It took every ounce of willpower Derek had to stay rooted on the spot. He wanted nothing more than to run after Stiles, hug him and hold him tight forever. He watched as Stiles disappeared into the horizon of trees. His werewolf hearing allowed him to hear Stiles' raspy breaths as if he were right next to him. Derek's eyes turned slightly deeper as he held back tears. Nobody had ever had this effect on him before. Nobody had made him feel so weak, yet so strong, at the same time. He found himself taking a step forward on his decking and he had to punch the decking just to give him something to focus on. Pain. As he had told Scott before, pain was what kept a werewolf human. It was hard to keep in his human state when he was in this condition. The werewolf usually shifted over when it thought its human counterpart was in danger or when experiencing high levels of emotion/increased heart rate. Derek was so upset and so angry, it was almost impossible to keep his heart rate down. He could feel his canine's extending in his mouth. He had to stay human, for Stiles' sake.
Stiles couldn't hold it in anymore. He was crying like he had never cried before. He got in to his jeep and stayed there. He was in no condition to drive. He got in to the back seat and curled up. He had a few hours before he had to be home. His father was working shifts, so he wouldn't be home to worry about where Stiles was for a while now. He had his mobile phone with him anyway. Stiles leaned his head against the car door and pulled his knees up to his chest. He got out his iPod and plugged it in and began to play the most depressing songs on there. To set the scene, it began to rain. The raindrops dripped down the window of the car and Stiles watched them. It reminded him of when he was a kid and he was in the car when it was raining and he would watch the raindrops slide down the windows of the car, and he would try to guess which one would reach the bottom first, as if they were racing. He tried to do that now, but it didn't help take his mind off of things. It just made him feel childish.
Derek had been stood on his decking, using his werewolf hearing to track Stiles' movements for around fifteen minutes, when he heard a car door shut. He heard a lot of shuffling on the car seats, and then he heard music. "Stiles must've brought his iPod." Derek determined. Just then, he smelt the rain in the clouds before it fell. He knew the rain would be cold and soak him, but he didn't care. He just stood there. At least Stiles' raspy breaths from before had gone. He was no longer crying. This could only be a good thing, right? Derek genuinely hoped so. His curiosity to run to the edge of the woods and check on Stiles was overbearing. Just as he was about to run to the jeep, he heard heavier breathing. He realized it was snoring. Stiles was asleep. "What is he even still doing here?" Derek wondered to himself. He ran to the edge of the forest and saw Stiles' jeep parked there in the pouring rain. Derek hid behind a nearby tree, so he wouldn't be spotted in case a car drove past. He used his powerful eyesight and saw Stiles was propped up in the backseat, asleep. Derek stood there watching him for another fifteen minutes, before eventually, he stepped out from behind the tree and approached the jeep.
Derek placed his hand on the window of the Jeep. He wanted nothing more than to open the door, get in the Jeep and pull Stiles in to his arms. But he knew he couldn't. The whole reason he had blown Stiles off was because it was too dangerous. Derek didn't know what he was feeling. He had never been in love before. What he felt for Stiles... was this love? He didn't know, but he didn't want to risk it. He wasn't exactly the best person on the planet, so if he fell in love, he'd probably be worse. He'd be possessive, protective, annoying, angry. It would be so much harder to keep his emotions in check, if they were tied to someone else. Derek couldn't allow that. If he was in that state, who knows what he do? Especially to Stiles, the one person he actually cared about on this planet. He couldn't allow that to happen. He had to distance them. Taking one last look at Stiles, Derek turned and walked away.
"Derek." Even though it was a murmur, Derek heard it clearly. Stiles had said his name. Had he seen him? Did he know he was there? Derek froze. He turned around slowly, but nothing had changed. Stiles was still there, sleeping, his chest rising and falling calmly. Even in sleep, Stiles looked hurt. His brown was furrowed and his cheeks were stained red from tears. It angered Derek, that he was the cause of this pain. He didn't want to hurt Stiles anymore, he turned away and ran. He kept running, for hours. His heart rate increasing, it was thumping in his chest, his throat hurt from taking rapid breaths of cold air, he was punching trees as he passed, anything to channel his anger. But it was too hard. He had fallen in love. His life from now on would change. Everything would be different. Everything would be too hard. Eventually, Derek just broke down. He stop running and he collapsed to the ground. His heart rate slowly returned to normal and he stopped breathing as fast because he wasn't running anymore. Derek couldn't hold it in anymore. A tear brimmed over the edge of his eyelid.
Stiles woke up, disorientated. He could hear music in the background, where was it? After rubbing his eyes, Derek saw his earphones. He followed them to his iPod, which he turned off. The music stopped. He really did look silly. His hair was sticking up from being rubbed against the seats in his sleep. After a few moments, Stiles realize where he was. He remembered what had happened. The pain hit him all over again, like a hammer to the ribs. It was still raining. Stiles looked to the window and saw a handprint in the condensation there. Someone had placed their hand against the window whilst Stiles was sleeping. Deep in his heart, Stiles knew it was Derek's handprint. From the inside of the car, he placed his hand against it. Stiles opened the car door and got in to the driver's seat of the car. He turned the key in the ignition and drove home without looking back into the woods. The car ride home was silent, apart from the sound of the rain hitting the car. When he drove into the drive of the house, it was empty. His father wasn't home again, as usual. Unusually, Stiles didn't care. He had other things on his mind.
He got out of the car, locked it and went in to the house. He took off his shoes, then went upstairs to his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. He wanted to cry again, but he couldn't. Stiles had never really been one for crying. He normally used humour as a defence mechanism. But Derek had gotten past all his defence mechanisms. Stiles had tried to use them, but it didn't matter. Derek had made his way into Stiles' heart, then when Stiles had wanted to keep him there, he had ripped himself back out. The hole in Stiles' heart was horrible. He could feel it. Stiles just felt empty. He didn't know what to do. For hours, he lay there. His room was pitch black, even with the curtains undrawn.
Stiles heard a car drive up to the house and the door shut. The house door opened and closed again.
"Stiles?" A voice called up the stairs. His father's. Who else? It took Stiles more energy than it should have to sit up and shout back, "I'm here Dad!" He tried to sound as normal as possible. He didn't want his dad to know about his pain. Him and his dad were never too good on words and explaining his current situation would require a lot of words and awkwardness. Stiles got up, walked over to the curtains and closed them. Then he went to the bathroom and cleaned his teeth. He considered having a shower, just to kill some time before he went to bed, but when he looked at it, he remembered the last person who had been in that shower with him. He couldn't. Stiles went back to his bedroom and fell asleep on top of the bed, exhausted from all the emotions he had felt that day.
Outside of Stiles' bedroom window, Derek was stood on the roof of the next door neighbours' house, leaning around so he could see through Stiles' bedroom window. But the curtains were drawn, so he couldn't see anything. Instead, he sat there and just listened intently to the sound of Stiles' gentle breathing in his sleep. He knew he shouldn't be there, but it was worth it just to be there, listening to him breathe. He sat there all night until the sun started to rise above the horizon and dawn was upon him. The birds began to sing, and Derek knew he had to leave, or else he would be seen. He didn't want that. Derek dropped down from the roof and ran back home.
Stiles woke up and for a few blissful seconds, he forgot why he was still fully clothed from the lacrosse game last night. He forgot about the heart-wrenching pain Derek had caused him. As his brain woke up, the sudden realization hit him and the pain seeped back in to his heart. Stiles' head hung as he went into the bathroom to take a shower. He hadn't had one last night because it was too painful; it had brought back memories of Derek. Because of that, he was still covered in mud from the game and he had gotten mud on his bed sheets. He stripped off his clothes and forced himself into the shower. He didn't really want to be in there, but he couldn't go to school smelling. But he didn't really want to go to school. He had to, though. He had to carry on as if everything was normal. He had to carry on as if his heart weren't breaking. The pressure of it all, it made Stiles break down for the second time. He stood in the shower, his sobs hidden from the noise of the dripping water, so there was no danger his father would hear him. His tears mixed in with the shower water and were washed away. Stiles stood in the shower for half an hour, before turning it off, stepping out, drying himself and leaving the bathroom as soon as he could. He put on his school uniform and headed downstairs. Normally, he would've gone and gotten breakfast, but he just didn't feel like eating anymore. He knew it was dangerous, but he didn't care. He had just stopped caring. Taking his keys, he left the house and got in to his Jeep. He drove slowly towards school, wasting time. In the parking lot, he saw Scott approaching him as he got out of his Jeep.
"Hey man, what's up?" Scott asked brightly.
"Hey dude, nothing much. Yourself?" Stiles responded brightly. Scott didn't suspect a thing. Perfect. He could do this. He knew he could. Stiles was strong enough for this. He wasn't going to let this break him. So the two boys conversed as they made their way into school and Scott met Allison. Scott and Allison got talking and it took some pressure off of Stiles. He didn't have to fake a smile as much. Even as Lydia walked by, he had to remind himself to smile more and ask her how she was, even though he knew she wouldn't respond. This was the first day he'd ever resented her for it. Allison shot him and odd look, but she didn't pursue it as she was in an animated conversation with Scott about last night's game. That's how the day went for Stiles. He carried on as normal and no-one suspected a thing. Then he would get home and just collapse on his bed. He'd do homework if he had any, go out if Scott asked him, but apart from that, he just lay on his bed like a corpse.
This went on for three weeks and every night Derek would watch Stiles from the window to make sure he was okay. Stiles showed no sign of weakening or strengthening. Derek wondered how long Stiles would be able to keep up this facade, he was clearly not okay. It hurt Derek to know he had put Stiles in this position. He was so sorry, sorrier than he could put into words. He was doing this for Stiles' own good, if only he could see that. Derek needed to put an end to Stiles' pain. It had been going on for so long; Derek didn't even know how much longer he could take it. It would be so much easier just to be with Stiles. Yet so much harder. But he had to try. He just had to.
Jumping in through his window, Derek left a note on Stiles' bed for him to read when he got home from school. He went back home for once and went to sleep. He hadn't had a good sleep in days and now was a good opportunity. He was woken to the sound a car engine and Derek recognized it of the sound of Stiles' Jeep. His heart soared and a smile planted itself of Derek's face. Before he even threw on a shirt, he just ran down the stairs to meet Stiles. He heard Stiles' door slam and he knew this was not a good sign.
"Hey St-" Derek started, before Stiles' fist flew out of nowhere and punched Derek in the face. Derek hit the floor and his eyes and nose filled with blood. His senses were ruined, but his hearing was fine. He could hear Stiles whimpering. Obviously the punch had hurt him more than it had hurt Derek. His werewolf healing abilities healed the wound and he wiped the blood away from his face, although he'd have to wash it off thoroughly later. Even though he was happy to see Stiles, he was still just as pissed off as he would have been that Stiles had punched.
"What the hell was that for?" Derek roared, hair growing around his jaw line and his canines growing as he slowly shifted into a werewolf. He couldn't hold back the anger. It was too hard. "Stiles... run..." he managed to splutter.
"No."
"What do you mean no? Get the hell out of here!" Derek shouted.
"Don't tell me what to do!" Stiles roared. The sound of his voice shocked Derek. He had never heard Stiles like that before. What was going on? The shock was enough to force back the shift, and Derek slowly returned to human. He looked at Stiles with questioning eyes, and he saw the boy was simply not himself. Stiles had bags under his eyes, even from all that laying on his bed, he barely slept. His cheeks were flushed red and he was wearing an expression of pure anger which did not suit him.
"Stiles..." Derek said, but again, he was cut off.
"No!" Stiles shouted, his voice cutting through the silence. "Just leave it. Just leave me... alone, Derek. Please."
"Why?" Derek shouted as Stiles had turned and walked away. Stiles froze. He turned back around, the expression of anger back on his face.
"Why? You're seriously asking me why, Hale?" Derek registered the use of his surname and it showed him just how angry Stiles was. "How about the fact you fucked me, took my virginity in that fact, disappeared, didn't talk to me for three weeks, left me heartbroken and now you won't let me heal!" Each fact that Stiles spoke, it burned through Derek. He knew everything he had done wrong; he didn't need Stiles to point it out. "You might have werewolf healing," Stiles continued with his rant. "But some of us don't! So you can carry on acting like you don't care, but I can't."
"I do care." Derek said through gritted teeth.
"No you don't." Stiles argued.
"Yes, I do." Derek said, his eyes locked on Stiles with a deadly expression.
"You obviously don't. Even if you do, you've got a funny way of showing it! Disappearing? Why didn't you come back to me? You must've known what this would do to me! I'm young! You can't just screw with my life like this, Derek. Why did you do it? Huh? Why? C'mon Derek," Stiles said, shoving Derek backwards. "Why? Why! Why!"
Stiles was practically screaming now, but he didn't care. There was no-one around to hear them. His face was screwed up in pain and tears were leaking down his face against his will. His breathing was rapid and he pushed Stiles again, "Why!" he shouted.
"Because I love you!" Derek blurted out.