Eight
The next time you are at an amusement park with your family, choose to ride on one of the attractions that goes around and around in circles extremely fast and then once you have gotten out of this contraption, perhaps you will understand why it is that sometimes people say that they felt that their head was spinning.
Of course I'm sure you realize that it is impossible for your head to spin about three hundred and sixty degrees just like an owl's does, because we are not made like owls and I'm sure you'd know this if you read a book on owls which is surely far more interesting than this sorrowful tale of the Baudelaires.
At any rate, the eldest orphan felt like her head was spinning whenever she overheard Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick talking just a few moments ago, and I'm sure if you were in her situation your head would be spinning as well, a phrase which here means "Violet Baudelaire was completely shocked to hear that their nemesis was speaking to his ally about her parents having stolen the very fortune she one day hoped to inherit."
And the reason this disturbed the oldest orphan so greatly was because the last time she had checked, her parents were noble people and not greedy thieves; such as Mister Dominic no doubt was. Immediately, Violet sprinted to the next passenger car of the In-Finite Express where her brother was looking thru the files to tell him of this, but Klaus was too absorbed in finding what he needed to hear what she had to say at the moment. "One second, Violet," he told his sister, "I think I may have found where the extra key is at to the other passenger cars onboard this train."
"But none of that matters, Klaus! I just overheard Mister Dominic and Professor Edwick talking to one another," his sister objected. Klaus turned his head toward her and asked, "What is it that they were discussing?"
Violet was still trying to piece the words together to even explain it to her brother and finally proclaimed, "Mister Dominic is plotting to steal our fortune!" The middle Baudelaire sighed and commented, "So he really is no different than Count Olaf, I'm not really surprised."
"But Klaus if you'll let me explain there is something else that you need to know," Violet told him.
"What is it?" the middle Baudelaire asked. "Mister Dominic told his cohort that he was planning on stealing the fortune back…as if it belonged to him," the oldest orphan stated. Klaus no doubt felt his head spin just as Violet had felt hers spin some moments before, and her sibling paused in what he was doing to give her his full attention.
Once his head had stopped spinning, the middle Baudelaire commented, "Well he must've been lying." "But how could he have been lying?" Violet asked. "He knew you were eavesdropping and so told his associate something so shocking that was a complete and utter lie," Klaus answered, trying to convince himself of this fact.
If you've ever tried to convince yourself of something that you know is not true, then I'm sure you'll find the practice quite difficult. For example, I once tried to convince myself that my good friend had not become a villain and that he was not plotting to burn down the mansion of my beloved; but sadly just because I was trying to convince myself of this fact did not mean that it was true because shortly afterward he did this very deed and so convincing myself of some other fact had done no good whatsoever.
Now Klaus was trying to do the very same thing with his sister; a phrase which here means "convince Violet that she had heard Mister Dominic wrong or that their archenemy was trying to trick them into believing something that was false." But the eldest orphan stated, "But how would he know that I was eavesdropping?"
"All right then, he was lying to Professor Edwick," Klaus decided.
"But the Professor is his close companion," Violet pointed out. "There are wicked people, and they lie to one another all the time," her brother countered and then added, "At any rate we can't worry about that right now when the entire train is trying to label us as criminals already." "I suppose…" Violet said reluctantly, not wanting to drop the subject; but also realizing how uncomfortable and unpleasant it was to discuss wicked people and their wickedness.
In fact every single time I am forced to right about Mister Dominic's heinous henchpeople or his wickedness I find myself becoming squeamish and trying to find a nice safe place to hide; because to me there is nothing more unpleasant than a dangerous villain especially one whose motives aren't entirely clear.
Oh how I wish that I could avoid more unfortunate events in the Baudelaires lives that I regretfully chosen to investigate for a second time and how I wish that my editor hadn't insisted that I tell the full story because the full story is so remorsefully unnerving and so bittersweet that no amount of convincing can convince me that the outcome for the children the second time around will be any better than the first, but sadly I've already used quite a bit of ink to chronicle their adventures so it would pointless to try and slip in the words the end right now in the middle of this story because surely most readers would realize that it wasn't the end but rather a ploy on the part of this author to try and get you to stop reading this story altogether.
But then it is also possible that there are those few unfortunate people who are merely at the bookstore perusing this volume out of sheer curiously. If that is the case, then the story goes as this; Klaus, Violet, Sunny and Beatrice stayed on the train which led them to a wonderful land of happiness and met all of the people that they hadn't seen in quite a while and Mister Dominic was arrested and all the questions the children had been searching for were answered.
THE END
But since something that would never work except on someone who thought that this was one of those books that randomly puts the end in the middle and the middle at the end; I am forced to continue to tell the Baudelaires' story during their time on the In-Finite Express. At this point however, I must change gears a phrase which hear means "stop telling you about what Violet and Klaus were doing and move to the back of the train where Beatrice and Sunny had just made it to the twenty-third car onboard the trudging train, which was designated the Waterbed passenger car" and tell you what occurred whenever they made it there.
The two youngest Baudelaires were tired from walking all the way from the Lounge, so they sat down on one of the waterbeds to relax; but soon found doing so wasn't easy. And if you have ever tried to sleep on a waterbed than I am sure you know precisely why that was. So instead of doing that, Sunny commented to her younger sister, "You know it seems odd that this is the last passenger car that is properly identified. Do you suppose there is something hidden on the next four cars?"
"Sseug?" Beatrice answered, which probably meant, "I'm not familiar with how trains work, but I do know that the alphabet only has twenty-six letters; whereas this train is said to have twenty-seven passenger cars" or perhaps, "I really haven't any clue at all, do you?" Sunny looked down the other side of the Waterbed passenger car, where the door to the twenty-fourth car was at and decided, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to find out. Anywhere away from Mister Dominic is definitely safe."
The former toddler and her adopted sister moved to the door and Sunny opened it with ease, only to find that the next car was apparently empty. As the two Baudelaires examined it, they realized that this was the case and Sunny said, "How odd for them to use this system and not have anything in this car."
"Erofeb!" Beatrice said, which probably meant "But they did the same thing in other cars onboard the train!" or perhaps, "I'm beginning to think that this entire locomotive is impractical!" Sunny moved to the next passenger car and found much the same as she had in the last, and once she had arrived at the twenty-sixth car she told her adopted sister, "Well I guess that we wasted our time coming back here, Mister Dominic didn't hide the Medusoid Mycelium back here; and there is certainly no termite collection."
"Tsal?" her adopted sister replied, and Sunny answered, "I don't see the point in going to the final passenger car when all of these were empty. If there is anything back there, it's probably just a caboose?" Beatrice wasn't convinced and so tugged on her adopted sister's pant leg until finally Sunny conceded and decided to go to the final passenger car and investigate.
Once she arrived at the door she pulled on it to open it, and found that it was locked shut. "Well that is rather strange," Sunny commented. Beatrice remained silent and was trying to look under the door, whenever Sunny stated, "Why would this room be locked and none of the others were?"
The former infant tried the handle again, but the door didn't budge and so Sunny told Beatrice; "I bet someone has hidden something back here! Let's go find Violet and Klaus!"
Picking up her adopted sister, Sunny began the journey back toward the direction that she had come eager to tell Violet and Klaus about the discovery that she had made, because she was convinced that by this time her brother and sister had managed to find a key to the Employees only passenger car, so if they had then that meant that there must also be a key to the final car of the In-Finite Express.
If you are convinced just as the two youngest Baudelaires were that all of their answers lie in the final passenger car of the train that they were traveling on and that the children would not have other unfortunate events to deal with; then I encourage you to close this book now and to make that conclusion rather then read any further whenever Klaus and Violet and Beatrice and Sunny joined up with one another and then Mister Dominic confronted them outside his room.
Because I am totally convinced that the children's lives will continue to get more and more miserable no matter how convinced you may be of the exact opposite and am also convinced that convincing you of this fact is probably impossible even if I were to inform you that the end of the story was now and not later.
So since that obviously won't work, I must instead continue to chronicle the Baudelaires' story and hopefully you'll become convinced that the orphans miserable time on the In-Finite Express is about to become even worse. Klaus and Violet had not succeeded in finding a key, they had looked thru every file in the Filing passenger car and all they had found were documentations on how to operate the train and how to stop the train and how the supposedly ingenious system that the locomotive used had been invented by a lover of grammar, but not a single file on keys or secrets or V.F.D. or even ERT, which the children hadn't heard about since their departure from the Anxious Clown diner.
And whenever they met Sunny and Beatrice; the two younger Baudelaires were hoping that their siblings had found something of importance but sadly they soon discovered that this was not to be the case. "Sunny! Beatrice! Did you find the Medusoid Mycelium?" Klaus asked.
"Violet! Klaus! Did you find a key to the twenty-seventh passenger car?" Sunny wondered as they met up.
"I'm sorry, we didn't find a single thing," the eldest Baudelaire admitted. "All we found was that the very last car of the In-Finite Express is locked and we couldn't go any further," Sunny stated.
"I bet the Professor's termite collection is back there," Klaus decided. "Or that fiendish fungus," Violet commented. "What's all that noise out here?" a voice said and the four siblings all stood still as they realized that they had chosen to talk right outside Mister Dominic's door.
The wicked villain opened it and then gazed down at them and remarked, "About time you made it here Baudelaires. I told you to come earlier and yet you dilly-dallied around. What sort of volunteers are you?"
Klaus, Beatrice, Violet and Sunny all looked at one another in confusion as the dangerous man commented, "Come inside, we have a lot to talk about." They knew that since they were all onboard the same train that it would pointless to flee, so Violet bravely walked into the Guest car first; and her siblings nervously followed.
Mister Dominic closed the door once they were all inside and then remarked, "The Professor and I were just discussing matters before you arrived. And we find it rather convenient that you four have come onto the train now so that you can do the dirty work for us!"
"You mean rob the train," Klaus commented. "Don't be ridiculous, Klaus. I couldn't care less what those insolent instructors want; I thought you children would know by now that my plans are bigger and broader than that," the villain said with a smirk and then sat down on the edge of his bed and remarked, "You Baudelaires have always had a knack for sticking your noses into other people's business and you are tenacious as termites; I've tried to dispose of you at least twice so far and it seems to me that it isn't working."
"Since we're all on this train together, it only seems fair that we all work together," Professor Edwick commented as he ran his fingers thru his beard.
"Or you'll alert Thursday or his sister," Violet pointed out. "I'm trying to make an offer to you obstinate orphans!" Mister Dominic said angrily and then calmed down and remarked, "The point is you four are quite resourceful, and I could use that in the days to come. Violet, don't you recall what I told you back at Lake Lachrymose?"
he eldest Baudelaire didn't say a word, since she hadn't shared the private thought that Mister Dominic had made to her at the Lavender Lighthouse; but didn't feel that this was the proper time to share it either. Sadly, Mister Dominic felt that it was and turned to the other Baudelaire orphans and stated, "I asked your sister whether or not she was sure she was on the right side of the battle."
"We're certainly not going to join you!" Klaus commented. "So quick to make such a decision? Are you going to be just as stubborn as your parents were, Baudelaires? Let's not forget what happened to them in the end," Mister Dominic remarked and then added, "And besides I think you've learned already that they weren't as noble as you thought that they were. So why are you not following in their footsteps?"
"We're not helping you with your evil schemes!" Sunny declared. "Good and evil are always so easily mixed up, but I am warning you orphans; if you do resist this offer than I will see to it that you die onboard this train," Mister Dominic snarled.
"We love and respect our parents, and we know that they would never want us to help in your dangerous plan," Violet declared as she picked up her sister and then began to leave. "Very well, Baudelaires; I won't judge you for making such a rash decision. You are children, after all. But I insist that everything I have ever said about your parents is entirely true," their nemesis stated and then as the four siblings left his quarters, Mister Dominic added, "Don't you ever wonder where that lovely inheritance came from?"
Slamming the door closed on the Baudelaires, the children heard him and Professor Edwick laughing and then silently Violet and her younger siblings returned to their quarters, broken and defeated because they had still failed to find any clues whatsoever. It wasn't until they arrived at the Quiet car that the children recalled that Monday had taken their key and so they had nowhere to sleep and they all felt rather tired. Sunny then said, "Maybe we can sleep on the waterbeds in the twenty-third passenger car?"
The Baudelaires were still so shocked by what Mister Dominic had done; but agreed to this suggestion and headed there. All the while, the four siblings tried to convince themselves that they had made the right choice; that their parents were good people and that Mister Dominic was a wicked and insidious man. And I'm sure you know by know that this sort of convincing is not really convincing at all and so the sleep that the children got I'm quite convinced; was anything but peaceful.