A/N: I'm sorry that this update has taken so long. School has been a huge pain in the ass, I've had exams and papers due for the past two weeks. This is the second to last update, just one more to go. :)

This chapter is written for and dedicated to my girlfriend, who I miss more than anything.

This is the first entry that I am writing you from our new home. It's beautiful, Calliope. Absolutely beautiful. I have no idea how you managed to pull all of this together behind my back without my knowledge at all. I'm starting to think that you're having secret correspondences with Mark, and that bothers me a little bit. I'd rather hear from you than have all of this, you have to know that. He just seems to know things before I do. But maybe it's better that way. This house though, this is amazing. It's gorgeous, perfect for us. I think it's a little big, but I married a Torres so I understand that this comes with the territory. We'll be the ones throwing all of the dinner parties now I suppose. Now that we have a luxury bed and breakfast for a house. I'm just kidding. I don't know how you managed to blend our tastes so well. The whole place just suits us. The dark wood with the beige, the mirrors and the lights. The stainless steel appliances with the earthy tone of the walls, counter, and cabinets in the kitchen. It's brilliant. And Sofia loves it here. Her room makes me want to barf and pink is my favorite color. That girl, your daughter, thinks she is a princess. She is a princess. And I even love that Mark and Lexie have a place here if need be. It makes watching Sof easier now that we aren't right across the hall.

I can't believe that you actually bought me chickens. I sort of thought that was a joke. They made a mess everywhere, but it was a blast. Now they are confined to their own section of the yard. If you are in on what I'm about to tell you, I might have to hurt you. Now, on top of the chickens, a daughter, and a twenty minute commute, I have a dog. A dog, Calliope! Your daughter got me a dog for Valentine's Day, Calliope. And not just a little dog, a big dog. A German Shepherd. A GERMAN SHEPHERD! From the pound. Are you kidding me, Calliope? How am I supposed to raise a daughter, a dog, and chickens? Alone?

But seriously, I love this dog. She's wonderful. Her name is Cherokee. She's three and was waiting on the back porch when Mark showed me the house. She is the sweetest thing, a little love bug. She sleeps at the foot of our bed and is up in an instant if Sofia makes any noise. The dog is a walking baby monitor. She harasses the chickens, but not too badly. I think it's healthy for them. We had to put a fence and a dog door around the side door so that she could get in and out while I'm at work. But don't worry, it's all aesthetically pleasing.

This house feels like you. I walk into a room and I sear you were just there. I spray air freshener but all I can smell is your perfume. Sofia doesn't feel it, but sometimes it scares me. It feels almost like your ghost is here, haunting me, but that would mean you're dead and I can't think like that. In our bedroom, right now, as I'm writing this, I can feel you behind me like if I turned around fast enough, you'll be behind me, laying there smiling. I can feel your hand sliding over the curve of my hips and it raises the hair on my skin. But I know that you're not really here and the loss is crippling. I want to cry, but I can't. I can't cry anymore. But the hole in my heart keeps growing, my longing for you shaving away at it more every day. I can still feel you in my arms, baby. I can taste your lips. But it's that almost taste, that almost feel. Like if I leaned back just a little farther, or walked a few steps forward…I'm living this life of almosts and it's so hard to shake them. When I'm walking with Sofia, I can almost feel your hand in mine. Just when I'm about to go crazy from the almost, Mark takes my hands. Or sometimes Lexie, even Alex or Teddy when we're at work. But Mark is weirdly in tune with it.

I don't want to keep living this life of almosts. I want my wife here. With me. I want you in my arms, holding me, holding our daughter. I want to be able to take those few steps forward and touch you. Actually feel your skin beneath my fingers. I want to feel your lips ghosting over my shoulder and neck, and know that if I lean back or go up on my toes I'll actually feel you there. I want the heat of your breath and the breeze of your whispers in my ear. I want to feel my hair falling out of your fingers, your nails scratching against my scalp. I want to feel you pressed against me. I want to be able to look into your deep brown eyes and melt. I want your brilliant smile to brighten my day. I want to hear the blood rushing through your veins when my head is laying on your chest.

You make me feel safe and happy. You are home. And I haven't been home since you left. Knowing what it's like to spend every day with you, and having all of that stripped away, it hurts so much, Calliope. Just come home. Please come home. We haven't heard from you in months. I don't know what that means. Are you alive, are you dead? Should I be waiting for that knock on the door? Are my nightmares going to come true? Is Sofia going to grow up without her Mamá?

Just come home, baby. Come home. I've been waiting so long, don't make me wait longer. Come home.

Another month had gone by without a word from Callie. It was nearing the end of April. Callie had been gone for over a year, and only been home once. Sofia had stopped asking when she was going to see her Mamá again. Arizona was another year older, Callie's birthday had come and gone, and Sofia's was coming up soon. They were getting used to a life without Callie, and that was something Arizona never wanted to get used to. She was used to sleeping alone; she was used to being a single mother. The parents of the kids in Sofia's class thought she was Mark's ex-wife or girlfriend and she hated that. The kids in Sofia's class made fun of her, one child in particular had taken to picking on Sofia's ethnicity and the fact that she didn't look like her parents. She wanted Sofia to have her Mamá. She wanted people to know Callie, because Callie was an amazing mom. Arizona wanted the chickens and the dog to know Callie. She didn't want to have an incident between Cherokee and Callie when she got back.

"Cherokee!" Arizona called out the back door. The young German Shepherd came trotting up the porch and sat down at the steps. She was grinning at Arizona. The dog was starting to work Arizona's last nerve with this game. "Come."

The dog barked and trotted up over the deck and into the house. Arizona patted her head before locking the door. She grabbed the two lunch bags from the counter. Her jacket was already on; her bag slung over her shoulder. "Sofia!"

Silence met her ears from the upstairs. This was the third time she had called her daughter.

"Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres, if I count to five and you are not down the stairs and putting your shoes on, there will be no sleepover with Carey tonight! One! Two! Three!"

"I'm coming," Sofia's sassy voice called out as she ran down the stairs.

"If we are late, you are going to be in big trouble. You know Mommy has her presentation today," Arizona said sternly as Sofia put her shoes on. Arizona bent down to tie the laces quickly before helping the youngster into her jacket. "Where is your bookbag?"

"In the living room," Sofia said, jumping over a scooter to retrieve it.

"Sof. You have a lot to clean up tonight before Carey gets here," Arizona sighed.

"I'm sorry, Mom!"

As they headed outside, Sofia wandered to the side yard to say goodbye to Cherokee. "Sofia! I swear to God!"

"Mommy!"

"Get in the car!" Arizona was late. Twenty minutes late. She had to get Sofia to school and get herself to the hospital. The Chief was going to kill her. Sofia seemed to recognize that she was in trouble and she quickly got into the car. Arizona peeled out of the driveway.

It had been a long day that was getting longer. Arizona's surgery had run into complications when she discovered a deformity in the two-year-old's ribs that was causing the lung problems and she found herself wishing fervidly for Callie's expertise. She had been forced to rely on Callie's second rate replacement and she wasn't sure that they had done what was best for the kid because of that.

Her presentation had gone well, but the residents had asked such in-depth questions that she was mentally exhausted. After Sofia that morning, her patience was wearing thin. She snapped at nurses and residents alike. Mark had to get between her and Karev to stop an escalating fight. "Yeah, go off with your boyfriend," Alex smirked. "Wouldn't Torres like to know that you've gone straight while she's been gone."

Arizona twisted out of Mark's arms, but he caught her wrist. "Don't ruin your career, Arizona."

"Get out of here, Karev," she snapped. Karev retreated with a snarky grin. "I need a break."

"You still haven't heard anything?" Mark asked, his tone lower. "Nothing?"

"It's been four months," Arizona said. Her defeated tone gave away just how much she was starting to believe that Callie wasn't coming back after all.

"She's fine."

"I can't even worry about it, Mark," Arizona sighed. "Your daughter was a brat this morning."

"Is that why you were late?"

"Yes, and the house is a wreck."

"You want me to take her tonight?"

"Can't. Carey is coming over to spend the night," Arizona picked up a stack of patient files. A few slipped off to the top and she cursed, throwing the rest on the ground in anger.

"Arizona."

"Mark. She's gone. I don't know what else you want me to do." She sighed and picked up the files before walking away. It was the truth and she couldn't help but keep her chagrined attitude in place. She couldn't slip again.

Locking her office door behind her, she dropped the files on her desk and flopped onto the couch she'd made Mark drag in there years ago when Callie and Sofia had both been in the hospital. Her phone rang. "What?"

"Arizona?"

She almost dropped the phone, "Calliope?"

"He-hey," the voice was nervous.

"Calliope, where…oh my God. Where have you been?" Arizona was shaking. "It's been months."

"We got caught," Callie said. At Arizona's nervous intrusion she continued. "Wait…I'm perfectly fine. We just got back to base."

"Calliope," Arizona fought to breathe. "I thought you were dead."

"Shh," Callie hushed, but Arizona could hear Callie's tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Four months, four months, Callie. And nothing. I thought my nightmares were going to come true," Arizona whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. "When are you coming home?"

"They said by the end of May, baby. But it could change. I'll try to get you a better idea, but you know the military. We never know," Callie said.

They stayed on the phone for an hour. Arizona shooed away everyone who came to her door. The breath of fresh air that had been granted to her was not something that she was willing to let go of. Arizona told Callie about the dog and how Sofia was doing in school. She told her about the kid picking on her and that she'd been a brat lately. They laughed and cried and enjoyed the sounds of each other's voices.

Arizona picked up Sofia from school and she could tell that the youngster had a bad day. She was moping, and climbed into the backseat solemnly. "What happened, baby?"

"Max was picking on me," Sofia sighed.

The name Max caught her attention. This was the boy they had been having trouble with. He picked on Sofia for everything. "What about?"

"I was teaching Carey how to say something in Spanish and he called me a spick," Sofia said.

Arizona was furious. The school was doing nothing to curb this kid and Sofia was far too young to know what a spick was. She swung the SUV into the bus loop and stopped in front of the principal. This was the last straw. The school was going to take care of this problem, or Arizona was going to go above the principal.

"Dr. Robbins," the principal said warily. This was never good news. "You're in the way of the buses."

"We have a problem," Arizona glared.

"Move out of the bus lane and we'll talk," she said. They moved inside to the office and Sofia was left sitting in the waiting room, swinging her legs in the chair.

"I am sick of my daughter being the butt of this kid's jokes, and you guys doing nothing about it!"

"Dr. Robbins–"

"He called my daughter a spick! That doesn't seem like a problem to you?"

"I can assure you–"

"You say this every time, and yet nothing happens to this kid!" Arizona snapped. "I'm not sure if it's because of me, or just that this school tolerates this discrimination, but I understand the cruelty of children. I understand bullying. And I will not tolerate my child being treated this way."

When they got home an hour later. Arizona helped her daughter pick up the house after they took care of Cherokee. She didn't know how to tell Sofia about her Mamá and the fact that she was coming home, after months of no communication. The almost six-year-old had forgotten the events at school and was focused on the sleep over that she was going to have that night. Her song voice rang through the house, reminding Arizona so much of Callie that it hurt. "Sof?"

"Yeah, Mom?" she came skipping into the kitchen.

Arizona smiled and handed her a fruit-by-the-foot. "We need to talk."

Sofia watched her mother snap her wrist to uncurl her own roll up. When she tried to imitate her, her snack went flying. Arizona instinctively reached out and caught it before Cherokee got a tasty afternoon treat. "About what?"

"I got a phone call today," Arizona started, handing the snack back.

"From who?" Sofia asked, curiously.

Arizona looked up. "Mamá."

The half-eaten fruit-by-the-foot fell out of Sofia's mouth. Cherokee gobbled it up and sat by Sofia's feet with a goofy grin on her face. "Mamá?"

"Yeah," Arizona smiled. "She's okay."

"Mamá," Sofia said again, as if she didn't quite understand what it meant. But little tears were brimming in her eyes. "Is she coming home?"

"Yeah," Arizona nodded. "Hopefully by the end of May."

Sofia thought for a moment. Then her eyes brightened. "She'll be home for my birthday!"

Arizona laughed. "Uh huh."

She jumped up and hugged Cherokee, dancing around the kitchen in excitement with the dog barking after her. "Mamá's coming home, Mamá's coming home!"