Star War is good and nice but

(At the end of Half-blood Prince, after Dumbledore's death…)

Harry felt a rage in him like he had never felt before: he hated, hated, the man in front of him more than even Voldemort right now.

"Sectumsempra!" He roared, banishing the image of Malfoy bleeding on the washroom floor, wishing only the same for the man in front of him. Yet with amazing ease the curse was batted aside by the wizard in front of him, whose face now twisted into a mask of fury.

"You DARE use that spell against me? Do you know who I am, Potter?" Severus Snape hissed, Disarming Harry before he had another chance to curse him.

"You hated my father. You helped Voldemort killed my father, my parents!" Harry cried, and made to attack Snape with his bare hands. He was summarily blasted back to the ground by a curse. The older wizard was strangely calm, however.

"No, Potter. I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"NOOOOOO!" Harry screamed then stopped. "That's quite impossible, even if my mum and you are in the same year and all. Surely you don't imply you two were in a secret affair behind my father's back, do you?"

Snape gave him a look. "Oh, no, not at all."

"And that's also the fact that I look exactly like my father. I mean, every time I got introduced to someone they would claim, oh look he looks just like James but with Lily's eyes." Harry said, getting a little more comfortable on the lawn.

"Well, you see, Harry…" Snape turned slightly pink. "James is your mother."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed again, far more horrified this time—although considering what Snape just said, it was understandable. He stopped after a minute or so. "That just raised more questions! You are both men! Don't give me that M-PREG tripe, that's impossible! And that's not to mention my having mum's eyes!"

"M-PREG? What have you been reading?" Snape frowned. He knew the restricted section of the Hogwarts library had some… exquisite texts but still, he should talk to Pince next term. "Well you see, James and I donated the genetic material and Lily, who was my best friend, was the surrogate mother. Somehow a bit of her genes sneaked in and you get your beautiful, beautiful green eyes."

He looked at Harry with love in his eyes.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry couldn't take this anymore and finally, mercifully, his brain shut down and he passed out.

Another take of the scene above

(Same beginning until Harry was Disarmed)

"No, Potter. I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"NOOOOOO!" Harry screamed then frowned. "Oh come on, I mean, what's with all this Star Wars reference? It is a great movie trilogy and all, but why is everyone always making references to it?"

He gave Snape a look. "And the fact that a Death Eater like you watched Star Wars? That boggles the mind."

"Everybody needs a hobby during his down time." Snape shrugged. "And it's fun. That's why a cliché is developed."

(Fast forward to the end of Deathly Hallows, when Voldemort faced off with Harry inside Hogwarts for the last time)

"Any last words, Riddle?" Harry asked his nemesis.

"Yes, Potter. I AM YOUR FATHER!"

"NOOOOOO!" Harry screamed. "For the last time, this is not funny! I am sick and tired of all these references with Star Wars! You are a Muggle-hating Dark Lord, for Merlin's sake!"

"It's a good movie!" Voldemort said defensively. He had the decency to look ashamed. "And besides, I need some down time too. And Vader is a fellow Dark Lord. I will build my own Death Star when I finish you!"

Harry could feel a headache coming on, a headache that exceeded the worst Voldemort ever inflicted on him. Combined. "I'm starting to wish you did kill me along with my parents."

"I'm trying! You're extremely hard to kill, you know!" Voldemort roared. "Do you want to know one other thing, Potter? One of the reasons I hate you so much is that I never got to watch Return of the Jedi until a decade after it was released! You have no idea how much pain it inflicted on me during my exile in Albania!"

"Oh this is it." Harry had had enough. It was time for the final showdown. "Expelliarmus!"

(Fast forward to…oh, ten years later)

"Neville! What are you doing here? Luna will be delighted to see you!"

"I wish it is a social call, Harry, but it isn't." Neville Longbottom's expression was solemn, and Harry nodded. They had become fast friends after the downfall of Voldemort, even if both had unexpected twists and turns in their lives: Neville had joined the Auror Corps after the war and was now a very successful Dark-Wizard-Catcher, while Harry married Luna Lovegood, taking up residence in Hogsmeade while his wife taught Ancient Runes at Hogwarts. Though they respected his decision, Ron and Hermione had not understood Harry's choices like Neville did; they couldn't comprehend why he would apprentice himself to Florean Fortescue and open an ice-cream parlour of his own in Hogsmeade—the fact that Harry was extremely successful in his career was another matter entirely).

Neville sometimes wondered about his own life choices. He might not have lost Hannah if he hadn't—but that's too late now. He focused on the task at hand.

"We have found something in an old hideout of Voldemort's. Apparently we were wrong; that damned snake I killed wasn't a Horcrux."

Harry paled. "You found…another Horcrux?" He said in a small voice. Neville nodded.

"I am here to ask Minerva for the Sword of Gryffindor. It has been imbued with the essence of a basilisk and will be used to destroy the Horcrux. According to our experts in the Department of Mysteries, by destroying this last soul anchor Voldemort's spirit will dissipate into non-being."

Harry gave it some thought. A very scary grin appeared on his face, so suddenly and so scary that Neville was thoroughly unnerved.

"Actually, I have an idea…"

(A few weeks later)

"Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son!|

"Flesh of the servant, willingly given, you will revive your master!"

"Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe!"|

It hadn't been easy, but Augustus Rookwood was more than willing to help them with the ritual and donated a pound of his flesh. He was puzzled why Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom approached him, however. They were the downfall of his Lord!

And now…Lord Voldemort had risen again.

"Potter? Longbottom? He was as confused as Rookwood was. After all, he had spent another ten years as a spectre and summoned to Britain through an extremely painful (despite his incorporeal form) ritual. He was at once happy with his rebirth and pissed with what he went through again. "You have resurrected me? Have you decided to join me at long last?"

"Actually, no." Harry Potter said, stepping forward from the shadows. "Do it now, Neville!"

The Auror stepped forward as well, and pulling out the Sword of Gryffindor he slice a VHS tape cleanly into two. It emitted a strange scream and a dark mist dissipated from it soon after.

"My last Horcrux!" Voldemort was horrified. His last tether to the mortal realm had been destroyed; he was now prey to ever- approaching Death once more.

Potter shook his head. "I should've known better. I mean, of course you'd turn a Star Wars tape into a Horcrux. Will people become possessed after they watch the movie, or something?"

Voldemort glared at him, but he had no wand, and thus no way to fight two fully-trained wizards. And besides, it's destroyed now. "That's the general idea."

"Well it wouldn't work nowadays; Muggles develop this thing called VCD…or DVD? Player a few years back. VHS tapes are a thing of the past." Potter said.

Voldemort shook his head sadly. "Star Wars is a classic."

Potter grinned. "It still is. I have the complete collection at home, and I rigged a DVD player and TV to work with magic."

Voldemort looked like he just found the Holy Grail. He was drooling, in fact. But he also knew it's too good to be true.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"Just a little payback." Potter grinned again, and this time Voldemort could see the ferocity behind that grin, and how nervous Longbottom looked beside The-Man-Who-Lived. "You see, a couple years after I defeated you something called The Phantom Menace was released…"

(Half a day later)

"DAMN YOU GEORGE LUCAS!" A now-mortal ex-Dark Lord screamed. He would have bloody vengeance on the thrice-damned Muggle!