I opened my eyes to see fog. Not the kind I was used to seeing, because this time, I wasn't in an alley or a street. I was in a huge white place. Everywhere I looked it was white. It was weird, and scary. White fog covered every inch of the place and I couldn't see anything besides white. It was so unnatural for there to be such a lack of color.
"Where's Maddie?" I heard a whisper, of what sounded like a scared man from behind me. I turned around fast; only to be met with more white nothingness.
"Maddie?" I heard the aching cry again. I heard it over and over in all directions. I was staring to panic. I was breathing heavily, and I couldn't seem to make myself stop; tears started to form in my eyes. "I'm right here!" I heard someone yell. I turned to the sound. Suddenly I was somewhere else completely. The whiteness around me started moving and meshing with other colors. At first all I could see was swirls of color, it reminded me of when a painter was in the middle of mixing two different paints to make a new color. Then suddenly the colors formed into shapes and buildings.
I was in the alley.
I saw Maddie's lifeless body on the ground and a man kneeling over her. He was crying. "She's here! Oh god.." He called out. My feet stayed where they were, for this was a scene that was not new to me. "Help me! I didn't mean to…" But his words were all new. "I didn't mean to! I didn't- I-"
Then the man moved his head and looked at me, though I could not see his face. And in a completely different voice he said, "Why so afraid child? You might be able to save her." It was a more evil voice; one that made the hair on my arms stand up.. "I-I-" I couldn't talk. I couldn't breath. Then suddenly the man was gone. Vanished like a vapor of fog.
"Why didn't you save her?" The voice of the evil man said right by my right ear, but I couldn't stop from looking at Maddie to see who was saying it. "She's gone. There was nothing I could have done." I repeated what the doctors told me.
"But she was your best friend. You let her die. It should have been you." The voice kept telling me. I fought back the tears as my mind raced. I tried to move, to get away from the voice, but I just couldn't. "It wasn't my fault." I said in a small voice. "Yes it was!" The voice yelled in my ear. "She died because you let her! It was all your fault!" The voice kept saying.
"No! No! No!" I yelled back! Suddenly my feet felt light again and I ran over to Maddie. I knelt down by her lifeless body and held her close to me. "Maddie? Please Maddie I need you!" I looked behind me to see the man walk away while saying, "you could have stopped this." ****
I shot up in my bed. Darkness of the night surrounded me. I tried brushing my tangled hair out of my face, but when I tried, my hands were shaking so bad all I succeeded in doing was knocking more hair into my eyes. My whole body was trembling'; and I couldn't make it stop. "Just a dream. It was just a dream." I said in a shaking voice as I laid back down. But it wasn't just a dream. It was a nightmare. But this one was so much different. I had always had the same dream, never differing in any detail; but this one was completely different. At first, he seemed sad. He acted like someone had forced him to kill Maddie; but then he became is normal self, and blamed me. My heart beat a million miles a second. "It's okay. It wasn't you fault. You're not the one who killed her." I said while I closed my eyes shut. I tried to get that terrible voice out of my head, the one that kept repeating, 'you could have stopped this'. But I couldn't, because, somewhere in the back of my mind I believed him.
I wanted to sleep more; I really needed to get more sleep, it was far too early for me to have gotten enough, but with my luck, I would have more nightmares. I needed to go home. I needed to see my mom. She always knew how to cheer me up. She could always make me feel better. Sighing I sat up in bed, knowing there was no way that I was actually going to get anymore sleep and noticed the sun was just peeking through the window of my room.
For a while I just sat on my bed; doing my best not to think. Though I am not sure how well that really worked. Because every couple minutes or so my mind kept going back to home and mom. I could imagine what she would say, what she would do, I were with her right now. But I also found myself wondering, 'what would I be doing if I was home'? I would probably look for a summer job. But then again, so would every other teen between the ages of 16-19. There would have been a likely chance that I wouldn't have been able to find one. So if I didn't, I would have just been sitting around at the house; having nothing to occupy my mind with. And so that meant I would most likely have spent my whole summer thinking about Maddie. Maybe it was a good thing that I came here. Maybe. At least now I didn't have all day to let my mind wonder.
My thoughts traveled down this ally for a while before I caught myself. NO! Being here was not a good thing! I need to go home. Nodding my head in conformation I forced my thoughts onto another topic.
Monday. I forced myself to think about the pros and cons of this day. This could be a good or a bad thing. Bad; because I actually have to try to act like I'm happy. Because, the kids at the hospital didn't need someone there that was in just as much darkness as them. They needed someone who could help them through and see the light. To help them up; not bring them down farther.
Good; because of Edward. It's Monday so I will be going to the hospital to work with him. This was defiantly not a bad thing. If I let myself be honest with myself I really did enjoy my job and the people I worked with. Though most of these feeling are towards the Cullens. Even though Alice is a little over the top and Emmett is sometimes a little slow at times. They were all really nice and were easy to be around.
And then of course there is Edward. He is, well he…I am not exactly sure how to describe him. He is nice, sweet, unbelievable with the children, and of course he is, in his own manly way, beautiful.
I sat in bed, my back leaning against the wall watching the sun rise, for what seemed like forever, letting these thoughts lead my brain; mainly because they were safe; when I heard my name. "Bella!" Charlie yelled from down stairs. I groaned as I walked out of my bedroom and down the stairs.
"Yeah?" I asked trying to wake myself up. Charlie was sitting on the couch when I reached the last step, his elbows braced against his knees, looking deep in thought.
"We need to talk before I go to work." He said in his serious voice. I was nervous, he rarely used his serious voice and when he did it usually wasn't a good thing. "Okay" I said waiting, I had frozen on the bottom step after seeing my father's tense stance. My mind was going crazy. What does he want? Is this about last night? Is he sending me home?
He took a deep breath. Did I do something wrong? Did he heard me yell in my sleep? "Bella, I think you should sit down before we start." Yep, definitely not good. Slowly I walked up to the end of the couch and sat down on the edge the seat. Taking another deep breath and avoiding eye contact he began softly. "I talked to your mother last night." He said staring at his hands. "And we decided. You're staying here."
….. My mind went blank. I knew I heard what Charlie had said, but it was like the words didn't have any meaning and just seemed to float around in my head.
Then it raced back to a hundred miles an hour. I jumped from my seat. "WHAT?" I yelled. No, no, no, no! "No! I-I can't! You can't make me stay!" I yelled. My heart was beating faster then it ever had before.
"Bella. It's for the best. This change is good for you. Forks is good for you. I'm good for you. And, it seems like Edward Cullen is good for you too." Huh? "What?" What did he have to do with this?
"Bella, I talked to Angela. She told me about how you act around him, around his family. It's good for you." He insisted. I was shaking my head before he was finished. What was he talking about? I don't act different around Edward. Do I? "No! No, no, no! You can't do this! She needs me Charlie!" I yelled at him. I had to make his understand.
"Bella, Maddie is gone!" He said softly, sadly. "There is nothing you can do for her. Her dad even left. It's been good for him. It'll be good for you to get away."
"No! Her- her dad left because- he- It's not the same! I have to go back." I said sitting back down. Oh, Mr. Shawn. I had almost forgotten about him. He was like my other dad. I could remember how he had looked when we were at the wake. He had been so miserable. Had he really left? Sure I hadn't seen him in a while; but leave? Could he really have left Maddie behind?
"Bella, your therapist-"
"Is screwed. The guy thinks I hate Maddie for leaving me. He doesn't know anything." I huffed at his stupidity. I never once hated Maddie. Stupid therapist. Ever since mom had sent me to him, the man had over and over again shown how little he knew about the human mind. Or at least mine.
Charlie got on his knees in front of me and took my hands in his. "Isabella. Please, just try it." He said. I could see the hurt in him. Maybe he was right….No!
"What's the date?" I asked. "May 26th." How did the time pass this fast? Maddie's anniversary of her death is June 18th. It was almost impossible to believe!
"I will stay until June 15th. Then I am going home." I said looking him in the eyes. I have to be back by then. He could not keep me here.
"You can go back to visit Maddie's grave. But then you will come home." He said seriously, making sure I didn't miss the fact that he called Forks my home.
I nodded my head in agreement, but I had no intention on keeping that promise. I would leave on June 15, and will not come back.
He stood up straight proud of himself, I'm sure. He walked towards the door to leave; taking his belt that had his gun strapped to it from it's hook beside the door and buckling it to his waist as he said. "Edward will pick you up at 8. I will call to make sure you got there. I'll pick you up there at 5 and we are going to go to the Blacks for dinner." He said before he opened the door. He turned halfway out the door and looked at me. He looked as though he were going to say something, his eyes sad, he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Sighing he turned and left.
As soon as the door shut and I saw Charlie get into his cruiser I slid down the couch 'til I was lying on my back and folded my arms angrily over my chest. I wanted to scream. I let the anger I had been penning up while Charlie had been talking burst inside me. I let the anger flood over me and let it lead my mind where it wanted.
How had this happened? I was supposed to be here for two weeks. I felt the anger get stronger in my mind.
Charlie was being stubborn, but I can be even more stubborn. There is nothing in this small green town that could make me want to be here. No, I would go back. I nodded my head, finalizing this statement in my mind. I stayed where I was for a moment, not really sure what to do. My mind went black for a moment.
And then the anger ebbed away; I was filled with sadness. Maddie, I thought, what is my life worth anymore?
I wasn't even sure there was an answer to that question anymore.
Biting back tears I sank farther into the couch. Then I was back to the night it happened. **
"Oh Bells, you should really listen to you dad more. He's only trying to help." Maddie told me as we painted our nails in her bed room. She sat on her window seat, putting on a second coat of red to her toes; while I sat on the fuzzy rug in the middle of the room applying my second coat of gold to mine.
"You don't understand Maddie. He sees me like twice a year and thinks that we have some sort of great relationship. He barely knows me." I said sighing as I recapped the nail polish. "Bella, your dad tries. At least you have that. My mom wont even acknowledge my existence." She said admiring her foot she had just finished painting. "Yeah. Well, at least we have each other, right?" I said smiling at my best friend. "Yeah." She said smiling back. I started painting my last nail. "Maddie, why did your mom leave?" I asked a little scared of what she would say. Maddie wasn't one to share her feelings.
"She didn't want me. She married my dad because he had money, then when she got prego she bailed." She sighed. "She ran away, and once she had me, she just gave me to my dad. I see her from time to time now, but she doesn't act like I'm her daughter. She just acts like I'm some annoying kid hanging around her. So, I gave up. I mean, who needs her anyway right? I got you." She said smiling at me again; though I could see the hurt that she had buried somewhere deep inside her. And I didn't blame her. No matter how close we were, I would never be able to replace the huge whole her mother had left in Maddie's life.
"Yeah. Hey lets go see a movie!" I said trying to get our minds on to something else. "Perfect." She said smiling at me in relief, she never was one to talk about her feelings. **
I stopped my memories there. I didn't think I could go through that new dream twice. Blinking my heavy eyelids I made my way upstairs to get ready for work. I just can't see this day getting any better, I thought with a sigh.****
As I finished eating my scrambled eggs I heard a knock at the door. I put my dishes in the sink and went to open the door. Edward stood behind the door in all his beauty. He wore skinny jeans and a gray v-neck shirt. I quickly looked down at myself. I wore blue faded jeans and a blue t-shirt. I felt unsure of myself suddenly, which was an odd feeling for me. Because I stopped caring how I looked a while ago.
He smiled his crooked smile that made my stomach do weird things. "Hello."
"Hi." I smiled back. I couldn't help myself. Something about him, made me forget everything. Made me unable to remember why I had been thinking so sad just minutes before. "Ready?" He asked. I nodded and followed him to his Volvo. I stayed about a full step behind him and found myself watching him from behind. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to see me from this angle. Even his walk was perfect.
Wait, did I purposefully walk behind him so I could watch him? I thought to myself as we reached the car and he opened my door for me. I was too scared of the answer to actually let my mind answer.
After closing my door, Edward jogged around the front of the car and smoothly slipped into his seat. We were flying down the road seconds later. "How was your night?" He asked, meeting my eyes with his beautiful deep green ones for a second before turning them back onto the road. But even in that half a moment, my stomach had enough time to do a flip. I could tell he really wanted to know. I did my best to make my lie sound true. Because, even if it was a lie, I wanted to tell him how my night had went. "It was good." I could tell he saw right through it though. He looked at me, scrutinizing my face. "For some reason I don't believe that." he mumbled under his breath, knowing that I would hear him.
"How was your night?" I asked quickly, trying to get the subject off me.
He sighed. "Not too good. Esme is really….emotional right now. She always is this time of year. But more so with the quart dates coming up." He said blatantly, opening right up to me. This confused me. How could he possibly tell me something like that. We had only known each other for a couple weeks now! I may not know what the quart dates are about, but I was sure that it was something personal. Something you don't tell just anyone.
"Why did you tell me that?" I couldn't help myself from asking. Most people, like myself, would just say their night was okay and move on to a different topic. I was finding out quickly though, that Edward was not like most people. Actually he was nothing like anybody I had ever met.
"It's called being honest Bella." He said as he put the car in park in front of the Hospital.
"No, that's called inviting strangers into your life. You don't know me, yet you tell me these things. Why?" I couldn't grasp it. He didn't know me, yet it seems as if he trusts me.
"Bella, everyone is a stranger until you let them in. I tell you these things because I want you to know. I don't want you to be a stranger. I want you to be my friend." He said, looking me right in the eyes, as though it was dire that I understand this. There was something in those green eyes that made me want to tell him everything.
There was something so comforting in those eyes. I had never felt so at ease with someone before. Never felt like I could say anything to them and not have to worry about the reaction; because I know whatever I say, he would just take it in stride.
And that scared the crap out of me. I had never once told anyone 'everything'. Sure I told the police what I had seen. But not that it was my idea to go to the movies that night, or that I could have saved her. Edward's sigh brought me out of my train of thought, for that I was grateful. He ran a hand through his hair. "Why?" Was the only thing I could think of to say.
He looked at me in the most serious way. "I don't know yet." As I looked in his eyes, what I saw there surprised me. He honestly didn't know why. Something in him longed to be my friend, but he didn't know why.
We stared at each other for the longest moment, time seemed to stand still as my eyes locked with his, capturing me in such a way I wasn't sure if I wanted to be set free; before he looked away and opened his door.
I sighed as I got out of his car. Something about Edward made me want to tell him everything, but I fought that urge. He would never understand the pain I feel. And how would he react when he found out the whole truth? Sighing I hopped out of the car and followed Edward into the hospital. I had just entered through the double sliding glass doors when I realized something that made me pause.
I had thought, 'when' Edward finds out the truth. Not 'if'. I sighed; that was because somewhere in my mind, I knew that he would one day know. And it would come from my own mouth. I wasn't sure how I knew that. But with his eyes and the ever safe feeling I got around him, I knew I wouldn't be able to help myself. Edward would be the first person I will have ever opened up to, wholly and completely. And I can't let that happen. I truly have got to leave Forks. For good.****
The day passed by rather smoothly and surprisingly quickly. I was really starting to get a rhythm for the place and the people in it. I could now call most of the kids by name. And even though I had only been here a week; no, LESS than a week, I was starting to care about them. It was nice seeing the children, and how Edward was around them. He would surely make a great father one day.
"Edward, why do you love these children so much?" My curiosity was going to get me into trouble one day.
Edward finished shutting the door of Bobby's room before answering. "Because, in a way, I know what they are going through. Darkness is always surrounding them." he said as we walked though the hall.
Then something happened that I will never forget. A woman, who looked to be in her mid thirties, came running into the hospital with a child in her arms. The kid couldn't have been more then 6, but it was hard to tell. The poor boy's green shirt was covered in blood, making it hard to tell what the original color of the shirt was. He also had purple and blue bruises, clearly visible on his arms. He had a bloodily lip and his left eye was swollen shut.
"Help! Oh, God, someone please help me!" The woman begged as she fell to her knees in the middle of the waiting room. Edward ran straight to the woman, and gently lifted the small boy in his arms; relieving the woman from his weight. He carefully put the kid on a gurney as nurses came swarming from all around. Carlisle also heard the commotion and poked his head out of a room and ran to help as well.
"What happened?" Edward asked in his haste to find where all the bleeding was coming from.
"I don't know! I found the boy behind the school." The woman said between sobs. She was obviously a school teacher, from her name tag which had the Fork's elementary school logo above her name. After a quick order from Carlisle the nurses rolled the boy off towards the emergency room. Edward turned and looked at me for the shortest second before he went in after them.
I watched Edward's back as he disappeared behind a corner; his face burned into my mind. It was recognition. It was in his eyes, something in his eyes seemed to answer all my questions. He knew what some of these kids were going through, and the only way to know that, to truly understand what had happened to this kid; was because he had went through it too.
"No, Carlisle the kid was abused! It's all over his body!" Edward yelled at Carlisle in his office. I was standing outside Dr. Cullen's office along with some nurses. The boy's surgery went well, but now they had a small child unclaimed. Carlisle had come out of surgery, still wearing his green scrubs, with a look of complete tiredness. Edward had followed right behind him, a glazed look covering his face; as though he was thinking very hard on something, or not thinking at all. Carlisle had gone right to his office, Edward still following him. For the first minute it had been completely silent, but that had not lasted. Soon I could hear everything that was being said. I had thought about leaving, I didn't want to ease drop, but I couldn't get the boys face out of my head. I needed to know if he was going to be alright. I needed to know what was going to happen to him now. So I took a seat in one of the four chairs that lined the wall outside of his office. "We don't know that Edward. There is no proof."
"No proof? Did you not see the hand marks on his arms? And the fact that he looks like he hasn't eaten in days, if not weeks!" Edward yelled back. Then, he said so low I almost didn't hear, "I should know." My heart sank as I heard this. Who could possibly hurt a child? "Edward calm down. We don't know anything yet. But I will call Chief Swan. I'll get him down here and take a look at the boy." Then in a much lower voice, Carlisle said, "I will not let this boy go back to his home if what you say really is waiting for him there." They then started talking so low I could not hear; only the mumblings of what was being said. My thoughts were all over the place. What really happened to this little boy? Why is Edward more concerned about this then Carlisle? I felt my heart ache as I thought of the reasons. I was startled when Edward opened the door to Carlisle's office and I could see the hurt and pain in his eyes. He looked at me for a moment before walking past me, down the hall. I followed him. I don't know why, but I felt the need to comfort him.
He went into a empty patient's room and sat on the couch, that was in each room for a family member to sleep on during the patient's stay. He put his head in his hands, bracing his elbows on his knees and sighed. I shut the door behind me, then went to sit beside him. It wasn't until then that I really thought about what I was doing and realized that I had no idea what to do. He then put his hands on his legs and laid back into the seat and stared up at the ceiling. I felt the urge to hold him, to comfort him, but I was afraid. It had been such a long time since I had felt this before. I wasn't sure how to react to it.
Gathering all my courage I reached out and grabbed his hand in mine. As soon as our hands made contact, Edward sat straight up and looked at me. We stared at each other-which we seem to be doing a lot lately- and he sighed. I looked down at our hands. "You can tell me, you know. If you want to." I said softly; hoping he didn't think that I was being nosy. But I knew he knew what I meant. He looked into my eyes and I could see the pain. "Let's just say, I know what that boy is going through." He said, his jaw tight. "You can run from the pain, but the scars, the scars will always be there."
Edward and I sat there for a long time, not talking, just sitting. I didn't know what to say. But maybe not saying anything would be best. I know there were a lot of times that mom came and tried talking to me about what had happened; when all I wanted was for her to be there for me.
I sighed to myself, I guess I'm not the only one with a messed up past. There was something in me, something that wanted to comfort him and make him forget about all that happened. My heart ached for him. And I didn't understand it. I knew bad things happened in the world, heck I went through some of the worst. But, for it to happen to him, someone so perfect, and beautiful.
"Bella, your dad will be here soon to get you. And I have stuff to do." He said breaking the silence. "Okay." Was all I could say. Nothing in me wanted to move. I was content where I was: sitting next to Edward, holding his hand. But, I had to go. He was right. It was soon to be 5 o'clock, I knew, and Charlie would go crazy if he couldn't find me.
So, I let Edward pull me to my feet by the hand and walk me to the door. As soon as the door was opened he dropped my hand and pressed his hand to my back and gently pushed me out the door.
I watched Edward as he made his way to find Carlisle and I went outside to wait for Charlie. For some reason I felt sad, well more sad than I am normally. I felt like I had a hole in my chest, a hole that wasn't missing a few minutes ago. I missed him? Is that possible? I was just with him, so how can I miss him?
I felt my heart sink as I thought of us holding hands. My hand felt so empty now, I closed my eyes and shook the thoughts out of my head. I can't think of these things.
Why is this guy making me feel this way? He's making me feel…happy. That's wrong. No he can't do that. I don't even know him that well! He has a past that I know nothing of. Yet, so do I. But still, I must stop thinking of these things. Edward can be my friend, maybe, but nothing more. No matter how much I want it. Because he will never like me back. Why would he? I'm not good enough. I will never be good enough.
Charlie drove up in his cruiser pulling me away from my thoughts. I got in.
"So how was your day?" He asked. Should I tell him the truth? Tell him about the small boy, and about Edward, and how I feel around him? "It was fine." With my less then truthful answer Charlie sped off. I would let Carlisle explain everything to him.
I sat in the passenger's seat, glad that Charlie didn't ask anything else and so we could ride in silence.
Next stop, Billy Black's house.
*Peeks head out of cave * Hey...I know, I haven't updated in a while. Sorry about that. I hope you all read my Authors Note I put up. I just got this back from my Beta (Vinetta-Venture) Be sure to give her thanks. Um, please go to my profile and vote on my poll! I'm thinking about changing the name of this story. So please go vote on a different name, or if you want it to stay the same, THANK YOU guys for reading! I promise to update more often. PLEASE review. I LOVE reviews. They keep me living. Thanks again every one! Hope you enjoyed this chapter. :)
-Esmefan1-Elissa.