Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel or any of the other fandoms nor am I making any money from this. If I did own them there would be a lot more GLBT Superheroes.
Warnings: This will probably be combined Movieverse with some The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes since I just got all of Season 1 on DVD. Also I still think this is mostly crack/humor there is plot finding its way into the story. And my brain is making a large background for it too. Bonus points for anyone who catches all the other fandom references.
Notes: Because I had Xander say he'd been working with the Slayer for 10yrs here is my timeline, it is still very loose but what I'm working with is that events in the show are all moved forward 5 years. So the Hellmouth was destroyed in 2008 in this universe. Xander is around 25, Dawn is physically around 21 and Faith is around 24.
"Is my son safe now? I realize there is much I don't know but is he as safe as possible now?" Tony leaned forward on the edge of the chair toward Dawn.
Dawn sighed heavily before looking around the room. All the Avengers were watching her closely too. She made eye contact with Agent P who just shrugged slightly. While she didn't want to upset Xander's Dad, at the same time she didn't want to upset Xander by sharing too much.
"Safe is relative. A lot of this should come from Xander and not anyone else. But know this, Xander will always run towards the danger, if said danger is heading toward his girls. They are more important to him than anything but especially his own life. I am not saying your son wants to die, he loves life. But he will always protect his loved ones. Xander has gone into Hell, several times, and returned with only a few physical scars. Granted at least one realm of Hell should be easier once he gets married to Loki and becomes a step-daddy."
"Your son is a well trained as any S.H.I.E.L.D. agent I've ever trained. And in the supernatural community he is an expert. Safe will never be a comfortable part of Xander's vocabulary. However, you have to trust that he is capable of protecting his self. If you don't than he'll leave, it is that simple," spoke-up Coulson.
"Thanks, Phil, but I understand that Dad is going to be concerned for a while. Dawn, you really need to call Buffy to at least say you're visiting me, please! That was one of my contacts saying your sister is on the verge of a major freak-out over you vanishing," spoke an annoyed Xander as he threw himself into a nearby chair.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll get around to it."
"Dawn, go call your sister right now or I won't let you learn the bow from Clint or let Natasha teach you anything," growled Coulson. "You are not a teenager, stop acting like it."
"Yes, Agent P!" Dawn quickly left the room to go call Council Headquarters.
"Thanks again, Phil! You make life so much easier for everyone. It really is too bad our relationship didn't work, no matter how great the sex was," smirked Xander.
Tony wondered how much trouble he'd get for killing Fury's favorite agent. Steve quickly moved to restrain Tony if it was needed. Clint wondered if he could get Phil to wear a tie that had the words 'Property of Hawkeye' repeated on it.
"Xander, I will taze you into a drooling pile of flesh and make you lay there while I watch all the Twilight movies for hours. And everyone else, I was never in a relationship, nor did I ever want one, sexual or otherwise, with Xander Harris-Stark."
Xander just kept smirking.
"I can see more reasons why my brother likes you," laughed Thor.
Once Tony settled back into the couch, still glaring at Agent Coulson, it was up to Steve to get things back on track.
"I finally remembered where I had heard the word slayer before. It was from Peggy during the war. How did you get involved with the warrior women who fight against the supernatural?"
"The same reason most men do stupid things- a pretty girl plus a desire for vengeance," spoke Dawn as she walked back into the room, taking the seat next to Thor again. "Don't worry I talked to Buffy. She is not happy but is working on letting go."
"Dawn is not totally wrong in her answer. I was minding my own business about half-way through my sophomore year of high school when bam a girl walks in and everything changes. She was one of the most beautiful girls I had ever laid eyes on. I just couldn't forget about her even though I knew she wouldn't want to hang out with my little crew, my best friends Jessie and Willow. We were outcasts in school for lot of reasons. And this new girl, she just had the aura of popular cheerleader. Long story shortened as much as possible, turns out that pretty little girl, was The Slayer, and sent to Sunnydale because we had an active Hellmouth. That, a Hellmouth, is a portal to several realms of Hell. And a slayer is a female given mystical powers to fight against the supernatural dark forces. It is never a choice and it is always a young female. The girl I was about to meet, Buffy, was just fifteen when she was activated. A vampire trying to get her attention took my friends, Willow and Jessie. We were able to get Willow back but Jessie vanished," Xander paused his story for a moment. The whole time he was talking he'd been looking at a spot on the wall knowing he would never get through the story if he actually made eye contact with anyone. "I found him the next night and that was when I actually learned firsthand about vampires. Jessie had been turned into a vampire, a mere shadow of his former self. He was also the very first vampire I staked. And in that moment I knew I would do everything in my power to prevent more families from suffering due to vampires. Jessie parents didn't even get a body to bury because that breed of vampires turns to dust when staked. It took many arguments but eventually Buffy accepted that Willow and I were determined to help. The rest of our town had blinders on to what was really happening. And the old Council of Watchers did not like the fact that a Slayer had back-up. In fact they really hated me; I had a giant bounty on my head for a very long time. At the end of that year Buffy faced the Master, there was a prophecy saying she was to die. And she did die but I changed things by giving her CPR. I caused a split in the slayer line, creating two active slayers at once. This made the Council feel I needed to die. For the next seven years they tried to kill me repeatedly. They were another reason I didn't want there to be any link to Dad."
"Does Buffy know about how many times the Council came close to killing you in high school?" asked Dawn.
"Nope and neither does Willow. That is the way I would prefer it too. There is no reason for them to feel guilt for not noticing. Besides, that is the past and I survived."
"Is that how you got the eye patch?" asked Natasha.
"No, he is playing around, right?" asked Tony.
"Um, not really, Dad. I have actually been wearing a very good glass eye that last few years when I visited. It isn't it possible right now due to a minor infection that I got during my last trip and so I'm stuck with a patch for a bit. Things where really bad right before Sunnydale collapsed. Dawn wasn't joking when she said I'd gone into Hell. But before that we needed a special weapon and the bad guys were protecting it. Our battle plan and Intel was horrible. I lost my eye when an evil preacher popped it out with his thumb after giving me the name 'The One Who Sees'. Yes, I should have recovered longer before hitting a battle a couple of weeks later but we didn't have the luxury. All hands were needed as we took the fight into one of the realms of Hell under the High School to fight the super vampires. That is when I lost Anya for good; she died protecting another team member. That was also when Willow cast the spell to activate all the potential slayers we had with us. It wasn't until after the battle was over we discovered a flaw in the spell. It hadn't just activated the potentials on the Hellmouth but all over the world. That is what I have spent the last three years mostly doing, going around the world finding active slayers and offering them training."
Tony was deeply shaken as it began to register how many times his son almost died without him ever knowing. It was only Steve's hand on his shoulder that kept him centered in the here and now. There was still so much of the story that Tony didn't understand but at least he now had a better place to start doing research.
"Maybe we should stay to lighter topics for the rest of the evening, we have all already had a long day," spoke Bruce.
Natasha and Clint couldn't help but agree with Bruce. They had both had some dealings with the supernatural before going to work for S.H.I.E.L.D and it was horrible to think of such young children fighting the battle against the darkness. Thor knew now that not even his father would be able to disapprove of Loki's chosen mate. In fact maybe this would help patch things up between the two. Steve would talk to the boy later about his feelings over losing his best friend for that was something Steve could very much relate too.
"Guys, come-on, I know that sounds horrible. And I'm not saying there wasn't a lot of horrible crap we had to deal with. But there were also some great times. We may fight at times but we have become a family over the years. Give the Avengers a few more years and I'm sure you will understand," said Xander.
"Yeah, like the time Boytoy tried his hand at stripping when his car broke down on a road trip," purred a new female voice from the shadows.
"FAITH! That was never to be spoken of again. And what are you doing here?"
"And how did you get in?" growled Steve, he was getting really tired of all these breaches of security.
"But you always blush so pretty when I bring up the topic. And don't worry, Flag Man, I was dropped off by his fiancé, via magic. So, Boytoy, are you going to introduce me? You are defiantly hanging with a much nicer looking crowd," another curvy brunette finished stepping out of the shadows dressed in black leather pants and white tank top. "No wait, let me guess. We have, Captain America, aka Steve Rogers, your potential step-daddy. Next to him is the delicious Papa Stark who just gets hotter with age. Are you sure I can't apply for the position of step-mom?" Faith asked with a smirk when Xander, Tony and Steve blushed. "Then we have Agent P and his own boytoy, Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye. Then the deadly and beautiful Natasha Romanova or Black Widow. Leaving tall and blonde as Loki's older bro, Thor. And last but not least the occasionally big green dude, Hulk or Bruce Banner. Seriously, Agent P, is attractiveness a hiring requirement for S.H.I.E.L.D?"
"No, Faith, we are just lucky. Avengers meet Faith Lehane, also known as The Dark Slayer," spoke a smiling Agent Coulson. "Dare I ask why you are here?"
Faith took a deep breath and let it out shaking slightly. She then climbed into Agent P's lap before resting her head on his shoulder. For once Clint was not worried about the pretty thing attached to his man, he could see the deep hurt in her eyes. Plus, he was getting the impression that he was going to have to get used to pretty girls clinging to Phil.
"Yeah, I found Robin fucking his secretary on the desk at work."
"I warned the bastard! I'm going to castrate the asshole with a large dull rusty knife!" shouted Xander getting to his feet.
"I'll get my coat," spoke Agent Coulson while carefully transferring Faith onto Clint's lap She had frozen for a moment before relaxing into Clint's body, she had heard enough about him from Agent P to trust him. "I don't care what childhood trauma he uses to whine about. I also warned him not to hurt Faith. I'll give the S.H.I.E.L.D scientists a new guinea pig to play with. I'm sure Dawn or Loki would be willing to make him an actual guinea pig too."
The Avengers watched the anger that both Xander and Agent Coulson showed with a bit of shock. Not that any of them disagreed the man obviously needed to be punished for cheating on his girlfriend but they weren't sure if he deserved to have those two let loose on him. The commotion had woken Hannibal who perked-up at seeing Faith, quickly jumped into her lap. It was a strange sight if you didn't know better: The Dark Slayer, The Archer and the vampire hunting Chihuahua snuggling.
"Whoa, boys, calm down. I think my foot landed his balls up near his stomach and so I'm not worried about his stupid genes getting passed on. But I just needed a break while figuring out what I want to do next. Oh, plus Loki was going to cast a permanent impotence spell on him at my request. I think you may finally have a keeper, Boytoy. Now, important question, does this place have chocolate ice cream?" asked Faith looking up slightly from Clint's shoulder.
"Yes, Ma'am, we do. I will go get you a large bowl," spoke Steve and quickly leaving to go get the ice cream. Plus, he would do anything to make sure she didn't cry. He had never been good with crying dames.
Grumbling both Xander and Phil sat back down.
"Anyone else want to hear more embarrassing stories of Xander?" asked Dawn wanting to get the focus off Faith.
"Dawn, don't you dare! Or I'll start in about that time in Rome!" fake growled Xander.
"I can see why he said he was a favorite of Janus," mumbled Thor.