I had nightmares that night, something that doesn't happen often. Usually sleep was dreamless for me. Most of them were collections of Zuko's mind and all the torture he had endured. One nightmare woke me up and kept me unable to sleep for the rest of the night.

I ran silently, enjoying the feel of cool forest air hinted with the scents of evergreen trees. It was at the start of cold December, just a few days from my birthday, and needless to say, I was excited. I had not received any missions from the Order recently, and was enjoying the vacation, however much of one could exist for me.

I saw every snowflake fall on the branches of trees, slowing to a walk. Cyra leapt down from her hiding spot holding a long, thin sword.

"Happy birthday, Z," she said with an unseen smile. I lightly picked up the katana, taking a few practice swings with it. It was light and well balanced; she had definitely spent a lot of time making this.

"Thanks, Cyra. It's great."

Then it all literally went up in smoke. Flames appeared all around me, forming a straight pathway edged with fire. On one side stood Zuko. On the other was the Order, and they were displeased.

"You failed us, Z." I hung my head in shame. "You did not fulfill your mission."

"I couldn't do it. He is an innocent person. It is in his eyes, in his memories. It would be wrong to kill him."

"Your opinions should not affect your task. I am sorry, Z," said the elder ninja, drawing several throwing knives. This was the end for me, and I knew it. The flames began to die down, a cold chill filling the room. Tears filling my eyes silently, I slowly unwrapped the cloth from my hand, taking a last glance at its blue arrow. I slid the sparkling ring off of my finger and dropped it on the ground, kneeling and closing my eyes. The whistling of the knives reached my ears a split second before they hit me. Or they would have, had the next event not occurred. I heard someone gasp quickly, staggering backwards. It was Zuko. He had run in front of the knives, offering his own life in exchange for mine. He fell backwards, bleeding heavily. Tears began to run down the sides of my face.

"Why?" It was all my voice could muster. He smiled weakly.

"Because." And everything vanished.

The events ran through my head again and again, making less sense each time. Why had I cried for his death? The only reason I could think of was that I felt horrible that someone innocent had died because of me. It seemed plausible enough.

I returned to the camp a few minutes before sunrise. Aang and Sokka were still asleep, but Katara was awake. She had taken the sling off of her arm and seemed to be in no pain, pouring herself a cup of the tea. She looked up as I approached.

"Who are you?"

"Z. I'm the one that helped you." I picked up the black loop of cloth and untied it, securing it around my head. I felt normal again, at least on the outside.

"Thanks," she said, pouring a cup of tea and offering it to me. I took it slowly, deciding not to say who had actually hurt her in the first place. People became distrustful quite easily.

"I'm sure you'll want to know what happened to you," I said, sitting on the ground. She sat next to me, holding a cup of tea in her hands.

"I guess I would like to know."
"Your friends will fill you in on a few…issues…later. Anyway…"

I told her about my being a ninja, and my missions from the Order. She didn't say much about it, even when I said I was supposed to kill Zuko. I started tripping over the words when I said how I had accidentally hurt her, but she said it was okay since it was an accident. I still don't believe that. About halfway through the story, Aang woke up and sat next to her. Sokka continued snoring.

"Last night I went into the forest to get some ingredients for this tea. I spoke to my friend Cyra. She is worried. On my way back I ran into Zuko." I paused, glancing at Katara. She nodded, waiting for me to continue.

"I tried to kill him, but I could not. You see, I have a special power that allows me to see people's memories by looking in their eyes. The first time I met Zuko, I did not use it. I do not enjoy seeing the memories of people right before they die. It makes me feel guilty. But this time I did, and I did not like what I saw."

"What? What happened to Zuko?" asked Katara. I sighed.

"His father is the one that gave him the scar and sent him chasing after Aang. It is his only hope of returning to his former status as prince, and even so I think his father is only using him. Ozai has no emotions that do not involve anger or hatred, save for his pride for Azula. She is a terrible person." I took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears.

"Zuko's quest is meaningless. He has had an incredibly difficult life, and I would be ashamed of myself were I to take it from him. I could never do it."

"That's good," said Katara, placing a hand on my shoulder and smiling. I shook my head.

"I must have left this out. There is no such thing as failure among ninjas. If you fail to complete a mission, you are killed. So I will not be around much longer."

"Maybe if you tried to explain-"

"No," I said sharply, perhaps more so than necessary. I was tired of explaining this again and again. "I have no chance. I have to kill Zuko so the Order will let me live, but if I do so then I will not be able to live with myself. It's bad enough that I hurt you, Katara. It's even worse that I'm talking to people who aren't ninjas." I stifled a laugh in spite of myself. Cyra calls them nonjas.

I froze, staring out into the still dark forest. Another ninja was watching me, casually leaning against a tree. This was something Cyra would never do. Her movements were catlike, always moving, always tense. This one was relaxed, as though patiently waiting for something. Waiting for me.

"Z…" It was not the voice of Katara or Aang, and especially not sleeping Sokka. It was him.

I stood and ran toward him, ignoring the cries of my friends. Even Aang remained behind, sensing that I didn't want to be followed. I reached the other ninja in a matter of seconds.

"Hello, Z," he said coolly.

"What are you doing here, Koda? I thought you just got a new mission."

"I really wanted to see you, so I completed it on time for once. How's your mission going?" I said nothing.
"That bad?" I sighed, leaning against a tree.
"It's a long story."

"I've got time."
"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. The more people that know, the less likely it is that you'll ever see me again."

"You know you can trust me Z," he said, almost sounding hurt.
"I'm sorry, Koda, but I can't take that chance." I turned to go, but he grabbed my arm.

"Wait. Can you meet me here tonight and tell me then? Normally I would not let you go, but the sun will be up soon. You should hide as well," he said warily, glancing in the direction of my friends. I shook my head.

"I have to make sure the damage I've done has been repaired. Then I will return to my mission and forget this ever happened."

"What happened, Z?" he asked, golden eyes staring at me accusingly.

"Someone got hurt." I left it at that, turning and running back to the camp. Aang and Katara attacked me with questions, but I assured them that it was okay and crawled into the depths of the cave to catch up on my sleep. I was safe for now, until the sun fell once again. I watched Katara carefully, making sure she was no longer injured. She appeared to be okay, only unable to lift extremely heavy objects. I expected this; even healing abilities can't cure everything.

About halfway through the day I woke up again, this time having slept soundly. Aang and his friends were loading everything onto Appa, preparing to leave. I crept toward the front of the cave, refusing to step out into the sunlight.

"So, you guys are leaving?" I said, startling all three of them. Aang was the first to recover, walking over to me.

"Remember what I have said. It may end up saving my life, and perhaps yours. You're the Avatar, Aang. My people have a special affinity for you because you are an Airbender. But do not waste our trust and do something stupid. The code of the Order is stronger than anyone's opinions." I waved at them as Appa flew off, returning to the back of the cave. It was almost completely dark, making my life much easier. I fell asleep again, trying to save energy. I would need it.