Chapter 1: You Grow

"You grow, you roar
Although disguised
I know you

You'll learn to know"

Jónsi "Tornado"

My bizarre relationship with HIM began in the small, logging town of Forks, Washington.

I was actually born there. My parents grew up there, were high school sweethearts there, married there, had a baby there, and divorced there. My mother, Renee, just couldn't live her entire life there while my father couldn't imagine being anywhere else. Her spirit was too whimsical. She loved my father but couldn't spend the rest of her life in a small, sleepy town.

I had just turned two when my mother and I moved to Phoenix, Arizona. Renee's close friend from high school had moved to Phoenix after college and that was all the connection she needed. She was excited about living in a huge city infamous for its sunny temperament in more ways than just the weather. I wonder how different my life would have been if I had been raised in Forks? I think about that often mainly because of what found me in Phoenix.

My relationship with music is an important part of my identity and music also plays an important role in my relationship with HIM.

I was eight the first time I laid eyes on a violin. It was love at first sight. My mother had always loved music; however, hearing The Clash versus Mozart was much more likely in our house.

When I was seven my mother began working at the Rhythm Room, which is a pretty hip music venue in Phoenix. I started spending a lot of nights in the backroom doing homework and reading while my mother bartended. I enjoyed listening to the music but wasn't really that intrigued much to my mother's, and her musicians friends, dismay. However, one night a roots rock band played at the club and there was a violinist. She was beautiful, confident, and mysterious. As she began to play, I couldn't comprehend what I was feeling toward this woman and her instrument but it was strong. The next day I begged my mother to let me take violin lessons. My mother was bemused by my request but didn't think my enthusiasm would last since her musings never did. However, as soon as my bow touched the strings I knew I had found my true home.

Through the rest of elementary and middle school I was a girl on a mission to play as much music as I could get my hands on. Since Phoenix was such a large city, and I was showing such a great deal of promise, I was asked to join elite children's orchestras, workshops, and clinics. By the time I was a freshman in high school, I played in adult orchestras and was praised in the classical world of Arizona. The world "prodigy" was thrown around in my presence. My mother was so amazed when I stuck to it, fell in love with it, and worked so diligently to get better, to be the best. She was my biggest supporter even though she didn't exactly understand the world I was entering. She had always been a little rough around the edges and the classical world was anything but "edgy." But I loved it and Renee loved me.

I lost my mother on a rare rainy day in Phoenix. It was the day after Thanksgiving and everyone was getting ready for the holiday rush that was about to ensue, and my mother loved nothing more than chaos and shopping. She tried to get me to go with her and her friend, Dotty, but I was having none of it. I hated large crowds and I hated shopping. She left me in bed muttering under her breath about being a "Scrooge." It was a few hours later that a policeman arrived at my front door to tell me that my mother had been in an accident. The roads had been slick and a tractor trailer had lost control and slammed into my mother's small car killing her and Dotty instantly. I don't remember much more about that day.

When I finally woke up it was dark and I was in my bed. The memories of the day began to crash into me and I didn't want to get up. However, I looked over and found my father, Charlie, sitting by my bed side. He looked exhausted with his red eyes and tortured expression. I threw my arms around my father and cried for the first time about the loss of my mother. My father held me and assured me that everything was going to be okay. I was coming to live with him and his new wife Sue and her children Leah and Seth. I just felt...hollow.

After the funeral, Charlie and I began sorting out my mother's affairs. We didn't have much. We were renting our house and most of what we owned wasn't worth much. However, I sold almost everything and packed up the rest of my belongings to begin my move back to the place I was born.

I moved back to Forks three days before Christmas. Charlie is the chief of police and had recently remarried. His new wife, Sue Clearwater, had been a close friend of Charlie's for years. Sue's first husband, Harry, had been a fishing buddy of Charlie's but had died of a massive heart attack over three years ago. Charlie looked after Sue and her two children and soon their friendship grew into something more. Sue is a Quileute, and she and Harry owned the one and only general store on the reservation. Sue kept the store even after she married Charlie and moved off the reservation.

After a delayed flight into SeaTac, renting a car, and driving two hours to Forks we finally arrived at Charlie's new home that he shared with his replacement family. I'm really not that bitter.

Well, I might be just a tad bitter since my mother and I have completely been replaced down to the house I was born in. But, I must admit, the house is lovely. It's made of a dark timber with a large front porch with two stories. It looks very warm and full of love. Garland decorates the outside and I can see a Christmas tree peaking through the front windows. I was dreading Christmas this year. It was going to be hard.

The neighborhood they live in is quite nice as well. Much nicer than the neighborhood Charlie used to live in. Charlie must notice the look on my face and says, "Sue's general store is doing quite well and Harry had life insurance." He shrugs and looks a little sheepish but that explains how they were able to move into such a nice house in such a nice neighborhood.

Before my feet touch the driveway, Sue is out the front door running towards me with a look of deep sympathy on her kind face. "Oh sweet Bella, I'm so glad you are finally here!" She wraps me in a warm hug that actually feels very, very nice.

"I'm so deeply sorry for your loss and feel absolutely terrible for missing the funeral. I didn't have anyone to run the store long enough to travel to Arizona, especially during the holiday season. I must say you look beautiful but a bit too skinny for my liking. However we can fix that!" Sue's smile is so warm and her russet skin, dark eyes, and long dark hair braided loosely down her back shows off her pretty expressions.

As she tugs me towards the house shouting at Charlie to get my bags, she begins to explain the layout of the house. "The house has four bedrooms and we've just converted our guest room into a nice room for you. You will be sharing a bathroom with Leah and Seth but they keep it fairly tidy!" She beams at me and most likely sees my look of trepidation. I've never had to share my space with people my own age.

As we enter the house I see a large living space with a beautiful fireplace and comfortable looking furniture. To my right I notice a door leading toward the kitchen and dining space.

A delicious smell is wafting through the house. We head up the stairs and enter a hallway and head towards the door the farthest down the hallway.

The room is just as lovely and warm as the rest of the house. It's decorated in multiple shades of purple, which is my favorite color. Sue looks warily at me. "Do you like it? Charlie told me purple is your favorite color and I wanted you to feel at home." I can tell she is worried and I smile for one of the first times since my mother's death. "Sue, I love it. Thank you so much." She gives me a kind smile as my father enters the room with my bags.

They leave me some time to get settled, telling me dinner would be ready in about an hour. As soon as the door closes, my eyes begin to water. I don't know why I want to cry but everything feels so overwhelming. I look around my room and notice my violin case sitting on my new bed.

I haven't played since my mother's death but everything is pulling me towards my beautiful instrument. I pick it up, tune it and begin to play Beethoven's Concerto for Violin and Orchestra in D major. It's a piece I've been working on for months and it just flows out of me. I let the grief and pain flow into this absolutely stunning piece of music and feel it pulsing through me like nothing I've ever felt before.

I've always heard grief can be good for your music, and I'm starting to believe that.

As I begin to finish I turn towards the door and see a shocked boy standing there. I jump out of my skin and almost trip over my case. "You almost scared me to death! Why are you sneaking up on people?" I shout.

He enters the room and begins to apologize profusely, "I'm soo sorry! I'm Seth, Sue's son and I guess your stepbrother! Ugh. Mom told me to come and tell you dinner is ready." He looks a little worried that I might continue yelling at him. I'm a little embarrassed by my reaction and walk over to Seth and stick out my hand. "It's nice to meet you. I apologize for my reaction. I was in my own world and didn't know you were there." I try to give him a smile and finally notice that I have tears running down my cheeks.

Now, I'm even MORE embarrassed. I wipe my face and see a very sympathetic look on Seth's face. He has a kind expression similar to his mother's. "I've never heard anyone play music like that. It was really beautiful. I heard that you were good, but didn't know that you would be THAT good." He looks a little awed. I feel my cheeks turn red and look down. "Thanks Seth. Let's head down for dinner."

As I walk down the stairs, with my new stepbrother, my heart feels a little lighter than when I walked up them an hour earlier. The music in combination with this new house and family brimming with warmth and kindness was helping begin the healing process for me. I was far from over my mother's death, but I could see light at the end of this dark tunnel. I owed this to my mother. She wouldn't want me to sulk or self destruct. She would want me to live and that is what I planned to do. I was going to work on finding a place for me here in this rainy town of Forks, Washington. I planned to start by getting to know my new family.

Author's Note:

Okay, I know there was no Edward! But, I needed to set up Bella's story before bringing Edward and his brood into the mix. Rest assured! He will be here soon.

This story is going to feel angsty at times but I don't like reading about Bella being this super depressed person. If anything, I think she is pretty resilient and that is how I plan to write her. She will of course be vulnerable at times because she human, but she is first and foremost a strong and unique person.

Music is going to play a MASSIVE roll in this story. I will always list the music I'm writing about here.

Jónsi is one of my favorite musicians ever. I love his solo work and his work with the band Sigur Ros. Check out the stunning song "Tornado" here. .com/watch?v=6Pc2A66m7Zg

Ludwig van Beethoven - Violin Concerto D Major Opus 61- Larghetto is considered one of the best pieces of music written for the violin ever. Calling it beautiful is an understatement. .com/watch?v=pPLC_di_Ki0

Thank you to everyone who read the prologue, especially to my lone reviewer, witchykitty1313! Please review and let me know how things are going!