Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans or any of its characters. Hellfire/Marrin'r is mine.
Cyborg wondered, not for the first time, if all Tamaranians had some unconscious love affair with condiments.
Five minutes to 6:30, he'd called dinner over the tower's intercom. Not a second later, BB was planted down in his seat, ready to eat. Cyborg might have thought he used a transdimensional portal to get there, if it weren't for the fact that he'd watched the shape shifter playing Monsters of War 3: Legend of the Ocarina of Metal Gear for the last three hours on their communal TV.
One of the side doors opened with a swoosh to reveal Star and Robin. Cy was about to call out to them when he noticed the sour look on Robin's face.
"She must have some reason for her behavior. Back on Tamaran, she saved me from the horrible Gik monster one summer when we were girls. People like that don't just suddenly…turn evil."
"That may be so Star, but you have to remember that it's been years since you last saw each other. That's enough time apart where Hellfire may have decided that she wants this…Gemgar thing badly enough that she'll take out anyone who gets in the way. And that may include the rest of the Titans," Robin told her. Star looked like she wanted to argue but hung her head.
Cy felt bad for his alien friend. She wanted so desperately for Hellfire to be her friend, but he had to agree with Robin. She'd proven that she was more than capable of holding her own in a battle and while it would be five against one should she ever decide to turn against them, he knew they wouldn't come out unscathed.
"Yo, we gonna eat or what? I'm STARVING OVE R HERE!" Beast Boy whined.
"Clearly you are wasting away in front of us," Raven commented as she took her seat next to him. B gave her a dirty look but it bounced right off.
"So what's for dinner?" Robin asked as he sat.
"Oh yes please. There is a wonderful aroma in the air," Star commented. A big grin split Cyborg's face.
"Well, I decided that tonight was a special night and so I dug the spare ribs out of the back of the freezer, whipped together a batch of my mother's secret sauce and VOILA! Barbeque ribs, Cyborg style! And some soy ribs for Beast Boy" he added. They were all drooling like a pack of animals. Hell, BB turned into a dog just to bay his happiness. Because it wasn't about the ribs so much as it was about the sauce. That's why the shape shifter was so ecstatic.
"Well, are we going to eat or what?" Hellfire asked and they all jumped. She'd come out of freakin' nowhere. The girl raised an eyebrow at them but said nothing.
The young man scowled. Part of the reason he'd made the ribs tonight is because he was trying to get her to crack her shell. So far, no one had been able to resist the otherworldly taste of the Sauce. Even Starfire, who put mustard on anything and everything edible, was conservative with the condiment when it came to his ribs.
It was also a bit of a welcome to her but mostly it was about pride.
When he'd finished dishing them out, the Titans went at it with gusto. Even Cyborg could not resist the call of the ribs. But he watched as Hellfire took a bite of a rib. She chewed, looking like she was testing the taste and finally swallowed. Then, she went for another bite.
The rib in Cy's fingers dropped to the plate. "Wha…how…no one has been able to withstand the deliciousness that is our family's secret sauce," he whimpered. She looked at him, as if this was NOT by far the most delicious thing she had ever gotten her hands on. And then, she opened her mouth.
"It is adequate."
A few seconds ticked by and the only sound that could be heard was Hellfire's chewing. Before Cyborg erupted.
"ADEQUATE? ADEQUATE? I'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING THAT'S ADEQUATE! YOUR HEROING IS ADEQUATE! BUT MY MOM'S SAUCE? I CHALLENGE YOU TO PROVE TO ME SOMETHING MORE 'ADEQUATE' THAN THIS!" he hollered. The other Titans were using all their strength to keep him from pummeling the girl, who seemed non-plussed by all of it.
"Cyborg please! Do not take it personally! She is new here and not used to our food. Perhaps some assistance is in order," Star cried. It distracted the raging man for long enough to watch her grab the mustard bottle and squirt some on Hellfire's plate. The other Tamaranian dabbed a little and sniffed, her nose crinkling before tasting it.
And nearly gagged.
"Oh, but by the heavens, that is FOUL!" she cried. "You voluntarily consume this?" Hellfire said. Star looked so dejected they were all sure that she might have those frown lines permanently etched into her face.
"I-If that is not to your liking, then we have others," she offered and flew over to the fridge, pulling out every condiment they owned.
The pit dropped out of Cy's stomach. To see his precious ribs smothered-and-covered in these… "extras" would be too much for him. He flopped back into his seat, dropping his head in his hands.
Star pulled out ketchup, relish, horseradish, cocktail sauce, tartar sauce, even the rarely used pesto that for some reason they still had. Hellfire would dab a little on her finger before tasting it and simply shaking her head. The princess seemed to lose more and more steam with each rejection.
That is, until she got to the mayonnaise.
It was innocuous enough. And Hellfire did her dabbing ritual before tasting. But the mayo was it. The look that crossed her face was one of pure bliss. The Titans would later swear that a small chorus of angels appeared from on high just to belt a note of "HALLELUJAH!"
It lasted only a second before she was back to her stony gaze, but they had their first bit of proof that Hellfire was not a soulless heart crusher she made herself out to be. Even Cyborg was willing to forgive the generous dollop of mayo on her plate if it meant that they might have a chance of breaking the shell.
Star looked as if she might burst out of her skin she was so happy to have found something to please her friend. She put the rest of the condiments away and was about to return to her seat when Raven held up a hand.
"Hold on just a moment. Let's have her try…the Miracle Whip," she said, making everyone gasp.
Because in Titan's Tower, where everyone got along and things ran smoothly, there was a dark and terrible secret. A nasty and ugly divide that threatened, at times, to split their team apart.
Those who preferred Miracle Whip, and those who preferred mayonnaise.
Raven and Robin were strictly Whip people, while BB and Cyborg chose mayo every time. But the paths of these two condiments shall not cross for fear limbs being torn off and such. In fact, the tower's kitchen had almost gone orthodox Jew, where they would need a separate fridge for one of them. But a truce was eventually settled and they stayed in the one fridge, though they now had designated spots.
And so Starfire, ever faithful to her mustard, took the Miracle Whip out with trembling hands and presented it to their guest. Hellfire, who seemed no more interested in their long standing tussle than she did with the ribs, took a dollop and tasted. Her face screwed and squeaked out a, "Too sweet," before handing the jug back. BB and Cyborg had what one might call, "shit eating grins."
AN: Gah this chapter would not be written! It was supposed to be longer but I finally couldn't do it and just reworked what I had. I don't think all Tamaranians have a deep, unknowing love of condiments. I highly dart Blackfire would be as obsessed with something like mustard like her sister is. (Although I think Blackfires would be horseradish: stings like hell while clearing out your sinuses.)
And the mayo/Miracle Whip debate was just pure nonsense. Well, sorta. I needed some way for the team to discover Hellfire's love of mayo and those damn Miracle Whip commercials just kind of came back to me. And yes, I do think the members I mentioned above belong to the respective camps. (I myself am a Whip person.)
Cyborg also got that pissed about the ribs because he seems like the kind of guy who would take a lot of pride in his cooking, and barbeque is something all cooks take pride in. I should know.
So please review! And thanks for reading!