A/N I AM BACK! Okay, so our Beta Vinetta-Venture AKA Vinny, and I have been working on this for the past month or so. Today, even though the chapter we weren't done yet, we realized that the chapter was already more than 20,000 words long! So, instead of post a very large chapter, we have decided to post 2 or 3 average size chapters. So, this is the first one! Also, I am so sorry that it's been a whole freaking year since we updated! I'm so so so so so sorry! Don't hate me! But, here we go! Also, you may want to go back and re-read the other chapters, to refresh your memory. :) So at last; Here we go!

"Bella? Honey you okay?" Mom asked opening the door of my bedroom. I was curled up in a ball in the corner of my room. My head was laid on my knees, hair covering my face; hiding me from the world. My eyes were red and dry from hours of crying. "Bella Honey, it's time." mom said knelling down in front of me. I just shook my head. Going to my best friends funeral was never on my list of things to do before I die.

"Honey, Shawn won't start without you and people are waiting." She said, carefully taking my hands, as though she were afraid that any sudden movement would shatter me, and helped me to my feet. I took one last look in the mirror on the way out. My eyes were red, my hair was in one straight braid, with lose strands framing my face. I wore a black dress that went to my knees.

As we walked to the front of the sanctuary everyone looked at me as if thinking, "Oh it's the dead girl's best friend." My stomach curled. I went to the front and sat beside Mr. Shawn. He looked at me, with red eyes as well, and nodded once. We looked up to the screen up front, as they played videos and pictures of Maddie. I heard a few people break out sobbing during the videos. I couldn't even look at the screen. I couldn't look at Maddie's dad, I just couldn't.

Then everyone started going to see her casket. I wasn't sure if I had it in me to go see Maddie. Not all pale, and lifeless. The last time I saw her lifeless body, her murderer was running away. Angela who had flown up from Forks came to me. I looked at her and she knew that this was why she came. She reached out and grabbed my hand and lead me to Maddie's casket.

They put her in her favorite dress, the white one with pink rose's on the end. And her hair curled, and beautiful like always. Tears I didn't know I still had came up to the surface. Angela's hand squeezed my hand tight. "I'll give you a moment" she said and then walked away. I looked at my best friend. I noticed the necklace around her neck, the one with small orange butterfly. I looked down at my necklace, the small blue one. Our friendship necklaces. "Oh Maddie." I whispered as tears fell down my cheeks. "I can't do this without you." I reached over and touched her cold hand and tears overflowed.

I went over to Mr. Shawn and gave him a hug. "She loved you so much." He whispered in my ear. Tears spilled from my eyes. Then, I saw in the very back of the room, was Maddie's Mom. Why on earth is she here? I wanted to walk up to her, to confront her. She hated Maddie.

"Bella, don't. I told her she could come." Mr. Shawn told me. I looked around the large room, saw people crying, hugging, and sulking. "She loved you more than anything" I told Mr. Shawn. And with tears that couldn't possibly still be there, I hugged him. ***

"Bella? Did you hear me?" Charlie asked as I stared out the window of his cruiser.

"Oh, I'm sorry what?" I asked. I had been so deep in my memories I didn't even realize he was saying anything at all.

"I asked if you remembered that Billy was in a wheelchair." He said. I had a small memory of when dad told me this a few years ago.

"Oh, yeah." I said nodding my head.

I really didn't want to go to Billy's for dinner. For some reason, I found myself wishing I was going to Edward's house instead to eat dinner. Wanting to hold his hand again. I tried shaking the thought out of my head, but I just couldn't. Edward was different. There was something about him, something that made my heart do weird things.

I was so caught up in my thoughts I barely noticed when we pulled into Billy Blacks drive way. Memories flashed through my head as I looked at the familiar house. It was old, the Black's had lived in this house for several generations. But it wasn't the kind of old you thought would fall apart with the slightest gust of wind, more like a homey kind of old. The house was made of wood and was one story. I could remember Jake and I climbing in the tree next to the house and from there jumping onto the roof. I could also remember the days we spent in Jake's shed out back, which was barely visible from the driveway. The front door opened before we even got up the cluttered porch. A guy stood there with long dark hair and a perfect white smile against his tan skin. He looked to be about two years younger then me, and I realized immediately that he was Jacob, Uncle Billy's one and only son.

"Charlie! Bella!" He exclaimed in excitement. His eyes grazed over my dad before landing and staying on me, his smile huge. I think he was little more excited to see me than Charlie.

"Bring them in Jake!" I heard a man yell from in the house.

"Right right. Come on." He said still smiling.

It was a little weird and sad for me. I had known the Blacks practically all my life. I grew up with them. But I hadn't seen either of them in the past two years. I mean Charlie told me that Uncle Billy was in wheelchair and everything… But it was so weird to actually see. When I first stepped into the house I froze for a second. He was just sitting there in his chair, hair pulled back in it's usual braid, crows feet around his eyes, and easy smile. But he wasn't standing, couldn't stand. The sight brought unexpected tears to my eyes which I quickly blinked away.

I quickly got over it though, this was his life style now, he didn't need somebody acting weird about it. So I accepted it. It took a little time, but as we sat around the dinning room table eating Harry Clearwater's famous fish fry I was able to get over my sadness for Billy and really enjoy the evening.

After helping clear the table dad and Billy went into the small living room and watched some basket ball game, leaving Jake and I to do the dishes.

"So how've you been?" Jake asked, taking a dripping plate from my hand and drying it. "I mean really?"

I shrugged. Jake knew me so well. I sometimes wondered if I was just an open book to him. We'd known each other for so long, he probably knew my every expression. And even though I hadn't told Jake the whole truth about my depression or about my bulimia; he knew I was hiding some things from him.

"I'm doing okay." I said and was surprised to realize that it was almost true.

"Really?" He asked looking at me hard, as if trying to look for any signs that I was lying.

I nodded. "Yeah. So how are things with you?" I asked, hoping we would stop talking about me.

Jake looked like he wanted to challenge me on my changing the subject, but instead he sighed and said. "Okay fine. I have been pretty good. Rachel and Rebecca are doing really good too. Rachel is still in Washington for Marine Biology and is loving every millisecond of it. And Rebecca is now married to Brad Michel and they are living in Hawaii."

"Rebecca got married?" I asked shocked. "When did that happen?" I hadn't really been all that close to either of Jake's older sisters, but I was close to Jake, I would have thought I would have at least been invited.

"About a year and a half ago." Oh. That's when I was in rehabilitation. "She was upset that you couldn't make it, but she understood. Under the circumstances." He said, a sad look on his face as he dried another plate.

We fell into an uncomfortable silence for a few moments, which Jake thankfully broke by saying. "So I'm fixing up a new car. Well not new, old really. But new to me."

Glad to be out of the silence I smiled. "Really?" Jake had always loved doing mechanical things. I remembered he once purposely ran his bike off a steep drop and broke it, just so he could fix it.

And that was all the invitation Jake needed and he was off. He started telling about how he got the car, what all he was doing to it, and I just let him ramble even though I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. It was nice, familiar to listen to Jake talk about him fixing something.

Later when we finished the dishes we headed to Jake's room. It looked exactly like I remembered it from the last time I was here. We sat on his bed and leaned against the head board.

"Wow, I would have thought you would have at least hid Captain Oats from view so that the ladies wouldn't see him." I said with a smile picking up the plastic toy horse that stood on his night stand. It had been Jake's favorite toy when he was a boy; probably because his mother had gotten it for him.

Jake snatched the horse out of my hands and I laughed. "I'll have you know that Breanna loves Captain Oats." He told me

"Breanna? And who is Breanna?"

I saw a hint of blush come across his face. "Breanna is a girl,"

"Well I guessed that much." I jabbed in.

Jake rolled his eyes but continued like he hadn't heard anything. "that has shown a great deal of interest in dating me."

I raised my eyebrows. "Nice. And do you reciprocate the feeling?" I asked already knowing the answer by Jake's face.

He gave a sheepish smile. "Yeah."

We talked a little bit more about Breanna and his plans on asking her out on Monday during school. Then the tables turned and Jake asked if I had anyone in particular in my life.

I shook my head no. But as I did my mind went to Edward. I felt heat rise to my face.

"Woah! Hey what was that?" Jake asked with a wide smile. "Somebody's got a secret crush." He accused.

I shook my head more forcefully. "No! No I don't." I exclaimed, trying to convince myself as well as Jake.

Jake held up his hands in surrender. "Fine. You don't want to talk to me about it, your decision. But you need to at least admit it to yourself."

I gave him a look and he wisely dropped the subject and asked about how my mom was doing. I told him how she got remarried and was happily on her honeymoon. I told him how she had recently decided that she wanted to be a home cooking kind of mom and was basically failing at it. Though neither Phil or I had the heart to tell her; so we just suffered through each meal she insisted on making. I also told him how she broke her wrist while learning to play the harp last year. Both of us laughed so hard when I told him, I had trouble finishing the story.

I had just started to ask how school was treating him when Charlie came into Jake's room and announced that it was time to leave. Jake and Uncle Billy walked us out, I gave them both a hug and promised I would visit again soon. As dad and I walked away from the Black's house I decided I was happy I had come. I had forgotten how good a friend Jake was. I had missed him these past two years.

But as dad drove us back home, it wasn't Jacob I was thinking about. It was Edward. No matter what I did, somehow my mind always seemed to be drawn back to him.

On the ride back to the house we spent mostly in silence except for the occasional comment Charlie made on the evening, most of which my only response was to nod.

Edward. That was the first time I had ever really held a boy's hand before. I could still feel a warmth in my hand from where he held it. I also couldn't help but wonder if he was about to tell me something while we were sitting there.

"We're home."

I blinked a few times and sure enough we were. I had so deep into my thoughts about Edward I hadn't even realized. Why was I so wrapped up in him? He had somehow overtaken my brain and my thoughts swarmed around him all the time. Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? Something in the back of my head told me I knew; but I just shook my head and followed Charlie inside.

Edward's POV

"I pretty much suck at this point." I grumbled as I was sitting on the small couch in my room. Alice, who I was talking to, got up from my bed and came to sit by me.

"You don't suck Eddie. What's wrong?" She asked. Alice was the one and only person I ever let call me that, besides the kids at the hospital.

"I was so close to telling her." I said pausing. I came really close. I had felt the words on my tongue and that was why I had cut our little meeting short. "She held my hand Alice. I let her hold my hand." I turned and looked at my adopted sister in the eyes. "I wanted to tell her. I've never wanted to tell anyone before." It scared me to think this. When Bella had reached out for my hand I gladly let her have it. I remember feeling like my world was collapsing around me; then suddenly Bella was there, the skin of her hand brushing against mine. Her delicate fingers gently wrapped themselves around my hand and incased mine in such a warmth; I had never felt anything more wonderful.

"So why didn't you?" Alice asked softly.

I rolled my shoulders and leaned father into the sofa. "I just couldn't." I sighed. I looked down at my hand, the one Bella held, and I longed for her to hold it again.

There was a pause before Alice said. "Edward, you talk to me everyday about how you know something happened in Bella's past, and how you want her to trust you enough to tell you, and how much you want to help. You know, it might help if you trusted her with your secret."

I sighed again, knowing she was right.

"Look I have to go. I'm meeting Jasper at the store." Alice said getting up. She turned around just before she left my room and said. "You know, maybe you shouldn't try to figure out her past, her secrets. Maybe you should just be her friend, and let her tell you when she is ready. Everyone has a past Edward. Sometimes trust doesn't play a part in whether or not we tell someone about it. Sometimes it depends on whether we want to relive it or not." And with that she turned and left.

I sat in the silence of my room, staring up at the ceiling. I started to count all the little dots on my ceiling, something I used to do when I was in foster care. I wondered if Bella ever did this when she was a kid… Why can't I get this girl out of my head? Even while reliving things from my childhood I think of her! Ever since the day I first beheld her beauty she has taken over my thoughts. Sighing I closed my eyes and remembered the day I first saw Bella. The day Rose got hurt, Carlisle and I went to Chief Swans house. And there she was. I noticed her peeking at us from behind the wall. Her brown hair cascade around her oval face perfectly. She probably didn't even realize that she had been caught spying on our conversation. I shook my head. She was all I could think about.

I sat up straight with a sudden realization. Oh I am such a moron! That's it. I finally figured it out. I know why she is invading my head. Why she is all I can think about. Why I can't stand to be without even for a hour. Because I…..

I have to tell Alice! So jumping from my seat I flew through my room and out the door. "ALICE" I yelled running down the stairs as fast as I can. I yelled her name the whole way until I got outside where she was just getting in her car. She looked at me like I was insane.

"What?" She asked pausing half in half out of the car.

I looked at my sister in the eyes and said with so much emotion I wanted to cry and jump and laugh all at the same time. I wanted to act like Alice. It was a weird sensation. "I…I think I like Bella. As more than a friend. Way more than a friend."

At first Alice didn't say anything, she just kept staring at me like I was crazy. The she got out of her car and jumped to me, hugged me around my middle, and cried. "I KNEW it!" She said. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" She said in rhythm of her jumping.

I rolled my eyes at her and gently backed away from her grasp. "Okay you go see Jasper. That was all I wanted to say." I'm not really one for getting excited and jumping like a maniac, so when it actually happens it doesn't last long. Alice smiled widely at me and after saying she 'knew it' yet again, she got in her car and left.

I watched her car disappear down the driveway before turning towards the house. It wasn't until I was on the porch that I realized I had no idea what to do with myself. After a few moments of thinking about it, I decided I needed to talk to Bella. But It was getting late and I didn't want to call her in case I woke her up, so I instead I sent her a text and would go from there.

Hey Bella. You still up? ~Ed

I sent it as I was making my way into the living room. I slid my phone into my pocket and saw Rosalie was sitting on the couch reading a book. Having nothing better to do 'til/if Bella texted back I sat next to her.

She glanced up from her book and then back down at the page before deciding to just close the book all together. Rosalie wasn't a big reader, but since the incident she hadn't left the house once yet. So she was left few options in ways to pass the time. And though she and I didn't have the best relationship, I think she rather have me to talk to then read a book all day. So I started telling to her about my day, about the boy that came in, and about Bella. Mostly about Bella. "So, I'm not really sure what I am going to do about Bella." I said as my story telling came to an end.

Rosalie snorted. "Edward, you actually like her?" She asked crinkling her nose. "She is weird. Everyone in this family talks about her like she is some new and exciting toy! It's getting annoying."

Her words hit a cord somewhere in my brain and I fired back. "No, Rose, you're weird. Bella is amazing, kind, caring, beautiful. Just because you're not who we're all are talking about doesn't me you have to be a jerk to someone you don't even know!" I finished in a huff.

It wasn't until I had finished that I saw that Rosalie had a small smile on her face.

"What?" I asked still feeling irritated at Rosalie's words.

"Thank you." She said quietly.

"For what?" I asked momentarily forgetting my frustration and replacing it with confusion

"For acting like you normally do and not trying to be nice just because of what happened."

I sighed and gave her a small smile back. "Anytime."

My phone vibrated then, my heart did a little leap hoping that it was Bella. "I'm gonna go to bed. I'll see you in the morning" I told Rosalie before I headed upstairs. I opened my phone and looked at the text message once I got to my room. It was from Bella!

Hey! I'm still awake. Obviously. Haha what's up? ~Bells

Feeling rather giddy and a little nervous, I quickly typed my reply.

Not much. I was just thinking about you a lot and I had kind of a weird question for you if you're up for it. -Ed

I typed, sitting down on my bed and leaning back against the pillows. My phone vibrated five seconds later.

Always! -Bells

Smiling to myself I asked. Great! So you know those little dots on most ceilings? Have you ever tried to count them all? -Ed

I set my phone on my chest and sighed deeply. Isabella Marie Swan. I easily picture Bella sitting on her bed, propped up like myself against her own head board looking down at her phone and her fingers moving across the keyboard in response.

VVVVVvvvvvv! My phone vibrated on my chest. I picked it up.

Of course! But who hasn't done that? The real question is has anyone ever actually been able to do it? -Bells

I smiled to myself, a picture forming in my mind of Bella and I standing on my bed and trying to count all the dots on my ceiling.

I think we should be the first. What do you say? Sometime next week you come over and we tackle the ceiling together? -Ed

As soon as the message sent I felt a little stupid for saying it. Who would want to spend their time counting a whole bunch of dots? I could just see Bella reading the text and wondering what was wrong with me. I almost dreaded picking up my phone again when it vibrated.

Lol! Sounds like an epic idea! -Bells

My heart leaped inside my chest! She didn't think I was a moron! I quickly texted back that I was free Wednesday evening. And she replied that was good for her.

We spent the next couple of hours texting back and fourth. But it didn't seem that long; time didn't really seem to pass when I was talking to Bella. All I knew was I didn't want it to end. The more I learned about her the more I wanted to learn! When she told me about being a ballerina when she was ten, I wanted to know how she liked it, why she didn't keep it up, and if she ever wished she had kept it up. Everything she told me, I found myself wanting to know every little detail about it. But Bella wouldn't let it be all about herself either. She asked me questions too. Like how I got along with my adopted brothers and sisters. She asked about my schooling and how I was at the young age of 19 already able to work in a hospital. I enjoyed telling her things about myself; mostly because it meant she wanted to know more about me. So we fell into a rhythm and alternated who got to ask the questions. I didn't even realize how long we had been at it till I glanced over at my clock and saw that it was after 4 in the morning! As soon as I saw the time I sent Bella a message.

Hey do you realize what time it is? -Ed

I didn't really want to send Bella the message; because I was pretty sure the second she saw what time it was she would insist on ending our conversation so that she could get to sleep. It would make perfect sense, we both had to be at work in the morning. But even knowing that I would be sleep walking tomorrow as it was, I didn't want to stop talking with her. I was learning so much about Bella, but there was still so much I wanted to know! Like what was being home schooled like when she was in the 5th grade? How many boyfriends has she had? Has she ever done something purely because it was insane? Though I admitted to myself I really wanted to know about previous boyfriends…. What kind of guys was she interested? What did she think of me? My phone vibrated.

Oh wow! I hadn't even realized! …you probably need to get some sleep right? :/ -Bells

She didn't say anything about her wanting to go to sleep. Maybe we didn't have to stop like I thought.

No! I am actually very awake right now. I'm good for a while longer if you're up for it. -Ed

I'm good! I am a night person. So if we aren't ending the conversation I guess that means it's your turn to ask the question. -Bells

I smiled and started to think about my next question. But there was only one that I really wanted to ask. I tried to not think about it. But it kept reappearing in my head. Finally giving up I asked it.

Okay, so tell me about past boyfriends. -Ed

I was surprised by the short response time.

There is nothing to tell. -Bells

I raised my eyebrows, was there really nothing to tell or did she just not want to tell me? I believed it to be the later.

Really? Nothing to tell at all? -Ed

I just couldn't believe that. Bella was beautiful, charming, loving, and so much more! Any guy that took a glance at her would want her.

VVVVvvvvvvv!

No, there really is nothing to tell. Never had a boyfriend. -Bells

Seriously? No boyfriends? You've never wanted a boyfriend then? -Ed

There was no way. Bella had never dated a boy before? It was a few minutes before I got my reply.

No, there have been a few guys I liked before, but they never showed any interest. But then again with Maddie always standing next to me, I can't really expect any different. -Bells

I sat staring at the text for a few minutes in unbelief before my mind could really wrap around what I was reading. Did she really have so little self worth? Did she really just think that the best she could do was stand in someone else shadow, always getting the sloppy seconds? How could she not see how truly amazing and beautiful she is? I didn't care who Maddie was or how awesome she was, Bella was amazing. I was just going to have to show her that.

Hey Bella, what are you doing tomorrow night? -Ed

Ideas flashed through my head and I tried to sort through them to find out what was something I could do to show her how I felt. How could I convey to her just how amazing I thought she was, without telling her. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that quite yet.

VVVVvvvv!

Nothing. Why? -Bells

I smiled to myself. Good.

Well I was thinking…..

Bella's POV

I sucked in a deep breath and forced myself to read the last text message with a level head. It did not mean what my heart wanted it to.

Well I was thinking that maybe we could hang out tomorrow night? The two of us. -Ed

I knew he didn't mean a date. I knew that. But my head wouldn't tell the rest of my body. I couldn't let myself want to date Edward. I would be going back home soon anyhow. Though why Edward would even bother with trying to be my friend I didn't understand.

I looked back down at the text before deciding to just play it cool.

What? Can't wait until Wednesday to hang with me? -Bells

I leaned back further into my bed, trying to calm my heart that was beating out of rhythm. How did I lose control of my mind and heart so quickly? Why couldn't I seem to stop these feelings from building up inside me?

Maybe. So how does 7:30 sound? -Ed

Again I had to stop myself from reading too much into what he was saying, but it was so hard. Geez! Why couldn't I get a grip!

Growling slightly at my own stupidity I flung myself up into a sitting position and turned to lean against the wall my bed was pushed against. I shoved at the hair in my face, but when I did it just fell right back so I gave up. I knew how to fix my problem. Obviously I couldn't force my mind off him or shake these feeling that were getting greater by the day; but I could force myself not to see Edward. It seemed like the logical decision. …but even though it was the logical thing to do my heart screamed no at me. The thought of not seeing Edward, of not talking to him, working with him at the hospital, or hearing his laughter nearly brought me to tears. But it wasn't just not seeing Edward, it was also how I felt around him, the person I was when he was around. Even though that person wasn't the real me, it was the me I wanted to be.

I stared down at Edward's last text to me; I knew what I should do. I should reply back that I couldn't and then stop working at the hospital and try to get a job somewhere else. But every part of me wanted to do what I shouldn't; which is to say I would love to.

I leaned my head back on the wall and looked out the window next to me. It was almost a full moon and it's light shown down through the tree outside the window.

"What am I gonna do?" I whispered.

I looked back down at the text and hit the reply button. My phone gave me a blank texting screen and my fingers hung over the key pad. My heart and mind raged against each other.

Sucking in a deep breath I let me fingers type a reply before I shut my phone and looked back out of the window. What have I gotten myself into?

Edward's POV

I would love to! -Bells

I smiled widely and quickly texted Bella back and asked her what she wanted to do. We talked for a while about tomorrow night, which I decided to take Bella Put-Putting since she had never been before. After that we spent the rest of the night asking each other more questions. My questions got a little more ridicules as the night wore on and the sun started to rise. When I looked up again from my phone I was shocked to see that it was 7:30! I was supposed to be at Bella's in 30 minutes! Throwing the covers off myself I jumped out of bed and ran out of my room and down the hall into the bathroom. I quickly took a shower, leaning out of the tub twice to text Bella.

When I was done I wrapped a towel around my waist and rushed back to my room. I went to my closet and flipped through and found some nice dark jeans a dark green button up shirt that I thought didn't look bad together. After throwing on the clothes and attempting to tame my hair, key word attempting, I went down stairs and waved bye to Carlisle and Esme. Esme called after me, insisting that I need to eat before I leave, but I waved her off, promising to eat a big lunch. It wasn't until I got to my Volvo that I realized I had left me keys and wallet on the nightstand in my room.

Cursing to myself I sprinted back into the house, up the stairs, and into my room; snatched both items from the nightstand and ran back through the house and out the front door. I couldn't believe I had forgotten to grab my keys! The last time I did that…I've never forgotten to do that! Shaking my head I sped out of the driveway.

My phone vibrated when I was about two minutes from Bella's house.

Okay here we go, who is your favorite superhero? -Bells

I didn't text back but instead pushed the gas pedal down further. With a little extra speeding I somehow managed to make it to Bella's house on time. Taking a deep breath I hopped out my and walked up to Bella's front door.

A/N Thank you for reading! Please please please review! I will put the next chapter up in a little while. :)

-Esmefan1-Elissa.