The ninth…! So…
Disclaimer: I'm being pressured into writing this ASAP so nothing cool here, sorry. All characters belong to their authors. EG, JK Rowling and Anthony Horowitz.
WhoKnows: I'm saving that 'til chap 10! xD ta!
*Matt's phone beeps*
*Matt reads text and replies*
Richard: Who was that?
Matt: Oh, just Chris.
Richard: Who's Chris?
Matt: Just some kid in the gang.
Richard: You're in a gang?
Matt: …Yeah…
Richard: I was in a gang once.
Matt: Really?
Richard: Well, it was scouts.
Matt: …
[Slightly taken from Outnumbered…]
Ginny: Hey! I've finally managed to work this damn thing!
*Points to crystal ball*
Matt: Oh yeah! I see something in there.
Richard: They get BBC from here?
Ginny: …
Jack: Who cares about that? D'you get Oprah?
Richard: JEREMY KYLE! Oh God! "My fifteen year old whatever-Matt-is is meant to be saving the world with four other teenagers against forces of pure evil".
Matt: ... And then Chaos and I can settle it with a yelling match!
Richard: I'll check out the website! *Runs off*
Scott: …Does anyone else see a problem with this?
Chaos: Voldy, my man! Pub, eight?
Voldemort: Yes, I've had one hell of a week.
Chaos: And what about Scorpia Guy?
Voldemort: Nah, we don't need to invite him. I mean, we don't even know his name.
Chaos: Fair point. Ooh, what about Susan? She's a laugh… after the third drink.
Voldemort: Julia Rothman! We've not seen her in a while.
Chaos: Oh yes, how goes the seduction?
Voldemort *sighs*: She doesn't know what she's missing when she keeps turning me down…
Chaos: Well, you can phone her up and I'll get Susan.
Voldemort: Goodbye!
Chaos: Toodles.
[At pub]
Rothman: …And then he tripped and fell straight into the tree! Oh it was hilarious!
Mortlake: Oh my God! *hic*
Voldemort: I know! Jules, that's so funny!
Mortlake: No! *hic* that man just stubbed his toe! Hah! Hah! *hic* *sways*
Chaos: Ok, Susan, maybe a little too much booze…
Mortlake: Oh you're sooooo lovely! Caring about *hic* little old me in that way? *hic* *puts arms around all* we should siiing.
Voldemort: …Yes… Let's sing… As all the cool, evil power-hungry geniuses do…
Rothman: Isn't it genii?
Voldemort: …
Mortlake: *sings* I love booze… Chaos loves me…. *hic* let's make looooove under the treeeeeeee… *falls unconscious*
Chaos: Oh dear…
(Inspired by Valentine999!)
*Alex's phone rings*
Alex: Hello?
Chaos *evil voice*: I know where you are and what you're doing…
Alex: …The same way as a stalker knows?
Chaos: …I'm no stalker…
Alex: Oh yeah? What underpants am I wearing?
Chaos: …Blue.
Alex: Hah! No underwear today.
Chaos: You disgusting boy. I'm going to kill you.
Alex: …I'll put on underwear if you really want me too…
Chaos: Don't you be getting smart with me, Matthew Freeman.
Alex: …I'm Alex Rider.
Chaos: …
Chaos: What?
Alex: Alex Rider?
Chaos *normal voice*: Oh. Woops, sorry about that. Wrong number. Bye!
Alex: …
(Suggestion = Marie Elaine Cullen!)
Richard: I need a job.
Ginny: Be a stripper.
Molly: Excuse me?
Ginny: What? Richard! You don't have a bad body.
Richard: …Well, I do run every day…
Matt: …
Ginny: Hermione's getting married soon! Perfect opportunity to try out your talents.
Ron: No! That'll traumatise her life! She'll hate men forever!
Richard: …
Matt: Richard, don't be a stripper.
Tonks: I could give you a few moves? Teach you for free if you want?
Richard: You were a stripper?
Tonks: I needed the money. It's a fun job, keeps you in shape.
Jamie: Wouldn't that be a hooker?
Tonks: …
Tonks: I did not mean it in that way.
Matt: Richard, I will renounce all friendship with you if you become a stripper.
George: Hey! My ex-girlfriend was a stripper! I'll get her to get you in contact with people.
Fred: Girlfriend? More the stripper you hooked up with for the night…
George: Whatever…
Matt: Richard, seriously, don't be a stripper.
Jack: Oh my God, at my friend's hen night, there was this stripper with an AMAZING costume! I'll call her and find out about the stripper!
Matt: I will kill you!
Richard: It is good pay… And not the worst of jobs…
Fred: Until you get hired for the same sex. Oh that's horrible…
Ginny: When were you a stripper?
Fred: George said he'd give me five galleons every time I 'performed'.
Ron: How much did you get?
George: Six.
Hermione: How does six work, if it's five per session?
Fred: The second was for a group of men. I've nothing against gays, just I'd rather not strip for them. Anyway, I ducked out and George refused to pay fully. They didn't either, actually.
Hermione: Aren't you meant to get those details in advance?
Fred: Do you really think I listen to that stuff?
Matt: RICHARD! You are NOT going to be a stripper!
Richard: Oh, hey Matt!
Matt *sigh*: Scott or Jamie, tell him.
Scott: Richard, be a stripper.
Matt: Yeah, no longer my friend now.
*Richard takes off tie*
*Tom Jones's 'You Can Keep Your Hat On' inexplicably begins to play*
Matt: Scott…
Jamie: Scott…
Ron: Scott! Reverse it god damn you!
Ginny: No, don't!
Fred & Molly: Ginny!
Scott: Ok, don't be a stripper… just… be you.
Matt: You can't make him someone else?
Richard: …
*Fred and George leaning over something which is mysteriously crackling*
Harry: Ok, then there's them and the smell of burning, I get worried.
Pedro: Yes, what are you two doing?
Fred: Well-
George: -You remember that time, back in sixth year, was it?
Fred: Something like that. Anyway, the firelizard-
George: –trying to feed it a Catherine Wheel-
Fred: -Was a magnificent idea, if I may say so myself-
George: –Which you can't, it was my idea. We decided it might work better to have a firelizard breed-
Fred: -With an icefrog!
Hermione: And how's that going for you?
Fred: Well…
Ginny: Oh look! Amphibian porn!
Fred: …
George: ...
Alex: My god. People at my school get geekier and geekier every day.
Jack: What do you mean?
Alex: They brought OCD spray to clean the books with.
Jack: OCD spray?
Alex: The non-water handgell thing…
Jack: How sad.
Alex: I know. But that wasn't the worst of it.
Jack: No?
Alex: …I caught one shining his shoes behind the science block.
Jack: Oh dear god.
Fred: Right, everyone, we've an announcement.
George: We're moving out. That's why we begged mum for this feast of delights.
Ron: Yay!
Fred: Shut up, you git.
George: Anyway, how about a toast to our friendships with everyone.
Sirius: So just to friendship then?
Fred: Yup.
Everyone: To FRIENDSHIP!
*All drink*
*All spit out drink*
Hermione: Oh god that's foul!
Arthur: Have you poisoned us?
Percy: This is disgusting!
Fred: Well, what did you expect?
George: A toast to our friendship? Come on!
AN: So, in addition to all the review-and-I'll-update shit, there's something very important to say. My friend is writing something along the same lines (Po5, HP and AR all meeting) only hers are better and more a story. So read it! .net/s/4444729/1/The_Longest_Short_Story_Ever
Until the next,
Cait
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