Corresponding episode: Original Song

xoxoxo

That was the last Kurt saw of "evil Dave." Over the next week, Kurt stood helplessly by as David seemed to fade. If Kurt reached out to touch him, he was certain his hand would pass right through; David had become so disconnected from the world of the living. Hell, even zombie half-time show Dave had more life than the specter of a man Kurt was watching at the moment. And the worst part of all? No one else seemed to take notice. Dave wasn't misbehaving, so the teachers didn't care. Anyone who wasn't Dave's friend was too afraid of him to say anything. And those who were Dave's "friends," weren't the type to talk to each other about feelings. Dave was receding from life and they just let him.

Dave was standing by the wall opposite his locker, waiting for a small group of giggly freshmen girls to move away so he could put some stuff inside. The old David would have pushed his way past them. The new David seemed to have developed some kind of invisibility shield and it was the only comforting thing he had left: the knowledge that if he just kept to himself, no one would bother him. David shrunk back against the wall as someone passed by too closely to him. Kurt couldn't take it anymore. He had to do something, but every time he had tried texting David since that first day back, David had just completely ignored him. Kurt wouldn't doubt in the slightest that David was just deleting the texts without reading them. But it was always worth a shot; he and Blaine had failed to connect to David that first time, Kurt didn't want to give up on him again.

You look terrible

Dave started slightly as his cell phone buzzed at him. He wasn't entirely certain how to react: Azimio had stopped talking to him days ago, so had Omar and Strando. Those were the only people he had ever talked to regularly. He looked both ways down the hall at the thinning foot traffic and, at long last, Kurt could see Dave reach down into his pocket. After reading the text, Dave nervously looked both ways down the hall again, trying to spot Kurt.

Failing to see Kurt a mere forty feet away, Dave responded to the text as best as could:

Plz just lve me alone

Kurt shook his head sadly to himself. Kurt was probably the only one in the world, outside of Lima Memorial and the monster that had done this, that had any idea that a once proud, strong teenager had been violently broken and potentially destroyed at that party not so long ago. Kurt would be damned if he continued to let Dave's cracks spread. It could only be so long before he would completely shatter.

Im not giving up on you David. You need help and so far Im the only one you've come close to letting in

Dave was finally able to get to his locker. Once he opened it, he grabbed out his books and flipped his cell phone up once again, checking Kurt's last message. The halls had thinned out significantly and there were less than a half-dozen students left. Those that weren't Dave or Kurt were all actively headed somewhere. As Dave read the text, he leaned his back against the lockers, sliding down them and eventually settling on his heals on the floor of the hall. Kurt looked around to verify the last of the stragglers had gone off to their respective classes before he approached Dave. He stood over Dave for a moment, seemingly unnoticed by Dave's clouded, faraway gaze. Finally, Dave took in a stuttering breath before he spoke, still not looking at Kurt, but rather through him. "I don't want your help. I don't want anyone's help. I just want to die…but I can't even have that."

Kurt held out his hand to Dave. Dave batted it away, but Kurt kept it there, barely a foot from Dave's face so that he couldn't ignore it. It was a battle of the will…something Dave had lost days ago. When he took Kurt's hand, Kurt made an effort to help him to his feet. As soon as Dave was steady on his feet again, Kurt dropped his hand, not entirely sure how Dave would feel about such familiar contact. "Follow me." As he turned on his heels and made off down the hall, he could hear David behind him, following along, unquestioningly.

After a few twists and turns in the halls, Kurt came to the auditorium. He held the door open for Dave and ushered him inside. "What are we doing here?"

Kurt closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He had thought of this on Monday when he noticed Dave seemed worse at some points than at others. "No one really ever uses the auditorium except for glee club. You can use the auditorium as your own private refuge whenever you want. I'll warn you whenever New Directions intends to use it."

Dave didn't respond, instead he walked down a few aisles, went in a few seats and plopped himself down. Kurt looked around for a few minutes, before following after Dave and sitting down two seats over from him. "Suicide is never the solution."

Dave sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I never said I wanted to commit suicide. I've been fantasizing about it for years, but…even now, after what happened, I never would, never could."

Kurt nodded. "That's good. But, I still think you need to talk to someone. A professional."

David let out a weak scoff. "Oh yeah, Mrs. OCD is just the person I should talk to. She has more issues than me."

"She is far from being a professional. There are therapists that specialize in rape." Dave shook his head, Kurt could honestly say he was surprised David didn't have his fingers in his ears while singing 'lalalalala, I can't hear you.' "I called a rape hotline a few nights ago."

Dave stopped shaking his head and leveled a glare at Kurt that truly made his blood chill. "What the hell happened to 'you can trust me?'"

"It's an anonymous 800 number. They don't know my name, they didn't ask your name, they don't even know what state we're in. Please Dave, call them. It'll help." Kurt handed Dave a folded up slip of paper.

Dave took it and balled it up in his fist. "I don't want to talk to anyone about this."

Kurt reached over and hovered his hand just above David's forearm; he didn't want to touch him without his consent. "Please Dave, ignoring it will not make it nothing more than a bad dream. You need help."

Dave took Kurt's hand, still hovering in the air next to him. He played with Kurt's fingers, feeling the knuckles and experimentally bending each digit back and forth. "No…talking about it will make me re-live it over…and over…and over." Kurt took his hand out of David's and inched it towards Dave's shoulder. He let it hover there for a moment as David eyed it warily. Finally, David spoke. "You don't have to be afraid of me, I won't bite."

"I'm not frightened of you…I'm scared of frightening you."

David shook his head. "You don't bother me." Kurt patted David's shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I feel like an animal."

Kurt stopped moving his hand and thought about that. "I would imagine rape would have something of a dehumanizing affect on a person."

"Sudden sounds or movements make me flinch. Crowds. Getting touched without knowing it's coming. I nearly punched Anthony the other day for clapping me on the back. I'm terrified of being around anyone bigger than me."

Kurt lowered his hand back to the arm of his own chair. "He was bigger than you?"

Dave nodded. "Bigger. Stronger. I think he drugged me, though. I've been…plastered before. It's never felt like that. I was dizzy and weak. So fucking weak. I could tell everything that was going on around me. I was just helpless to stop it. Do you have any idea what it's like to be so powerless? Completely unable to stop something like that?" Dave looked over at Kurt and analyzed his face for a few moments. "Of course you do." Dave's eyes went wide and he looked away from Kurt: like he was afraid of him. "That's what I fucking did to you isn't it?"

Dave started violently kicking the chair in front of him. Kurt wasn't sure how to react. He was worried for his own safety, but if he left David alone like this, who's to say David wouldn't hurt himself? "Don't you dare compare what you did to me to what that bastard did to you!"

Dave stopped kicking the chair in front of him and turned in his seat, pulling is legs up to his chest. "It's the exact same fucking thing, Kurt. I went out of my way to make you feel weak and helpless, because I couldn't stand how proud and happy you were. Even when people said nasty, horrible things to you, day after day, you still loved yourself. This is my fucking karma. I deserved this. I got what I gave." Dave rubbed his forehead vigorously; it looked like he was trying to wipe the memories away. "You like seeing me like this, don't you? It's why you insist on sticking around."

Kurt reached out his hand tentatively to Dave's cheek. David jerked his head away, but not far enough. Kurt stroked David's cheek, soothingly he hoped. "I do not like seeing you like this. Seeing you like this makes me feel terrible. Nobody…no one ever deserves anything like this." Kurt ran his thumb over David's temple, trying to comfort him. "David? Please look at me." Dave shook his head and pointedly looked away. Kurt stood up and moved to the chair immediately next to Dave. Putting a hand on either side of David's face, he forced him to look up. "Whether you take my advice or ignore it, whether you respond to my texts or delete them, I will be there for you. Do you understand? I'm here for you."

xoxoxo

Third period the next day Kurt met up with Dave in the auditorium, again. Dave sat fairly close to where he had been sitting yesterday; Kurt sat down a seat away from him. "Don't you have class?"

Kurt shook his head. "Study hall. You?"

"Gym." Kurt cocked his head and looked sideways at Dave. "I would've thought gym would be your favorite class."

Shrugging, Dave slouched down in his chair. "I like working out and everything, but I hate gym. Always have."

"But you're so athletic."

"I almost never go to gym. Haven't in years. The athletes at McKinley don't have to attend gym since we get all the exercise we need during practice. And the coaches don't want us hurting ourselves playing kids' games or tiring ourselves out when we have a real game to play."

Kurt shifted in his seat so that he was facing Dave. "Why the aversion to gym?"

A huff of air left David's nose, "Middle school." Oh, yes, Kurt thought sarcastically to himself, that explains everything. "The other kids in gym used to make fun of me. A lot. Puck called me a wooly mammoth." At Kurt's confused look, David elaborated. "I've never had the best build. I'm kinda built like an ox: broad with a bit more meat on me than I'd like. And I hit puberty really early, so while the rest of the guys still looked as virginal and feminine as Justin Beiber, I was hairy and fat…like a wooly mammoth."

"Puck's just an asshole."

Dave crooked the corner of his lip into a small smile. "Yeah, but then I noticed that being around the other guys in the locker room made me feel…weird. I didn't figure out why for a long time, I just knew it wasn't normal and I didn't like the feeling. Now…not only all that, but, I just feel so…vulnerable in there. And weak. I just can't go." Kurt nodded to himself, understanding full-well Dave's desire to avoid the locker room. "So how's everything in Kurt-world?"

It was Kurt's turn to shrug. "Mr. Schu is working glee club overtime. He wants us to write original songs."

Dave's small smile from before broadened slightly. "That sounds like fun. Mr. Schu is so creative. He's like…the one cool teacher at McKinley. That zombie camp shit he had us do, that was just ridiculous."

Kurt smiled. "If you enjoyed it so much, you should consider joining us."

Even before Kurt finished getting the words out of his mouth, David was resignedly shaking his head. "Absolutely not. I don't want to draw any attention to myself. I just want to be left alone."

Kurt reached across the empty seat between them and delicately placed a hand on Dave's bicep. "I understand. But you could still watch us and just…hangout. You don't have to join or anything." David continued shaking his head. Kurt sighed to himself and decided not to push David. Not when he was doing so well.