Chapter 3

I laugh. I'm laughing, shaking my head in shame at myself. Another two tears make their way down my face.

How had I been so stupid? Why had it taken thislong to figure it all out? I recall what he had told me, the words now stuck in my head on repeat. So obvious, he really had been very clear. Crystal clear. And now, now I just seem like a clingy, desperate idiot.

I can remember everything now that I force myself to think about it.

We met in the park a few blocks from my house, The place we'd always meet when he came to Westerville. This was the place where he first gave me a goodnight kiss. The place where I first gave him flowers and where I had sang to him, when we were celebrating our one month anniversary.

There's a bench, which is situated in the corner of the park. It was where we'd always go together. It's positioned in between three or four trees, and it's really secluded, out of the way. Beautiful.

The bench was placed there five years ago in memory of an old man who, when alive, had spent a lot of time in that park with his family, so it's slowly wearing away. Pretty much all of the gloss on the bench has peeled off, the edges eroded. It didn't matter to us, not when we were both there together.

It was the perfect, romantic location. We'd sit there for hours, just talking. I'd bring my guitar and we'd take it in turns to sing to each other, then we'd sing duets. I loved it. Those days were by far the best days of my life.

When he called me, he told me he'd meet me there like always. Nothing out of the ordinary, but of course I could hear something was off, Hell, I could almost feel the tension in his voice.

I left early, and even though it was raining I walked the long way around, not taking the short cut through the fence. I forced myself too. To give me more time. I had to walk around for a bit, to think, to at least attempt to stop myself from worrying. It didn't really help, though. I was still nervous when I got to the bench, I sat there, waiting for him. He was perfectly on time, as always. As he approached me I jumped up, in awe of his beauty.

His eyes glistened, his hair bounced lightly with each step. I smiled at him, I made sure to smile softly. He just nodded. That was when it became obvious that something was up, and I could feel my eyes becoming sympathetic. I arced a brow, strolling closer to him.

"Hey...What's up? Is everything alright?"

He shook his head, looking down.

"No. There's...there's something I need to speak to you about."

I just nodded, gesturing for him to continue. He looked up at me, and my eyes met his. If I had known that that would have been the last time I could look into them, to study him properly, I don't think I would have had the courage to pull my eyes away from his.

"I mean, something I need to tell you."

His voice was empty, almost sharp. That was when I first felt the weight on my chest, just knowing what was coming. I nodded again, swallowing, keeping a blank expression.

"Blaine...I-I don't know how to say this, without..hurting you. I don't think there is a way. So I just...I need to be honest."

At this point it was it was blatantly clear what was going to happen. I looked down at feet, to avoid any and all eye contact with him. As lovely as it would of been to continue looking at him, it would just make this whole thing so much harder for both of us.

"I'm just going to say it. I'm breaking up with you. For the last time. This...this is it, Blaine. It's always just...one thing after the other. It's almost gotten to the point where we're saying 'Oopsy daisy! I've hurt you again, I've broken your feelings into a thousand pieces, crushed your heart and made you feel like you're worthless.' Every squabble, every disagreement. It hurts me, Blaine. I can't do this anymore."

My heart sank.

"This isn't one of those break ups where I call you up the next day apologising, or where you call me telling me why you need me to stay with you. This is the last time.You need to understand where I'm coming from, you do don't you?"

I thought it was a rhetorical question, until he paused. Even though I thought I understood, (but obviously didn't) I just nodded, not looking up. He continued.

"The start of our relationship was amazing. It was new, brilliant, exciting. There was electricity. Now, with every fight, the words we throw around become more aggressive, more offensive and insulting. Our last break up was over something as stupid as a bowtie! It's too much for me to take, it's been one fight too many. I just, I can't do this anymore."

I crossed my arms, for two reasons. For one, I think he needed to know I was still awake or alive. I hadn't looked anywhere else or changed position for while. And two, because I felt like I was going to fall to the ground if I didn't support myself. I was hurting.

"We have had such a wonderful and magical journey, Blaine. You have given me so much, so much m-more...than anyone else could have ever given me."

I still couldn't look at him, he wasn't himself. He was someone new, and I didn't like who they were. It was still him, but it wasn't. He was so cold, so stiff. That alone broke my heart.

Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could still hear him. His voice broke a little, he paused. He stuttered.

"Th-Thank you, for everything. But it's time for our journey to end. We've had the spark, the chemisty, the romance. And I'm so sorry, but I don't...I don't think we can stay friends."

It was at this moment I felt an intense stab in my chest. It was deep, I could tell that this wound wasn't going to heal for a very long time.

"Us, being friends, hanging out without actually being together...It'll hurt me too much, it would killyou Blaine. And you know that I have said things like this over, and over again. Many, many times. And so have you!"

He was being honest, and it hurt. The truth hurts. I had broken up with him so many times over the most ridiculous things, and vice versa. Every time it happened we'd both end up heartbroken and back in each others arms after a few days. I love him too much, I loved him too much back then to ever break up with him properly.

"But this time, I need you to understand that this is happening. And this is the last time it is happening. I promise. It's over, Blaine, please. Understand."

I didn't look at him at all as he said any of it. I tried to listen as intently as I could, and I did, I took in every word of it and it was one of the hardest moments of my life.

I looked to the left a little, then straight back down at the wet grass making my shoes damp. That was the minute when I was just staring at the ground.

He mumbled the words "..I'm sorry." Then after that, I don't remember much. I remember crying, pleading and trying to pull him back to me. That's it.

So now I understand, I get it. He's had enough. It's as simple as that. I never intended to hurt him and I never wanted him to go. I still don't want him to go, because I am so, so in love with him.

There's upsides and downsides in every relationship, I'm sure. But for me, no matter how many scuffles, squabbles or fights we had, the upsides we had were all worth it. The late night phone calls, the coffee, the music. His charming smile he would flash me, the wink he would slip in every now and again. How he would ramble on and on about fashion, musicals, glee club. I listened to every single word of it. His voice, his eyes, his smile. That smile. It was everything to me - And It still is everything to me.

During our relationship, when everything was going good, it was going great, perfectly. But when things turned ugly, they were bad. Very bad. Petty little issues could ruin us. An accidental slip of words could leave one another deeply wounded, because hearing such offensive, insulting things from the one your adore most is almost as painful as hearing the one person you love end your relationship with them completely...

I had never really thought about the negative side of our relationship. All of the break ups, the insults and the disagreements. I guess, for him, and for other people too, it's sometimes just too hard to take. The positives aren't worth it all. I guess, I guess do understand him in a way. I understand now, that what we have is finished, it's completely over. But understanding why exactly, I'm still going to have to get my head around that.

He said us being friends would kill me, But this break up was going to kill me. It is killing me.

When you read about break ups in books, when you see them in movies and on TV, when the character is just wandering around, moaning, complaining. Saddness and emptiness warping their whole way of living. You think it's just over dramatic, it's ridiculous.

I promise you, It isn't. It's accurate. Scarily so, actually. It's so painful, heart wrenching. Watching the one person you've given your heart and soul to just walking away. The one thing you put your everything into, trying to keep it strong; The one thing you tried so hard to support, and the other person just giving up and walking off into the distance.

I stand up, taking a deep breath. I wipe my face, and clear my throat. I pick my phone back up, and I turn it off, putting it back in the pocket of my jacket. I smile.

Because I know it's time. I'm ready. No matter how hard it's going to be, no matter how much I need to sacrifice, It's for the best. It's going to make him happy, plus it'll be better for me in the long run, and now...It is going to happen.

I'm going to get over him.

Thank you for reading.