Three
Before I go any further to tell you what happened next whenever Klaus spotted Mrs. Remora, Mr. Bass and Vice Principal Nero it has occurred to me that I have never properly explained how it is that I came to meet the Duchess of Winnipeg and how we are now near and dear friends and write secret codes to one another from time to time for mere amusement or because there is a situation that has sprung up which requires us to do so.
My family and I used to spend our summers there at the Valorous Farms Dairy to visit my other relatives and both me and the young Duchess (at this time, of course; her mother was still Duchess and still chief editor of The Daily Punctilio) and I met whenever I had been playing a prank on a young woman in an attempt to get her attention
and had enlisted the aid of one of my other young associates who had been in rhetoric classes with me under the study of Professor Reed just as I had once been but was now receiving a degree to go study at the Orion University far past the Southern Coast and so would be leaving the Royal Garden and me and all of his friends behind but I convinced him to stay until the Monday past the anniversary of his parents whom he loved very much and had bought a gift for them which was a ticket to be onboard the Pericles
which other volunteers would also be joining on in a trip around the world to make it a quieter place which was the objective of our organization until the schism which sadly I was involved with particularly because in later years I had grown fond of the woman I had meant to pull the prank on right there in the Vineyard of Fragrant Grapes at the Winnipeg Estate,
but had mistakenly tossed the bitter tasting apple that my aforementioned associate had stolen from Isaac's study earlier in the day at the wrong person, heating my dear friend the Duchess right on the head. Whenever I had realized the mistake I had made while my former friend ran off to hide and disguise himself,
I went over to apologize to the young lady and then sub sequentially was invited to afternoon tea and became lifelong friends with her especially after her dear mother died and another less accurate editor was hired by The Daily Punctilio and my life turned upside down on that fateful night whenever I tried to warn Beatrice of Count Olaf arriving to seek revenge and my parents died and I was presumed dead and also had to flee for my very life up until recently because of other crimes I had been accused of;
and the Duchess would occasionally contact either me or my sister or even another volunteer trying to find out what was going on in V.F.D. because her parents had once been leaders and now she was considerably behind in the times and would ask me because I was a spellchecker and so therefore clearly knew facts about things that others perhaps did not so she would thank me and try to invite me to tea so that we could discuss our favorite codes that we'd used that week,
and then eventually I confided to her my secret love for my co-star in the play that I had written which involved the sheep we had trained which had would later be lost for years and years after the terrible storm trapped the volunteers on that horrible island and she gave to me her most prized possession which had been passed down from generation to generation and told me something that I will never forget to this day and will always treasure especially considering the sad things that I have endured since that day that I proposed to you with what the Duchess of Winnipeg had given me and since the day much later that you returned the ring to me and my love remained unrequited and you died in a horrible fire, Beatrice.
But now I have grown so very lonely and so very sad and everyone that I have ever cared about is now forever gone so I must force myself to focus on things that are not quite as terrible, even if it does mean writing the unfortunate story of the Baudelaire children onboard the In-Finite Express and how Klaus Baudelaire spotted the three terrible teachers he'd not seen since the children's time at Prufrock Preparatory School, Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass and Vice Principal Nero.
Just then, the volunteer fighting disease who had cheerfully been singing to the middle orphan just moments earlier walked in front of the teachers from that austere academy and began to sing his song.
The train attendant returned to get Klaus' order and silently pointed at the menu because the costume he was wearing prevented him from speaking and for a brief moment the middle Baudelaire wasn't sure to speak or to remain just as silent as this attendant.
Because he was afraid to say any word at all for fear that Mr. Remora might stop chomping on his banana and recognize him and Klaus was so surprised that he didn't even consider turning around to look at the oddly dressed man for the possibility that Mrs. Bass might spot him as her eyes continued to shift around the room and the well-read orphan did his very best not to tremble as he pointed at the first thing on the menu not evening glancing at it as he kept his gaze fixed at Vice Principal Nero who was trying very hard to mimic the volunteer fighting disease.
Once the banjo strumming V.F.D. member finished his long tune, Mr. Remora carelessly tossed his banana peel onto the floor, wiped his mouth and moustache which still had pieces of banana in it and then commented, "I don't know about you too but I am voracious!"
Mrs. Bass had apparently finished scanning the room for whatever it was she was looking for and said in a scratchy voice, "There are twenty-three people here in this miserable restaurant, and they are all approximately three and a half feet apart from one another." "They are all approximately three and a half feet apart from one another," Nero mimicked as he pointed toward a booth on one side of the rocking train and then said, "Someone get me a menu! I need to eat as quickly as possible so I can get back to practicing my violin."
Klaus didn't know what he should do as these villains walked toward him and then the train attendant tapped him on the shoulder and the middle Baudelaire nearly gasped in surprise as he turned about and saw that he had been given a box of food and he nodded, fumbling with what little change he had and then began to head toward the exit of the passenger car, hoping that neither Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass or Vice Principal Nero would spot him and that nothing would make him stand out among the other people onboard the In-Finite Express.
Just then, the bearded volunteer fighting disease stepped in front of the fifteen year old and began to hum the first verse of his song,
We are Volunteers Fighting Disease,
And we're cheerful all day long.
If someone said that we are sad,
That person would be wrong.
But before the volunteer could recommend to Klaus to get a heart shaped balloon, the orphan proclaimed, "I would very much like having a heart shaped balloon."
"I thought you weren't sick," the bearded banjo player commented.
"I think I might have caught something," he replied and then pretended to cough and hoped that the overly cheerful volunteer would fall for it. The V.F.D. member smiled and then passed Klaus a heart shaped balloon and began to sing the next verse of his song and just as he began to explain how they would even visit patients with bleeding noses, Klaus ducked pasted him and then placed the heart shaped balloon in front of him so that none of the dangerous people would see him. He held his breathe as he passed the booth that Mr. Remora, Vice Principal Nero and Mrs. Bass were sharing and caught a brief snippet of conversation, the banana mustached teacher was saying to his cohorts, "They don't serve any bananas onboard this train! This is the worst trip I've ever been on."
"This is the worst trip I've ever been on," Nero mimicked with a snicker and then replied, "Just be glad you're not the one paying for the tickets!"
"I refuse to pay for anything because it so much better to be greedy and I do so enjoy counting money and measuring it," Mrs. Bass said as she continued to comment on the metric system.
"I just wish we still had jobs," Mr. Remora lamented and then added, "I miss teaching at Prufrock Prep and eating all the bananas I wanted and telling my stories to the children." "I prefer a life of crime, you know that it's 'In' right now! That's why it's called 'in'-justice," Mrs. Bass declared to which Nero mimicked, "That's why they call it 'in'-justice."
Klaus didn't stick around to hear the rest of the conversation and passed thru the Restaurant Car back to the Quiet Car and quickly went inside where all of his sisters were waiting for him. "Klaus! Where have you been?" Sunny asked as she sat on the side of one of the bunk beds and looked out the window of the In-Finite Express at all of the scenery as it went by. "I was about to go look for you," Violet remarked to her brother and then asked, "Did you find something for all of us to eat?"
It was then that his sisters noted how grave his face was and how pale Klaus seemed and the heart shaped balloon that he was grasping firmly in his right hand and Beatrice asked, "Ssenlli?" which probably meant, "Klaus, are you okay? It looks like you've seen a ghost.' Or perhaps, "Why are you holding that heart shaped balloon?"
Violet took the box of food from the middle Baudelaire's grasp and then asked, "Klaus, what happened?" The middle Baudelaire closed the door to their cabin, took out the key that he'd used to open the door; placed it onto the nearby counter and then sighed wearily as he sat down on his bed and recounted what had just happened to him onboard the In-Finite Express and since it would be boring for me to tell you precisely what Klaus said seeing as you've probably just read it all yourself,
I would recommend that you tend to some other activity while the middle Baudelaire told his siblings about the manicure car; such as cleaning the chimney.
And I would tell you to go and to retile your bathroom floor as Klaus explained how he'd requested to go to the dining room with Monday and then how the attendant had revealed that he couldn't go past the fifth car of the In-Finite Express and it would be pointless for me to recount how frustrated and irritated the well-read orphan was whenever he had to go back the way he had come thru the empty Neophyte Car and since you wouldn't be listening then I shouldn't remind you of how the middle Baudelaire met the Volunteers Fighting Disease and had also inadvertently crossed paths with the troublesome teachers from Prufrock Prep.
And once he finished telling them what had happened during the time he had been gone, it shouldn't surprise you at all to find that Sunny, Beatrice and Violet were all too stunned to even comment on this strange turn of events. "What do you suppose Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass and Vice Principal Nero are doing onboard the In-Finite Express?" Sunny wondered.
The four orphans had clearly decided out of all the things that Klaus had gone thru, this was the most important and for the moment since no other developments had happened they would be correct.
"I recall whenever Frank or maybe it was Ernest… no wait, it was Dewey…sent me to check up on them during their stay at the Hotel Denouement that the atrocious violinist and those selfish teachers seemed to be involved in a life of crime," Sunny said and Klaus nodded and remarked, "Mrs. Bass seems very interested in injustice, she even claimed that it was 'in'."
"That's what Esmé always used to say about everything," Violet recalled.
"It wouldn't surprise me if those teachers were now robbers," Klaus commented. "It still doesn't explain what they are doing onboard this train," Sunny pointed out. "Xaler!" Beatrice growled, which probably meant, "And here I thought we'd get the chance to get away from the action!" or perhaps, "Maybe we should just stay in our rooms for the rest of the trip to wherever it is we are going!"
Which considering the circumstances wasn't a very bad suggestion and Violet, Sunny and Klaus considered for a moment whether or not it would be easier for them to stay in their rooms until the expedient express brought them to wherever it was they were going. But the older Baudelaires knew all too well that there were a great deal of questions that they didn't know, and some of those answers might be with Mrs. Bass, Mr. Remora and Vice Principal Nero,
particularly where they were headed since Gustav Sebald hadn't made this very clear and the middle Baudelaire asked, "Do you suppose they are also headed to the rendezvous?"
"I thought it was only for noble people," Violet commented. "But in the past our adversaries have discovered where we are headed before we have," Sunny pointed out, and none of them could argue with this point since it seemed that Count Olaf always had the upper hand whenever he had been pursuing them to steal their fortune a phrase which here means "the vicious villain would bribe Madame Lulu who used articles from newspapers to find out where the children were at".
"If they are, then Gustav and Lemony must not know about it," Sunny realized. "And the other noble individuals we are headed there may not know either," Violet realized and then asked, "Do you suppose anyone else we're familiar with might be heading to wherever we're going?"
"I don't know," Klaus admitted and then added, "It has been over a year since we've immersed ourselves in this wicked and mysterious world, it seems a lot has happened since we were gone." "So far we've only met dangerous and devious people who survived the fire of the Hotel Denouement," Sunny proclaimed and then added, "I wish I knew if Jerome Squalor had lived, or if Hugo, Colette and Kevin were still out there somewhere."
Just then, the youngest Baudelaire noticed something that the others did not and cried out, "Egassem!" which probably meant, "Klaus, Violet, Sunny! Someone has slipped something under our door!" or perhaps, "Quickly open the door to find out who it was that slipped that envelope under our door!" Violet and her younger siblings turned in surprise to look down at the emerald carpet and right over where the embroidered L.S. was at lay a small envelope.
The eldest Baudelaire bent down and picked it up and then quickly opened the door of the cabin and looked both ways down the corridor of the Quiet Car, but saw no sign of whomever had slipped the envelope under their door. "Do you think we should go and look around and find out who slipped this envelope under our door?" she asked as she looked at the blank packet and her brother shook his head and said, "Nero and those other two teachers are probably still in the Restaurant Car, so we can't go that way, and we don't know if they are not in the other cars onboard the In-Finite Express so we can't go the other way!"
"I suppose that is true," Violet conceded as she closed the door to their room and locked it back in place and asked, "Maybe this is a message from one of the train attendants?" "Let's open it and find out!" Sunny said excitedly.
The oldest orphan smiled and then ripped open the envelope and took out the piece of paper that was inside. As she unfolded it, she frowned because she had been expecting a message of some sort but had instead received a map. And at the bottom of the drawing were two simple words:
FOLLOW ME.
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