Seven

The expression "getting away from it all" is one that I mentioned in the foreword of this horrendous story that you are apparently enduring and it is one that I feel I need to expand upon, a phrase which here means "tell you further about it so that you understand why you need to get away from it all, particularly the very book that is explaining to you what this phrase means."

Oftentimes in our lives we feel the need to take a trip on a train or some other form of vehicle to get away from our current circumstances and to go to circumstances that aren't quite as current, some people tend to call this getting away from it all; even though getting away from it all is actually a ludicrous idea because you can never actually get away from it all.

So really whenever someone says that they want to get away from it all they don't literally mean they want to get away from it all since getting away from it all would mean getting away from it all and thus impossible, as I aforementioned; but rather they want to get away from whatever circumstance they find quite unpleasant in light of a different situation that might not require them to get away from it all.

The Baudelaires literally needed to get away from it all in the most absolute definition of this phrase that I can think of, which here means, "Away from Mr. Remora, Mrs. Bass, Vice Principal Nero, Professor Edwick, Mister Dominic and all of the other vicious and villainous people that hoped to exploit them."

Yes Klaus, Sunny, Beatrice and Violet needed to find somewhere away from their current circumstances onboard the In-Finite Express and get away from it all just you dear reader need to get away from this book and thus get away from all of the many unfortunate things that have yet to befall the Baudelaires that are so numerous I cannot even begin to list them and instead get away from it all by boarding the next train and not sitting there on the bench waiting for the train to arrive and reading story but tossing it back onto the track where you probably found it and going about your business which was surely much better than the tragedies you've already read about.

Because if you read one more sentence in the terrible trip the four siblings experienced onboard the In-Finite Express I'm sure you will find yourself wanting to visit the closest dentist and have your teeth pulled just so you can endure something that isn't quite as painful as enduring this woeful tale of the Baudelaires.

Mister Dominic had just finished telling Klaus and his sisters how they would assist in the dastardly plan both he and his cohorts had to rob the train they were all riding on, and both the middle Baudelaire and his siblings were too stunned to even say a thing.

Their nemesis smiled thinly and combed his perfectly shiny hair and remarked, "I can see that the idea of stealing is rather new to you children…but I have gathered from your time with Count Olaf that you were able to assist burning down several locations, isn't that right?"

Violet, Beatrice, Sunny and Klaus all wished that the notorious villain wasn't right, but sadly they couldn't argue because they had been forced to help Count Olaf burn the Caligari Carnival whenever they'd been disguised as freaks and then later how they had assisted him in destroying the Hotel Denouement in order to escape a mock trial. Both instances, the Baudelaires tried to tell themselves that they had no choice in the matter; but honestly there were many times that Sunny and her siblings looked back on these occasions and wondered if they could've done things differently.

During their stay at Madam Lulu's House of Freaks for example, had they not been so interested in uncovering secrets of V.F.D. maybe they wouldn't have joined Olaf's troupe and if the children hadn't been trying so hard to clear their names which had been a gross injustice on the part of the editor at The Daily Punctilio and other individuals who felt that they were villains and not volunteers; then maybe they wouldn't have assisted Olaf in opening the Vernacularly Fastened Door and wouldn't have chosen to burn down the Hotel Denouement; although they reasoned that doing so would provide a signal for Kit Snicket and the other members of V.F.D. who hadn't arrived yet.

But the fact of the matter was that they hadn't made these choices and they'd been trying to survive dangerous fires and equally dangerous villains, so whenever they had made these choices the children had made a split-second decision, an expression which here means "Sunny, Beatrice, Klaus and Violet had been trying to save themselves and their allies whenever they performed these callous deeds and so therefore felt this was a reasonable explanation as to why they did although oftentimes they looked back and wondered if this was the case."

"We were not assisting Olaf," Violet proclaimed in defiance to Mister Dominic and then her brother added, "And we're definitely not going to help you!"

"And we're definitely not going to help you!" Nero mimicked with a sneer and then added, "Oh yes you will! Have you forgotten that we can easily ensnare you four without worrying about it? That mob that gathered could be back here in a heartbeat!"

Klaus and his sisters knew that the Vice Principal wasn't joking, and Mister Dominic added, "And of course let's not forget I have in my possession the Medusoid Mycelium." This time it was Sunny who was feeling rather brave and proclaimed, "Don't waste your breath! We know you couldn't have boarded the train with it! You hid it in your luggage!"

Mister Dominic's eyes were shiny for a moment as if he considered what the former toddler had just said to be amusing and then laughed and remarked, "Do you think you're really that smart? I wouldn't be so foolish as to put it in the sight of everyone onboard this piece of junk!"

The Baudelaires felt a little disturbed by his confidence, because they had been confident of their confidence that he hadn't been holding the Medusoid Mycelium close by but now they weren't so confident because Mister Dominic was confident.

"So as you can see, you filthy orphans, you have no choice but to help us!" Mrs. Bass stated with a sneer and Mr. Remora added, "And while you assist us perhaps you can find some bananas."

Just then Monday and her brother returned with some uniforms for the children and Mister Dominic added, "Please stop by my cabin in the seventh car of this tremendous train, the Guest car; and I'll be sure to give you your first assignment."

"We'll help any way that we can," Thursday said enthusiastically and his sister stated, "We certainly don't want another mob onboard this luxurious locomotive."

Mister Dominic smiled wickedly and then both he and the terrible teachers from Prufrock Prep left the Lounge. Violet wished that her and her siblings could inform the train attendants about the dangerous scheme these villains were plotting, but she knew better than to mess with Mister Dominic because of the several occasions where the vicious villain had wrought havoc on their lives already.

Thursday passed them each a uniform and added, "Unfortunately since you are now members of the In-Finite Express's employee staff this means that we'll have to take the key to the room you were staying in." "But if we don't have a key where will we stay?" Sunny wondered aloud.

"As employees you'll obviously stay in the Employees only passenger car right past the Filing car," Monday answered with a smile and added, "I'm so glad that we found some that fit you four. I don't believe we've ever had children work on our train before."

"Now even though your main objective is to find that passenger's missing luggage, there are plenty of other assignments you might need to fulfill during your time as attendants," Thursday told them.

"I'm more interested in knowing how we'll get into the Employee passenger car without a key!" Klaus pointed out, to which the frilly haired train attendant responded, "You needn't worry one bit about that, there is a passenger car onboard the train where all of the spare keys are kept. If you go there I'm sure you'll find what you need."

Before the Baudelaires got the opportunity to ask them where this was, the lanky attendant remarked, "Now the rest of us have other assignments we need to fulfill before we reach our destination, so I believe now would be a good time to say farewell until this evening. I hope you've found the luggage by then."

Monday went off in one direction whereas her brother chose the other and in a matter of a minute the Baudelaires were entirely alone but sadly not away from it all like they desperately wanted to be.

"I can't believe that Professor Edwick would bring a termite collection onboard a train made entirely of lumber!" Klaus blurted out as they walked over to one of the booths and slipped on the emerald uniforms over their ordinary clothes.

"I'm more curious about who took it. Do you suppose a volunteer did?" Violet asked as she adjusted the sleeves of her new uniform. "Or maybe Mister Dominic and his cohorts are lying?" Sunny suggested. "Esahcesoogdliw!" Beatrice commented, which probably meant, "I bet that Sunny is right and we're just wasting our time!" or perhaps, "Shouldn't we be searching for the Medusoid Mycelium instead of a silly termite collection?"

"Maybe we can do both?" Klaus suggested and then added, "Since there are four of us we can each take a portion of the train and search it." "That seems like a reasonable suggestion, Klaus," his older sister said nodding with approval and then asked, "Didn't you mention that there was a map in the tenth passenger car?"

"That's right, the Junction car; that was the only thing there," Klaus said with a nod. "It seems foolish to have an entire cabin with nothing but a map in it," Sunny remarked.

"The system that the In-Finite Express uses makes very little sense, I admit," the middle Baudelaire commented and then said, "But I think the wisest thing to do would be to head there first."

His sisters didn't object to this and so once all four of them had finished putting their uniforms on, including Beatrice; which might I add it is a rather odd thing that a train should include clothes in the infant's size but the Baudelaires didn't trouble themselves with this matter even though it might've been important but then again many things are important that we don't trouble ourselves with.

For example right now I am supposed to be enjoying afternoon tea at a local diner where one of my associates enjoys going, but since I don't particularly enjoy the food at this diner I am not troubling myself with the fact that my associate might grow mad and search for me seeing as I am currently riding on top of a bus trying very hard not to fall off as it goes thru the middle of town toward a building where I am thinking that I left something that is in fact troubling me, so since another matter is troubling me and I just lost a page of an important document due to a gust of wind; I must now get off of the bus at the next possible stop which I think should be any minute now and must retrieve that paper which probably found its way to the Fountain of Veritable Finance and so I am troubling myself with that rather than reaching my destination or reaching my ally who buy now probably already left and chose to go somewhere else or coming looking for me or do something else entirely and so I can't possibly trouble myself with that matter whenever other more troublesome matters trouble me.

So as the Baudelaires passed thru the vacant Kitchen, Klaus decided not to trouble himself with why the train attendant had failed to identify him earlier and all four of the Baudelaires arrived at the Junction car and the middle Baudelaire examined the map which encompassed the entire right wall. Violet and his younger sisters remained silent so that their well-read brother could examine it and then he finally stated, "I think the safest thing to do would be for two of us to head toward the Waterbed passenger car, which is the last one that is properly identified."

"That's an odd name," Sunny observed.

"No different than the Open car or the Unidentified passenger car that we went thru earlier," Violet remarked. "Or even the Quiet car where we're staying," Klaus added. "Actually I think that has to do with the slogan of V.F.D. remember? The world is quiet here," Sunny mentioned, to which Violet replied, "I suppose that would make sense, but does that mean that this train is being run by volunteers?"

"Well the twenty-second passenger car onboard the In-Finite Express is called the Volunteer passenger car, do you suppose that is just coincidence?" Klaus asked. "Probably because that is where the Volunteers Fighting Disease were staying," Sunny remarked.

"I certainly hope they are not members of V.F.D.," Violet stated and then added, "I wish I knew where to start, I wish that Falo was here."

"Or Uncle Monty," Sunny added.

"Or our parents," their brother said sadly, which caused all of them to grow silent and to reflect on how dismal and depressing their lives had been since their parents had died; and even Beatrice knew that her young life had been fraught with many dangers since they'd left the safety of the island, a phrase which here means, "The Baudelaires had met Mister Dominic."

So they all wished desperately that they could get away from it all by going back to the time whenever their parents had been alive, whenever they hadn't had to worry about unfortunate events and terrible secrets and twisted logic just as I wish I could get away from it all by not writing the tragic tale of the Baudelaires at all but by choosing another profession perhaps returning to my studies at the Orion University or some other place that isn't picky about needing birth certificates.

But sadly I realize that if I don't chronicle the story of the Baudelaires then no one will and so therefore I realize that I cannot get away from it all just as Sunny, Beatrice, Violet and Klaus couldn't get away from it all onboard the In-Finite Express.

"Beatrice and I can handle that," the former toddler offered as she picked up her adopted sister and added; "Besides if we head to the Waterbed passenger car, we can be farther away from Mister Dominic." Klaus and Violet didn't blame their younger siblings for wanting as far away from their sinister nemesis as possible and so agreed to this decision and Klaus said, "I think I shall try to figure out where the keys are being kept, it must be in the Filing passenger car."

"I certainly hope so," Violet remarked and then followed her brother thru Inventory; making certain not to knock anything over. "Klaus, I've been thinking… if there are other volunteers onboard the In-Finite Express and they are the ones that sent us that map… why would they direct us to the Lounge where we bumped into Mister Dominic?" she asked aloud as they entered the next passenger car, which was apparently nothing more than a long narrow corridor with windows on both sides.

Klaus was looking out the windows and noting how dark it was and realized that the train was probably passing thru a cavern in the mountain range he'd seen yesterday. He was so fascinated by this that he hadn't heard what his sister had said and muttered, "I'm sorry, Violet; what did you say?"

"Why would one of our allies arrange for us to come to the Lounge if they knew that Mister Dominic was onboard the In-Finite Express?" she replied with a sigh. "Well there are several possibilities," her brother remarked and then explained, "It's possible that our friend knew Mister Dominic was on the train and sent us there to warn us, or maybe he had wanted to arrange a meeting with us and then Mister Dominic happened to show up."

"I wish I knew why they were keeping themselves hidden from us, what we need right now is more information," she told him as they reached the end of the long Hallway passenger car, and Klaus replied, "Maybe the Filing passenger car will have that as well?"

"I doubt that, Klaus; whomever our ally is they just boarded the train like we did and probably learned we were onboard by means of Thursday or his sister," Violet remarked. "Thursday seems familiar, have we met him before?" "I don't know, but we should get to the sixth passenger car right away to look thru those files," the eldest Baudelaire said as they passed thru the next car and Violet heard laughter in one of the cabins and realized that it was Professor Edwick and Mister Dominic. Leaning close to the door, she told her brother, "Go on ahead, I'll catch up with you."

I wish desperately that Klaus had stayed there and snatched his sister away for what she heard was the most disturbing thing she'd ever heard the two villains discuss, but sadly Klaus chose not to do this even though that is precisely what I want to write, I cannot get away from it all and instead am forced to write that Violet overheard Professor Edwick say, "Soon we'll have everything we need to steal back the Baudelaire fortune!"

"I think you misunderstand, my friend," Mister Dominic said in a darker tone and then said something that I wish Violet had never heard and had gotten away from it all, the villain proclaimed, "It was the Baudelaires who stole it from us! So soon we'll have what we need to have justice be served!"