously from the corner of his mouth. Ed's eyes went wide and he let his missile drop to relative stillness ignoring it as it thumped against his metal arm.

"What exactly do you mean Havoc?" he inquired suspiciously meeting the man's gaze for the first time since he showed up.

"Let's just say that years back, not long after I first met him, I was in the same position as you, 'cept I deserved it, the key is strategic retaliation to stop him from burning those reports" his grin went from ear to ear as he gazed up at the window silently relieved that Mustang didn't appear in it.

"How?" Ed asked sounding excited letting his arm drop to a completely passive stance now.

"Nuh uh, you gotta figure out how on your own. I've given you enough help by deterring you from the fun but fruitless rock method. Besides, now wasn't a good time to throw a rock through his window. Hawkeye had him at gunpoint when I left so he'd actually do his own reports that he's been letting stack up this week. Now! How about lunch!" and with that they headed off towards the restaurant populated part of town.

As they were walking Ed saw some unknown, unsuspecting soldier crossing the lawn suddenly get his foot sucked into one of the alchemically made holes falling face forward to the grass, papers and books going flying in all directions as he landed in an ungainly heap misfortune striking him twice as the sprinklers burst to life soaking him instantly.

Ed felt much better.

0o0o0o0o

Edward Elric whistled jovially as he strutted towards Command. Sure it was raining and bitterly cold making his arm and leg ache, and sure his brother was out of town still, had been for a week and a half now and would be for another two weeks, but today was the day. His trap was set. It hadn't been easy to get set up so it was a day later than he'd wanted it to happen. That was ok though because Roy was still burning his reports. Part of him still longed to deliver his report via rock through the window even after he'd developed this much better plan but he resisted. Havoc was right. He had to choose his retaliation carefully so that it accomplished something. It would either fix the problem and Mustang would stop burning his reports before he could deliver them, or his report would be reduced to ashes, along with himself.

"Morning Lt. Colonel Hawkeye" he greeted cheerfully as he walked peacefully, for the first time in a week, through the room towards the Colonel's office.

"Um, morning Full Metal" she stammered shocked at his pleasant mood.

"Oh Edward, I'm glad I caught you, I was thinking we should go to this amazing ice cream vendor I found, you'll love it! Perfect treat for right after a hard day's work!" Hughes explained sounding down right giddy. He'd been spending a lot of time with him lately and at first Ed had felt unsure about it until he realized that Maes would sooner gush about his expecting wife than make some joke about his height or condescend him for his age and that he could just relax around the man. He didn't have to be anything but Edward Elric and he liked that.

"Um, it's raining though" he blinked a few times confused and looked at the rain drenched window.

"Bah, he'll be there, he's always there no matter the day or the weather. Besides it's never too cold for ice cream!" Hughes argued. Now that he thought about it ice cream did sound really good.

"Alright, soon as we escape here then?" he gave in with a shrug.

"Perfect!" Hughes scurried off snatching some unsuspecting man and whipped out a photo of his wife.

"He's up to something" Falman observed arms crossed in suspicion as he leaned against Havoc's desk.

"I agree. His report he probably spent a lot of time on is about to be burnt to a crisp and he's happy as Hughes when he's showing off a picture of his wife" Hawkeye mused staring at Edward's retreating form.

"What did you do Havoc?" Falman asked eyeing him suspiciously.

"What? Why do you think I did anything!" he protested his voice cracking with guilt.

"Because the day before yesterday he looked ready to do something stupid like put a rock through the Colonel's window and suddenly he's like this!" Falman explained waving a hand in Ed's direction noticing how Jean blanched white as a ghost. Whatever Havoc's counter argument was wasn't heard as Ed shut the door tamely behind him walking up to the Colonel's desk.

As predicted he raised his fingers and snapped them sharply not even looking up from his work. The room crackled with the sounds of alchemy but no scent of smoke filled the room. Roy looked up in utter confusion as Edward slid his perfectly intact, neatly written by the vaguest of glances, report across the desk.

"Something wrong Colonel? Must have overworked yourself with reports. Make sure to get plenty of rest," Ed suggested sounding so sickeningly innocent and so horrifically guilty as he dismissed himself without another word.

"Everyone remember that memo you got yesterday about there being a moment when you would need your cameras today, well this is it!" Ed announced loudly making his exit. His presence was no longer needed. All the occupants blinked confused but pulled out their cameras, even Havoc and Feury, both looking at each other then shrugging not knowing what to expect. Everyone in the office stared at the closed door of Mustang's office waiting in anticipation.

Inside the enclosed office Roy Mustang sat staring at the exit in confused wonder. Full Metal had been downright smug. That comment about overworking himself with reports was screaming at him that this was about all those ruined papers. It was clearly meant to be obvious. He stared down at the curved, gloved palm of his hand that wore his alchemy glove and struggled to think this through. He'd snapped his fingers, felt the surge of power and heard the sounds of alchemy in process, and there'd been no rebound so something alchemical had happened. But what? Not fire alchemy that was for sure. He sluggishly rotated his hand to look at the back of it when it hit him like a punch to the gut. It had been so similar that he hadn't noticed it at first glance but the transmutation circle stitched into the glove was different. Now that he was actually thinking about it, examining it, he realized that the glove felt brand new too. He didn't recognize the transmutation circle at all. It was as new to him as the glove turned out to be.

"So what did it do?" he murmured to himself rising from his chair to pace his office struggling to figure out what had been done. It wasn't until there was the flash of a bright color, that very much didn't belong, through the mirror he passed that he stopped dead in his tracks then backed up slowly staring eyes wide as dinner plates at his own reflection.

"No," he gasped in a whisper of utter horror, "No no no nononononono! ELRIIIIIC!" he shrieked in rage exploding abruptly out of his office door making it four steps before skidding to a stop. All eyes were on him in a steadfast unblinking stare of wonder. Worse yet was that rumor had spread that the need for the cameras today had gone through all of Command and nearly every person had gathered obligingly with their cameras at the ready.

There was a collective gasp sweeping the room as they all took in the highly respected, ambitious, always in control Colonel Mustang both hands buried deep into his thick locks of hair. Once so lusciously onyx black that made all the women stop and swoon in wonder and jealousy now transformed into a garishly bright, most girly, shade of pink known in all Amaestris. Roy didn't have time to react to the sight of the crowd surounding him like a sea of people and like the blinding unpredictable flashes of lighting the cameras began to flash in torrents. Mustang gave the most undignified of shrieks and fled back to his office slamming the door hard enough to pop out the oh so recently replaced door hinge escorted into his sanctuary by the sounds of riotous laughter.

That evening as Ed and Maes left for their ice cream delight while Roy Mustang, a man of immense pride, was forced to leave his office, using a rope manually transmuted with chalk and carpet fibers, through the window.