Now to address my reviews: First of all, thanks to 123mike. Thanks for reviewing and to answer your question I can do a HiyorIchi story next. PM me with some of what you would like to see and I will see what I can do for you or you could also review again XD.
SoraWithAnX: Sorry I took so long to update. It would have been up sooner, However my editor did not have the time. So it is now going up and enjoy. Also about author s notes that is just how I am in real life as well!
Thanks to all of you who added my story to their favorites and alerts. I really appreciate it!
E/N: Ironically, this summer has been more hectic than most of the school year! Speaking of ironic, some of my buddies have taken to calling me "hipster"! Molly, I'm not a hipster, am I? :/ Also, your original title for this next chapter was "...moving TROUGH it all". I was sooo tempted to leave it that way!
On with the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or Bleach. I only own the plot.
Warning: This story is rated for Hiyori s mouth and there is quite a bit of language in this chapter. If you don t like that, don t read this. You have been warned!
Chapter 3: Fighting, Learning, and Moving Through it All
Hiyori s POV
I can t believe Hachi has made me stay in bed this long after I have woken up! I mean how many times do I have to tell that ass that I am freaking healed! How freaking protective does Shinji have to be around me anyway! Can t they all just leave me alone like they used to! I mean WHAT THE HELL man! Hachi had better let me out of my stupid freaking room today or I am going to lose the little bit of sanity I have left!
Hiyori, I have good news for you today, Hachi said quietly as he nervously stepped into the room.
Spit it out! If this is not about me getting out of this infernal room, you need to leave now because I will murder you! I angrily yelled at Hachi.
Now now, no rash actions please. Now calm down and we will talk. Hachi replied calmly.
Get to the stupid point already! I yelled.
Okay, are finished with your bed rest. I believe you have healed enough to be out and about but you have to take it easy for the first week or so, Hachi explained.
Finally! I yelled jumping out of bed and dressing in my red tracksuit pants with a white stripe down the side and rolled them up to Capri length, My white shirt and red and white jacket with the emblem that translated into monkey Remember take it easy for a little while and try to remember how seriously you were injured. Hachi reminded me as he left.
Yeah Yeah, just leave me alone will you. I walked slowly down the stairs my usual bad attitude showing through very obviously. Shinji and the others attacked me with a group hug and that is sooooo not okay! When they let go I quickly took off my shoe and proceed to hit Shinji in the face hard with it.
He proceeded to classily yell, What The Fuck Hiyori! We are all just glad that you are alive and allowed to be with us everyday again. Why would you freaking attack me like that! You are such a cruel heartless person!
I am not freaking all healed I still have to take it easy FYI dumbass! You all have also been so doting and are not giving me the space I need and demand from you! You ever try that shit again and I will kill all of you and let me eat my breakfast in peace and leave me alone for five fucking minutes! I yelled back.
There is not fucking reason to hit people and you act like you are better than all of us but FYI your not so figure that out soon or you will end up with no one to support you in hard times and maybe we were worried about you! Oh, but that does not matter to you because you always want to be the lone angry person in our group! I guess it does not occur to you that we all got banished and betrayed to! You are not the only person that feels pain Hiyori! Shinji yelled back.
Just leave me alone I know you all feel pain but you never give me the space or support I need you dumbass! I don t want to be around any of you because none of you will ever understand me and what I feel. I don t feel welcome here and I never have you all just tolerate me! I screamed at them
That is bullshit Hiyori and you know it all we do is try to help each other and especially you because we know you have had a harder time adjusting than the rest of us. You know what you wont listen to us or reason so just leave me alone and stay away from us if that is how you feel. Shinji finished as he walked briskly past me up the stairs and into his room slamming the door angrily behind him.
Truthfully I knew that they all cared deeply and tried to help me out and I don t know I guess I just don t want them to see the true me, The me that is hopelessly messed up and always will be. They would not accept that part of me and I would not be able to bear it if they hated me. I looked around the room and saw the hurt faces of all my friends around me and I ran up to my room quietly closing the door behind me. Oh god, I have to fix this or I am totally screwed. I need Shinji not to hate me, I don t know why I just need him to not hate me. Shinji s words continued to ring in my head as I crossed to my desk and took out a pencil and paper and began to write a letter showing every bit of me and all I can hope is that Shinji won t reject and hate me because of this.
Shinji s POV
I ran into my room and slammed the door hard behind me. Why does this shit always happen to me! I thought slamming my fists into the stone wall. I want to get closer to her yet she always acts like that and shoves me away! Why does she do that and why can t I overcome it! I thought kicking the base of my dresser falling back onto my bed frustrated as hell. I try and I try and what do I get! NOTHING! I get nothing! I swear she has no heart! Can she not see that I am in love with her?
Okay okay Shinji calm down calm down. I can get trough this I can still fix this situation. Oh my god, the things I said to her are so horrible! Oh my god how could I have said all of that! I am trying to get closer to her for gods sake! God, I am such an ass! How the hell am I going to fix this situation? I said all of that to the woman I love! How could I do that? How can I possibly come back from that? I am such a moron! What the Fuck am I going to do?
I have to apologise. I have to that is the only way I can remotely save this situation. Oh god, she is going to kill me and she is never going to believe a fucking word that I say after that!
I am such a moron! What the hell am I going to do! I will just have to apologise it is all I can do I mean oh what am I thinking? I am going die trying to do this oh my god! Okay, calm down I just have to get up walk to her room and do it. I have no choice. Alright, I can do this I muttered to myself as I got up and glanced at the clock near my bed. Oh, wow, time has gotten away I thought. It has been an hour and a half since the worst fight with Hiyori I have ever had. I really need to apologise now or it really will be too late.
I walked nervously to my door and as I opened it a white envelope fell the the ground. I picked it up closing my door again sitting back down on my bed and I turned the envelope over looking at who it was from. I looked down and almost choked. It read: From Hiyori-I am truly sorry and enclosed is a full explanation. Please forgive me. I carefully opened the envelope and pulled out the contents and began to read:
Dear Shinji,
I have been doing some thinking since our falling out if it will downstairs and there are several things I need you to understand. If you hate me and stop reading here so be it but I pray that you don t hate me. I am going to pour my whole being into this explanation and I hope you will still accept me and what me in the Visored group.
To begin I have a huge problem showing my emotions. I also have very bad trust issues because my parents abandoned me when I was young. This abandonment left me living in the streets and that life taught me to never show weakness or emotion so I developed a very angry resentful and distrusting. I hate this part of me and it makes me feel like a true hollow not a human or shinigami or somewhere in between but like a hollow. The Hollow part of me tries to take over all the time because I have the most trouble controlling it out of all of us and I just don t know how much more struggling I can take. I just don t know where I belong, who I am, what I am, or what to do anymore.
On another note I push all of you away and only show my hardened exterior around you because I fear you all would not accept me or want me when you found out truly how messed up I really am. The argument we had today showed me the extent of how hard I am pushing all of you away. I never wanted it to end up like this, but now that it has all I want is for you to know the truth and accept me no matter what because that would let me realise that I am finally not longer along and that would mean more than you could ever imagine.
You may not know this but I blame myself for what happened the night we were betrayed by Aizen. If I had not been so weak I never would have hurt you or anyone else. I know no one else blames me and that it probably is not my fault and that it would have happened no matter what but that does not stop those poisonous thoughts from entering my mind. I feel that I am ripping my own soul into pieces trying to answer my own questions about myself and what the future will hold. I live in a constant state of fear. I fear that one of you will get hurt and I won t be able to save you and that would kill me inside for good and I fear that we will be found any day. However most of all I fear dying and seeing the death of you all my friends, my family because I would not be able to bear it.
I know this letter may not seem like it truly is me but it is. These are the things you must understand about me before we can move on. I need you to understand so I can hold on to the little bit of sanity I continue to cling to. Sincerely, Hiyori
When I finished reading I could not believe what I had just seen. I read it twice more and when my tears started to drop onto the paper I set it aside and just let myself cry. How could one person hold all of that inside. Why didn t she come to me till now. Oh god, now the things I said sound even worse. I need to go apologise to her and talk to her desperately before I lose all of her and all of what I love, I thought wiping the tears from my face as I walked to the door letter in hand to go speak to the woman I loved and always would love. She needed to know that I would always be there for her.
A/N: So what did you think? Like or dislike? I what to know so click the little button below this chapter and R&R. I love to read your reviews and feedback would be great because it helps me become a better writer. Anyway see you next time.