The Commander didn't return on Tuesday. No word had come from the capital that he'd decided to extend his stay. Mrs. Cole ordered his place set at the dinner table. None of us dared to suggest he may not return in time. We cleared his untouched plate the minute she left the table.

Mrs. Cole's light stayed on much later than usual. Presumably waiting for the Commander's return. It was with relief that I watched the light finally go out at midnight. I'd feared she would stay up all night.

I waited in my room awhile after to be sure she was finally asleep before creeping out into the dark hallway. My feet followed the path between creaking floorboards with ease from the long nights spent memorizing their layout.

I watched through the sitting room for signs of roaming Guardians. A shadowy figure marked the hourly round. All the Guardians left were accounted for on their way back to the guardhouse. Three others should be sleeping inside.

I watched the hands of the grandfather clock drag across its face in the corner. 1:25 AM. I blessed James for oiling the door hinges as I stepped into the yard. I drew my arms to my chest as I slipped alongside the house. The night air was cold and crisp.

I hid behind the apple tree on the side of the house as a dark figure climbed over the gate and cautiously made his way towards the house. Once he was close enough to see me, I waved him over. When we were face-to-face, he lowered his hood to reveal the wavy brown hair and chiseled face of my child's father.

"Did you bring a sedative?" I asked.

"Pleasant evening to you too, Lucy," He whispered, a touch of humor in his voice. " I'm risking my life infiltrating a Committee member's house in the middle of the night, you know. A greeting or a thank you would be nice."

My mouth twitched. "Poor baby, it must be hard to be the only one risking their life here. I bet you'll be tired at work tomorrow too." I raised an eyebrow and outstretched my hand, waiting.

He sighed. "Alright, fair enough. Here's the sedative." He pulled out a glass vial and placed it in my palm. "About four drops in his drink should do it if he's an average-sized man, a bit more if he's larger. It'll only take a few minutes to take effect and should keep him out of it for an hour or two. Have you managed to learn anything useful that you didn't already tell Jenna?"

So Ofluke's name was Jenna, I thought. It was nice to finally know her real name.

"Only that the Thorpe's and the Cole's don't get along. Ofmilton told me there's a rumor Mrs. Cole poisoned Jenna when she was their Handmaid to kill her baby and now Mrs. Thorpe wants revenge. I don't know about the Commanders, but I wouldn't be surprised if there was animosity between them too."

Everett's eyes widened. "If that's true, you need to be careful. Commander Thorpe is also a Committee member. He'd make a powerful enemy."

"There's not much I can do about it if someone decides they want me dead. Handmaid here, remember?" I pointed at myself. "Other than that, I need more time to work information out of the Commander with the present you brought."

"The potential feud between the Commanders and their Wives should occupy Mayday enough for now, but they'll be wanting concrete evidence soon. I'll see if I can find autopsy records on Jenna's baby to see if these rumors are founded."

A gave a curt nod. "Good."

Everett reached out and took my hand. His was surprisingly warm despite the chill air. "How are you holding up? I didn't forget about what you said about the Commander and his Wife, what you've had to do. Are you ok?"

I gauged his expression. His lips were pursed and his brow was furrowed. I hadn't forgiven him for lying to me about Mayday, but it was difficult to stay cold against him when he looked so worried.

I squeezed his hand back. "I'm as ok as I can be. They've been treating me well lately, a perk of pregnancy, and the baby is doing well. As for the situation with the Commander, I only have myself to blame."

Everett's expression darkened. "That's not true, it isn't your fault. It's his. His and all the other Commanders, Guardians, and others who let this farce of a government form. You are doing what you must to help Mayday and save yourself. Don't you ever think, not even for a second, that any of this is your fault. Understand?"

I shifted my feet. I wished I could believe him, but I knew he was wrong. I could have chosen to be a martyr for my faith rather than bend to that of my father. I had been married, it wouldn't have been a sin to sleep with Connor and honor our vows, then I wouldn't be here. Even then, I could have let the Cole's kill me for not getting pregnant rather than have sex with Everett. There had been options before this, before I owed it to my child to do whatever was necessary to escape. No matter how much it hurt to think, it was my fault.

I smiled. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."

But a shadow of that dark look remained on Everett's face which told me I wasn't being very convincing.

A rustling sound came from the backyard, setting the hairs on my arms standing. I pulled my hand from Everett's. "You should go, the longer you stay here the greater the risk."

Looking as startled as I felt, he pulled the hood back over his head and turned to leave. He hesitated for a moment.

"Wait, I almost forgot." He reached into his pocket and pressed something into my hand with the vial. "I know it's not much, but I wanted to give you something in exchange for those butterflies you made me."

"Thanks, now go!," I whispered urgently.

The rustling was coming closer. Everett fled into the night. I hurried back into the house and let out a pent up breath as soon as the door shut, clutching the vial and Everett's gift to my chest. We made it, we hadn't been caught. My heart raced in my chest, my nerves tenfold now that the worst was over.

"Tch, tch. What will the Commander and the missus say when they hear about this?"