Hey guys. I wanna thank you for your support... I loved that you said that I was portraying the emotion well, cuz I've never been very good with that. At least not with written words so thanks so much for the confident boost. Like I said, I don't intend this to be short... so this is the second part and we're not even close to where my writers block decided to kick in. Again I won't upload more until I know at least a few people are reading and truly interested. So please let me know that you are by faving or commenting. Comments are always welcomed even critism (as long as it's not about me personally...) I'll take it if it's advice or honest words about my writing. But please no telling me that you perfer Janto or whatever because if you'd read the intro you'd know this is Gwack. Not tryna be horrible I just know that Gwack isn't as popular as Janto and some people can be quiet forward with their viewpoints.

Oh yes and some offered to Beta YAY :D. That should mean that my silly spelling/grammar mistakes will be corrected before you read this :)

I've bored you for long enough with this rant. So yes part 2... Thank you and Enjoy :) x

I thought I was protecting you,

from everything that I go through,

but I know that we got lost along the way.

Couldn't she see I was protecting her? If she got involved, if she knew what I've done, she'd never have the normal life she wanted with Rhys, would never have his children with the happiness that she deserved. I know she's mad with me. She's slowly given up on trying with me and I couldn't really blame her. There was only many times you could try and get someone to talk to you before you think that they just don't want you to know what was underneath that act, under the mask. But surely Gwen knew me well enough to know that it was for her protection and not me just wanting to keep myself to myself.

I sigh once again, the act almost second nature to me when it came to my thoughts of how angry Gwen was. I ran my hands through my hair stressing (once again) over whether Gwen was ever gonna see me in the same way again, would she just stop trying to be friendly, would she start seeing me that way that Rhys did? If so I think I'd rather die forever

How did we get here? How did Gwen become so distant? when did I become so heartless? When did I care more about protecting my heart than Gwen? When did we get so lost? Thinking about it, it was probably about the time that she admitted her engagement, even with everything going on she'd still try pushing me away and even when she told me that she thought no one else would have her we both knew I'd have her no question. But I knew she wouldn't let me have her until she felt like she knew me. With everyone I'd lost, with the man lifetimes I've lived and that suffering to match don't I deserve some happiness? Haven't I sacrified enough, Suffered enough and that was it. I've made my decision.

With that thought in mind, I grab my Coat and pulled it over my blue shirt with my usual brown straps pushing it gently into my shoulder blades and rushed out the hub, yelling to Ianto that I was heading out and telling him to go home as soon as he was ready. It was quiet late as it was (not that was ever a reason for Ianto to leave work) and I felt he needed time to stop working and sit and dwelling in his pain, it was the only way to he would even start to deal with his friends death because as of late, he'd spent all his time blaming himself and if he couldn't come to turns with the wrongly blamed guilt he wasn't going to be much use to me... or Torchwood if he was just that shell he is at the moment and even as I tried to get him to see reason I couldn't help but feel responsible, not only because he's part of my team, but because if not for his loss of Lisa he would have had someone to turn to and even if Lisa's cyber- state wasn't my fault, her death (indirectly or not) was my fault. Ianto was alone, sure he'd go visit his sister and act as if his life was just as normal as it ever was but I wasn't stupid I saw the spark fade more and more within in him each day and even with the knowledge of his strength I couldn't help but be a worried friend. Swallowing that thought I slide into the SUV and headed for the place I knew Gwen would be.

I could deal with things, you tend to after the amount of pain I've had to deal with. I've learnt how to hide it, I've learnt to act as if it isn't affecting me, as if I don't care... yet there were times I'd cry, any human being with a heart needed to cry, needed to shed the pain, share the pain but I could deal on my own if need be but just like most people lives a lot easier if someone actually cares about your living and your wellbeing and that was what I had to prove to Gwen.

Here I am
with all my heart I hope you understand
I hope you understand
I know I let you down, but I'm never,
Gonna make that mistake again.

I banged on the door for the third time, becoming inpatient with the fact that no one had answered when I knew someone was in by the fact that the lights were on, even if they were a little fainter because they were energy saving bulbs and I knew Gwen was the reason why, I remember her asking me about 3 weeks into her new job at torchwood just how much the hub's electricity was (I figured she just wanted to know as much about the Hub and the way it works) and when I told her the yearly cost she had slapped me on the arm and gave me a lecture about how much money this country could save if we all learnt to save electricity and then she demanded that she been in charge of making that bill going down. I had to laugh and accept her rather desperate request, as if it was life and death. I was quiet surprised when Gwen had made monthly budges for electricity (with the pacific's of all the hub's resources) cut down by a third and then I raised her pay and told her it was her job to man the bills because no one else really put any effort into them.

I smile at the fond memory as I once again bang on the door and shout into the letter box

"Gwen Copper (Even if she was married, I wasn't going to stop calling her what I always did when I was a little wound up)... Open this door or I'm coming in and that means you paying for a new door" I took a few paces back ready to shove myself into the door when the door unlocked from the inside and a red eyed, still crying Gwen opened the door. That look, those tears if only she knew how much it hurt me. More than any death ever would. No torture could be more effective and I only wish Gwen knew it so she'd stop crying.

"What's the matter Jack? Not done pushing me away huh?" Her voice was barely a whisper as the last word escaped. She walked back into the flat, leaving me to close the door behind me. I shut the door with a gentle click and rounded the corner that led to the main room of the flat. Gwen was sitting her the sofa, her long sleeves pulled up onto her hands, are arms hugging her knee's which were drawn into her. Her face still stained with tears and it broke my heart to see her this way. I sat down next to her, not really knowing where to start. Deciding that something needed to

break the painful silence that had surrounded us I turned to her, pulling one of my legs up so I could turn to face her.

"Gwen... what's the matter?" Gwen looked at me in slight shock, I'd never just out right asked her what was wrong because I could always tell her every mood, her every upset. I asked if she was okay, just to get her to show me that she fighting her painful emotions that she was still able to work and at least have some form of a ghost smile, even if it haunted me and broke me in half and I had to do use all my energy to see her smile and laugh. But with this I just needed her to say it out loud so we could deal with it.

"You know that's the bloody hells the matter Jack, you're just choosing to ignore that I'm crying like this because of you" her voice full of hatred. I jumped up, pulling off my coat and chucked it to where I had just sat. That was the last straw and if I didn't get her to stop crying for a few moments I think I was going to break.

"Okay fine... You wanna know what goes on in here?" point to my heart. "You wanna know how much pain is in here hmm? why do you think I push people away Gwen? I don't do it cuz I'm kind of heartless bastard that most people will tell you I am. I do it to protect you! You don't wanna know half the things I've done, half of the unforgivable things I've done because Gwen I want you to look at me the way you use to, the look of amazement at my immortality, the mystery I am to you, I wanted to you laugh around me because you knew no matter what I cared about you the way you are, mistakes in all. I wanted you to see the good things in my heart, the things that were part of me before I had to deal with so much suffering going on around me.

I don't expect you to forgive me for making you cry because God Gwen that's not what I wanted AT ALL, seeing you cry like that just makes me want to hold you close, kiss those sweet red kissable lips and tell Rhys that you're mine and that I won't ever let you go. I want to hide you away from all the 'alien' things to do with Torchwood, I wanted to save you from the pain of knowing lose of true friends and the rest of the pain the world brought your way. I hope you understand Gwen because I'm never gonna push you away again. I'm never gonna lock myself away from you. If you want to know the real me, who am I to stop you? But I'm warning you of the dangers, I'm warning you that you may get hurt, you may never want to talk to me again. You may say I'm a threat to Torchwood, to the whole plant. I'm too tired to try and stop you from hurting, from killing me time and time again until you feel as if I've suffered enough for my deeds, though personally I think I've suffered enough" While I had been rambling, Gwen had gotten up to stand next to me, she took hold of my hand and stroked my face with the other.

Now I just had to see if she'd understand, would she see I'm doing this in good faith. Doing this because I loved her.