A hour or so later, Kakashi's voice shouting that they could stop practicing for the day, startled the raven haired ninja, making him miss the fox's last punch to him. The blow landed hard on Sasuke's shoulder and knocked him to the ground with a muffled 'oof!'
"Shit! Sasuke! Im sorry! Are you alright!" Naruto, gasped, turning to look at the teen with wide blue eyes.
"Ne..im fine baka..." Sasuke grunted, before shakily standing to his feet and brushing grass off him. He straighted his clothes silently and hurridly fixed his slipping arm bands, paling slightly when he caught a glimpse of red,angry flesh.
"You sure your okay?" Naruto asked, a little worridly seeing him pale. WHen he got no response he called loudly across the feild to Kakashi. "Hey! Kakashi-sensei! I think Sasuke's hurt!" He shouted. He saw Sakura's head snap towards the two in alarm, then watched as Kakashi shook his head to Sakura, telling her to wait there.
"I said i was fine Naruto!" Sasuke said a little angrily, and went to smack the blonde loud-mouth on the top of the head. He took silent saticfaction when the said loud-mouth winced in pain and turned to glare at Sasuke.
"Hey, knock it off you two!" Kakashi scolded, reaching the two after walking over there. He glanced over at Naruto for a second, then looked at Sasuke with concern in his eyes. "Naruto...why dont you and Sakura-chan go get some ramen...Sasuke and i will catch up with you both in a little while..i needed to speak with Sasuke anyways" He said softly, his voice slightly muffled by his sweat-soaked mask.
Naruto nodded slowly, but grinned turning and running over to Sakura. "Oi! Sakura-chan! Lets go get ramen! Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei will catch up later" He said happily, then grabbed the pink haired girls hair and began to drag her away.
When both team members left, Kakashi spoke again. "Come on...lets take a walk" He said quietly, stuffing his hands into his pockets and nodding towards the woods. He took off walking without waiting for a reply from Sasuke, who had no choice but to follow.
"Im fine Kakashi-sensei.."Sasuke muttered quietly, walking beside his sensei with his head bowed down. His left arm was tucked snugly against his side protectivly, which Kakashi silently took note of.
When they were quite a distance away from the training grounds, they reached a small clearing. Kakashi looked around quietly for a few seconds before nodding slightly. "Come on..." He said quietly, leading the teen towards a fallen tree on the other side of the clearing. He sat down slowly, a few bones cracking slightly, which Kakashi grimanced at. "Ah...the downside of getting old" He said sadly with a touch too much drama. He looked beside him at Sasuke, who was sitting looking down at the ground.
"So...Sasuke..." He said quietly, watching the teens ears twitch slightly at the sound of his name. "How are you?" He asked softly, watching him with concern in his eye-while they were walking he had put his headband back on, covering his left eye.
"Sensei...i know you didnt ask me all the way out here just to ask how i was" Came Sasuke's quiet reply. His voice held no sass or anger...just...quiet, emptyness that bordered on hinting his inner struggle.
"Yeah...i guess your right...i didnt..." Kakashi agreed, "Do you know why i did?" He waited for Sasuke's slow headshake before continuing. "Im just a little concerned about you...i was watching you and Naruto spar...and you seemed to be favoring your left arm...any particular reason as to why?"
"I sprained a muscle" Sasuke lied quietly, having already came up with the excuse on his way here, if Kakashi had chosen to ask about it.
"I dont think you did...we havent trained in a couple of days...and according to Naruto and Sakura, you hadnt left your complex at all during that time..." Kakashi spoke gently. "Is everything alright Sasuke?" Kakashi sat back slightly, not reacting to Sasuke's quick, angered reply of "Im fine! Nothings wrong!"
"Why are you getting so angry then, Sasuke, if nothings wrong? Something must be...you look pale and have bags under your eyes...Have you been sleeping alright? and whats with your arm then?" He asked softly, trying not to upset the boy anymore. "You can tell me Sasuke...i wont judge you...i just want to make sure your alright.."
Sasuke clutched his left arm to him, and looked down, flushing a light pink. "Im fine...nothings wrong...my arms fine! and ive been sleeping fine too...its none of your business.." He said weakly.
"Sasuke..." Kakashi sighed, moving to kneel in front of the raven haired teen. "You can trust me Sasuke...anything you say to me, i will keep between us...unless your life is in danger though...i would have to tell someone...so...whats wrong?" He asked softly, placing a hand lightly on Sasuke's knee. "Im just worried about you"
Sasuke closed his eyes tightly and flushed a darker pink as he felt his eyes stung with tears. "You wont tell anyone?" He asked weakly.
"No one" Kakashi agreed softly.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Sasuke sniffled slightly. "Im...i cant take it anymore Kakashi-sensei...i dont want to see it...it hurts too much" He whispered.
"Take what?"
"The nightmares...everynight...i see them..the blood...the lifeless eyes staring at me...my parents" Sasuke choaked out, wrapping his arms tightly around himself, as if to protect him from the images that flashed through his mind. He finally broke down and began to sob, his body shaking from the force of them.
Kakashi stared at Sasuke silently for a second, before pulling the boy to him, and hugging him tightly. "Its alright Sasuke...its alright...that was a very traumatic experience you had to live through...but your safe..Itatchi cant hurt you" The silver hair man whispered, his heart clentching at the sound of sobs the boy was making. Kakashi knew that everyone should have been more concerned for the Uchiha boy after the murder of his clan...but when everyone saw how the boy acted...they brushed him off...thinking that he was fine. Kakashi knew better though, and knew that he was still tramatized...if anyone knew anything about loss, it would be him...
"Sasuke...i know its hard...trying to deal with this and try to move on, but it is possible..."
"How is it possible? i saw my family dead! my own flesh and blood brother did it too! i cant move on...i cant..." Sasuke gasped, staring up at his sensei with tear filled, wide eyes. "I cant let myself forget..."
"Why cant you?" Kakashi questioned, watching him.
"Because they were my family...i-if...if i forget them...then its like they never exsisted...its all i have left of them...their the reason i keep going on! i have to avenge their death! I have to...no..i need to kill Itachi" He said, suddenly looking away with a painfilled look.
Kakashi sighed a little but nodded. "I understand your pain Sasuke...but going on like this...by yourself...you have people that care for you, that are willing to be there for you if you need help..you can keep going without that intent in mind.." He paused a little, in thought. "Is this why your so tired all the time Sasuke? how often to you think about that day?"
"its everyday...i wake up with nightmares about it...i...i hate sleeping..because...when i close my eyes...its dark...and-and it takes me back to that day, its like i cant forget it...and when i sleep...its...i feel so alone..." The teen admitted quietly, looking down and closing his eyes. He held his wrist closer to him, wincing as it throbbed a little in pain.
He opened his eyes in panic when Kakashi reached out to touch his left hand lightly, and ask quietly, "Do you want to tell me about your arm then?" At that moment, Sasuke's face paled, he knew Kakashi had a strong idea about what was wrong with it..that he knew, without having to look or be told.
Sasuke swallowed in panic again, his breath catching when Kakashi took his silence as a yes, and pulled his arm out to him, and began to inch the wrist band down. The was a slight gasp and catch of breath from Kakashi.
"Sasuke..." Kakashi breathed, his eye windening when he looked at the angry red gashes, scabbed cuts, and raised scars coating the boys arm.
Sasuke looked away in shame.
"Can i ask why?" He questioned quietly, wanting to know what would cause the boy so much pain that he would have the need to cut himself.
"It makes me feel better...emptys my mind...calms me...the nightmares cause me enough pain, then...i...i dont like being alone...it..i cant take it" He whispered, slightly alarmed and surprised at what he had just said. He hadnt even admitted to himself that he didnt like feeling alone. If anyone were to know the boy, they would say that he seemed to enjoy being alone.
"Your not alone Sasuke...im here for you...Naruto is...Sakura is...there are alot of people that care for you...perhaps even love you" Kakashi whispered, hugging the boy to him.
"It doesnt feel like it...no one shows it..." Kakashi heard the boy whisper nearly silently.
"It is true..." Kakashi said quietly "I care for you..."Kakashi struggled to find the right words. "Sasuke..your a wonderful...smart, handsome boy...sure, your quiet and moody sometimes..but...thats what makes you, you...your a good listener, and you care for your teammates and friends alot, even though you may not show it...its what makes me admire you so much, and be proud of how you've grown since you've been part of team 7"
Sasuke looked at the man with wide surprised eyes. "You...what? I..i dont believe you..." Sasuke whispered sounding shaken a little as he searched his sensei's face. "Why would you be proud of someone like me? I havent done anything...and...and...the things i have done..." He shook his head slightly as if to physically shake off an unwanted thought. "No one is proud of a fuck up like me...and i doubt anyone cares either..."Sasuke muttered, turning away from Kakashi and hiding his face his his bangs.
"That isnt true Sasuke...you've done plenty to make me proud...others too...your a strong young man...and as to you being fucked up...arent we all a little screwed up in one way or another? The fact that your feeling this way...well..you have the right to be...no one actually asked if you were okay...but now...now im going to change that..."Kakashi said quietly, reaching his hand up to Sasukes face and turning it gently to face him. "im here for you, you got that Sasuke?I'll keep asking if your okay everyday if you need to hear it...just so you know that im here and that i care about you"
Sasuke flushed a dark pink but nodded, looking into Kakashi's eye quietly. "o-okay..." He mumbled quietly.
Kakashi just crinkled his eye and nodded, standing up and looking at the sky in thought. He glanced down when he felt a little tug on his pants.
"Thank you Kakashi-sensei..."The boy murmured quietly, looking up at the man with dark, serious eyes. "And...you wont tell anyone...right?"
"Not a soul, if you dont want me to"
"I dont"
"Then i wont...but we will work together to help you stop cutting"
"I know"
With everything said, the two headed back to the village, quiet but content with the silence between them. Halfway into the village both ninja parted way, Kakashi to his apartment and Sasuke to his house.
A few Hours later, nighttime.
"I wont do it...i wont...i promised Kakashi-sensei..." Sasuke muttered pacing back and forth in his room. Soon after he had gotten home he had layed down and fell asleep, and just a few minutes ago woke up from a nightmare he had.
"Shit..." Sasuke muttered, his hand twitching as he tried not to scratch his arm and break open the slow healing cuts there. He leaned heavily against his window and pressed his forehead to the cool glass,looking out. He sat there for a little while before swearing again and giving up, going into his bathroom and grabbing his razor. He flipped it a few times in his hand, and watched it reflect the light and glint brightly in the dully light room. Sasuke closed his hand around the thin blade then quickly left the house and ran down the street. He didnt know where he was heading, but he just knew to keep running and not stop, because if he did, he knew he would cut.
Minutes later, Sasuke found himself standing outside of Kakashi's apartment. He stood there uncertain of what he was doing before slowly raising his hand that wasnt clutching the blade and knocked on the door. 'please be home...please' Sasuke begged silently shifting from foot to foot as he waiting. He sighed in relief when he saw the door crack open and Kakashi peeking his head out.
"Oh...Sasuke...its you...is everything alright? come on in" Kakashi said quietly, giving Sasuke a eye crinkle and opening the door and stepping aside to let him in. He paused for a second, standing at Sasuke quietly.
"Your hands bleeding" Kakashi murmured softly, reaching his hand out to take the teens hand in his own. He pried his fingers open then sighed, seeing the blade imbedded in his hand, and making the wound drip crimson blood. "Come with me" He said leading a quiet Sasuke into the bathroom and taking out a first aid kit and a wash cloth. "Run your hand under water and ill patch you up...while your doing that...do you want to tell me what happened?" Kakashi asked quietly, wetting the cloth and taking a few bandages out and looking at the raven haired boy.
Sasuke sighed and softly told his sensei what happened. He looked at Kakashi surprised when he saw the silver haired jonen smiling at him.
"Im proud of you sasuke...you resisted cutting...well...minus the fact that your hand is bleeding..but you came to me instead" Kakashi murmured softly
well talk about bad timings...sorry this sounds all jumbled and scattered. im going from writing a happy story, to this sad story...and its hard to switch the writing themes a bit...although...it could be the fact that i was stung in the neck in english class today...-dont worry, im not alergic!- although tragic...i find this incident very humorous...
but any-whoo! this is chapter two...
and reviews would make me a happy person, which will make me want to write more...-hint;hint- :D
and...yeahh...i was brain dead for mos of this, so i apologize for mistakes and confusion...chemistry is killing my brain T.T
again...any-whoo...read and review my pretties!
and if your a Ouran fan...read my Letters Written in Ink story and review on that too!
peace out~
~Alexis 3