I'm sorry this took so long to update.

Chapter 4

It's been a week and four days, now. Since he left.

I haven't spoken to him, or heard from him, in eleven days. Actually...I haven't spoken or heard from anyone in eleven days.

Well, I had a couple of brief conversations with my Dad and that's about it.

I'm bored. All of my work is finished and I have nothing to do. I'm not in the mood to sing. There's nothing I need to do, nothing I want to do. And I have no one to talk to.

I've gone out of the house, wandered around town on my own. I've taken endless walks.

Secretly, I've been hoping to maybe run into someone I know, because maybe, just a brief 'hello' could make me feel a little better, a smile could make me a little more hopeful, a 'how are you doing?' could make my day.

I've realised, though, that even if someone asks 'how are you?' they're only doing it to be polite. Not because they want to know the answer, not because they're interested.

I've also come to understand that all I think I need is someone to listen to me, someone to talk to. Well, just someone to understand what I'm going through. Someone, anyone, must care, right?

I'm friends with a lot of people. Some people.

All of WMHS's glee club must know that Kurt had finished with me. I was friends with them. Do none of them care? Or did all of them just hate me? Pretended to like me to keep Kurt happy. Probably.

I'm lonely. That's it, really. Pathetic.

During the past week where I've been moping around by myself, I've spent more than one whole day just sitting in coffee shops, in libraries, in public places. I've been surrounding myself with random people, complete strangers - I just feel that desperate.

And even though I'm practically drowning in a sea of people, I still feel completely alone.

I considered the idea, that even if the New Directions don't want to know, I still have the Warblers to fall back on. Well, no, not really.

I was never super close to any of them, the only guy I ever opened myself up to properly was him.

Anyway, I've never tried to make contact with any of them whilst me and Kurt were together - If I tried now I'd seem clingy and annoying.

Even though, I have been thinking that maybe I should call some of the Warblers. If anyone is going to talk to me, it would be one of them. Well, if any of them has the time or attention span to listen to me.

They would know about me and Kurt breaking up. Kurt was a lot closer to them then I ever was, he felt the need to become really good friends with each and every one of them when he transferred - and being the polite and friendly guy he is - he clicked pretty well with all of them. Would he tell them? No. Maybe.

Yes.

Do they not care, then? Does no onecare?

Getting over him is so difficult. Why is it thishard? This is so unbelievably frustrating.

And to make things worse, I am so confused.

Because some days, I get such a...sick feeling. I think about things, about everything. I over think things and over thinking just ruins me. Everything about my life seems so empty, So meaningless. As if each minute holds something familiar, something I've seen, felt and experienced before. Every second drags on. I feel so fed up with my life and everything in it. I can get as low as having suicidal thoughts and It really worries me.

And then other days I'm positive and I have a ray of hope, hell, I haveraysof hope and I believe in myself and sometimes I can even smile. The sky isn't dull, the sky is bright and birds sing pretty, graceful songs, not annoying, patronizing ones. Everything I encounter gives me that same feeling of the warm sun kissing your skin after you've been cold for so long. I have hope and everything is bright.

And then some days I'm just numb.

The only difference between these days is a few hours of sleepless nights and dreams of how I wish my life could be.

Easy.

Like it was before. Everyday seemed bright and hopeful and positive. Because I had him. With him I was proud of who I am, I could stand up with my head held high and without any hesitation I'd stand up for everything that I believed in, I'd stand up for myself, for him, for anyone.

Now it's hard to even get out of bed.

I'm sitting here, alone on the bench in the isolated area of the park. My bench. Ourbench.

It's quite warm today, the sun's rays are beating down on my face as I sit. I'm thinking about him. About us. I can't help it, I really do try to stop my thoughts floating off into Kurt-land. It really hurts me when I think about him too much, about us, anything to do with him. Yet I feel weirdly complete at the same time. Again, Confusion.

There's some guys kicking about a football, some girls watching and giggling obnoxiously. My eyes are fixed on the ground. I hear them laughing, shouting, complaining about something. Not that I care, of course.

It's only when I hear my name that I jump, startled, and look up, shocked as a bright eyed, blonde-haired guy stares down at me with a soft smile.

"Hey!" He says a bit too enthusiastically for my liking, as today, well, today is one of my down days.

I squint up at him and mumble back, "Hey."

I probably sound like a miserable, grumpy jerk who's rude and stuck up. But inside, I'm delighted, I'm ecstatic. Finally someone is talking to me. Someone I'd like to talk to.

It's Jeff. Classmate and fellow Warbler.

I like Jeff. He's an awesome singer, he's kind of quiet and he's a little awkward.

He's a great guy, though, and I even had a little crush on him when I first enrolled at Dalton. It was nothing big, I never told him. Never did, never will.

"I, um, heard about..." He stutters and pauses, then clears his throat before continuing, "Er, How're you doing, man?"

I shoot him a smile, which he can obviously tell is completely false, and I lie quietly, "I'm fine. I've been a little rough but I'm fine."

He sighs and sits beside me. "I heard." He says bluntly, not looking at me.

"Heard about what?"

"You know..." He moves his hands, shifting. "...About you and him."

"Me and who?"

"You and Kurt."

As I hear his name come out of Jeff's mouth I squirm. He notices and glances towards me.

"Apparently, you're taking it pretty hard."

I don't reply. I just sit there, eyes fixed to the ground. I'm unsure what my expression is, hopefully it's just simply expressionless. Jeff shifts uncomfortably again.

Who told him, though? Was it Kurt? Had he been spreading this around like it was some stupid piece of pointless gossip? I'm about to ask him how he knows, out of curiosity, but he speaks first and I decide to keep my mouth shut.

"Blaine..." I feel his gaze on me. After what seems like a lifetime, I lift my eyes to his.

"I know how hard a break up can be, especially a rough one..." I see the hesitation in his eyes, the unwillingness in his voice in bringing up a subject like this.

His past relationships haven't exactly been straight forward, in fact they've been the opposite. His last love interest was a girl he fell head-over-heels for, the girl who ditched him for some other older, more popular guy. Jeff was devastated and everybody knew about it. It's easy to see that this is difficult for him.

"...I just want you to know that, I mean...I know this sounds cheesy and ridiculous, but it does get easier. It hurts, It...It really hurts. I know, man, and It just...It gets better. I know that this might seem like total crap and It feels like the whole world is, like, collapsing. But, give it time and I...I promise you, you'll be okay." He nods, taking in a deep breath. "You'll be okay, man."

He nudges my shoulder lightly, and the corners of his lips twitch into a smile. I return it, and It's genuine this time.

You know, I could probably cry. Jeff is trying to help me feel better. It's clearly hurting him talking about it, yet he still sits here and rambles on about it. Someone cares. Someone understands.

It's so nice to hear that I'm not the only one who feels like the world is ending. It's happened to him, he knows, he understands.

I'm kind of speechless, so I just nod and nudge him back. He lets his smile widen and I allow mine to do the same.

"JEFF! YOU PLAYING OR WHAT?"

Jeff's head jolts up at the sound of his name and he grins, waving to his impatient looking brother who holds a ball in his hands. There's a few other guys too, they're younger than us so I assume they're Jeff's brother's friends. The girls that were there before are gone.

"UM, YEAH. ONE SEC!" He yells back.

Jeff looks to me and smiles again. "We have two more weeks before school. Make the most of it." He says as he stands, and he hits my shoulder again. "Take it easy, man." He nods once more, and begins to walk towards his brother.

I quickly stand and call after him, "Jeff?"

He turns with a grin, "Yeah?"

"Thanks." I smile widely. It feels sort of unnatural, but it also feels nice.

"Any time." He stops, then glances from his brother back to me.

"Hey - Do you want to play?" He questions, his brow arcing.

My response is delayed, but I accept, "Yeah. I'd love too."

I jog up next to him and we walk over to his brother.

When we get there, He eyes me slightly, then looks to Jeff for an explanation. Jeff just shrugs, "Yeah. Blaine's playing."

His brother shrugs back, throwing the ball at me, which I catch easily.

"Whatever. He's on your team though."

Jeff glances at me with a small smile and just gives me this look. Because he knows I can play football, and he knows I can play it well.

After we thrashed Jeff's brother and his cocky little friends at the football game, Jeff insisted we play football more, and hang out more often. Of course, I agreed and promised I'd text him or something.

I'm now at home, sitting on my couch and smiling to myself. Smiling.Because, today I had laughed, played football and I'd enjoyed myself. I had gone over an hour without thinking abouthim. I don't feel lonely. I don't feel alone. Because I had spoken to Jeff and I'm friends with him again.

I truly thought I was kidding myself when I thought that I was ready to get over him.

But, you know, Getting over Kurt doesn't seem so impossible now.

Thank you for reading.

Review? I'd love to know what you think.