Chapter 3: The Rise of Gao- The Power of Football (the Football that Involves Mostly Kicking) Part 1
Dongjing, Third Age Year 1924
"Speak! What exactly happened here."
For a moment, Wang Jin looked like a caught goldfish.
"Uh-guh-erm," she responded, then coughed into her hand. Blinking a few times she closed her mouth, lifted her chin, and walked over with confident strides toward the constable.
The constable tightened his hand around his truncheon.
She stopped momentarily and stated with her head held high, "self-defense."
"Self-defense?" the Constable asked, raising his eyebrows.
Wang Jin unfastened her bag on her right hip and walked closer until she was within arm's reach of the constable.
"Self-defense," Wang Jin stated more firmly, taking out a roll of iron coins, and holding aloft the money. The constable held out his free hand, letting the roll fall into his fingers.
"Self..." the Constable's eyes shifted toward Gao holding trying to sit up. Then the constable looked at Yanny/Laurel (bloody mouth and all) vainly trying to put her two teeth back in. Nearby, the ruffian that was on his back was clutching his chest, struggling to get up. The constable's eyes shifted next to the collapsed peddler stall where a ruffian was trying to get out of the debris.
"...defense?" scoffed the Constable with disgust, as if Wang Jin just made a joke regarding disembowelment.
Wang Jin's mouth twitched for a second, but she retained her plain expression.
"Self..." she placed another roll of iron coins into the constable's palm.
"de-..." another roll was placed.
"-fense." Finally, a third roll was placed. The constable closed his palm with the three rolls of coins, placing them within a pouch attached to his belt.
"Aaah," the constable's eyes widened as if suddenly understanding, "self-defense," the constable repeated with an affirming tone, nodding at Wang Jin, who averted her eyes to the side with the barest hint of a smile, "off you go then."
And off she went, walking with long strides and a quickened pace.
Her tale of how she passed the Arms Instructor examination with flying colors, her first few years roaming from village to village training warriors, her rise to become Head Arms Instructor of the 80,000 Imperial soldiers, and how she trained the likes of Lin Chong, Shi Wengong, and Lu Junyi, shall not be told right now.
Instead, our focus shall move towards the person named Gao, as it was now his turn to answer the constable.
Gao gritted his teeth, salty tears blinding his eyes. There wasn't any reprieve at all! When he could finally breathe without hurting his midsection, the migraine would return. When the migraine went, his eyes burned. And when he could move again, stabs of pain continued to strike between his legs. It felt like he ran into a wall and the wall decided to tear off his balls for good measure.
It was only intimidation! That street performer encroached on their territory so, of course, they were going to beat him up! They would've stopped... eventually. It wasn't as if they were going to kill him; they didn't have enough money to bribe themselves out of that. All the fighting his gang knew was from watching the staged fights outside of the brothels. Of course, Gao knew a little more about martial arts, but why would he get his hands dirty when he had people to do his work? Everything went wrong once that tanned green-clothed woman ambushed his group. By the time Gao fully realized what was going on, his niece Yanny had bravely fallen trying to charge at the wild beast.
Needle-like stabs struck his groin again. Ugh, he was going to feel this for days.
The rest were disposable. But hitting his niece... that pissed Gao off. What kind of monster would hit a little girl, his niece in particular? That woman was probably a country bumpkin based on her tanned skin. Probably got kicked out for being a stupid, illiterate ruffian and decided to enlist in the army or something. She only beat Gao because he was enraged and didn't think straight. Dirty fighter too, no honor at all to kick someone's jewels. To be beaten like that in front of the entire crowd too. She ruined everything!
By the time Gao finally was able to wobble up, wincing in pain, the constable had begun interrogating Yanny.
"You there. Girl, speak, what happened here?" ordered the constable, bending over to better talk with her.
"They... that... that tanned animal... They punched me! My-my, it hurts talking... so much," Yanny blubbered, nasally snorting her snot in between placing her face on her pink sleeves.
The constable shook his head, "they, they, they? Who are they? What did you expect when you attack someone? That they let you beat them up?"
She shook her head vigorously, tears flying out of the corners of her eyes, "No no, that woman did it. They started-"
"Niece, let me talk to the nice fellow here- ugh" Gao cut her off, wincing in pain as he limped towards the pair.
The constable cast an annoyed sideways glare, then turned towards Gao. "I did not ask you to speak," he said flatly.
"Oh but kind sir, you want to ask me to speak," Gao, said, fishing out a roll of copper coins.
The constable mulled it over. Then, he gave a quick nod, taking the coins.
Gesturing towards Gao, the constable stated, "I want you to speak, what happened here?"
And now he was bankrupt. Great.
Gao could not let Yanny say that it was that Country Bumpkin's fault, as the latter was officially cleared of all wrongdoing due to "self-defense." Gao could always file the paperwork for an appeal for the magistrate to see, of course, but that cost more money than he had. So, he "convinced" the constable that Yanny and his beatdowns were punishment enough for the crime of attacking another person.
Then came the challenge of covering up the other members of his crew.
So Gao had to "convince" the constable that he was not responsible for the concussion his fellow member had ('tripped on a rock and fell backward'), the cracked rib suffered by another member ('stunt mishap with a staff'), the property damage from his crew member being thrown into a peddler's stand ('practiced a cartwheel, three backflips, two front somersaults trick and botched the landing'), the strained arms from the two useless idiots who did not take the opportunity to leave the scene! ('I have nothing to do with them')
Then he had to hunt down the various artists that had, by this time, drawn a rendition of his crotch being punted like a football. They took most of his money as artists were well-respected. But Gao would rather be strangled by his intestines than be famous for Hero teaches Gangster Gao a Lesson in Football or Self-Defense Technique: The Ball Destroyer.
Finally, there were those gamblers he had to pay off to stop badgering him ("You threw the fight!" "You were favored by -4000 and a lock, screw you!"). He had to give them his favorite football along with the rest of his money.
His crew disbanded. Yanny wanted to stick by Gao but he flat out told her to not associate with him anymore, for her sake, and to get an apprenticeship with an herbalist due to her knowledge of flowers. Yanny cried so much that Gao wept as well. They cried so much that they were kicked out of the homeless shelter they resided in for disturbing the peace.
Thus began his search for a job...
He asked his father for a job. His father reported him to Dongjing's magistrate for being a non-government-endorsed gang leader and Gao got logged 20 times (being hit on the back by log-like staves). Oh, and he was banished from the capital too. The bastard!
Dongjing, Third Age Year 1927
Gao spent the next three years in a gambling house. By that time The Emperor issued a general amnesty for everyone. Thus, Gao returned to Dongjing, finding himself surrounded by an overflow of unemployed people that would return back to jail (some voluntarily) within the next few years. Somehow, he found himself in a tougher situation than he was three years ago. But he decided to try his hand at an interesting job he heard of...
"I'm sorry, but after seeing you eat for ten days, you're not fit to be a competitive eater," Gao's now-former employer concluded.
Seeing the absolute devastation on Gao's face caused the employer to hurriedly add, "but you are a good groveler. Here's a letter of recommendation to somebody I know."
Gao's face lit up in happiness. Then the grin quickly turned into a frown as he processed what his former employer said.
"Huh?"
Su "Dongpo" Shi would become a household name in a thousand years. He had quite a resume: Poet, essayist, journalist, economist, statesman, and possible inventor of Dongpo Pork, a luscious dish that would tempt many a vegetarian for years to come (even though he himself was a vegetarian). He had nothing to do with fish.
At this point in time, he was a disgraced ex-politician who was recently amnestied. Given that "common household work" was not on his resume, he was offering employment for the vacant "servant" job: Gao Qiu was among the applicants on this list.
The interview began; pleasantries were made. Then Su Shi asked,
"...and what do you think of Moriism, the School of Morinehtar that asserts the existence of a Central Path for both Elves and Men?"
"...Huh?" responded Gao in confusion, "I am afraid I am not an expert on foreign-sounding religions, master."
A silence followed.
Breaking the silence, Su Shi said, "...I would like you to write an essay analyzing a poem that I wrote. If you do well then you may stay as my servant, learning to be a scholar at the same time. If you do not do well, you may stay for a night and leave when the sun rises and the rooster crows."
With that, Su Shi handed the poem; along with a calligraphy set containing paper, brushes, an inkstick, an inkstone, red ink, a brush holder, a little water pot, a pot of sand, and a little spoon; to Gao. This is what the poem said:
"人生到處知何似，恰似飛鴻踏雪泥；
泥上偶然留指爪，鴻飛那復計東西。
老僧已死成新塔，壞壁無由見舊題；
往日崎嶇還記否，路長人困蹇驢嘶。"
This is what it said in Westron:
"What compares to humanity's life?
Migrating geese rest on snow,
Leave fleeting claw prints and
All fly away, some East, some West.
The old monk has passed away;
A gravestone was made for them.
The crumbling wall of their hut
Shows not our inscriptions there.
The road went ever on and on,
All of us tired, our limping steeds braying."
(trans. Shaohai Guo)
Gao spent some time digesting the poem, then put brush to ink and began writing his essay. As the ink was not easy to erase, he put his thought into every logogram, ensuring each character was pristine. Every stroke was precise yet reflected the language's beauty; even the periods were perfectly round. After he was done, he lightly poured sand on the essay to dry the ink. Once the ink dried, he blew the particles away.
Handing it to Su Shi, the ex-government scholar inspected the work. Every so often the scholar would briefly nod, as if in affirmation. His eyes would focus on certain terms, and he would pause at points as if to ponder a specific phrase or sentence.
Soon enough, Gao was handed back the essay. Noticing that there were no markings on the work, he looked at the scholar, awaiting the evaluation.
"Your work is quite beautiful and technically sound. Each stroke showed your attention to detail, I can see you put an ethereal amount of effort into this. Every character is clear and you created a fine work of art. I will not let this talent go to waste."
The praise filled Gao with joy as he respectfully focused his eyes on the floor, smiling.
However, Su Shi was not done speaking.
"I shall write a letter of recommendation for you to gain employment with an artist I know at a well-known brothel called the Brothel of the Wise. I wish you luck in your future endeavors, Gao."
Gao grinned, and he bowed towards the scholar in gratitude. But just as he was about to utter his thanks, he realized the full meaning of what Su Shi said, and he frowned, undoing his bow and looking at the scholar in disbelief.
"Huh?"
At least he finally got a job after that disaster of his essay-writing abilities, becoming an artist's apprentice at the Brothel of the Wise. Brothels were the center of music, dancing, culture, and wrestling. Not that Gao could really enjoy that in his workplace. It was a living, though not as glamorous as he thought it was going to be. He could not even use the money to obtain the premium services of the courtesans, let alone get an audience with the immortal beauty Li Shishi, whose artistic and musical abilities drew even The Emperor and the royal family to visit. The brothel banned relations between apprentices and courtesans for understandable reasons. It still continually bothered him though, in more ways than one.
His current job involved engraving words on stones, both precious and common ('My pet rock needs a name!'). As pretty as the final result was, the process was... more befitting for a dwarf laborer than Gao. Hammer and chisel lacked the fine elegance of the brush, after all.
Then one day...
"Well well Gao, my boy! I daresay it's your lucky day," boomed Gao's Master Artist. But Gao did not bother looking up, focusing on engraving the word for "rock" on a pet rock.
"Every day is my lucky day..." droned Gao, "what is it now, master? Another seal to mark?"
"Nonono, my boy! It's the Imperial Court!"
"Huh?" responded Gao in fright, "did I make a mistake?"
"Ha! If that meant retaining you then I wish it was. Buuuut," the Master Artist then moved closer, whispering the next words in his ear, "they like your engravings. They want you working in the court."
Gao gasped, chisel and rock dropped on the floor, "really?" he responded in utter delight, beaming ear-to-ear with eyes open wide.
"Yes! The next great court official! The next great eunuch."
"YES! YES! Ye- huh?"
There were three main ways one could join the Eastern Empire's Imperial Court. The first was being directly chosen by the royal family (this also included marriage, concubines, etc.). The second was through the rigorous Civil Service Examination, a long series of written tests on everything from history to economics to new policy suggestions/criticism (the few elves that chose this path mostly became scribes and court historians; the human Su Shi also took this test.)
The third was by cutting their balls off.
In the days before the reconciliation between Men and Elves, before the First Emperor of the Eastern Empire, the ruling kings had quite a few concubines (mostly female and occasionally male) most of the time, and they needed servants who supposedly would not be tempted by said concubines or by the ruler themselves. The kings concluded that reproductive organs caused lust, and so the eunuch was born. As the seeded fruit was on the outside, people with them were eligible to become eunuchs. Oftentimes, criminals were punished with castration as well, except that the branch holding the fruit was removed as well. People with ovaries were ineligible as nobody survived the removal ordeal. Female servants did exist in the imperial court, but quite a few times they became concubines themselves.
The reconciliation between Men and Elves almost reversed due to the eunuch practice. This tradition survived the unification of the Eastern Empire and was still in place, though its actual practice depended on The Emperor. Elves abhorred castration, refusing to aid in any way towards the practice. Civil war almost broke out until a compromise was reached: only The Emperor could have eunuchs. Genital mutilation became a capital punishment for everyone outside of The Emperor. Neither The Emperor, nor the consort, nor the concubines, if they had eunuchs, could not call upon an elven midwife to help with childbirth. This appeased most elves as they could simply ignore the imperial court and go about their business in and outside the capital. The realm was big, after all. As for why the empire made this concession...
Elves were just too good for the economy. Their skills as midwives and healers helped boom the population. More population meant more taxes. Also, they helped prevent anyone from poisoning themselves by trying to drink mercury, lead, or arsenic to obtain immortality. Elves could spend days/weeks on end recounting all of their grief of every lost pet animal, pet grass, pet leaf, pet potted plant, pet tree, pet fungus, pet bow, pet anything-that-could-rust, pet mountain (erosion, likely made up), family member, friend, friendly rival, acquaintance, etc. in only 200 years. This sobered most emperors. The exceptions, unfortunately, were lost causes.
At this time the only elves in the imperial court were the scribes and historians. They had their own subtle ways to express their disgust, and perhaps their words would outlast them all.
Not that Gao knew much of the historical context, of course. He already lost his favorite football; he did not want to lose his euphemistic ones.
So, like someone accepting their execution, Gao made his way to the imperial palace. He went up the stairs, with the guards inspecting the recommendation letter, shaking their heads in pity, to enter the dwarven-made first gate. Then he climbed up another set of stairs to enter the stony second gate, with guards giving him more looks of pity. Then he crossed the Courtyard of Heavenly Trees and Flowers, ignoring all the butterflies and bees floating about, to reach the marble third gate where there was a single clean-shaven person garbed in the customary red government official dress in between two stone lion-dog statues.
"Aah~ You must be Gao! Come in, come in," the official with a high-pitched voice stated without even checking his papers. A little unnerved, Gao entered the gate looking at his surroundings.
In front of him was a walled palace having royal yellow sweeping gabled roofs. The corners of the roof each had an open-mouthed dragon. Trees, bushes, and other foliage hung out on the sides of the cobblestone pathways. The sound of running water could be heard as Gao imagined pools and rivers with royal fish swimming about. Birds sung their songs on the branches around them. In the distance, he could also hear some festivity going on.
The official spoke, interrupting Gao's surveying, "I am the Chief Eunuch. I see you're going to become one of us now. Ohohohoho~. Let us walk."
Gao's face lost all its color, remembering again what he was here for. Seeing no other way out, he reluctantly followed the Chief Eunuch.
"I have to be honest. It is a rather painful process, Gao," he continued, "we allow you a blindfold of course. The instruments are quite... unseemly. We cleanse them before the operation, naturally. No need for another one's dried blood inside of you, am I right~? Naturally, we put a gag or piece of wood in your mouth to prevent you from biting your tongue off or grinding your teeth. You would be surprised how strong teeth are! No need to lose your chompers as well~!"
Gao felt a little bit more lightheaded with each sentence he heard. He tried focusing instead on the birds tweeting, the wind blowing through the trees, the water running alongside like a river, the eunuch commenting about possible disgusting infections and quarantining, along with the growing sound of a football being kicked? The pair continued walking across a columned pathway next to a giant courtyard where a group of people were kicking around a ball. On either side of the courtyard were two raised hoops with fishing nets attached. Almost everyone had a green shirt on, with the exception of one person:
That person was clad in purple, having a dragon embroidered across the outfit. A grin appeared on his face each time he dribbled the ball, bouncing it up and down on his legs occasionally. He did not pout when the ball was intercepted, instead giving a soft chuckle as he gave chase. He appeared less than 20 years, having a thin body. His clothing appeared fresh, but his shoes had dried stains.
"...of course, we will reimburse your family should you die from the process; we do not have elven hands, unfortunately. Oh~, what a pity that they despise such a practice. Aah~, it seems you have seen the Crown Prince. Let us greet them."
Gao gulped, then he walked behind the Chief Eunuch. The group, noticing that new people had entered the courtyard, stopped playing and waved at the newcomers. The person clad in purple waved as well.
"My Prince," the eunuch started, bowing deeply to the person in purple, "your servant would like to introduce, Gao, a soon-to-be eunuch."
The Crown Prince turned his gaze toward a certain part of the palace, muttering something under his breath, a momentary shadow on his face.
His countenance brightened, however, as he turned to greet Gao.
"Well met, Gao, it is a pleasure to meet you."
Gao immediately prostrated himself before the Crown Prince, touching his forehead upon the ground in obeisance (ketou or kowtow).
"Your insignificant servant does not deserve to be greeted by your Highness. Your servant begs forgiveness-"
"Hmm," interrupted the Crown Prince with a look of disappointment, "halfway there to enslavement already..." he promptly then turned around and picked up the football with his hands, as if finding a sudden interest in it.
Gao was unsure of what that cryptic comment and the actions meant, so he did what he thought any normal person would do in front of the second most powerful person in the East:
Slap himself.
"Your servant-ow! has erred-ow! and begs-ow! mercy!"
The Chief Eunuch, who had his eyes closed with an open smile, then opened his eyes and tried to stop Gao from hitting himself.
"Now now, the Crown Prince means that you are doing your job well already. Already becoming one of us; you learn so quick!" praised the Chief Eunuch, "now please, stop hitting yourself..."
At this point, the Crown Prince interjected, "Oh? The fault is not of yours, no. I was pondering a matter and deep in thought, you see," he turned around, seeing Gao still with his head touching the ground but no longer hitting himself, "you may rise, Gao."
After he rose, the Crown Prince, holding the football in his hands, continued, "When you were in the vicinity I could not help but notice you seemed interested in the game we were playing. Are you familiar with this sport?"
The Crown Prince raised the football with one of his hands. At this, Gao bowed, responding, "your servant has heard of and played this sport, but your Highness' knowledge is far greater than your servant's."
"Mmm," the Crown Prince nodded, then lobbed the football in the air directly toward Gao.
In a split-second, Gao considered his options. He could let the ball hit him, fall down and proclaim how strong the Crown Prince was. Then he would most likely be whisked away for castration. Or, he could...
Do something that will be revealed in the next chapter.