A few hours later I was able to relax. The process had been long and slow, but I was able to save him. The whole time I was thinking how much easier this would be if Katara were here, at the same time knowing she wasn't. Zuko would be weak and probably unable to do much for the next several weeks until his wounds healed completely, but he was alive. I made the same tea for him that I gave to Katara, keeping him asleep so he could heal. His crew assumed he had gone out into the forest, and they were looking for him there. The place was empty. I moved him to the back of the cave, where it was dark and quiet. Quiet except for my voice, that is.

I talked to him, though I knew he could not hear it. Mostly I spoke of various missions I had, and why I hated the Yu Yan so much. I found myself speaking about my past, about what life was like before I became a full-fledged ninja. It was very easy for me to speak to the darkness.

"My friend Koda was from the Fire Nation. He respected you, Zuko. But the Order stole him from me." A tear rolled down my face. I would never recover from this. "I never knew my parents. I assume they died before I could retain memories of them. All I know is that my mother was an Airbender, and my father was from the Fire Nation. As far back as I can remember I've been a ninja. You should feel lucky, Zuko. You know your parents. Your mother seems to be a kind person. Do not forget her."

"I never will," said a quiet, raspy voice that startled me. Zuko was awake.

"How much did you hear?"
"Just the last half of it." A violent coughing fit seized him, and I quickly gave him more tea.

"Thank you," he said, taking a slow sip of it. "Please, continue."
"It will not be the same now that you are listening."

"But I have been listening for quite some time." I managed a slight laugh. It was true.

"Very well." Next I spoke of Koda. Everything about him from his favorite weapon to the way we always seemed to know where to find each other. Talking about his death was the hardest, but I had to do it. When I mentioned Aang, Zuko tensed.

"You found the Avatar?"
"Yes, but that is unimportant. Let me finish."

"You don't understand. I have to capture him-"
"-To restore your honor. I know. But it is meaningless, Zuko. Ozai only cares for power and obedience. Even if he will accept the Avatar from you, he will not love you for it. He will not respect you or honor you the way a father should."

"What do you know about it? You never even knew your own father!" he shot back. I was quiet for a few moments. That was beyond cruel. I decided to end this conversation before my anger manifested itself. As I said before, angry ninjas are dangerous.

"It will be dark soon. There will be other ninjas around, and I am in enough trouble as it is. If I am found here, there will be consequences. For now I must blend with the darkness and sleep."

"That doesn't make any sense." I smirked.

"It will be as if I'm not even here."

Zuko's crew returned in the middle of the night and found him, waking me up as well. I was now back in my normal state, but they could not see me in the low light. He evaded their questions by pretending to have amnesia, much to my relief. Quite the creative one, Zuko was. He assured them that sleep would help him remember, and they left him alone. Iroh was not convinced, however, and refused to leave.

"Zuko, perhaps you should move closer to the mouth of the cave. I can feel another presence here, a dark one. It is unsafe."

"Don't worry, Uncle. I know who it is." Apparently this was my cue, so I stepped out of the darkness. Neither of them was surprised. Then again, people of the Fire Nation tended to have less fear than most. Koda, for instance.

"Ah, a ninja. And if I am not mistaken, the same one in the tree where I was gathering tea leaves. I thought I sensed something nearby."

"I am Z, and that is correct. How do you know of my kind?" I asked, curious.
"I have been around for a long time, and have heard many stories. Never have I been fortunate enough to meet one face-to-face."

"It is not often considered a fortunate occasion for most." He nodded, eyes becoming distant and thoughtful.
"Ah, yes. There is also the matter of these missions I have heard so much about."

"This is the person who saved me, Uncle," said Zuko, trying to get the conversation back on track.
"I would like to know how my nephew's life ended up requiring saving, if you don't mind." I nodded.

"I was under oath and order to kill Zuko, but I could not do it. The penalty for disloyalty, disobedience, or failure is death. The leader attacked me, and Zuko intercepted the attack. I was almost unable to save him, but my friend Koda died defending his name, and I couldn't let it all be worthless." It ended up taking up much less time than I had anticipated. Iroh agreed not to reveal my existence to anyone. The sun would not rise for the next few hours, and after everything that had happened, I would definitely need some rest.

When I finally did wake up, the sun was shining bright and high above the horizon. I had missed the sunrise, something that did not happen often. Most of the time I was awake before it. Koda and I often used to watch as its glow progressed through rainbow colors and on to the white glow the world was accustomed to.

At the thought of Koda, I nearly began crying again. Though he was a ninja and had killed many people, it had been with good reason as far as I was concerned. Many people would not think of him as innocent.

I did. I still do.

Zuko stirred in his sleep. I knew he was going to live. Why, then, did I linger behind instead of returning to the world and lifestyle I knew so well? I was a ninja. I did not belong in their world of light and true morality. I was of the darkness, a silent murderer, the complete opposite of any normal human. What force kept me from running into the forest and never looking back?

'Guilt,' I finally realized. 'I feel unnaturally guilty.' It was not any kind of love for Zuko; I had only loved Koda and only ever would. But guilt was something new, almost something I had never felt before. I would never have survived so long, being what I am, had I felt guilty about each life I had ended or nearly ended. Then again, none of them had been innocent until now.

Would I ever be able to kill again, now that I had felt guilt?

I doubted it.