Yo! Okay, somebody reviewed this story and, to be honest, until they did, I completely forgot it existed . . . so . . . yeah. Thanks to i'll-cover-you-x for jogging my memory. This is for you! =)
I own nothing. The Almighty Larson owns all but the plot line.
"I don't get it," Maureen said, plopping down in the middle of the floor. Her eyes were wide and she was staring at the contents of her box spread out all over the room. Pictures here, video tapes there. "I just don't get it." She looked from the mess in the room to Collins. "How the hell can you, Thomas B. Collins, not be horny after going through everything erotic I own? How?"
"I said it at least twenty times already, Mo," Collins replied. "I'm not in the mood."
"Damn it, stop saying that!"
"It's the truth."
"It's a lie! A lie, I tell you!"
"Maureen, maybe he just really isn't in the mood for sex right now," Joanne suggested. "I mean, he may be the horniest guy in New York, but he can't just have sex every single day. It's not natural."
"Thank you, Joanne," Collins said.
"I don't care what you say!" Maureen exclaimed. "There's no way Collins isn't turned on after all my pictures, tapes, and highlighted portions of erotic novels! I'm not giving up!"
"Maureen, honey, it's okay," Angel told her, sitting on the arm of the couch. "Thanks for trying." Collins frowned slightly at his lover.
"Baby, you look sad," he commented. "Are you really that upset I don't wanna have sex?"
"I'm not sad, Collins, I'm horny and trying to keep myself from pouncing on you."
"Do it!" Maureen shouted. "That'll get him in the mood!"
"Maureen, give it up," Roger said. Maureen glared at Roger, picked up one of the many magazines that was on the floor, flipped to a random page, and then turned it to the rocker. "Ahh! Two naked men!" He covered his eyes with his hands.
"Honeybear, don't you think you should clean all this . . . porn up?" Joanne asked.
"I guess so," Maureen said. She looked around the room for a moment. "Where'd Marky go?" The bohemians looked at each other.
"I bet I know where he is," Roger said after a silence.
"Where?" Mimi asked.
"Well . . . are all of Maureen's . . . things accounted for?" Maureen looked around on the floor and counted her magazines and pictures. Then she recounted them. Then recounted them again.
"I think I'm missing one," she informed everyone.
"Oh, gross!" Angel said. "Now, I'm gonna have to clean that up!" Someone suddenly pounded on the door. Angel stood up, smoothed out the wrinkles in her skirt, walked over to the door, and opened it. Benny was on the other side, a box on the ground next to him.
"Where's Collins?" he asked. He had an angry expression on his face.
"He's sitting on the couch," Angel answered. "Why?" Benny pushed his way past Angel and walked into the apartment. He stopped walking when he noticed pictures of naked men and women lying around.
"What the hell's going on here?" he asked as Angel shut the door.
"Collins won't have sex with Angel!" Maureen exclaimed. "He said he's not in the mood, but I don't believe that! I think he just needs help getting it up."
"Maureen, why don't you listen?" Collins asked. "I already told you I don't-"
"Don't deny it!" Maureen interrupted. Collins rolled his eyes as Maureen looked to her former friend. "Benny, what do you do when Muffy wants to have sex and you can't get it up?" Benny's mouth dropped open and Roger and Mimi laughed.
"Two things," Benny said, folding his arms. "One: her name is Alison. And two: I've never had that problem."
"Yeah right!" Maureen started collecting her possessions.
"What the hell are you doin' here anyway, Benjamin?" Collins asked, earning a glare from Benny.
"Well, Thomas, I don't appreciate the stupid little stunt you pulled," Benny replied. Collins and Angel exchanged looks. "Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"
"I actually don't know what you're talkin' about." Benny walked to the door, opened it, and dragged the box (which was still in the hallway) into the apartment.
"Then explain this!" he demanded. The bohemians stared at the box for a moment before bringing their attention back to Benny.
"You're pissed 'cause somebody sent you a box?" Collins asked. "I don't see what the problem is. I mean, unless you have a problem with cardboard." The anarchist smirked at the fuming landlord.
"It's what's in the box, smart-ass!" Collins chuckled and got up from his spot on the couch. He bent down to open the box and felt a hand smack his rear. He shot back up into a standing position and turned to face his friends. He looked at Angel and when his lover shook her head, he looked to his best friend.
"Really, Mo?" he said.
"Just so you know, that wasn't an attempt to turn you on," Maureen replied. "I've just always wanted to know whether or not your ass was as firm as it looks." Joanne's mouth dropped open and she stared at her girlfriend in disbelief. "Now all I need to figure out is how big your-"
"I'm sitting right here, you know," Joanne interrupted.
"What? Collins is fucking sexy. Even you can't deny that."
"Yes, he is sexy," Angel agreed. "And he's mine. Don't forget that."
"I'm gonna be honest with you, Angel. If Collins wasn't gay, or if he was at least bi, I'd take him from you."
"Again, I'm sitting right here!" Joanne exclaimed. Maureen kissed Joanne on the cheek and winked at Collins. The anarchist rolled his eyes, bent down, and opened the box. A huge grin spread across his face.
"Holy shit," he said, chuckling.
"It's not funny!" Benny shouted. "Why would send me that? Alison is so pissed at you!"
"I honestly didn't send you anything, but, damn, I wish I had!" Collins was soon full out laughing.
"What's in the box, Collins?" Mimi asked. Angel joined her boyfriend near the box and her eyes widened as she looked in it. She slowly put her hand in the box and took the item that was on the top of everything else out. Maureen immediately burst out laughing.
"Somebody sent you a dildo?" Roger asked, on the verge of laughter.
"Collins sent it to me!" Benny replied, folding his arms. "I know he did!"
"No, he didn't!" Maureen exclaimed. "I did!" The drama queen made her way over to the box and began going through it. "I ordered a bunch of little toys and sent them to your house a few days ago! I just didn't give a return address on the package 'cause I wanted it to be a surprise!"
"What the hell, Maureen? Why?"
"I thought Muffy might need some form of pleasure. I mean, she's married to you for God's sake." Roger and Mimi started laughing while Angel and Joanne only giggled. "I don't even know what half these things are. Oh! Check this out!" Maureen took a whip out of the box.
"Ooh!" Mimi exclaimed. "Kinky! Let me see that, Maureen." Maureen gave the whip to the dancer.
"Why'd you let her see it?" Roger asked his friend. "Why?" Mimi winked at her boyfriend and cracked the whip in the air.
"Oh yeah. I'm gonna have some fun with this." Mimi's eyes suddenly widened and she gasped. "Oh my God! The Cat Scratch Club!" Everyone stared at her in confusion. "Every month there's a night where all the girls get the night off and male dancers are brought in! And since I'm an employee I can bring up to ten friends for free! We can take Collins!"
"Mimi, you're a genius!" Maureen shouted. "That'll definitely get him in the mood! When is it?"
"Tonight!"
"Hell yeah! We have a plan!"
"I'm not goin' to that," Collins said. "I will have sex with Angel when I'm good and ready and not before."
"Honey, did you forget you're talking to Maureen?" Angel asked. "You can say you don't wanna go a thousand times, but she'll find someway to make you. You know that." Collins looked at Maureen and she smirked evilly at him.
"Goddamn it. Fine. I'll go."
That was for you, i'll-cover-you-x! Hope you liked it!
Review please! :)