Title: Artemisia Shepard, War Hero
By: Midnight Unicorn
Disclaimer: Main character semi-mine, others and places are not
Just finished reading Mass Effect: Revelation. Gives a bit of insight into Saren when he was just an antagonist, not the villain. I liked it.
It wasn't easy finding a place to get a private word with the Commander, particularly now that Garrus was aware of and self-conscious about the fact that their relationship was a topic of discussion. Ultimately he waited until Donnelly and Daniels had gone to bed and enlisted Tali's help, having her send a message saying she wanted to discuss something in engineering.
"I knew it wasn't Tali who wanted to see me," Shepard said dryly when she entered and saw him waiting there. "When she wants to talk to me, she finds me and does so."
Garrus grimaced, but took heart from the fact that she came anyway. "I wanted to apologize for hurting you. That was never my intent."
"At the time I wasn't sure," she said coolly. "A little medi-gel and I was fine."
"But you are upset with me." She shook her head but Garrus knew she had to be. "I understand, Commander. I went over the line and I am sorry."
"Garrus, I'm not upset with you," Shepard said.
Garrus dropped his gaze. "You have not spoken to me in days, you have avoided the crew deck. I assumed you…changed your mind about things."
She didn't answer right away, and then she stepped closer and touched his arm carefully. "I haven't." There was affection in her voice again, something he hadn't realized he'd longed to hear. "I felt we needed a little space, though. I was wrong to confront you as soon as we got back, but I…" she looked away and let her arm fall. "I felt raw, I wasn't thinking clearly. I am sorry, I feel like I went looking for a fight."
Garrus smiled lopsidedly though it was humorless. "Don't we deal with enough fights, Commander?"
She returned his grin crookedly. "You are right about that." She turned a little to walk past him, towards the mass effect core. After a hesitation, he followed, but stayed a little back when she braced her hands against the rail. "I don't know if you'll like my answer to your question, Garrus."
"My question?"
"Why." Her head hung a little lower between her shoulders. "Why, why, why. You already blame yourself for the death of your team, you hate yourself. I know you do, don't try to tell me otherwise." He didn't, but he found he had to look away from her. "Killing Sidonis wouldn't have changed that. I was afraid it would make it worse. I didn't want to lose you to the merciless anger that you're still learning to live with."
"Commander—"
"I'm not finished." Her hands tightened on the railing, knuckles white with tension. "Vido had to die. I wasn't expecting Zaeed to do that. I didn't know he'd sacrifice dozens of civilians to get to him. I didn't know I could do that. I wish I hadn't. I think killing Zaeed might have been easier than listening to those people…" she turned her face away from him. "I'm sorry, Garrus. I had to do it. Killing Vido would cripple the Blue Suns. I was carrying out my revenge just as much as Zaeed was."
"You revenge?" Garrus was startled; she had never mentioned anything of the sort.
She nodded, taking a deep breath and looking at him again. He hadn't realized how tired she looked until he face those red-rimmed eyes. "Blue Suns, Bloodpack, Eclipse."
Garrus opened his mouth to question her again and then it clicked, and then he was sure he was wrong, she wouldn't…but he had seen her hard, focused eyes when she walked away from that factory worker begging for help, and she stood before him now in a conflict of regret and conviction. "Oh."
She laughed slightly at his surprise and relaxed her grip on the railing, flexing her stiff fingers. "So, no, I haven't changed my mind about things. About us."
Garrus stepped closer and stopped beside her. "Neither have I."
Despite the chill that pervaded the engineering level her body was warm when she leaned against him. "Good."
Thank you for the story alert, Mirage Flames, and to SammiexKnightxMagic for the story AND author alert. I hope you're pleased with this installment. Thank you for the compliments, Sammie :3
Scorcese, I am beyond thrilled by your persistence in offering me reviews for each chapter, but I don't mean for you to pull teeth to come up with one ;( I believe I mentioned in the previous chapter, but I'll say again, Joker says some funny stuff if you lurk behind his chair, a strong inspiration for this whole arc ^_^
Gentle Breezes, as soon as I did Zaeed's mission I knew that, realistically, it'd've had to be dealt with. Unfortunately the game is sometimes limited in scope :(
Thank you all again!