So don't hate me or anything, but I felt it was time to introduce some of Shilloh's "issues." Trust me when I say this- she has some real self-esteem issues which are vaguely hinted at in previous chapters, but up until now they've been cute. None of her "issues" are random, and all of them stem from a couple of things, all of which will be addressed much later- which is the reason I introduced Maria earlier in the story. Because Shilloh won't ever talk about them. It's also the reason I don't want her to develop a romance with Zach so fast; I think that they both have some real emotional problems that they both need to work through before their friendship could ever turn into anything more. There, now that that's done, hopefully her sudden turn into "OMG ANGST" or whatever won't blind-side you.
"So your reason for applying was to get away from your house?" Brennan asked, feeling the need to clarify in case she'd missed something.
"Yeah; there were a couple of places in Oregon that I applied to, one I thought I would get, but, well, when Cherryl Renniker called me up personally to tell me that she'd accepted me as her intern at the Jeffersonian. Well, there was no way I was going to wait around hmming and hawwing over it, just to see if the place in Oregon would accept me- I mean, I'd have to be crazy not to accept a position with the Jeffersonian,"
Shilloh said, stripping her soft gray hoodie off and placing her forearms on the table in front of her.
"The Jeffersonian isn't known for it's graphic designers, what made you choose a science institute over someplace else? You said there was another one in Oregon that would accept you, was that not far enough from home?" Brennan leaned forward as well, squishing both Booth and Angela as she did so.
"No, no, Oregon was most definitely far enough away. But, I mean, it's the Jeffersonian, not only would that look good on a resume despite it being a science institute- it's a science institute; and I love science. I'm complete rubbish at it, but it's fascinating, so I thought- hey, not only do I get out of the house, not only will it look good, but I'll also get to surround myself with all sorts of really cool things. Not that I've actually had the time to look around, yet, which is a bit depressing actually," Shilloh sighed, and was about to say something else when a man with black hair came up to their booth. "Oh, hello, can I have a-" she trailed off as he set a cup of water in front of her, Zach, and Hodgins, and then stared at her for a moment before nodding and walking back towards the kitchen.
Looking around the table with raised eyebrows, she wasn't entirely certain what to say about what had just happened. It wasn't every day that you were stared down by your waiter.
"That's Sid-" Booth began.
"He has a knack for knowing what you want without having to ask you," Brennan finished, liking that she was holding such a successful conversation with someone she didn't really know, and not wanting it to end just yet.
"That, is so cool," Shilloh said, making herself appear at least three years younger than she actually was as she tapped her hands excitedly on the table to a rhythm only she knew and smiled towards the front of the restaurant. "So I'm assuming that's why there's a lack of menus," she said after a brief silence.
"Yes," came Zach's simple answer, and she felt foolish for having said anything at all, with the way he was looking at her- as if she should have known from the beginning why there were no menus, and she should have had no reason to clarify. She looked at him for a while, trying to decide what to say, and opened her mouth slightly; hoping that at the very least word-vomit would suffice, and it would successfully distract from how awkward she suddenly felt in his presence, but still nothing came out.
He was still looking at her as if he was trying to figure her out, and she felt so incredibly stupid suddenly, perched at the end of a booth that was filled with so many smart people. Not just smart, but certifiably genius- hell, most of them had a Doctorate in something, and Zach was working towards two. What was she doing here, with these people? She didn't fit with them, and she should maybe just find someone in her actual office to socialize with; someone who was more her speed. Someone who wouldn't look at her as if she was a moron every time she opened her mouth, and rightfully so; half the time she didn't know what Zach or Hodgins were talking about, and she knew they put on their kiddy gloves for her during their lunches. Or at least Hodgins did.
She must be so annoying to them, she thought, looking down at her hands on the table.
"So we're still heading out shopping tomorrow at ten, right?" Angela asked, interrupting her thoughts.
"Oh, yeah," Shilloh answered, slightly distracted. She looked over at Angela, beautiful, smart, wonderful Angela, and felt a little dead inside. She didn't deserve her friendship, didn't deserve for Angela to be so nice to such a dunce, such a complete failure. Here she was, half-way across the country because she couldn't deal with her problems and so she just ran away; here she was, half-way across the country doing an internship for such a trivial career compared to Angela's; and here she was, half-way across the country, unable to properly take care of herself despite her best effort. Her parents had been right all along, really, even if they'd never come right out and said it: her best effort just wasn't good enough.
She suddenly didn't feel comfortable sitting around people who were so much better than her, people who's best effort caught killers and re-named the long dead. These were people who were doing things with their lives, and she didn't think she could relate to them; but, she'd already agreed to go shopping with Angela, so she couldn't back out now.
With a heavy sigh, she looked up at Zach who had begun to unravel his utensils from their napkin, and then over to Angela who seemed to be worried about something.
"How do you like your co-workers," Brennan cut through the tense silence, unknowingly breaking through Shilloh's barrier and causing her to smile over at the older woman. Co-workers, this was a territory that Shilloh felt comfortable with; it was certainly something that no one here could judge her on.
"Most of them seem alright, thought not very interesting, to be honest. There's constant squabbling going on between two of the women, who seem to want to try and make me the mediator; and there's a man there, Bob, who smells up the whole office with his lunches. He's always bringing in things like fish or garlic-soaked noodles; it's actually kind of nauseating," she laughed, trying to shake off how uncomfortable she still felt, especially with the full attention of Dr. Brennan focused solely on her.
"That is extremely inconsiderate of him, has anyone asked him to not bring in such lunches?" Zach asked as Sid came back with their food.
"He's been employed with the Jeffersonian longer than everyone else, so they're all kind of scared to upset him," Shiloh replied, looking down at the wonton soup in front of her. "Hey! This is perfect! Thank you Sid!" She smiled up at him, to which he smiled back at her and returned to the kitchen to get the rest of the booth's food. "What did you get Zach?" She was curious, since she'd only ever seen him eat macaroni and cheese.
"Rice stir-fry," he replied, scooping out a bell pepper with his chopsticks, ignoring the fork and spoon that he'd previously unrolled from his napkin.
She was mildly amused, for no reason in particular, and had to resist the urge to watch him eating something so un-Zach-like.
Looking down at her own still-rolled-up utensils, she cringed inwardly at the thought of having to undo it; she'd been a waitress for a short time, and it was such a hassle to put those things together. She looked at her wonton soup, hoping that it had come with a spoon of its own, but no such luck.
With a heavy sigh, she picked up her napkin roll, and looked back across the table at Zach as he scooped rice up with his chopsticks. Oh, she was an idiot, she thought, rolling her eyes to herself as she placed her napkin back down and leaned across the table to snag Zach's spoon.
"What are you doing?" He asked, chopsticks half-way to his mouth.
"You weren't going to use it, were you?" She asked, fiddling with the spoon, suddenly nervous. "I just didn't want to waste a perfectly good fork when your cutlery was already unrolled," she said, not looking at him and reaching back across the table to place his spoon back, "sorry, I should have asked first."
"You can have the spoon," he shrugged, nudging it towards her hand that still hadn't withdrawn to her side of the table, "I was just wondering what you were doing," and he was looking at her again, like he was trying to figure her out.
She'd clearly made a fool of herself around these people enough for a lifetime, as soon as she was done shopping with Angela she was just going to leave them alone; let them finally be rid of her.
She held the spoon in her hand as if it were some sort of spear, before plopping it into her soup, "erm, thanks, Zach."
The others continued to talk throughout dinner, discussing previous vacations they'd had and moving on to the most bizarre cases they'd had; neither of which Shilloh could really participate in, and even if she could she didn't really feel up to it.
Not that they didn't try to drag her into conversation though, Angela being the most determined, asking her how she'd liked Philadelphia, or Salt Lake, or Florida, or any number of places- none of which really could be considered vacations except for Florida; and even then it had been a pity vacation because of her cancer.
Man, she was depressing tonight.
Deciding it was for the best if she headed home soon, she made to pay for her bill, "hey guys, I think I should head home; it was kind of a busy day for me and I don't want to be tired tomorrow," she said, smiling at Angela as she scooted out of the booth.
"Well hold on, I'll drive you home," Angela announced, having finished her dinner before anyone else.
"What's wrong, Shilloh?" Angela said as soon as they entered her car. Shilloh looked at her with her eyebrows scrunched together, and her lips pursed just slightly in a very clear look of what are you talking about? "You were abnormally quiet during dinner, and don't think I didn't notice the way you couldn't look at Zach throughout the entire meal. What did he do?" She jumped directly to the assumption that it was all Zach's fault, and Shilloh couldn't help but twitch her lips in a vain attempt to stop herself from laughing.
"He didn't do anything, honest, Angela; and there's not really anything wrong, just having a bit of a tough time adjusting to life here, that's all," she said, glossing over the fact that it was life with such wonderful people that she wasn't used to.
Angela didn't seem to fully believe her, but let it slide when it became apparent by Shilloh's carefully composed look that she wasn't going to say anything more on the subject.
"Alright, well, what sorts of clothes do you think you'll be needing? If you can tell me now, it'll help me narrow down where we go tomorrow," she said, switching on the radio and surfing through the channels until she found one she agreed with.
"I don't know, I've never really been good with fashion, so I suppose it's a good thing you're coming with me tomorrow. I just mostly want things that'll look good with high heels, and since I've never owned any I don't really... know..." she trailed off at the look Angela was giving her, "what?"
"You've never owned high heels? No, you know what, forget that part- you don't know what goes with high heels? Oh, sweetie, I have so much to teach you," she said, pulling into a left hand turn lane.
"Um, okay, I suppose I will be a mostly-willing student tomorrow. I'll also need some semi-professional attire, and several items that will work for both fall and winter. I also need a good winter coat," Shilloh said, tapping her fingers along the window while she waited impatiently for the light to turn green- she wanted to be home and talking to Maria, not sitting in car and having a conversation with someone as beautiful as Angela. It made her feel like she was a leech, just hanging on the coat-tails of glory.
"Oh no, if you don't know what goes with heels, you'll be a student for longer than just tomorrow," Angela said with confidence, finally turning left and into Shilloh's apartment complex. "I know I've said it like, five times already, but don't forget that I'll pick you up tomorrow at ten," and with one final wave Angela pulled away and took all of her comforting words with her.
So now Shilloh was left with the empty feeling of wondering just why any of them had ever even decided to talk to her; maybe they saw her as some sort of adorable pet?
She was already calling Maria on her cell as she walked into her apartment, collapsing onto her couch wearily and trying very, very hard not to cry.
"Shilloh! It's you!" Maria said jubilantly, sounding so happy to hear from her friend that it made Shilloh feel better.
"Hey Mar-bear," she said, wondering how to go about telling her friend what was wrong.
"Oh no, Shilloh, what did DC do? Was it Cherryl? Or that bug guy, what's-his-name?" Maria asked, worry clouding her voice, and it sounded like she was shifting things around before she sat down in what Shilloh knew to be her friend's favorite chair.
"They're-" Shilloh had to swallow a lump in her throat, and could feel the tears already stinging her eyes, "they're all too good for me, Maria," she whispered, knowing even as she said it that her friend would object. "They're all so smart. I mean, they're out there, and doing things- they catch killers, Maria. They're good enough, Maria. And I don't know why they want me around, I don't understand anything they say, and I've, well, you know what I'm doing. You know why I'm here," the tears were clouding her vision, and she felt so angry with herself. She'd known, for a long time now, that there were people out there better than her- Maria was one of them, and the only reason they had stayed friends for so long was because Shilloh couldn't get rid of her no matter how hard she tried- but knowing that, and actually befriending people like that. Well, it stung.
"Shilloh Augustine Phillips. Don't you dare- don't you ever- I don't," Maria took a deep breath before continuing, "how can you say that to me? I am so proud of you, and you telling me that you're nothing, that hurts me more than anything you could ever say to me. So what if they're smart? So what if they went out there and took a chance with their lives and it worked out? Because you know what? So are you, you're in DC right now, doing what you want, being not just good enough, but great enough. And if I find out that you've started distancing yourself from them, so help me, I will come down there and kick your ass. Do you hear me?" Maria was almost yelling into the phone, and Shilloh was struck by just how upset her friend was.
She nodded mutely into the phone, forgetting that Maria couldn't see it, and then raggedly whispered, "yeah, thanks, Maria."
"You are good enough. Love you," and with that Maria hung up.
Shilloh sat on her couch for a little bit longer, looking down at her phone. Maria was right, she was taking a chance, she was doing what she wanted- so what if it wasn't catching killers or sewing lives back together. She was an artist and that was still something to be proud of.
And she was all on her own in DC. She smiled wickedly to herself while she set her alarm for nine am. Take that she thought to her parents, before getting ready for bed.
We're getting close to the beginnings of Season One, and as such I figured I'd post the episodes that I'm going to write, the ones that are italicized and underlined are the ones that I will most definitely do, everything else is a little suspect.
The reason I'm posting this, is because if there's not one on the list, and you absolutely have to have it in the story, just shoot me a note/put it in a review, and I'll most likely do it. It's a guarantee I'll do it if two or more people want the same episode in this story.
The Man in the Fallout Shelter
A Boy in a Bush
The Man in the Wall
The Man on Death Row
The Woman in the Car
The Superhero in the Alley
Two Bodies in the Lab
The Skull in the Desert*
The Woman in Limbo
The Man in the Bear was an episode that happened before this story took place, so it's one that I cannot do, sorry if anyone's upset by this.
*This one, since it has very little of anyone but Bones and Angela in it, will actually have to be creatively done on my part- sorry if anyone gets upset with me kind of bastardizing it. I'm really only including it because I feel it's important to show how much Shilloh has (or in the case of this note I should use future tense, shouldn't I, so will) grown/grow to love her makeshift family.
And, because I love everything right now, I guess I'll post what is the tentative schedule for Season Two, bear in mind there's very little that I KNOW I will actually be writing about for that season, since I'm not entirely 100% certain how this one will leave off with the characters and Shilloh (I mean, I know, but I also don't. That doesn't make sense, but whatever.)
Season Two
The Titan on the Track
The Blond in the Game
The Truth in the Lye
The Girl with the Curl
Aliens in a Spaceship
The Headless Witch in the Woods
Judas on a Pole
The Man in the Cell
The Boneless Bride in the River
The Priest in the Churchyard
Stargazer in a Puddle
As far as I'm concerned, the only episode in Season Three that happened was the first one. So until I get there, writing wise, we will be ignoring it entirely. You can request episodes from Season Two as well, but keep in mind that I really, honestly, have no idea what I will need to include outside of the ones underlined, so everything is up for speculation until I've re-watched that season and actually get there writing-wise.
I suppose, if you must, you can request Season Three episodes, too :(. I was planning on ending this fanfiction after Season Three, but now I must fix things around to figure out where I'm going with this.
Sorry for the obnoxiously-long author's note, guys (if anyone's even read this far I will be impressed), and they won't be this long in the future (they probably won't even exist in the future).