Disclaimer: Nothing, absolutely nothing belongs to me. All characters belong to their rightful owners respectfully. No profit is being made out of this story, please don't sue.
…
Chapter Five: Ludicrous Speed
…
In Niigata City, Gunrunner had just left the Niigata Furumachi Engei-Jo Theater. In him, the notorious Erik, otherwise known as the Phantom of the Opera, was smiling under his mask.
"Even if it was just a quick view, that Japanese version of 'Don Juan Triumphant' was excellent." he said. "I'm glad they kept producing it despite what happened on opening night in Paris."
"Are you planning on making a hideout under a Japanese theater, sir?" asked Gunrunner.
"Well, who knows? Paris and New York had their strengths but…"
Just then, Gunrunner was overtaken by Red Hot and Sparkstalker, both of whom were going as hard as they could.
"DAMN!" yelled Erik. "We'd better catch up!"
Erik put his foot down and Gunrunner roared off after the other two Transformers.
Sparkstalker had gained the lead, with Red Hot moving up for the challenge.
"Okay, punk, this is where you get yours!" Red Hot yelled at Sparkstalker as he increased his speed to maximum.
Inside him, Dennis 'The Menace' Mitchell was whooping with joy while his elderly neighbor/friend Mr. Wilson looked nervous.
"This is fun, huh, Mr. Wilson?" asked Dennis.
"I'm glad you're having fun, Dennis, but the reason I retired was so I wouldn't have any undue excitement!" Mr. Wilson replied.
"Come on, guys! We're gonna kick that Decepticreep right in his afterburner!" said Red Hot.
In Sparkstalker, the two WAY more mischievous kids Junior Healy and Trixie Young got ready to throw their M80 fireworks into Red Hot's cab as he came alongside the monster truck Decepticon.
"Adios, bozos!" Trixie yelled in delight as she and Junior hurled their M80s at Red Hot.
Red Hot quickly swerved and avoided them.
"That wasn't very nice!" said Dennis.
"I agree! Even YOU would never use fireworks, Dennis!" Mr. Wilson said.
"WIMP!" Junior yelled at Dennis.
"Oh yeah?" said Dennis as he pulled out a long straw. "Eat this!"
Using the straw, he fired two spitballs, hitting both Junior and Trixie in the face.
"GROSS!" yelled Trixie as she and Junior were briefly blinded.
Junior lost control of Sparkstalker and he roared towards the Niigata Horse Racing track, completely disrupting the day's race.
"Serves you right, you little horrors!" Mr. Wilson yelled in delight and then added: "No offence intended, Dennis."
"It's okay, Mr. Wilson." said Dennis.
Gunrunner roared past them. As he did, Erik got on the radio and said "Spitballs? Please! You could use a bit more culture in your life instead of the kind of lowbrow stuff you're used to. Kids these days watch too much television and listen to too much rap music."
"Yeah, that's right." Mr. Wilson said.
"HEY!" Dennis yelled.
"JOKE, JOKE!" Mr. Wilson hurriedly added. "Just my little joke!"
At the racetrack, Sparkstalker had finally come to a stop after leaving massive tyre marks all over the track and sending all the jockeys and horses scattering.
Junior used a moist towelette to mop his face clean, as did Trixie.
"Okay! Let's get back at those wise-asses!" said Junior.
"No problem!" said Trixie.
Suddenly, both troublesome kids saw the Autobot Crosscut looming over Sparkstalker, along with his teammates: Top Cat and his gang.
"You lousy kids!" T.C. yelled. "I came a long way to bet on that race and you just lost me $500!"
"So? It's not our fault you were stupid!" replied Sparkstalker.
"He, like, has a point T.C.." said Spook.
"Yeah. You never bet on anything unless you've rigged it first." said Benny.
"I felt like taking a risk, okay?" snapped T.C.. "So, Crosscut's gonna teach you two brats a little lesson!"
"Give it to 'em, big guy!" said Choo Choo.
Crosscut raised his electromagnetic pulse rifle and fired a blast at Sparkstalker, shorting out his engine.
"You ASSHOLE!" yelled Trixie.
"Bon voyage and good luck catchin' up!" T.C. laughed as Crosscut changed back to vehicle mode and sped off with the gang inside him.
"Uh...are you sure they won't catch up soon, T.C.?" asked Brain.
"Don't you know how EMPs work?" asked Fancy.
"Fancy, the only thing Brain knows about electricity is that it makes your fur go frizzy if you stick your finger in a plug socket." T.C. said as he rolled his eyes. "Now, we got the hammer down and we GONE!"
…
Elsewhere in the city, Repugnus was leaving most of the other racers behind.
"I say, you're doin' very well here, son." said Foghorn Leghorn.
"Of course. I NEVER fail!" Repugnus replied.
"I never knew a combine could go this fast!" Orson whooped.
"I don't know. I keep feeling that something's gonna happen." Wade whined.
"Cut, I say, cut out all that fear talk, boy." said Foghorn. "There ain't nothin' gonna stop us now, I say, noth..."
Suddenly, a huge kite suddenly landed on the front of Repugnus' cockpit, obscuring the three farm animals' view.
"I told you so!" yelled Wade.
Foghorn tried to steer Repugnus but had great difficulty.
As Orson climbed out to try and get rid of the kite, Heavy Tread overtook them. Tom Sawyer and his friend Huck Finn both laughed in triumph.
"And to think I thought you were plum crazy to stop at the Shirone Kite History Museum." said Tom to his friend. "That quick lesson we got sure did pay off! Just a shame we had to lose the kite."
"Okay, now let's get a-goin'" said Huck. "We win that there trophy an' I bet your Aunt Polly won't keep on at you about whitewashin' that fence ever again!"
"I hope so!" laughed Tom as they sped on.
…
As Bumper left Niigata City, the Muppets looked very happy.
"That Bunraku show was great, Kermit!" said Gonzo. "I'm glad that there's still a place for puppets in today's culture."
"True." said Kermit. "Now if only we can get that new movie of ours off the ground we could boost the popularity even more. "
Fozzie, Rizzo and Animal all laughed as Kermit made that statement.
"Hey, maybe if I had a hand in the joke department..." Fozzie began.
"NO, FOZZIE!" everybody else replied.
"Okay, okay!" Fozzie said grumpily.
…
Sideswipe and Sunstreaker were both driving as fast as they could down the highway, with each of the Autobot Countach brothers trying to outdo each other. Lara Croft and Joanna Dark in Sidewsipe and Aya Brea and Ada Wong in Sunstreaker had their feet to the floor.
"Remember the deal, ladies!" Lara yelled over to Aya. "Last one to Nagano city has to clean the winner's Autobot."
"Remember that yourself when I leave you in the dust, Lara!" replied Aya.
"Are you sure you want to do that as the challenge, ladies?" asked Sideswipe.
"Yeah! I just got myself cleaned before the race." said Sunstreaker. "I never go out without making sure I look my best!"
"Oh, so you're saying you think you'll lose the challenge then, Sunstreaker?" Joanna said mischievously.
"Are you kidding?" Sunstreaker said indignantly. "I could win this entire race in my sleep!"
"Then less talk, more speed!" said Ada. "God, I thought that Buchannon guy back at the hotel was egotistical!"
"Hello. What's this?" asked Sideswipe as he checked behind him.
Coming up behind them at maximum speed was Laster, with Aeon Flux leaning out his window and taking aim with her gun.
"Sorry, ladies, but there's only gonna be one winner, and it's me!" she said as she fired a shot at the two Autobot brothers.
The bullet lightly grazed Sunstreaker but he sounded outraged.
"HEY! I just got myself waxed!" he yelled. "That does it!"
Sunstreaker threw himself into reverse and got behind Laster.
"What are you doing?" yelled Ada.
"NOBODY disrespects me and gets away with it!" yelled Sunstreaker as he kept trying to ram into Laster.
Aeon responded by ramming him back in the side and making him scrape against a rail at the side of the road.
Lara put her foot down in Sideswipe and roared off, leaving both of them in the dust.
"Sorry girls, but we've no time for petty disputes!" said Lara. "The rules of the challenge still stand!"
"Don't you think that's a bit unfair?" asked Sideswipe.
"So? It's not our fault your brother's a self-centred idiot." said Joanna.
"True. Very true." Sideswipe mused. "And I bet Aya and Ada will make him suffer for it."
"Then let's go!" Joanna whooped.
Sideswipe gained a sufficient lead before Sunstreaker noticed.
"What the...?" he said.
Aya and Ada both took out their guns and pointed them at Sunstreaker's dashboard.
"Now if you can stop with the hissy fit, get going and win our challenge!" said Aya.
"Yeah, or you'll have a lot worse damage to worry about than scratched paint!" said Ada.
"Okay. " Sunstreaker grumbled as he hurried to catch up to his brother.
As they roared off, Aeon laughed to herself.
"That was fun, especially as Lara promised me $100,000 if Sideswipe beats Sunstreaker."
"That's why you did that?" said Laster. "You girls are unbelievable."
"Thank you very much." Aeon winked. "But after we pass Nagano City, we'll leave both of them in the dust."
"So much for loyalty among friends." Laster said.
"Well, Mr. Bannon did say anything goes." Aeon replied.
…
In Kashiwazaki, Nightbeat was just driving away from the Kaze-no-Oka Collection village.
Maria and the Honker had just gone to see the famous Chigo-no-ya toy collection.
"That was impressive." said Maria. "I bet the kids back home would love to see these pictures."
The Honker honked in agreement.
"Oh, please!" sneered Oscar the Grouch. "Those kids should learn to collect something worthwhile. Like empty soda cans. Now THAT'S a worthwhile way to spend your time. Instead of stuff like toys, comic books or any of that junk."
"Who would want to collect empty soda cans?" Maria asked, nonplussed.
"I would!" said Oscar. "I have a whole bunch of 1980s Coke cans, back from when they were designed differently. I remember those days well."
Maria then added: "As far as I remember, you collect comic books as well, Oscar."
"Only torn ones or ones with pages missing." Oscar replied. "That way I'm happy because I can complain about it."
Maria and the Honker looked at each other uncertainly as Oscar stepped on the gas.
…
As the Gumballers neared the end of the Niigata Prefecture, the psychotic Ryuji Yamazaki and his partner Pounce were getting ready to attack Honey and Yoko Kishibojin on their Autobot motorcycles HAZMAT and Sparkride.
He swerved first towards Sparkride, nearly knocking him and Yoko off the road and then did the same on the other side with HAZMAT, but Honey held on for dear life.
"(Now, you'll see how the big boys play!)" smirked Yamazaki.
He laughed maniacally as he took his hand out of his pocket and produced his switchblade knife.
Yoko had seen him get ready to pull his knife and quickly swung her yo-yo at him, hitting him square between the eyes.
The mad killer was stunned briefly and slashed out blindly with his knife. Honey quickly grabbed his hand and found the nerve ending in his wrist, making him drop the knife.
She and Yoko then stood up on their Autobots, holding on to the handlebars, and both delivered kicks to Yamazaki's stomach, Yoko with her left leg, Honey with her right, and winded him, making him lose control of Pounce and running off the road.
Sparkride and HAZMAT continued on their way, with HAZMAT taunting Yamazaki as they passed the ditch he crashed into.
"You got your ass kicked by two girls! Na-na, na-na-na!" HAZMAT said.
Yamazaki growled in anger as he recovered.
"(I will stain my hands with their blood when we catch up!)" he yelled.
"So much for your reputation." Pounce sarcastically said.
"(Like YOU were much help!)" Yamazaki sneered.
…
Mary Poppins drove Optimus Prime through the thick forests of Gifu prefecture. Not far behind was the persistent Judge Doom and Megatron, blasting down every tree that got in their way. Their attention alerted Michael and Jane, not surprisingly. What they didn't know, however, was that Megatron wasn't the only Decepticon lurking about.
"That guy's still following us, Mary Poppins." Michael checked at Optimus' side mirror again. "Can't we shake him off?"
"It's not as easy as it sounds." Mary replied. "Doom is an awfully stubborn gentleman."
The Toon Patrol was looking around to see if their Stunticon ally had arrived yet to assist them in taking out the Autobot leader and his teammates.
Smart Ass operated on Megatron's control panel. "Doom to Dastardly and Muttley! Doom to Dastardly and Muttley! Come in, do you read us?"
A mile behind them, Dick Dastardly received Smart Ass' signal. "Dastardly and Muttley here with Motormaster. We are to ready to engage in Operation: Wipe the Old Hag out of this Race!"
"Operation what?" Motormaster said.
"None of your business, motor head." Dastardly exclaimed. "You already know what Doom and Megatron ordered us to do. So let's hop to it!"
Muttley snickered as Dastardly floored the accelerator and Motormaster sped up…passing by Megatron and Doom until Optimus Prime came right in their sight up ahead.
"Give them what you've got, Motormaster!" Dastardly laughed, fiddling with his moustache. "Take that overgrown Autobot and that old bag out of this race!"
Motormaster unleashed a deadly swarm of laser beams at Optimus Prime. Yet Mary Poppins, always calm and collected, drove on. Michael and Jane ducked under the dashboard, praying that they wouldn't be hit. With all the trees and greenery in their way, Motormaster found it difficult getting a clean shot of Optimus Prime.
This forced Megatron to join in and help him out. He fired away with his cannon several times, also finding it hard to hit his target. This only enraged him…and Doom…so much that their concentration of aim wore off. One blast went straight past Optimus Prime and knocked over a large tree, which so happened to be situated at the very edge of a gaping cliff. The tree fell over the cliff, somehow getting wedged between the other side of the opposite cliff, hence creating a wooden bridge.
Mary Poppins steered her Autobot onto the newly man-made bridge and passed along it without any trouble.
"OH NO, YOU DON'T!" Motormaster yelled in frustration. "You can't get away that easily!"
He was eager to cross the bridge too. But as he reached the middle of it, the tree wasn't strong enough to hold him. The bridge snapped in two, forcing Motormaster and his partners to take a big drop down below…and take a dive into a lake.
Megatron stopped at the edge of the cliff, growling with failure once again.
Judge Doom opened Megatron's hatch and stuck his head out, scowling at Mary Poppins and Optimus Prime as they disappeared into the distant forest. "YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME, POPPINS!"
Down below, Motormaster was helplessly floating in a lake. Dastardly tried to ignore the water seeping into his Transformer and flooding the dashboard. He didn't know how much longer he could hold his anger.
Meanwhile, other Transformers passed him with ease, including Skullcruncher, Abel and the Autobot Technician.
"Drat, double drat, and TRIPLE DRAT!" Dastardly exclaimed.
Muttley snickered again, only to have Dastardly pound him on the head. Then he muttered: "Sassafrassarassum Rick Rastardly!"
…
Gumballers were swarming at the Japan Alps. Dr. Doom was avoiding fire from the Fantastic Four and the Challengers of the Unknown. Vicious was viciously trying to take down Spike Spiegel's group while Edward constantly taunted him for his lousy aiming. Chi and her group were trying to shake off Trenton Kalamack behind them.
"(Turn left, turn right, turn left, now straight ahead!)" Plum guided their Autobot, Whisper, through the Alps, careful not to hit any mountains. "(Kotoko, help me out here!)"
Down below, Washu Hakubi's group was with the 'Love Hina' gang, having some friendly competition with them…well, sort of. Kiyone Makibi and Mihoshi Kuramitsu did not expect Kaolla Su to go firing off bazooka rounds at them in the midst of the race for her amusement. Missile Master and Moonrock were forced to make sharp turns to avoid the hyperactive girl's fire, while Washu kept her hands on the steering wheel to keep her Autobots on the road.
Another sharp turn, and Mihoshi tripped, accidentally activating a switch on the control panel to launch Missile Master's massive missile.
"(Oops, sorry!)" Mihoshi grinned sheepishly as the countdown commenced.
"MIHOSHIII!" Kiyone wanted to strangle her partner, but…
"(GET DOWN)!" Washu cried, taking cover.
The missile was launched and shot past the 'Love Hina' gang and their Autobots and ended up exploding at the top of the nearest mountain, causing severe shock waves. Sarah McDougal hid her head under Tama-chan in fear.
"(Uh-oh.)" Keitaro Urashima gulped.
Naru Narusegawa was looking pale as well. "(Don't tell me there's gonna be an…)"
"(…AVALANCHE!)!" Shinobu Maehara panicked.
Meanwhile, further ahead, cheap skate Otto Meyer was trying to bribe Jessie Arons and Leslie Burke into some junk food so that he could overtake them.
"C'mon, kids. I've got all kinds of free Calbee potato chips, right here for ya!" Otto waved his bags of chips temptingly to the children. "Ain't that right, Barricade?"
"You bet." His Decepticon replied.
Neither Jessie nor Leslie showed any interest.
"Ah, you're no fun anymore." Otto snorted as he floored his Decepticon. "Let's get outta here!"
Otto overtook them with ease, looking back with his idiotic grin. That was until, however, the avalanche caused by Mihoshi swept across the road and buried him and Barricade alive in snow. Gumballers stopped at their track immediately and stepped out of their vehicles to inspect the avalanche's damage.
"Sweet Jesus!" Stanley Stupid cried out. "Somebody save those poor potato chips! That man could starve to death in there without them!"
He nearly passed out, but his family were there to calm him down. Autobot Safety arrived at the scene, where the crew from 'Hilltop Hosptial' stepped out.
"Anybody in need for medical attention?" Dr. Matthews asked.
Nobody was. But the main concern now was how to get the heaps of snow off the road.
Kiyone tugged Mihoshi's collar and growled at her like an ill-tempered tiger. "(This is all your fault, don't you see? If it weren't for your bumbling antics, we wouldn't be falling behind. Why the hell did I have to bring you along on this race?)"
"(It was in my contract to star in this picture with you.)" Mihoshi casually replied. "(I even signed a contract deal with the studio saying that I'll be your co-star in every other movie you're in. Isn't that great, Kiyone-chan?)"
Kiyone yanked her hair and screamed at the top of her lungs: "(NOOOO!)"
"(Exciting, isn't it?)" Mihoshi smiled.
Meanwhile, robot Zeus was helping the Autobots remove the snow from the road. Barbibul also helped by transforming into a bulldozer. Megan, Nick, Mango and TZ gave them all their full support.
Within a few minutes, everything was cleared.
"Way to go, Zeus!" Megan cheered. "Let's get back to the race!"
"I couldn't agree more." Zeus replied as he hopped back into their Autobot, Duros. "Let's roll!"
All the Gumballers returned to their vehicles and sped away…leaving Otto and Barricade behind to crawl out of the snow by themselves.
"What's the matter with you creeps?" Otto shook his fist at the Autobots. "Can't you help a poor man out here?"
"Would you just shut your hole and get in?" Barricade transformed into his vehicular mode. "We're already behind."
Otto cleaned his hat and stormed angrily to his Decepticon. "Like YOU were any help, you no-good overgrown can of tuna!"
He kicked a tire, prompting Barricade to race off on his own and forcing Otto to run after him. He was curious to find out how far the man could run before running out of breath.
"Hey, come back!" Otto cried out. "I was just kiddin' with ya! Can't you Decepticons take a joke? I was just kiddin'. Get back here!"
…
Elsewhere, higher in the Japan Alps…
Primus noticed Unicron catching up fast behind him.
"Oh, dear. It appears like we have some unwanted company." Mrs. Doubtfire looked up at the massive TV screen in their Autobot's high-tech control room. "The ungrateful child has returned."
"Not to worry." Richie Rich ensured his teammates. "I can ask Primus here to enter light speed!"
Though it wasn't exactly light speed, Richie Rich activated a switch on Primus' control panel and made their ship fly faster ahead of Devilotte's.
"WHEEEE!" Little Audrey and Little Lulu screamed.
"OH! GOOD SHOW, BOY!" Mrs. Doubtfire gave Richie Rich a high-five. "A fine move indeed!"
In Unicron, Devilotte knew what had happened, and she stormed into her Decepticon's higher-tech control room in a very foul mood.
"AAAAAA!" she screamed her head off. "WHY THE HELL ARE THEY AHEAD OF US? So dollar boy thinks he's got what it takes to outrun Unicron? HA! I'll show that sissy goody two-shoes what MY Transformer is capable of. We're entering ludicrous speed!"
"But my Princess, it's not advisable that we…"
"Shut up and do as I tell you, you pea brain!" she scolded Dr. Stein, who regrettably activated the switch on Unicron's control panel. "Time for some real hard core action…WHOAAAAA!"
Back in Primus, Little Lulu and Little Audrey thought they saw a shooting star passing by them.
"What kind of shooting star was that?" Lulu asked.
"I dunno." Audrey replied. "But you know what I wished for? I wished that Unicron and Devilotte would stop following our tail, and look what happened? They ain't here no more! Now I'm certain that wishes DO come true!"
Unicron shot faster than a missile past Primus, over mountains, plains and rivers. The speed was so intense and overwhelming that Devilotte couldn't hold onto the nearest handrail for much longer.
"SHUT IT OFF!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "SHUT THE DAMN THING OFF!"
Dr. Stein did so, letting Devilotte fly across the room like Superman and smash her head right into a panel.
"MMMM!"
Devilotte struggled to get her head out. Jigoku and Dr. Stein rushed over to pull her out by tugging on her legs. After a few huffs and puffs, they managed to free her. Devilotte inspected herself in the mirror, her face dropped in sheer horror upon her black stained face and sooty hair.
She was about to scream again, but noticed something inexplicably peculiar. She turned her attention to the audience, scratching her head and asked: "Why do I have this odd feeling of déjà vu here?" [1]
…
Cosmic Spacehead, riding in his Aerialbot partner Fireflight, flew over the UFO museum in Hakui. He rushed to take out his camera and snap a photo.
"How's the view, Spacehead? Get a good shot?" Fireflight asked.
"You bet!" Cosmic replied. "Wait 'til my friends get a load of this. This'll prove to them that alien museums DO exist."
Fireflight couldn't help notice something overshadowing him. Cosmic looked back to see the massive Titanium-class Destruction Drone behind his tail.
"WHOA! Now that's a perfect picture!"
Cosmic raised his camera to take another picture, but Fireflight took a sharp swerve as the Drone fired at them. He tried to take the picture again, but missed when Fireflight swerved again to avoid Megabyte and Hexadecimal as they fired at his wings. He tried once more, but fell off his seat when Fireflight had to dodge Darkseid and Thanos, who had also joined in the firing.
"Aw, shoot! Now I have no memory left in my camera!" Cosmic Spacehead complained. "Thanks a lot, Fireflight."
"Your life's more important here, kiddo." Fireflight said.
Just then, the Twits swooped by on Garboil. Mrs. Twit took out her camera and took a flash photo of Cosmic Spacehead's miserable face. Cosmic tried to ignore the ugly couple as they taunted and pulled faces at him.
…
On the highway out of Shizuoka City, Kel Kimble was opening another bottle of his orange soda…until his Autobot car suddenly changed speed. The orange soda spilled onto his co-driver, Kenan Thompson, leaving him drenched.
"Oops. Sorry, Kenan." Kel said as he took out a cloth to wipe his friend's face.
"Smokescreen," Kenan said to his Auotobot. "just why are we suddenly driving over a hundred and fifty miles an hour?"
"Look behind you." Smokescreen replied.
Kenan and Kel looked at their side mirrors to reveal several Autobots behind them; Metroplex, Fortress Maximus, Tote and Powertrain.
"Well, that figures." Kel said.
"Got any bright ideas, Smokescreen?" Kenan asked.
"Just sit back and watch."
Smokescreen unleashed a thick cloud of smoke on his trail, clouding Fortress Maximus' and Metroplex's visions. However, paper extraordinaire Yomiko Readman and her friends were able to use their paper skills to their advantage and create huge paper fans to clear off the smoke on their path.
"Wow, those girls have talent." Kel remarked. "We should have them over at my house after the race."
Kenan rewarded his friend's stupidity by bonking his head with an empty orange soda bottle.
…
Up in the air above Toyama, Fireshot and Vanquish were trying to outmanoeuvre Dogfight.
Princess Jasmine was handling Dogfight exceptionally well, managing to avoid every shot that Major Kusanagi and Samus Aran were firing at them.
"This girl's good!" Samus said.
"(Well, she DID have years of experience on a magic carpet)." Said Kusanagi.
"Are you serious?" Samus said.
"(Watch their movies and TV Show, you'll see what I mean)." Said Kusanagi.
"Hey, Princess, are you sure you don't want one of us to take over?" asked Iago in a panic as he and Abu held on to each other.
"What, you think I this is too dangerous for a girl?" asked Jasmine mischievously as she raised an eyebrow.
"I think it's more because we're in danger of throwing up!" said Aladdin.
"Oh, come on! Show a little backbone!" said the Genie. "Seriously, Al, where's your sense of 'get up and go'?"
"I think it got up and went." Said Aladdin.
Everybody else glared at him for his terrible joke.
"Sorry." He said quietly.
…
In Kurobe City, Heave and Barrage were driving away from the Yoshida Science Museum. Doc Brown had a very satisfied look on his face.
"That truly is a brilliant planetarium." He said. "I wonder though if I should submit some of my theories to the administration."
"Well, Doc, you did say the time machine was nothing but trouble." Came Marty McFly's voice over a walkie-talkie.
"Yeah, but I bet it's not as dangerous as what you're doing!"
Doc looked out Barrage's side window and saw Marty was hanging on to the back of Heave, riding on his skateboard at high speeds. He was wearing magnetic gloves to hold on to the back of the Autobot Combiners and special body armour to protect himself. Doc had invented both for him.
"Are you kidding, Doc?" said Marty. "This is the best fun I've had in years!"
"Hey, Marty, watch out!" Heave suddenly yelled.
Marty was nearly knocked over by the headwind as Headstrong roared past at high speed, and swerved around every other vehicle in his way.
"What the hell?" gasped Marty.
Doc looked ahead at Headstrong and saw that inside him the Hamburglar was looking behind himself in a panic and yelling into a radio mike.
"911! This is an emergency. I need a whole mess of Big Macs 'cause they could be my last meal!" Hamburglar's voice came over the CB.
Doc looked in the mirror again and saw that Trypticon was following behind, being driven very erratically.
"Holy shit!" Doc said.
Trypticon, with the Really Rottens inside him, was nearly out of control and causing damage to a lot of buildings around him due to his huge size.
"Hamburglar, what's going on?" Doc asked over the radio.
"It's the Rottens!" Hamburglar said. "They drank themselves under the table at the Unazaki Beer-kan and didn't have the sense to wait 'til they sobered up! If only they'd thought to stick to soft drinks and shakes!"
"I say we should take care of those bozos!" said Barrage. "Let's whoop some butt!"
"Hold on, Barrage. Let's think about this!" protested Heave.
"What's to think about! They're causing all sorts of trouble!" replied Barrage.
"Hang on! I have an idea!" said Doc as he went into Heave's satellite station.
In Trypticon, the inebriated Rottens were all laughing.
"One side, you losers!" slurred the Dread Baron. "We're gonna win and find the best damn bar in the world!"
"YEE-HAA! You tell 'em, sugar!" said Daisy Mayhem.
Mumbley sniggered and Fondoo the Magician, the Dalton brothers and the Creepleys all laughed as well.
Doc had finished tapping something into a computer in Heave and activated the satellite dish.
It transmitted a low level frequency towards Trypticon and caused him to slowly shut down.
"Hey, wassa matter?" protested Dread Baron as Trypticon began to slow down and stop.
"I'm feeling tired." Said Trypticon. "I need to recharge. Good night, folks!"
Trypticon came to a total stop and a couple of police cars had caught up with him.
"Hey, hey! The men with the badge!" said Dinky Dalton. "The police, the cops, the fuzz, the po-po! The P-I…" he continued before noticing Sooey, Daisy's pig, glaring at him. "Oops, sorry!"
The police officers knocked on the side of Trypticon and Mr. and Mrs. Creepley both staggered drunkenly down to the doors and opened them.
"Hello, problems. Is there an officer?" asked Mr. Creepley.
Orful Octopus just hit his forehead with one of his tentacles and the Magic Rabbit simply went: "Brak!"
"Aw, shut up!" snapped Fondoo.
"HAH! That showed them!" said Marty who had now got back inside.
"Glad I learned about that computer virus stuff now." Said Doc.
"I hope Hamburglar's okay. Even if he is a creep he must have been scared." Said Marty.
"Take a look up ahead." Said Barrage.
Marty and Doc looked up ahead and saw that Headstrong had been pulled over by a couple of speed trap cops and Hamburglar was now being frisked by the police officers.
"I swear! I haven't touched any burgers today! This is harassment, plain and simple!" he whined.
Heave and Barrage slowed down as they approached Headstrong and Hamburglar in their predicament. Doc leaned out Barrage's window and called out to Hamburglar.
"Son, you're gonna drive me to drinkin' if you don't stop drivin' that hot rod Lincoln!"
He and Marty then laughed. Hamburglar just glared at them.
…
In Nagano City, Sideswipe was parked outside the famous Zenkoji Temple, with Lara and Joanna standing near him smirking.
Sunstreaker eventually pulled up to them, with both Aya and Ada looking very ticked off.
"Greetings, ladies." Said Joanna. "Hope you brought your best coveralls."
Lara took out a bucket of soapy water and a couple of squeegees. "Right then. Off you go." She said.
As Aya and Ada stepped out of Sunstreaker, Ada took out a set of keys.
"So you were worried about damage then, Sunstreaker?" she asked.
"Yeah. I can't help it." He said.
"Then deal with this!" she said as she scraped the keys along Sunstreaker's side.
"HEY!" he protested.
"Let that be a lesson to you!" Aya said.
"Okay, girls. The less time you spend on this, the more likelihood you have of winning the Gumball." Sideswipe said. "So, just get on with it."
"You're really loving this, aren't you?" grumbled Aya as she and Ada got ready to clean him.
"It could have been worse." Said Joanna. "We could have had you do the job wearing hot pink t-shirts and hot pants."
"Yeah. Believe me, that would have been MUCH worse." Said Lara.
"True." Said Ada as she and Aya began their punishment for losing the challenge.
…
At the Yamanouchi resort in Nagano City, the resort's famous bathing snow monkeys were all in a panic because of a battle going on between two Autobots and two Decepticons, who were passing through. The Incredibles in Siren were taking on their arch nemesis Syndrome who had found his enemies with the aid of the evil Mechanical Hound.
Ravage snarled as he kept trying to ram Siren off the road.
"You may as well give it up, Buddy!" said Mr. Incredible. "You know you can't win!"
"My name is NOT Buddy!" Syndrome yelled at the top of his voice. "I'll give you what for!"
He tried to get a lock on Siren with Ravage's machine guns, but Violet quickly projected a force field at him and lifted him off the ground.
"HEY! Put me down!" yelled Syndrome.
"What's the magic word?" Mrs. Incredible said in a sing-song voice.
"PLEASE!" snapped Syndrome.
The Mechanical Hound also growled plaintively.
"Okay, here goes!" said Violet as she levitated Ravage to the top of a tall tree and left him there.
"Serves you right, pal!" yelled Dash triumphantly as Jack-Jack giggled.
"I'll get you for this!" Syndrome yelled after them as some of the snow monkeys climbed the tree, determined to punish Syndrome for disrupting their day.
The other duelling Transformers were the Decepticon Hun-Gurrr and the Autobot Road Fire.
Hun-Gurrr was firing shell after shell at Road Fire as the evil Fearless Leader, Boris and Natasha were trying to get the better of Captain Commando and his team.
"We can't let these idiots hold us back or Moose and Squirrel will get ahead of us!" yelled Fearless Leader.
"We will not fail you, sir!" said Natasha as Boris loaded another cannon.
As Boris took aim with the cannon, Sho and Jennety both climbed out onto Road Fire's roof and stuffed something into the cannon.
"Okay, take cover you guys!" yelled Captain Commando.
As Boris pressed the trigger, the shell hit the blockage and there was a mini-explosion inside the barrel.
"DAMN!" yelled Boris. He then looked at himself and saw that he was covered in something disgusting.
"OH MY GOD! That's sick!" yelled Fearless Leader.
"It certainly is!" said Natasha.
In Road Fire, Captain Commando turned to Hoover and smiled. "Good idea to use that bundle of sheets you were sick on to defeat them, Hoover."
"Gross though, isn't it?" asked Jennety.
"Well, I saw no reason not to take advantage of my infant abilities." Said Hoover.
"Just be grateful he decided not to use his diapers." Sho said.
…
James Bond and Kim Possible were leaving a teahouse in Kanazawa. Both needed some rest during the middle of the race. They couldn't have found a better place.
"That was great." Kim said, stretching her arms to the sky. "I feel all refreshed."
"SHH!" James Bond stopped his companion when he heard a distant roar of a car engine.
Without warning, Alec Trevelyan passed them by, dropping a grenade out of his car window. James and Kim dived for cover behind some crates nearby. Kim heard a loud screech from the sky, and saw Shego taking aim in her aerial Decepticon, Gigant Bomb, with his giant Gatling cannon.
Gigant Bomb unleashed his fury and destroyed the crates, forcing his enemies to find new cover. James and Kim ran into a narrow alleyway to hide, disappearing out of sight. Shego and Gigant Bomb decided not to waste time, and flew away to continue the race.
"Come on!" James said as he ran back out onto the street. "Tea break is over."
Their Autobot, the Man of Iron, drove right up to his partners and opened the doors to let them in.
…
In Takayama City, Fa Mulan would have loved to have stopped to view the beautiful Takayama Jinya building but was having trouble evading her mortal enemy Shan-Yu, in the Decepticon Fire Beast.
The evil Hunnic warlord was pushing his partner for all he was worth and taking shots at Crossblades with Fire Beast's weapons.
"Mulan, girl, we better find a way outta this!" Mushu yelled.
Cri-Kee chirped in frightened agreement.
"No problem." Said Mulan. "Here goes!"
Crossblades transformed into his jet mode and launched himself into the sky.
Shan-Yu simply laughed. "You don't escape that easily, girl!" he sneered. "I prepared for eventualities." He picked up a walkie-talkie and said "Move in on her now, my friend!"
A ghastly shriek replied on the other end of the line.
In the air, Crossblades was a bit relieved but then got a reading on his radar.
"Uh oh! Bogey on our six, guys and gals!" he said.
A couple of missiles got fired at them, which Crossblades narrowly dodged.
Mulan and her friends looked behind to see the Demon chasing them in Gaihawk. The nightmarish armoured figure took aim again and locked on to Crossblades. But before he could open fire, Gaihawk's tail was hit by a couple of machine gun bullets and the Demon struggled to get him under control.
As this happened, Maginificus and Nightflight both flew past him. It was a couple of stray shots which Sylvester had fired from Magnificus towards his enemy Tweety's team in Nightflight which had hit Gaihawk's tail.
"Sorry, pal!" said Sylvester. "But a pussycat needs his sustenance!"
Wile E. Coyote, who was sitting next to Sylvester, took out a shammy to wipe Sylvester's spittle off his face.
Speedy Gonzalez accelerated Nightflight for all he was worth.
"Let's go, amigos!" he yelled. "ANDALE, ANDALE, ARRIBA!"
Magnificus tried to keep up but fell behind.
As the Demon got Gaihawk back under control, he tried to fix aim on Crossblades again.
Crossblades suddenly rose higher into the air and the Demon looked confused.
It was then that he heard a loud rumble, getting progressively closer.
Without warning, the Autobot Sky High roared over the smaller Gaihawk and got tossed around in the slipstream.
"Alright, time to go!" said Mulan as they flew on, leaving the Demon in trouble.
In Sky High, Sally Brown was excited as Snoopy had the helm of the Autobot jetliner.
"I didn't know Snoopy could fly!" she said. "Did you, big brother?"
Charlie Brown looked ill. "I doubt that those times he spent on top of his doghouse pretending to fight the Red Baron count as flying experience!" he said as Snoopy and Woodstock cheered. "I said it before and I'll say it again." he sighed. "WHY can't I have a normal dog like everybody else?"
…
On Kawaguchiko Lake, at the foot of Mount Fuji, the Angry Beavers sped across the water on Zetca. Daggett and Norbert had managed to get a good view of the famous mountain and were preparing to take a picture.
But then, with a mighty roar, Rippersnapper and Madame Medusa overtook them.
"Out of my way, you miserable fleabags!" Medusa yelled as Daggett and Norbert got splashed when she went past. "The Gumball Trophy is MINE! ALL MINE!"
Medusa laughed evilly as she sped on across the lake.
"Aw, spoot!" Dag yelled.
"Hang on! We'll catch her!" said Norbert as he took over Zetca's controls and they sped off after Rippersnapper.
Seeing she was being pursued by the Angry Beavers, Medusa took out a shotgun and opened fire on the brothers. But as usual, she was still not a very good shot.
"HAH HAH! Learn how to shoot ya lousy spoot headed BEEE-YIIII-AAATTTCCCH!" Dag taunted her.
Medusa fired a shot from her gun and singed off a bit of Dag's fur on his head with it.
"I guess she did learn." Dag said meekly.
…
Miles beneath the ground of Mount Fuji, Gumballers were duking it out in their drill tanks. Pif and Hercule were ramming against Bebop and Rocksteady. Mary Barrows and her demented son, Bobby, were chasing after Mikan Sakura and Hotaru Imai. Psy-Crow taunted the Rescue Rangers as he passed them.
Ludwig von Drake was taking the lead with Twin Twist. His companions, Darkwing Duck and Launchpad, couldn't quite cope with the extreme heat under ground.
"Drake," Darkwing panted as he removed his hat and waved it like a fan. "are you sure we're not going to cause an eruption here?"
"Of course I'm certain." Ludwig von Drake assured them. "We'll be racing out of here like a breeze!"
However, over in Impactor, Beaker was panicking when he saw a sudden temperature increase on the control panel.
"MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!" he tapped Dr. Bunsen Honeydew's shoulder to show him the immediate danger.
"Oh, dear! This is not good!" Honeydew bit his hand.
Clyde Crashcup suddenly felt a strong vibration around their Autobot, Powerdasher Drill. Leonardo was looking uncomfortable as well.
Much to the Gumballers' dread, they had inadvertently triggered a volcanic eruption due to the ongoing tension of the race. The temperature continued to rise and magma started to gather up everywhere. It was time for them to flee…fast.
"Nosecone!" The Hardy Boys shouted in unison. "Let's get outta here!"
"OOOH!" Dee Dee gazed in amazement. "I've never seen an eruption before!"
Her brother, Dexter, was struggling with the controls of Borebit. "Dee Dee! No time for that! We must get out of here fast before we're all fried chickens!"
"Step on it, Gromit, before we end up like cheese and crackers!" Wallace cried.
Gromit guided Corkscrew as far away as he could from the eruption, and the other Gumballers followed quickly.
Moments later, back up on the surface, black clouds of ash were leaking out of Mount Fuji…right before it exploded with an eruption, spewing out lava in all directions. A handful of Gumballers were racing downhill on Mount Fuji, and didn't hesitate to step on the gas when they noticed the flowing lava heading straight for them.
Lex Luthor and the Red Skull led the way, followed by the cast of 'Friends' and 'Frasier', then by Adrian Mole and Bridget Jones, who were both writing their last entries frantically in their diaries in case either of them were to perish. Last in line was Raphael and Surf Sister, the latter screaming for her life.
"Relax, Surf Sister." Raphael grinned, wrapping an arm around her neck. "Like I said before: what's behind me is not important!"
"Easy for you to say!" Overdrive, his Autobot, commented.
…
Frank Drebin had managed to catch up with Michael Bannon in Nagoya.
"Let's see if we can get 'im this time!" said Drebin as he got right on Maccadam's tail.
"Oh, no you don't!" said Michael as he decided to take a shortcut through Hisaya-Odori Park.
"You won't lose me, Bannon!" yelled Drebin.
"Look out!" The Keeper yelled as Drebin nearly hit a group of musicians performing in the park.
"WHOA!" yelled Drebin as he tried to regain control.
He crashed through several fountains and knocked a few trees down. Michael, as usual, was avoiding any accidental damage thanks to his driving skills.
As they got back on the road, Maccadam sped up and got a tremendous lead on the Keeper. As Drebin tried to catch up, he heard the sound of police sirens and saw a load of police cars approaching.
"Ah, perfect!" said Drebin as he brought the Keeper to a halt. "We'll just let my Asian counterparts here take Bannon in."
As the Keeper stopped, though, the police cars all surrounded him and Drebin and the police officers aimed their guns at Drebin.
"O...kay." said Drebin awkwardly. "It's because of that park business isn't it? You can explain, right, Keeper?"
The Keeper remained silent.
"Aw, come on!" Drebin yelled as the police officers approached.
A fair bit away, Maccadam continued the race.
"I'd love to see Police Squad's finest talk his way out of that." Michael said as he heard about Drebin's trouble over the radio.
"Can he speak Japanese?" asked Maccadam.
"He can BARELY speak coherent English!" replied Michael, laughing.
…
Elsewhere, Mother Goose had decided to take a short break from the Gumball and spend some time sightseeing in Nagoya.
"Isn't this wonderful, Bertram?" Mother Goose said whilst taking a photo of Nagoya Castle. "It's hard to be believe there's so much culture and diversity within such a small country."
"Oh, Mother Goose, look! Honk!" Bertram pointed his bill up to the sky…
…where he saw Decepticon Mindwipe refusing to let Autobot Geronimo overtake him as they flew past the roof of Nagoya Castle.
"Hey Stewie," Brian Griffin was surprised to see who Geronimo's pilots were. "aren't those the two you hate from 'Sesame Street'?"
"Indeed, Brian!" Stewie Griffin rammed hard against Bert and Ernie's plane. "But I'm not going to let two queers beat me in this race. Onwards, Mindwipe! Victory is mine!"
"You mean, victory is OURS!" Mindwipe corrected.
"Yes, yes, of course, OURS!" Stewie replied. "Now fly faster!"
…
Discharge rushed past the Nagoya TV Tower, with several Gumballers behind him. Sherman and Cletus Klump were glad to be in the lead. It was a good thing as well that Betty Suarez, their new dietician, was there to ensure that they kept a healthy diet during the race.
"Aw man, I gotta go!" Cletus said, jumping up and down, his stomach aching in extreme pain.
"I knew eating five cans of beans wouldn't be good for you." Betty said.
There was no bathroom around. Who knew how much longer Cletus could hold it together? Then an idea struck, and Cletus rushed to the back of their Autobot vehicle.
"Dad, what are you doing?" Sherman had to ask.
Discharge was already harbouring a thought about what he was up to. "Giving us a boost, that's what." He answered.
Cletus loosened his pants and pulled them down to expose his behind, and then, all hell broke loose. He broke wind so hard that it made Discharge rocket through the traffic in Nagoya, getting them further ahead in the race. Unfortunately, their trail left behind a horrible smell for the other Gumballers to deal with.
"Aw, that is rough, man!" Ali G held his nose.
The Kramdens and Lao Fu Zi's gang were choking. Even the Garbage Pale Kids found it unbearable. Ned Flanders shut Chainclaw's windows and hoped the smell didn't seep into his Autobot.
"The smell is upon us, children!" he warned ominously.
"YAY! Judgement Day!" Rod and Todd rejoiced.
…
Out of Nagoya on the highway, the race was intensifying as Gumballers scrambled to reach the Kansai region. The Tick and Arthur were racing head to head against the Nostalgia Chick on their bikes. Tanya Adams and B.J. Blazkowicz had allied together to put Howard the Duck off his flight course with their bullets and missiles. Dong Zhuo was doing the same with Horatio Lyle's group, but was more fearsomely determined to blast them down from the sky.
Further behind them, 'Twilight' couple Edward Cullen and Bella Swan were riding in Carerra at full speed, for something terribly sinister was following right behind them.
"He's here." Bella warned Edward when she saw a huge Decepticon vehicle in her side mirror, coming up fast on them.
It was Gravedigger, who was ramming, shoving and flipping cars fiercely off the road while the ever so bloodthirsty Count Dracula was on the driver's seat. Autobot Tailspin took a sharp right to the edge of the highway to avoid being hit by the maniacal Decepticon.
"You kids okay in there?" Tailspin asked his partners.
"(Yes, we're fine.)" Sasami Kawai replied.
"Sasami-chan!" Misao Amano said to her. "(Our friends Edward and Bella are in trouble! We have to save them!)"
"(This is our chance. It's time for both of you to transform!)" Ryo-Ohki said.
"(Agreed)." Rumiya said.
Sasami and Misao both transformed…to become Pretty Sammy and Pixy Misa.
Both of them climbed onto Tailspin's roof as their Autobot gained speed to catch up with Gravedigger.
"Easy, girls." Tailspin said. "You should probably tell the children watching not to try this kind of stuff at home."
"(You mean on the highway.)" Pixy Misa corrected him.
"(Especially in Japan.)" Pretty Sammy added.
As they drew closer to Dracula and his Decepticon, the girls prepared to launch their attacks.
"PRETTY HOME RUN!" cried Pretty Sammy.
"PIXY SEXUAL FIRE!" cried Pixy Misa.
They were direct hits, and Gravedigger was knocked off the highway clean. Pretty Sammy and Pixy Misa rejoiced and hugged each other victoriously.
"Thanks, girls. We owe you one!" Carerra said.
The girls continued to leap and dance with joy…that was until they hugged each other again…in fright. They were stunned when up above them, the Autobot High Council and the Decepticon High Council screeched through the clouds, faster than any jet plane that Pretty Sammy or Pixy Misa had encountered. In fact, they flew by so fast that the sudden gust of wind messed the girls' hair up badly…making them both look like young Tina Turners.
Ryo-Ohki and Rumiya couldn't help but laugh.
"Kids." Tailspin said, holding his giggles. "Don't try this on the Japanese highway."
…
[1] Read the fifth chapter of my fanfic 'Cannonball Run: Final Tour' for reference. Lol