I do not own glee or any of these characters.

When we got back home after that summer, I knew everything had changed. Not just between me and Brittany, but in all areas of my life. For starters, we were entering William McKinley High SchooL. I knew firsthand how gay people were treated in that school, though I never understood until lately that the hate was aimed at Danny because he was gay.

Now I caught on to things at home. Like my dad talking about "that fag". The latest one was overhearing a conversation as my parents got ready for bed. "I can't believe the nerve of that fag, inviting us to a civil union ceremony, acting like its a wedding. And asking for Santana to be in his party! Puto maricón cree que puede arruinar nuestra familia!" (Translation: Fucking fag thinks he can ruin our family!) My papi ranted and ranted. But one word stood out. Maricón. The hatred that my Papi poured out. Fag. I hated the word from the get go. That's not what I am though, I told myself, holding back tears. I'm not gay. I'm not! Then I heard my Papi again. "Mi hija no va a ser una tortillera!" (My daughter is not going to be a dyke!)

That word hurt even more. Deep inside, that's what I knew I was. Not a fag, but a dyke. A lesbian. At least for Brittany I was. I took a shuddering breath, scared of more hearing more hate coming from my Papi. Thankfully my Mami shushed him, and it grew quiet. I quietly headed back to my room and fell onto my bed, burying my face into my hands and crying. I couldn't be like Danny. No matter how right it felt to be with Britt, I needed to prove to everyone that I wasn't gay. Even to Britt.

Looking back, I remember picking Marcus out of the line of freshman. He was cute, that's for sure, and he was popular. All the freshman girls wanted to be with him. So I played along, whispering about how cute he was, or how big we thought his penis was. I secretly had no desire to find out, but I knew I had to, otherwise they all might find out. So I approached him, and soon I was his girlfriend. I told Britt to date his best friend Mike, and soon the four of us were going on dates and hanging out together. I didn't mind Marcus. He wasn't Britt, but he wasn't an ass either. Or so I thought.

After a few dates with all four of us, Marcus asked me if we could go on a date together, just the two of us. I knew I needed to be excited for the idea, or at least pretend to be, so I agreed right away. Then I explained to Britt that it was just going to be me and Marcus on our date, and that she should go on a date with Mike. She agreed, and she told me to come to her place after the date. I knew I would go there anyways, so I agreed, and went off with Marcus, hand in hand.

The date was nice, he treated me to a movie and dinner, and we walked through a forest hand in hand, talking about the movie. Then, he pushed me up against a tree, and kissed me. We'd kissed before, but we'd always been with Mike and Britt, so it never went further. It was clear to me that now, he wanted to go further. I went into the place in my head where I could hide. The kisses were sloppy, and left me feeling nothing but hollow. His touches made my skin itch and I wanted him off of me. But I knew I had to do this, so I wouldn't be gay.

Marcus' first thrust into me was painful. I came hurtling back from my inner world, and let out a gasp of pain. He didn't seem to care, and he kept pushing, deeper and deeper. I bit back tears, telling myself I needed to enjoy it. I had to let him do it. So I kept quiet, and retreated into my inner world so I wouldn't hear the sounds he was making.

When he was done, he led me back to his car and drove me home. I stopped him then, telling him I wanted to go to Britt's house. He just nodded, and I got out, giving him a brief kiss, and running to the tree outside Britt's room.

I scaled the tree, my hands shaking, and my stomach knotted with nausea. I couldn't believe I'd just had sex for the first time. Against a tree. I wanted to scream and cry and beg for the world to give it back to me. But I kept quiet, and held back my tears as I scaled the tree. I pushed open Britt's window, and stepped inside the dimly lit room. She was looking cozy under the blankets, and I quietly slipped in beside her, her arms opening to hold me close. Then I let the tears go. One by one, they fell, rolling down my cheeks and hitting the bed with small plunks. I watched them, feeling numb and hollow and in so much pain. Then Britt sat up, looking at me with concern, and flicking on her bedside light. She took one look at my tear streaked face and pulled me into an embrace.

I breathed in the smell of her. It filled up a little of the hollow shell that my heart had become. She kissed my head, and her warmth spread through me, filling me up just a bit more. Then she pulled away from me, her eyes so full of concern that I wanted to cry again. "San, what's the matter?" She asked, her voice full of pain for my tears. Watching me cry hurt her heart.

I sniffed, wishing I had gone home instead. "I...I had sex tonight Britt." I whispered, knowing that it would hurt her to hear me say that. She nodded, her eyes briefly flickering with pain and jealousy, before shifting back to concern. I continued. "Marcus...I think he didn't know what he was doing. It hurt B. That's all I remember. It hurting."

Brittany held me close again, rubbing my back and kissing away my tears. She leaned her head against mine and briefly touched her lips to mine. Then she whispered. "Santana, I love you. And I'm sorry it hurt hun. I'll kiss it better." She spent the rest of the night kissing away the hollow aching feeling, and left contentment behind.