Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

Chapter 4 My Arms Release My Body

I couldn't register any feeling but pain as I hit the frozen water.

Almost automatically I realized I hadn't taken a breath. The cold water did not help me battle the urge to take in the breath that my body begged for. I pursed my lips and tried to ignore not only my screaming lungs, but also the lump in my throat.

The water might have been smooth on he surface, but underneath was completely different. I didn't understand how rough the undercurrents really were until they were pulling me down, even though I was swimming towards the surface.

I started to panic, which forced me to take in a small breath and made water fill my throat. Luckily Jacob hadn't let go of my hand. He pulled me up against the current. It felt like minutes, but it only took seconds for him to drag me up.

"Bella! Oh, Bella!" Jacob sighed in relief, as I half coughed, half sobbed up all the water, tears in my eyes. "You're ok now, Bella. It's fine." He said as he pulled me into his arms, dragging us towards the shore.

I would finally have to let him go. He truly was gone completely out of my life. There was nothing left. Nothing to hold onto. But it felt like he was walking away from me all over again.

My uncontrollable sobs were still making it hard to breath. I wasn't getting enough oxygen. I was feeling lightheaded. I would collapse if Jacob wasn't holding me securely to his body as we walked on the beach. He gently sat us down, making sure I was still completely wrapped in his arms.

Then I felt Jake's arms stiffen around me. He pulled back and looked at me. His face was contorted in confusion. "What did you say?"

And then I heard myself cry the same mantra from so long ago.

"He's gone."

I don't know where I would be without Jacob.

He held me. I have no idea how long I cried, but he held me the whole time, with no questions asked. Now that I felt calm I was waiting for some sort of response to the way I had acted.

"What happened, Bella?" And there it was. Jacob finally broke the silence.

What could I tell him? I was crying hysterically because I was no longer talking to my ex in my head? After months, I now realized that he was actually gone? I tried to avoid answering. "What exactly do you mean?"

He sighed. "You said the same thing that you did when Sam found you."

I didn't know what to say, what I could say to make him understand. So I tried keep my temporary insanity to myself. "I think I finally realized he's really gone." I felt my already sore throat hurt even more as I fought off new tears.

"What?" He stared at me in shock. "The bloodsuckers physically leaving didn't clue you in?"

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. "I know that." I snapped at him. "I mean I… I think I finally have to move on."

He stood up and started to walk towards the forest, muttering, "I can't do this…"

I ran after him and grabbed his arm with both hands. "Jacob, wait…" He spun around to face me, trepidation written on his face.

"Bella, you just don't get it. I can't do this." He closed his eyes. "I can't stand to see you hurt this much. I thought this was over. You were doing so good. We were awesome."

"Please, Jacob. Just give me time. I… I'm trying! I'm really trying to get over everything!" Well I was now. "You know how hard it's been for me, and if you break your promise, Jacob Black, I swear…" I stopped before I let my threatening words slip through my mouth. Jacob would not leave me. I wouldn't let Jacob hurt me like he did. I would just absolutely break into a million, irreparable pieces. My hands were trembling slightly as my breathing was becoming more and more irregular. Calm down. Jacob won't do anything. He keeps his promises.

"I won't hurt you, but you keep breaking and it's hard to sit back and watch. Tell me what to do!" His deep brown eyes stared into mine like he was searching for an answer. "I can't stand here and let you be broken, but I can't fix you."

"But you are fixing me. Everyday you're here for me, I get a little better and I…"

"Then what happened? I never left you and you still go right back to where you started." He said sadly. He actually looked like someone punched him in the gut. I knew he cared for me, but did he care this much that it literally hurt him to see me hurt?

We were both quiet, all except for my shallow breathing. I couldn't tell him the truth. He would think I was absolutely insane. I didn't know what else to say to convince him. I needed him. It scared me to think he might actually walk away.

My Jacob. He cared for me, apparently more than I thought, and definitely more than I deserved. He couldn't abandon me. I knew what to do, I did the only thing that would stop him from ever leaving my side.

I reached up and kissed him so quickly it lasted less than a second. I pulled back. What was I doing? "I'm sor…"

Before I knew what was happening, he picked me up in his muscular arms and kissed me. He kissed me with such urgency and passion, I didn't know he had it in him. It took my breath away, or maybe it was his bear hug, either way, I kissed him back. With everything I had in me.

He was so warm, so different from all the cold that my life has consisted of. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him even closer against me. I felt better in this moment than I have since that fateful day. It felt as if Jacob was making me whole again. His arms held me so tight that I knew I wouldn't fall apart. I could take a break. He would make sure I wouldn't collapse in on myself. It was as if his unbearable heat had cauterized my wounds. It felt perfect.

Unfortunately I needed to take a breath at some point. I pushed his chest with all my strength, but I still didn't move him a bit. He pulled back reluctantly, realizing what I was attempting to do.

"Air." I choked out with my one last breath. My lungs hurt more than they ever had, but I didn't care.

"Oh," he chuckled and a deep sound came from his huge, toned chest. Holy crow he has changed a lot in these past few months. He loosened his grip, but didn't let go of my waist. "Sorry, Bells. You shouldn't surprise a man like that."

"What man?" I asked, giggling as I gasped for breath.

He reached down and giving me a short and sweet peck on the lips. "Well I'm older than you, and I think I have reached forty by now."

We both laughed. And that moment, to my surprise, I realized I cared about Jacob Black more than I thought.