Chapter 15

Three days later James had managed to stay awake for a full twelve hours and was looking like his usual self again; with three bottles of blood replenisher inside of him he had got his normal colour back and his wounds had sealed completely, though he would have another few scars to match his earlier ones. Holly had brought the children with her everyday and they had made him feel better too, bouncing around on his bed, hugging and kissing him and even Isabella had come out of her shell when he had convinced her that she was not at fault at all. Her whole ordeal had made her forget being mad with her parents and she was prepared to accept whatever happened between them now. Holly had tended him and brought him anything he needed but they had had no opportunity to speak alone which had given her more reason to avoid the conversation she wanted to have with him, and him more time to realise that nothing had changed. She was quite attentive to him which had confused James at first but he remembered that no matter what she still loved him and he was still the father of her children who had almost died. Holly was caring and always would be but things still stood the same between them as far as he was concerned.

"Mr Potter," said the matron healer as she walked through the door at around six o clock; she had just come on shift and seen that James had stayed awake since half past five that morning so she had come to give him the all clear. "You are looking much fitter and brighter this evening I must say," she said in a jovial voice. "I believe it may be time for us to turf you out of your hospital bed and send you on your way young man!"

"Really?" he asked like an excited child and the five children lolling around on his bed all sat up and stared at him, "I can go home?"

"As long as you promise to take it easy and rest plenty!" she chided with a look which said she knew he wouldn't stick to the instructions willingly, "But you should be able to take care of yourself at home now I think," she chuckled.

"Daddy you're coming home!" Millie screamed excitedly as she jumped to her feet and started to bounce up and down on the bed.

"Yay!" Arthur chimed in jumping up to jump with her. "Daddy's coming home, Daddy's coming home," he chanted and Ellie jumped up to join them before diving onto her father's chest and giving him a hug. Daniel looked pleased too but Isabella made no comment or allowed her face to change at all and James glanced at his wife before answering.

"Well, Darlings," he began motioning for them to stop jumping and sit back down, "what healer Ward means is that I can leave the hospital but I'll be going to stay at Grim-"

"Why don't you just come back to the house?" Holly interrupted and he looked at her quizzically. "For the children," she added without knowing why; at least if he came back to the house they could talk when the children were asleep and maybe…maybe he would take her back. "Please?" she finished as he stared at her in the same way but the three sets of pleading eyes on his bed won him over immediately and he nodded his head at them all; he could stay in the spare room for a few days while they saw that he was better; it would not be forever, he told himself.

They flooed back to the house which was still as it had been left five days ago; they had all been staying at the Burrow out of ease since James woke up so Holly set to work cleaning and tidying straight away while James entertained the others in the living room. They allowed the triplets to stay up a little later than usual but at half past eight their eyelids were drooping and Holly said everyone was to go to bed and get some rest as it had been a long and tiring few days. "I'll sort out these three maniacs," James said rising to his feet and pointing at the doorway and Arthur, Millie and Ellie all started to trudge out ahead of him and climbed the stairs one at a time while Holly, Isabella and Daniel followed on.

He tucked them all in and read a quick story from Tales of Beedle the Bard but they were all in the land of nod before he had even finished it so he extinguished the light in the room and crept out quietly closing the door behind him. He heard Holly on the floor below reading to the other two and he crept down to listen; they too fell asleep quickly and he lifted Isabella up and carried her into her own room while Holly tucked Daniel in. After leaving her room he absentmindedly headed to the second set of stairs to go to his and Holly's room but stopped himself when he saw her standing on the bottom step, "I'll…I'll stay in here tonight," he mumbled turning to walk into the spare room.

He had taken only a few steps when Holly grabbed hold of his hand and carefully spun him to face her. Without a word she stepped closer to him and though she had rehearsed over and over again what she would say to him none of the words would come out and instead she kissed him, tenderly and longingly on the lips. His legs faltered for a second and he did not respond but as her arms wrapped around him he gave in to her and kissed her back with a passion and longing which he had wanted to release since the day he had returned home from his mission. He moaned and stumbled so they broke apart but she kept a tight hold of his hand and started to lead him up to their room. James followed blindly not thinking about what it meant or how it would feel and when they reached the bedroom door he allowed Holly to take him inside and kiss him again still with the same passion and longing as before. She led him over to the bed and sat down pulling him gently with her until she was laid back beneath him and their kiss continued with a little more heat as Holly reached out to unbutton his shirt. He followed suit and ran his hand up the curve of her waist, beneath her thin top but as he reached her breast and felt her lean into him he stopped and drew his head away from hers.

"What's the matter?" she gasped as he opened his eyes to look at her, "James?"

"Holly, what is this? Why are you doing this? I'm confused. I don't want your pity because I almost died Holly, I only ever wanted your love." He moved his body from above hers then and sat on the edge of the bed rebuttoning his shirt before he stood up to leave.

"Don't leave me James," she whispered sitting up on the edge of the bed herself and reaching out for his hand, "I want…I want you to stay with me…I…I need you to stay with me." She gulped as he turned and looked at her but she had to turn her own gaze away in guilt as she continued, "I need you James; more than anything. I was so wrong before. I don't know why I said what I did; I think I was angry because I gave up everything for our family and you carried on but you kept leaving us for longer and longer and I did get used to not having you around. I got used to not having you there and used not needing you for the little things; but… I need you for everything else James; I need you for me. I need you to fill the void in my heart that is always there when you're not. When I thought you might be gone from my life forever I realised how wrong I had been; I can't live without you and while I may not need you for the little things that doesn't mean I don't want you. I want you James and I do need you," she stressed. She chanced a glance at him and saw that he was staring at her, his face expressionless. "I know I hurt you and I know this may not be easy for you so I understand if you can't feel the same way about me now because of what I've done but... I need to know something."

She stopped and swallowed over the lump in her throat; he was still staring at her when she looked up again and she could not read his feelings at all. "On our wedding day you said that you'd give anything up for me but you wouldn't give me up for anything," James nodded his head slowly at her but she looked back down and didn't see the tears clouding his eyes as she went on. "I have to know what I need to do: what do I need to say so you will believe that again?" she sobbed holding back the tears and trying not to look like a pathetic and weepy girl.

James knelt down in front of her and clasped both of her hands within his own before whispering, "You just did it."

"What? How?" she gasped lifting her head and looking into his deep chocolate brown eyes which suddenly looked more alive than they had since he had woken from unconciousness.

"You said you needed me," he replied softly. "When you told me that you didn't need me, that was what hurt the most Holly; I am your husband and we are always supposed to need each other. Not for the nappy changes or for clearing the garden but for each other. It was the hardest thing to hear that you didin't need me, and I knew that it was all my fault-"

"No," she interrupted but he shushed her and placed a finger against her lips.

"It was Holly," he said softly, "I created this life where you thought you didn't need me because you had to get on without me; but it crucified me to know. The only thing in this world you have to do is need me Holly and I will believe anything for you. I need you to need me."

"And I do," she whispered in reply as he leaned up to kiss her, this time with more vigour and even more passion than before and she cried as he pushed her back against the bed and climbed over her covering her form with his own and deepening the kiss they shared.

"Good," he whispered a moment later, "because I certainly need you." With the start of another kiss they frantically pulled at each others' clothes; buttons tore off and material ripped but neither one cared as all they wanted was to be one with each other. They were panting when they were both finally naked and rolled over on the bed until Holly was positioned over James at this point she pulled her head away to look into his face; it was full of lust and passion but also full of love and want and with a sheepish smile she started to touch and explore his body again which she realised she had missed so much. He groaned at her touch and reached out for her, gently massaging her breasts with his hands and hearing her soft gasps as he did. She sought out his lips again and he rolled her over once more positioning himself perfectly to take her but he stopped and looked down at her. "What is it?" she asked seeing the strange look on his face.

"Holly, do you really mean it all?" he asked in a scared voice. "Before we do this are you sure? Because I can't lose you again; it would kill me. I want this so much; but I can't make love to you and then walk away again; I-" she cut him off with her finger which she placed on his lip gently.

"I need you to be my husband James and make love to me like my husband because I will never let you go again," she whispered. "But if you need to take things slowly then we can; I just want to be with you, I… need to be with you." He shook his head and leaned down to kiss her softly. After seeing the smile on her face and the truth in her eyes, he knew she wouldn't lie to him to make him feel better. She had spoken the truth before, or what she had thought was the truth, even though it had hurt them both and he knew she was speaking it now.

"I love you Holly," he whispered as he slowly and gently pushed himself into her making her groan softly and reach out for his neck so she could pull his head down to hers.

It was slow and passionate at first both of them jus trevelling in the feeling of being one with each other after so long, and after what they had been through; with every slow, deep thrust Holly moaned and sighed and James held her tight. They kissed for a long time until finally they both needed their passion to turn harder and stronger as they both cried out in ecstasy and eventually stopped moving as they came together no longer kissing but staring deep into each others' eyes. At that moment, when they were panting raggedly, and wallowing in the feeling of satisfaction, Holly knew more than ever before that she could not live without James as her husband. No matter what he did or where he went she needed him to be one with her and fill her heart with love. "I love you James," she whispered, breaking the silence, and he leaned forwards to kiss her gently one more time before sliding across the bed and pulling her into his embrace.

They lay awake in the dark for a long time holding one another, Holly felt that he would disappear if she let him go and James was just happy to have his wife in his arms again. She caressed the old scars and the new ones on his chest and breathed in his masculine scent while he intermittently kissed the top of her head and sighed. Eventually Holly broke the silence and turned slightly to look up at him before saying, "What will Beerney do when you go back in to work?"

"It doesn't matter," he replied staring back at her.

"But he'll still be angry that we took it all into our own hands, won't he? You could be put on probation for what we…what I did to find you," she said sheepishly as he pulled himself up in the bed and looked down at her.

"Not if I quit," he answered.

"What?"

"Holly, I can't go back there now; not after everything it has done to us," he explained.

"But James," Holly said sitting up and facing him, "I told you, I know now that I need you no matter where you go or for how long; that won't change now I know it."

"I still can't go back though Holly," he continued, "not after putting the children in danger. I should have left the ministry years ago, when I put you in danger because of Malfoy. I can't go on with that job when I know the children could be targeted just as much as you; I won't put any of you through all this again; I can't Holly."

"But James, being an auror is your life; it's always been so important to you."

"No Holly, it was my life until I met you; then you and the children became much more important to me; I just thought I could have both, but I can't; and I have to choose what is most important to me. I won't lose you or the children because of my job it is too high a price to pay for something which takes me away from you all too often. My Dad gave it all up and never regretted it and I should have followed his lead when I settled down with you; aurors don't have wives and families, well not many of them and I know why. I almost lost you just be being away so long and we almost lost our daughter to a man who could have done anything to her and I cannot ever risk that happening again. I am not going back to the ministry Holly so you are going to have to find a way to need me for the little things again because I'm going to be here for them." He smiled at her then and she leaned up to kiss him. He was making sure that she didn't feel guilty about his decision, that she didn't think it was all down to her but she understood completely and knew he had been right all along; he would give anything up for her and he was going to do it.

"I think I can learn to need you like that again," she chuckled as they broke apart, "besides it'll mean I can put my feet up a bit more often!" she laughed as he dragged her over his body and gave her another deep kiss. They both giggled like teenage lovers and Holly felt something hard pushing against her leg as they continued their kiss; "Im not sure the healers will approve of this James; you're not exactly taking it easy!"

"I don't care," he replied kissing her neck. "My wife needs me to pleasure her," he said huskily sounding more like his old self. "At least I hope she does," he added looking down at her.

"She does," Holly replied throatily, "but I need you to be able to do it for a long time to come. Are you sure you are up to it?"

"Who are you asking?" James laughed looking down on her and finally feeling like himself, "I'm always up to it!" With that he pushed his penis harder against her and she reached out to touch it. Holly felt him growl deeply as she slid her hand up and down and tried to guide him towards her. They made love again with more heat and speed this time but were both as satisfied when they lay curled up afterwards in a position they had always favoured after sex. He stroked her waist and kissed her shoulders while she clung to his hand still refusing to let him go for too long.

They were both drifting off into a post coital slumber when a familiar noise disturbed them and their bedroom door creaked open. Turning simultaneously they saw Ellie and Arthur both standing in the doorway with a feint light shining behind them; James sighed and reached out for his trousers while Holly sat up on the bed and picked up a thin robe she kept by the bedside. She donned it quickly and stood up as James whipped his trousers up his legs and stood up to fasten them, "I'll go down to the spare room," he whispered standing up and reaching out a hand to touch his wife.

"No," she answered forcefully before turning to face the children. "Ellie, Arthur," she began in a soothing tone, "you are both big girls and boys now and you don't need to sleep here with Mummy anymore. This is Mummy and Daddy's bed and we can't keep pushing Daddy out of it," she turned to smile at James as she picked Ellie up and took Arthur by the hand. "Come on, we're going back to your beds tonight and I want you to stay there ,okay?" he heard her say as they walked out of the door.

"Yes Mummy," they called in unison and James crept out behind them and followed Holly into their room; after tucking them in and kissing them both they fell immediately back to sleep and she turned back and smiled as she saw James watching.

"They've been through a lot Holly; they could have stayed with you; I don't mind sleeping downstairs," he whispered as they stepped into the landing.

"But I do," she replied taking his hand and leading him back to the bedroom, "we've been through a lot too and you sleeping downstairs is just another thing I got used to. I have to need you in my bed, in our bed and if the children are in it then I stop needing it. We are husband and wife James and we need to share a bed; they are old enough to understand that now," she finished closing their bedroom door as they stepped inside it. "Now, back into bed young man," she ordered, "and without the trousers," she added with a twinkle.

"Yes Ma'am!" James replied with a mock salute to his forehead. "I do like it when you are commanding!" he chuckled as they climbed back into the bed.

"In that case I command that you satisfy me again!" she said in a demure voice as she fluttered her eyelashes and reached out to touch his chest.

"Three times in one night?" he laughed, watching her finger nails scrape up and down his chest.

"Not up to it anymore James Sirius Potter? There was a time when three times would have been nothing! Has ten years of marriage burned you out?" she goaded before withdrawing her hand and laying on the bed facing away from him with a soft sigh.

"I've lost nothing, thank you very much," he growled grabbing her shoulder and turning her back before smothering her with his body and pinioning her arms above her head so he could kiss her hungrily and show her again just how much he was still James Sirius Potter. She giggled at his roughness and pretended to fight back but as his lips found her neck she deflated and allowed him to carefully and slowly caress and pleasure her intimately until they were completely exhausted and fell asleep touching one another like a newlywed couple.