Here is the last chapter. I hope this has cleared my head so I can focus on funny JJ and Prentiss stories. Let me know what you think.
So I said everything was different, I guess I should explain. Your death was the downfall of the team. I don't say this out of spite, or with anger, no that's not my intent. However the place wasn't the same, the unit wasn't the same after you died. Let's see, Hotch was the first to leave that is of course second to me. He is still with the FBI, but no longer a profiler. He actually is the new Section Chief. He now has normal hours or at least more normal than before and is home even more for Jack. Your death hit him harder than I think we all expected, more than Haley's if possible. Your death made him realize just how short life was. He now smiles more and laughs, oh my god JJ does the man have a sense of humor and his laugh is contagious. He seems more relaxed and enjoys life more.
Rossi retired, again. Now he spends all his time lecturing, getting recruits. Your fault by the way, he never forgot you telling him, that he was the reason you joined the bureau. I saw him lecture a few times, very convincing, I can see why he convinced you to join he almost convinced me to come back. He is also like a second granddad to Henry. You thought Garcia spoiled your son you haven't seen anything.
Reid is now teaching profiling classes at the academy. I think he really found his place.
He helps out once in awhile, does consults when asked and is always there to help Morgan out. He still has his socially awkward moments but they are fewer and farther between, teaching younger people has really helped with that. He is staying true to the title godfather. He comes over every week no matter what, and he and Henry spend a day together. I don't know what they do or where they go, but I know they both need it as much as the other. You will be happy to know and relieved, he stayed away from dilaudid, he nearly went back but he didn't, he didn't want to let you down.
Morgan is still with the BAU, the only one left from our team. He couldn't leave, especially after your death. More determined than ever to catch as many bad guys as possible. And he does catch them, his team is young but man they are good at what they do. You would be proud, I think he is still trying to make it up to you, though it wasn't his fault. He thought about going back to Chicago, to be closer to his family but realized that though he loves them, we have become his family.
Garcia left the BAU last. She hung around awhile but seeing your picture on the wall of fallen finally did her in. She continues to work with victims families more so than before, helps them find answers, and helps with those who no one else helps. She and Kevin didn't last long after your funeral. You will be happy to know that she and Morgan finally got their heads out of their asses and are now together. Yeah I know took them long enough. God are they good for each other. They are actually planning their wedding, yup that's right, their wedding. I know never thought it would ever happen, never say never. There was a brief battle over whether I would be maid of honor or best man. One guess who won. Little hint I will be wearing a dress and god is it perfectly Garcia.
So that only leaves me. I was the first to leave. I couldn't stay there, I couldn't walk those halls, sit in the same rooms, not after losing you. After I left the BAU I took some time off, just spent it with Henry, trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I did a lot of soul searching but really I knew what I wanted to do, nothing, absolutely nothing. That's right I have essentially retired. I weighed my options and I could easily afford being a stay at home mom and that's what I've decided. I get the pleasure of spending all day with Henry, from the moment he wakes to the moment he goes to sleep and I have learned that I enjoy it more than I ever thought. Sure I miss working at the BAU but love my little man even more. At first it was hard to come home, come to our home. Everything reminded me of you and it felt just like work, every turn there you were. I thought about moving, about selling our home and finding a new place, but I couldn't do it. I may eventually but right now, Henry needs it more than me not. He points out places where special moments occurred. I don't know how long he will remember these things since he is so young but I promise I won't let him ever forget you.
Though everything is working it's self out, it wasn't always that way. For awhile I was so lost, and angry. God was I angry at you for leaving us, for not fighting to stay with us but that didn't last long. I could never stay mad at you for long, I would always cave and I will always cave. I was also scared, so very scared. I was scared for many reasons but mostly because I was now a single parent. I was so afraid that I would ruin him, that I would some how break him, or undue all that you had done with raising him. I was afraid and honestly I'm still a little afraid that he will resent me, resent me for being the one to come home, resent me for not being you. I only feel that way once in awhile, barely ever but still once in awhile. It's hard to look at him sometimes. He is so much like you. He has you blonde hair, and you blue eyes but those are obvious similarities. He also has your smile and the ability to get me to do anything, sound familiar. His eyes maybe blue but that's not the only thing about them that reminds me of you. His eyes also have your sparkle. The way they shine when he smiles, they way they change color according to his mood. Like when he's happy they turn the lightest blue I have ever seen or when he is made they turn a deep, almost cobalt blue. He definitely got that from you. He also has this uncanny ability to know when I just need him. It sounds weird I know, but sometimes there are times when I just need to hear his voice and before I know it my phone rings and it's your mom or my mom or Garcia or who ever saying he was asking about me so they called. I don't know how he knows but he does and again that's all you. You use to do that, you use to call me, or text, or email or just show up when ever I needed you. I suspect you still do and will continue until we see each other again.
There were nightmares for the longest time. They occur less for both of us and actually that's why I'm here. Last night was the first time both of us slept through the night. Usually he or I will wake up but not last night and I'm feeling a little guilty. I know how stupid that sounds believe me I do. But I do feel bad, here we are surviving, we are making it, we are going on, going on without you. I know that's what you wanted, that's what you wanted for us, for us to be able to go on, but it's still hard. I will continue to raise Henry the way we had been the way we said we would. I tell him everyday how amazing his mommy was and is. I can't promise you I will find love again because you are the love of my life but I won't shut out the idea, I won't run from it if it comes. I know in my heart we will see each other again and I can't wait but I can wait. I know you understand. I love you so much until we see each other again I promise I will go on with my life.