Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything you read that is familiar.
Rated: T.
Author: The Nervous Rambler.
Summary: AU. A/B E/J Em/R. 'Why won't you let me help you, Bella' 'Because you can't help me unless you believe me'
BELLA
"…wouldn't say much about it, like Bella here, but she told me about the entire night before the accident. Apparently Ben…"
Half a bottle was left. Twelve large, white, oval shaped pills rattling at the bottom every time I picked the plastic bottle up.
"Oh, hi, Angela. We were, um, we were just talking about going to the beach this weekend."
To numb the pain, or not to numb the pain; that is the question.
"Yes, I bet you were. Hey, Bella, how'er you feeling today?"
To think, or not to think.
"Bella?"
Perchance to make sense of all these murky thoughts.
"Bella?"
"She's a little out of it right now; she took another two of those pills, like, ten minutes ago."
At the price of my head, quite possibly, exploding. Was the clarity worth it? Such a decision couldn't properly be made under these conditions; I'd need that clarity to make the choice. But then the choice would already be made, wouldn't it?
Scowling, I glared at the little white pills until a hand snatched them from the table in front of me. Angela sighed, setting them back down on the table and turning her glare onto me. "Bella, Doctor Cullen said to take one every six hours. How many have you had today?"
My eyes fell back down to the little plastic bottle before I sat up, blinking a few times. "I can't be completely sure, but I think four. Maybe five." I replied, my brows furrowing. "Although, Renee stopped by this morning again to check on me; could've been six."
Angela stared at me while a few heartbeats passed by, her own hand shooting out and grabbing mine as I reached for the bottle. She held it down on her lap, glaring at me again. "No more." She gave me a look until my shoulders slumped with defeat and finally let go of my hand again, seeing as my other arm was still in the sling and I couldn't eat with it. The others at the table slowly broke off into their conversation again, now that the little scene was over, and I slouched back in my seat, sighing. "I'm going to visit Ben this evening again; you want to come along?"
It had been three days since I left the hospital, and Ben still hadn't woken up yet. Angela was in some kind of denial stage, and refused to believe this was very serious. She convinced herself that he just needed a little more rest before he'd get up and everything would be okay again. Ben's parents and Eve weren't taking it as nicely, and the pain killers Carlisle had me on made it very difficult to feel very much of anything except confusion and false bliss at times. Angela and I hadn't spoke to Alice yet since we left the hospital, and she seemed to be keeping her distance as well. Why, I couldn't be sure, but she constantly had this guilty look on her face. How anyone could have predicted the car accident is beyond me, but she felt that she should have, and was blaming herself. I tried to tell her it wasn't and it only seemed to make her feel worse, and since then she had stuck with her family like they were glued together.
"I…sure." I answered, nodding slowly.
A tingle ran down my back and I looked over my shoulder, not surprised to find five pairs of golden eyes on me. It was like that for the past couple of day; all of them watching, waiting for something. Like I was going to explode or say something bad; they were always tense, ready to bolt from the room.
It just added to my confusion.
My eyes drifted back down to the bottle while I chewed on my lip.
Pain killers, or answers?
That's the new question.
~.~.~.~.~
Both Charlie and Renee's eyes were on me while Phil continued to watch the game. Call it parental instinct or whatever you wanted; but they could tell something was up. They could feel it; I was their kid, after all.
Or maybe it was the flushed face, sweat dripping from my brow, clenched jaw, and fists so tight my knuckles were white.
Either way, they were staring at me and I was fighting to hard to not snap at them. But my patience was wearing thin, my wits were frazzled, and I was going to explode.
Eight hours later and the pain killers finally wore off. I was beginning to think I made the wrong choice though, the answers I had better get, better be worth this because if it was all for nothing, I was going to kill someone. My shoulder was a big, stinging, burning mass of pain, while my head ached and throbbed with every noise. It felt like my brain was going to melt or fry, and someone was trying to shove an ice pick through the side of my skull.
And that was all without the whispering.
Persistent, ever ending, annoying, whispering had started up just after the pain killers had worn off. Nothing dramatic or anything; it wasn't like that was the only thing I could hear. If anything, I could just barely hear it at all. It was the quietest noise, so quiet I wasn't even really sure it was actually there. And that was driving me nuts; not knowing if it was real whispering, or if it was just my mind playing tricks on me, or worse; if it was a symptom. The chance that this might actually really be part of my sickness. The chance that I really was sick. I couldn't go back to that; I'd been convinced that I was sick all my life and finally, finally, had real hope, had a real chance of, for lack of a better word, sanity. Not that I was insane, mind you; just… 'confused' as the doctors often told me. 'Unable to separate reality from imagination'.
"Bella?" Renee's voice pulled my from my thoughts, momentarily startling me into silence; her voice blocking out all the whispering for those very few seconds. "Angela's mother is here; Angela's waiting in the car for you."
My brows furrowed and I looked down at the phone in my lap, illuminated with the text from Angela that Renee had just read. Hm. I had missed the vibration. "Okay, I'll be back later." I said, getting to my feet and walking over to the door.
Renee followed me, frowning as I pulled on my leather coat. I idly glanced down at my T shirt as I shoved my phone into the pocket of my black jeans, the vibrant green cotton momentarily distracting me again. The giant 'H' on the front seemed almost mocking and I suddenly felt undeserving to wear this shirt; I highly doubt the Hulk would get hit by a car. Three times.
Never mind the Hulk; any of the Marvel super heros, but my dresser was basically stocked full of the T shirts. I was borderline obsessed with them.
"Honey," I glanced back up as Renee's voice urged me to focus again. "Please be careful." She said, her voice a mixture of worry and anxiety. She had a hard time letting me leave the house nowadays, not that I could blame her. I was a danger magnet when perfectly healthy, and now I was a danger magnet in an arm sling.
"I will." I promised, turning and headed out the door.
Angela was waiting in the backseat of her mom's car with her casted leg up on the seat in front of her. I offered a feeble, strained smile as I slid into the passenger seat, mumbling a greeting to her mom. Mrs. Weber made small talk the whole ride to the hospital, obviously trying to keep the atmosphere light and not so heavy, but that was proving difficult. I mean, we were driving to the hospital to visit our friend/boyfriend who was in a coma. There wasn't much hope of trying to lighten that up with small talk distractions.
Unless of course there were Leprechauns involved. I don't know about you; but if a Leprechaun started making small talk, my mind wouldn't be anywhere else but there.
Alas, there were no Leprechauns, just Mrs. Weber, bless her heart, and the dreary road leading up to the Hospital. I waited outside the car as Mrs. Weber helped Angela out of the car, and handed her the crutches once she was standing straight. We waved as her mom drove off, promising to be back in an hour to pick us up again, before we turned and headed inside the hospital.
I winced, the bright florescent lights burning my eyes and making my head throb. Angela lifted an eyebrow in silent question but I shook my head. No need to worry her. All the nurses on duty smiled and waved as we passed, not bothering us with signing in; they knew who we were and who we were here to visit; we'd been coming by at the same time for the passed three days.
Ben's room was on one of the top floors, in the very back corner of the building. Carlisle managed to pull some strings for him so he could have his own private room, which I was thankful for because I didn't want to deal with other sick people, or their families, while visiting Ben. Not because I was heartless or rude; just standoffish and being around people was hard for me.
The room was quiet when we got there, like always, and only a lamp beside the bed was on. The curtain over the small window was pulled back to let moonlight stream into the room, the cushions on the small sofa on the other side of the room a little mangled; someone had been visiting recently, probably Ben's family. Eve and his mother came by a lot; more often than Angela or me. I hadn't had the heart to even look at them and had been avoiding all chances of bumping into them anywhere.
With a sigh, I slid my good arm out of the sleeve of my leather coat, hanging it over the arm of the sofa. It was a little warm in there, but that was because Ben was 'unusually cold'. Angela didn't seem to be bothered in her heavy sweater, pulling up a plastic chair next to the bed. She sat down in it, leaning her crutches against the wall, and just stared at Ben.
My heart clenched and I looked away, up to the blank TV screen. Sure, it wouldn't wake Ben up if I turned it on, or even if it did that would be a very grateful miracle, but it felt wrong to watch TV in here. If he couldn't, then why should I. I felt like I'd be rubbing it in his face; that I was up and well and he wasn't.
With a grimace, I held my forehead in my good hand, sitting on the edge of the sofa.
"Bella, are you okay?" Angela asked, curiosity and worry in her voice.
A flick of my wrist was the best thing to waving off her concerns that my bad arm could manage. I grumbled, leaning back and resting my head on the back of the sofa, staring up at the ceiling. After a few moments of silence, I cleared my throat nervously. "Hey, Ange?"
"Hmm?" She responded. I could tell her eyes were still on his face; she hardly ever looked anywhere but at him when in the room.
I fidgeted, squirming uncomfortably on the cushions. "Do you think he'll be mad?"
This time I could feel her eyes on me and hear the confusion in her voice. "Mad at what?"
My shoulders rose and fell in a shrug. "I don't know, just mad. In general." I replied. "Mad that he got the worst of it. That a week of his life, so far, has been stolen. That we got away with minor injuries. Mad at me." I muttered the last one.
When she said nothing, I cracked open my eyes, blinking behind my glasses at her. She was glaring at me. "Bella, why would you think that? Is that the reason you've been popping those pills like they're candy? Because you feel guilty, you're scared he'll be mad at you?" I looked away; she was partly right. There was also the pain though, that was for sure. "Of course he won't be mad at you; he'll be relieved and thankful that we weren't hurt badly as well. Why on earth would he be mad at you; it's not like you were driving that other car."
"No, but… I was on the same side as him. I should have been hurt just as bad. We should have suffered through this together, but instead he's by himself." I mumbled quietly, blinking hard a few times.
Angela sighed. "Bella, he'll probably be kissing Alice's feet for saving you. You're his best friend, and the last thing in the world he'd want for you, is pain."
I bit my lip, but otherwise remained silent, contemplating her words.
~.~.~.~.~
A great yawn wracked my body as I glanced at my phone before looking back to the door to Ben's room. Angela had left seven minutes ago, heading down to the cafeteria to grab some snacks for us. Neither of us had eaten much of anything lately, but we were both starting to feel the affects of it; our stomachs growling into the silent room. And still another half hour before Mrs. Weber was coming to pick us up.
Naturally, I had volunteered to do this little chore. She was in crutches and I just as the sling. But Angela claimed that she new one of the male nurses who'd be more than willing to help her, and that I only had one arm and absolutely no intention of asking for help.
Which was true; I'd find an empty wheelchair and wheel the snacks back up to the room before asking for help. Or go hungry. Angela would have none of that though, and had left.
So I was by myself in the quiet, dark room.
My eyes wandered over to Ben's still form and I felt my stomach roll, my head aching. I had managed to mostly tune out the whispering; I'd hear it every now and then, but it wasn't common anymore. The bottle of pills was still in the pocket of my coat though, just in case.
Biting my lip, I got to my feet and scuffled over to the side of the hospital bed. Ben's dark hair had been cut and cropped short, as to not get in the way of the doctors while they worked on him; stitching the cuts on his face and head. Luckily they didn't have to give him a buzz cut, because I know he'd hate that for sure. He liked his hair. His golden brown skin looked so pale now, not as pale as mine, but quite pale for Ben. There were a few cuts and gashes on his face, none of them too bad, except for one. There was one long gash that cut through his left eyebrow, down his cheek, to his top lip. Luckily it wasn't deep, but Carlisle said it would most likely scar. His other eye was still a little swollen and black, his bottom lip busted, and a lot of bruising in different areas. A few of his fingers were broken, along with a couple of ribs, but otherwise nothing was too badly damaged. However, I knew under the blanket and hospital gown, there was a large white bandage over his chest that was changed daily; where the metal had stabbed through.
My gut clenched again as pain burned in my head. I clenched my jaw, trying to shake it off and focus on Ben. "I'm sorry, Ben." I whispered.
Pressure started building in my head and my thoughts drifted to the bottle of pills in my coat pocket.
"We should have stayed at the movies longer. Watched the credits. Stopped for a bathroom break before we left. Anything that would have made us leave a few minutes later."
My good hand came up, grabbing my stomach as it churned and flipped, clenching.
"Maybe then you'd be awake. We'd be having a gaming marathon right now while Angela would laugh and call us geeks. Alice wouldn't be avoiding me like I carried the plague."
The whispering got louder and my brows furrowed as I leaned into the bed, using my good hand to prop me up.
"I-"
My heart sped up, beating away so hard and so fast I thought it would explode from my chest. "What the hell is going on?" I rasped, falling to my knees beside the bed. A cold sweat broke out on the back of my neck and forehead. But I was cold, shivering uncontrollably as I gasped in a lung full of air, one after another and another, like I was drowning. My vision got blurry even though I was wearing my glasses, black spots appearing here and there. It felt like I was going to pass out.
My good hand shakily reached up onto the bed as I fought to get my feet under me, and stood on unstable legs. I needed a nurse, a doctor, someone. I groaned, my stomach feeling like it was splitting open, and jerked forward. Cool skin brushed mine and I blinked, seeing my hand holding Ben's; my grip so tight that my knuckles were going white.
I cried out, fire licking at my blood, my muscles straining as I tensed at the pain.
Ben's heart monitor started going off like crazy; an alarm blaring in my ears, adding to the pain in my head. I desperately tried to get my hand to release, but it wasn't listening to me. It just continued to hold Ben's hand, letting me burn.
Gasping, in pain or astonishment - I couldn't be sure, I watched as Ben's hand closed around mine, holding my hand just as tightly as I was holding his.
Tears were running down my face, my head and eyes feeling like they were going to explode any second. There was nothing but pain and Ben. The only two things I knew in that moment.
Just as quick as it came, it was gone; the burning fading away to nothing, my muscles finally relaxing, the stabbing pain in my head dulling to a semi-less painful throb. I was collapsed on Ben's legs, breathing in and out deeply as the after-effects of whatever the hell that just was, washed through me.
With sluggish movements, I pushed myself back up to my feet, taking one last deep breath.
Only to have it all whoosh back out and escape me in a gasp. Ben's eyes, always so dark they looked black, were a brilliant white. Staring at me as the golden-white glow surrounded him.
I blinked, taking a startled step backwards, watching as his eyes faded darker and darker until they were back to normal, the glow around him gone. Like it hadn't happened.
"B…" He cleared his throat, though his voice was still rough and gravelly. "Bella?" He choked out.
Shaking my head, I backed farther and farther away until I hit the wall. I turned, sprinting for the door and threw it open, running down the hall. My feet carried me all the way to the bathroom door before they couldn't move any farther, and I collapsed into the room, grabbing onto the sink to hold myself up. "Impossible." I whispered to myself, my own voice rough and gravelly. "This… no… this isn't possible. It can't be. No."
I cleared my throat and shook my head, looking up into the mirror and letting my jaw drop.
This. Can't. Be. Possible.
A brilliant blue glow reflected back at me, surrounding my profile. I quickly looked down at my hands and body, but nothing was there.
When I looked back up, it was still there. And my eyes… Behind the bold, black framed glasses, the incredible blue filled my eyes. No pupils. No irises. No whites. Just that blue, glowing, shining, illuminating, like a light inside me. My brows furrowed as I lifted my good hand, hesitantly touching the mirror. My fingers ghosted over the reflection's eyes, tracing the dark purple bags under them, the pale skin. The dry and cracked lips, the wild hair clinging to my neck under the black beanie. The Incredible Hulk T shirt and black jeans. Even my beat up black chucks.
This was still me.
Just different.
"You really shouldn't be healing just yet, honey. You're still new to this."
I jumped at the voice, spinning around and gasped. "You…"
A woman stood in the corner of the bathroom. Her hair was blonde, long, but up in a bun at the back of her head, her eyes a friendly grey. She worse a simple dress with a sweater over it, simple shoes, and no make up. She looked like just a regular woman.
Except for the obvious fact that she wasn't.
Her skin was pale, but it gave off a certain… glow, I suppose. Not like mine or Ben's. You could barely call it a glow; it was just different. But definitely not human, and I had a feeling I knew what it was.
"You're a ghost, aren't you?"
The woman smiled and nodded. "Yes, dear, I am."
My mind whirled at the confession and I stumbled back farther. "How… How am I… and you…you're dead but…"
She made to step closer to me, but paused when I flinched. Instead, she held up her hands and stepped back, letting me relax. "I've been watching you, sweetie. I've seen you studying away at your computer, trying to figure this all out on your own. You're a smart girl, I believe you know exactly how and why you can see and hear me. You know what you are, now you just have to admit it."
My bottom lip trembled before I bit it, shaking my head again. "No, I… I'm normal." I whispered brokenly. "I'm human."
She shook her head, smiling sadly at me. "What are you, Bella?"
No. No, I was normal. I wasn't going to finally find out I wasn't sick, that I was perfectly sane, only to admit to being different again. No, absolutely not. She couldn't make me.
I formed my best glare at her, straightening my shoulders. "I'm human. I'm a normal, healthy, sane human."
The woman sighed. "No, Bella-"
"Who are you to tell me what I am and what I'm not?" I snarled. She took another step closer to me. "I'm human, dammit!" And another. "Just like everyone else, I'm normal." And another. "Don't take that from me, please."
"I'm so sorry, dear. But do you really want to live another lie? You've been doing it for so long; do you honestly want to go back to that?" She asked and I watched, numbly, as her hand passed through mine.
I shivered, my shoulders slumping in defeat. "No…"
"What are you, honey?"
I hesitated, glancing wearily up into her kind face before looking off to the corner of the room, shame written on my face. "A Necromancer."
~.~.~.~.~
GASP.
Not.
We all saw that coming, didn't we?
But what does this all entail? And Ben's awake now! Glowing like Bella? Hmm…? What does that mean?
Well, review please, tell me what you think.
The Nervous Rambler.