Corresponding episode: N/A
xoxoxo
It was Monday afternoon and Kurt sat in the choir room, awaiting the rest of New Directions. About half of the members were there, but all that mattered was that Mr. Schuester wasn't there yet. Kurt barely even noticed though. He hadn't seen David today, except in passing in the hall. He hadn't come to their third period "therapy session." Kurt had spent most of the day trying to figure out if that was a good sign or a bad one. About ten minutes after what technically should have been the start of glee club, Mr. Schu sauntered into the glee club. Clapping his hands together, Mr. Schu got the club's attention. "Okay, guys. We have a new potential member. I'd like you guys to extend your warmest welcome to David Karofsky."
Mr. Schu waved his hand dramatically towards one of the doors where Dave was standing, looking nervous and freaked out. Kurt felt his heart plummet, he couldn't blame Dave for being nervous; over the pounding in his ears Kurt could hear the rest of the glee members hollering, cat-calling, and generally doing their best to make David know he wasn't welcome. David turned bright red out of embarrassment. Kurt turned red as well, but not out of embarrassment, out of anger. He stood up and spun around to glare down his fellow performers. "Haven't any of you ever heard of glass houses?" The yelling died slightly, mostly out of curiosity to see what Kurt had to say. "Half of you were worse than David ever was. Puck! Finn! Quinn! Santana! You bullied without reason, for the sake of feeling like a big person." He paused to gauge the club's reactions: shock, mostly. "I know most of you are reformed, but are you so high and mighty that you can't even consider giving David the same opportunity the rest of you have enjoyed?"
"Kurt, after everything he's done to you..."
Kurt cut Mercedes off with an angry wave of his hand. "I have put the past behind me. I couldn't care less about things that happened months ago. I would much rather offer David an olive branch and hope he continues to become a better person, rather than shun him and reinforce the idea that he is a bad guy and pigeon-hole him into a role he is clearly trying to escape!"
Judging by their expressions, the New Directions were clearly not appeased in their lust for blood, but their fury had died down well enough. Mr. Schu placed a gentle hand on Dave's shoulder and steered him towards the front of the class. Only Kurt noticed Dave flinch at the touch. "Normally, new members will sing a solo to give the rest of the club an idea of their ability and range. You don't have to right now, but if you want to…"
A steely, defiant gleam came to Dave's eye. "No, I know what I'm gonna sing. Turning to Brad, he looked him over quickly. Turning back to Mr. Schu, he gestured towards Brad and the band, "So, uh…how does this work? Is there a pull-string or do I pop a quarter in him somewhere?"
Mr. Schu let out a silent laugh. Smiling he responded, "Just tell Brad what you're going to sing; he knows most pop, rock, R&B, and show songs, if not, we have a wealth of sheet music for you to pick from. Dave nodded and leaned in close to Brad, whispering. Brad nodded, a thoughtful look on his face and snapped his chin towards the band, obviously telling Dave to talk to them. They huddled in close to Dave and several of them nodded. David returned to the front and center of the choir room and blew on the microphone, obviously un-used to working with one. At least he didn't say "Testing, testing."
I hold on so nervously to me and my drink
I wish it was coolin' me
But so far has not been good, it's been shitty
And I feel awkward, as I should
This club has got to be the most pretentious thing
Since I thought of you and me
Well, I am imagining a dark lit place
Or your place or my place
Kurt shook his head; this was not the best song choice to ingratiate himself to the glee club. And even worse, Kurt felt a pang of…something every time he directed one of the more "suggestive" lyrics towards Santana or Brittany. The knowledge that Brittany had at one point made-out with, if not slept with, every guy in the school further aggravated whatever that something was that Kurt was feeling.
Well I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you
I wanna make you move, because you're standin' still
If your body matches what your eyes can do
You'll probably move right through me on my way to you
I hold out for one more drink before I think
I'm lookin' too desperately
But so far has not been fun, I should just stay home
If one thing really means one
This club will hopefully be closed in three weeks
That would be cool with me
Well, I'm still imagining a dark lit place
Or your place or my place
Well I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you
I wanna make you move because you're standin' still
If your body matches what your eyes can do
You'll probably move right through me on my way to you
Well I'm not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you
I wanna make you move because you're standin' still
If your body matches what your eyes can do
You'll probably move right through me on my way to you
Not paralyzed but I seem to be struck by you
I wanna make you move because you're standin' still
If your body matches what your eyes can do
You'll probably move right through me on my way to you
You'll probably move right through me on my way to you
You'll probably move right through me on my way to you
There was a smattering of unenthusiastic applause throughout the choir room. Kurt simply opted not to clap, feeling mildly upset with David. Mr. Schu (obviously oblivious to the fact that "the club" in the lyrics was intended to be the New Directions) was the only one who really appeared to enjoy Dave's performance. "Welcome to New Directions, Dave! Right now we're getting ready to prepare for Nationals, so things will be a bit all over the place, but it's always good to have nice, strong male vocals join the club."
David, while trying to wedge the microphone back into the stand (unsuccessfully), leveled a confused grimace towards Mr. Schu. "National what?"
Mr. Schu shrugged. Like it was obvious. "Nationals." At Dave's continuously confused look, the teacher elaborated, slowly. "We just won the show choir regional competition, so now we're on to the national show choir competition."
Dave took a minute to let that sink in. "How do you compete at singing. Is it like American Idol?"
Now it was Mr. Schu's turn to look confused. Mr. Schu scanned the members of New Directions with a pained look on his face as though he were looking for back up. Kurt decided to help out. "Glee clubs from different schools compete against each other at sectionals, regionals, nationals, and, Gaga-willing, internationals. They put together set lists of songs, choreograph their numbers and then perform for a panel of judges. Whomever the judges decide was best, gets to move up to the next level."
David's confusion seemed to ebb for a moment, but then came back full force. "Other schools have glee clubs?"
Kurt, for one of the first times in his life, face-palmed.
xoxoxo
"How could you not know glee competes? I told you, - what, last week? - that we beat the Dalton Warblers."
They were back in the auditorium the next day. Dave looked like he wanted to disappear in his seat. Despite the strong face he put on during his performance the previous day, the things the glee members had said to him had really gotten to him. "I thought that you, you know…punched them or something."
"You think that I, of all people, would lower myself to acts of physical brutality?"
Dave shrugged and turned away from Kurt. "I don't know. I barely even know you. I don't know why the hell you hang out with me."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "You know damned well why I hang out with you. You need a friend, and I'm the only one you've got."
David kicked the seat in front of him before standing up. "Do whatever the fuck you want, I will not be pitied." David walked down the aisle, in the opposite direction of Kurt.
Kurt sighed and stood up, he followed David until David got towards one of the side exits. Grabbing David's arm, he spun him around. "Is that such a bad thing? Pity? It's compassion; it's caring for your fellow man when they're in an hour of need. I'm not going to lie to you, not now, not ever. I do pity you. But I also feel for you David. You have your highs and your lows. When you're low, I feel bad for you; when you have your highs, all I can think is 'god, I want to know this David better.' I'm your friend, not only because you need one, but because I want to be." Kurt petted Dave's cheek and brushed away a stray tear. "When I said I hung out with you because you need a friend, I meant that we are friends, in spite of everything else, but I'm the only one you will let in, so that's why I am here, now. I would still be your friend even if you didn't need one."
Dave looked Kurt in the eye. After a moment where Kurt pondered why that felt so weird, he realized that this was the first time David had made eye contact with him since his first day back at school. David's eyes had a thin sheen of tears covering them; Kurt could feel his own eyes pooling tears in the corners. Kurt tilted his chin up slightly, angling it towards Dave's face. Dave mirrored the motion and tilted his head down. Kurt closed his eyes and waited for David to close the distance. He felt moist warmth blowing across his lips before David pulled away, his tears streaming freely down his cheeks. "I want to, Kurt. I really do…but I can't." This time when David ran, Kurt didn't follow.
xoxoxo
David was in his room half watching ESPN, half doing his homework. He really didn't have any idea what was going on with either. He had been thinking about the almost-kiss since it had happened. He really wanted to kiss Kurt, and loved that Kurt had attempted to initiate it. But at the same time, he wasn't ready to accept the fact that he was gay, even if it hadn't been for…what had happened. On the other hand, he had been dreaming of Kurt for a long time now and the chance might never come again. He couldn't help but wonder if Kurt was genuinely interested in him or only liked him because he was pathetic and pitiful. But did that really matter? If Kurt liked him why should he look a gift horse in the mouth? Maybe he could just return Kurt's affections and someday it would no longer feel uncomfortable being gay or being touched.
He was getting good at putting on a brave face and acting tough, even if he felt like he was partially dead inside. Maybe he could take it one step further and fake it with Kurt, at least until everything felt okay again. A buzzing sound came from somewhere next to him on his work desk. Dave shuffled through some of his papers until he could locate his cell phone. Looking down, he was momentarily excited to see that he had a text from Kurt, but then he read it.
Im sorry. I never should have tried to kiss you. I feel like an asshole.
Oh well, choice made for me, I guess.
Its ok. We can just pretend it didn't happen. And don't worry I wont threaten to kill you this time ;)
David faked the jovial sentiment behind his words. Inside, he felt like a little more of him had died.
xoxoxo
Paralyzer by Finger 11