24th December, 1918
Today is supposed to be a happy day, but it's not. Boys left 3 days ago for Viljandi. I don't know more. This morning when I went out for a walk I saw red flags all over the town. Russians have made it this far. The red big flag, the one I am determined to hate and I refuse to live in Estonia, if we'll be part of this horrible country again. Why can't we be independent for once in our lives ? Wars and battles about this little piece of land have been going on for centuries and still the outcome is not good enough for someone. It can't make everybody happy, because some want it to be part of some country. We just want to be free.
Yes, on the Christmas Eve Russians occupied Tartu. I heard they killed some people already. People are escaping from this town, I am staying here. I can't go anywhere anymore. Kate, Abby and Ziva are coming over later. A happy night will not be as happy as we hoped.
But about the war. British Navy should arrive sometime now, Finnish volunteers should also come anytime soon. Denmark also promised to help and I hope that help is coming sometime soon, because it's not good at this moment. I don't know what boys are up to and I don't know if they are still alive, but I do hope that they are somewhere not dead.
I am cooking today. I am making traditional blood sausage and roast pork and sourkraut as Estonians usually do. I also have lingonberry jam just in case, because blood sausage is good with it and it doesn't matter that it doesn't sound very delicious – the taste is better. Maybe it's because we are used to it, but it's what it is. I like it and I will shout it from the rooftop if I have to.
***NCIS***
Girls are staying the night. It's safer together, beside Kate's parents escaped, Abby's parents are hiding somewhere and Ziva's parents are dead. Russians killed them this morning, because they were walking outside. Both shot in the head.
"Wonder how the boys are ?" Abby said.
"I heard they moved to Viljandi. Russians aren't there yet," I say. It's what I heard.
"I don't like it," Kate says stubbornly.
"Nope," Ziva agrees.
Abby nods and I roll my eyes. None of us likes the idea of our friends being in war. They have a chance to be killed.
"I'd turn on the radio, but I am so sick of Christmas carols and now probably we hear a lot of Russian too," I say.
"I think we all are on the same side," Abby says.
Silence.
We all think our own thoughts as we sit on the floor by the Christmas tree. One moment, when I look around I see them all sleeping. Abby is on the floor, Kate on the armchair, Ziva on the floor by the armchair and I am sitting on the other armchair. Slowly, as my mind drifts to Jethro, I close my eyes and sleep claims me.
And yet again I hope to wake up in a day, when everything was okay. When there was no war and when everything seemed so great. I just wanna wake up in a day long before yesterday or in a day long after the day after tomorrow, when the war is over and boys are back with us. That's what I want for Christmas this year.