You can embrace me for one hundred times

You can be my ally at one thousand crimes,

But your feelings won't ever reach those of a saint

And the devil won't write any complaint.

You can hold my hand, but I won't feel a thing

You can let me win all the games which we will play, but I won't feel like a king,

And maybe I will cause you just disgust

But you can't replace the ghost that has made me stay in the dust.

Chapter 4: Irreplaceable

The old but beautiful theater has welcomed us with the sound of our own footsteps on the black-and-white tiles of the entrance, and with its modest wooden walls, but quite high and worked until the very last detail.

The ceiling is the most magnificent with its round structure. It's a really beloved piece of art, but it's limited here, at the entrance, but inside, where the scene is and where the people will sit on black and dark-red velvet chairs.

The way the scene was made isn't really very different from other theaters, but the wood was sure more expensive or more secure, or the quality of the huge curtains is more expensive, beautiful, and soft at the touch, or maybe we received more service from the theater than the actors themselves have received.

However, no matter the reason why this is almost the most beautiful and liked theater from this town it may not be because of the appearance of the theater, even if it's too big and very hospitably, but because, even if it's too big and very hospitably, but because of the ordinary people that are spectators, and because of the modest price and of the talented actors.

I am used to all this, so I do not stare at this theater with amazement in my eyes, like the eyes of my friend are right now.

'Friend?'

He, like any other man from this planet has been seduced by another friend of mine. That is a female, a sly and vicious female.

Even so, whatever the reason for which she won him with his tactics. She converted him to be by her side in these short hours that we spend together. I didn't commented at all, and for a reason that I don't know, I don't feel very good.

This was once a place in which I felt about like home, because after all, this place holds many dear memories for me.
Even so, without doubt I am being paranoid, but still, I don't want the history to repeat.
'If only my thoughts would stop.'

The tickets were bought some days ago by no other than my friend who has always been how they say, a regular but welcomed spectator of this theater.

After all, she brought me here too, but with years ago, and when I entered for the first time through those huge doors I was like him, assaulted by the beauty of this place, and I only wanted to see everything and to look everywhere. This until my eyes arrived on something else.

Until when my eyes have made peace with the theater and have decided that they didn't want to look anywhere else but there, at that person, and so it was.

'Why should I remember everything now?'

It isn't the fact that I feel like I am younger with too many years, and that I saw myself again while I looked at a blond young boy with blue eyes. I could see everything through his eyes.

'I wish I was blind.' I thought and I closed my eyes. The pain has spread through me from this thought alone.

"Dear, are you alright? You look pale..." Celine asked me with a worried voice, as always, but I refused to lose to her concerned eyes. I won't answer because I deserve to be silent, at times like this, I blame her.
We are here, in this theater where we are all actors, and we are all liars, but I am an amateur while he was the leading actor.

I often feel good in here, and I eventually remember without even wanting to see everything through the eye of my mind, those memories. They don't affect me, or I try to pretend that they don't, and I go home just so I can scream a little...

Even so, today, I no longer remember it all in my clouded and miserable mind, no. I see it with my own two eyes before my eyes but through his eyes, and it hurts me.

For the first time, I feel like I can't resist until when I will arrive home to fall on my own dirty floor.

I want to blame her. I want to blame everybody that was in this theater that day. I wish I could blame someone else but myself.

I wish I had the luxury of being blind, of being more selfish than I already am, and I wish I could just be a spoiled brat that thinks that everybody is to blame but him.

I wish, but I already know the truth. I just want to blame someone else, but I am the only one to blame, my fault for believing...

When I am here, I exaggerate everything and when I am not in this theater everything seems better and every day is better, until Friday, because until then I'm left alone to wonder myself why I still come to this place that I despise, until Friday will arrive, and I will be in this theater again.

"It will start in any second, come on, old man!"

Naruto has talked to me, he took me by my arm and together, me with a pale and confused but with a blankly face and him, with a wide smile, and a smile that is directed to me and to me only.

We passed through the huge wooden doors of the theater, and we are welcomed with a nearly full room, and as always, all the seats will be filled until the play will start. Everybody will come in the last second or even in the middle of the play.

I was sat on my chair, and I looked at Celine that seems to enjoy herself while talking to the cheerful blond and also smiling, and I can tell that she still suspects him for something, and I don't even want to know what she thinks about all this.

He wears his smile badly beautifully, a wide but kindly smile. I think this is his only innocence, because every time he smiles, he is clear, a pure white.

Even so, nothing is completely white; after all, even if he is a pure and innocent white, even at the slightest touch, the white can turn black.
You can't expect everybody else to be as clean as you are. They are all dirty.

A rebel brat who has run away from home and that has stood on the streets searching for something to eat or looking for some kind people, someone who will give him one finger, and then he will take the whole hand.

After all, I was that kind person that did it, or the stupid person. I feel so angry over no reason and my thoughts are the same.

Maybe the fact that I observed his small mistakes annoys me the most. The ability to move in two seconds, so slow that no one could sense him, even my cat is louder than him, and then, his head in my fridge, the patient but cold eyes, and I could tell, I just wait for him to show his true nature once and for all.

'I should stop right there. I confuse him with someone else. He is not like him. He can't be.'

For sure, I always analyzed everything at too much cold, when I am in this theater.

'I must get out a little.' I thought suddenly alarmed.

And just when I was about to go to the door or not, about to lift myself up from the chair, the curtain has been raised, and the room became darker, the audience along with myself began clapping their hands, and we can tell, mostly of the people had been here many times ago, I can even recognize one or two faces, and I don't usually look at others, but even for those that haven't been here before, like Naruto, applaud like the others.

'And I was so close...'

I thought and I sat down again. My lungs has immediately screamed for the need of a cigarette and all I could do as always was to encourage myself that the break isn't too far now that it started. On the other hand, it is even further now that it has just started, like three seconds ago.

Just when some man begun to talk on the stage, and he moved his hands artistically, my own hand who stays on the arms of the chair has been touched by no one than Naruto that seems to demand for my attention.

"What is it?"

I asked him in a whisper while bowing my head closer to him.

"You need to chill, old man."

He said like he has just commented on the weather but a small smile appeared on his lips while he said this and his smile could be also heard in his words.

"Why? I feel fine."

I said with no particularly exclamation. I told him the truth after all. The fact that my lungs are waiting for the break to come, even if the play has just started is just my normal problem, I hit with it every Friday in which I came, and somehow, beyond my capacity of understanding why my lungs are always merciful every Friday when I watch the play.

'I guess even my lungs became used to the pain.' I thought quietly while I realized that Naruto's expression is different. From his playful smirk to a sad expression or even blank, or both.

"You two, stop talking and be attentive!"
We both straighten our back at Celine's short but strong, even if just whispered words.
So, I watched and I listened.

"Oh, my friend, you have enough charm to make the dogs fall in love with you, but you have also enough charm to make the humans run!" One of the actors has said with its voice in a high amused tone.

The play is simple but still, it's hard to be focused, I even force myself to be attentive, to be in this room. It shouldn't be too hard after all, the plays were always about a lesson someone should learn in his life, it's interesting, but still…

'These plays are presented just for your eyes in this theater and they really teach you a lesson or two.' I thought while trying to encourage myself to be focused.

The story is even simpler, and it's really easy to understand.

At first, there was one beggar on the street, and that beggar, being old enough and wise enough to know what he wants, he sat himself on the ground but not in a park or in front of a church. No. He sat himself on the ground of the middle of the town. At his left there were many companies, just rich and spoiled people.

He thought that if he sat here then someone, eventually, will give him money, real money, after all, all that he wanted were some money so that he can eat and not to starve to death exactly in that place.

But he sat there for days and for his luck, the police ignored him, they didn't took him, but in the same time, he also had a dense bad luck.

If only the police would ignore him, then it would be just good for him. The rich and spoiled people that are walking besides him, and they are millions, well, they also completely ignore him.

They walked in front of him and behind him, with cell phones at their ears, and they don't even look at him, and if one of them has looked, they never looked twice.

He felt a little bad, he wanted to scream but then the police will hear too, and they wouldn't listen to him anyway, none of them, they feel like they are too important.

He has even begun to think seriously about moving his place, and maybe give up, but he was just too stubborn to move because of this. He refused to do it, even if he would starve to death.

But you see...he did not expect that everybody will begin to fill his dirty and torn pockets with money, no, but he did not expect that really not even one single person to don't stop or to just look at him twice, not to mention, to give him some pennies.

But he still waited and he waited and soon enough, he felt sad, melancholic and completely dejected.

And just when he was about to give up because of no other reason than the single reason, that he almost feels very sick, but just then, he has been seen. A voice has talked to him, but he couldn't see the face of the one that has talked with him.

So when he looked behind him, he saw an immense crowd with people, the ordinary rich deaf and blind people. But then he heard the voice again and he was ready to think that he has gone insane and that maybe God has decided that it was his time to change his world, from this hateful Earth that maybe he will go to heaven, after all, he did nothing wrong in his entire life.

He has also once been rich, but his mother died when she gave him birth, and when he was just fifteen years old, his father has died too, assassinated by other rich people that had killed him just out of jealousy but that wasn't enough for them, they even took all of his money, and they threw him on the streets, and they even told him that they should thank them, because he was still alive.

And even if his father was dead because of the rich people, he still didn't hate them. He didn't hate anyone at all. He thought that everybody that is human has a heart inside, that is beating and that feels.

Even if what he asks from these people is mercy, he thought that someone will show him a pair of warm eyes, but his faith now trembles because he has stood between 100000 rich humans each day, and they treated him like he was a dog and even more than that, a dead dog.

So he just closed his eyes and waited, waited for God to come and to take him far away, but instead he felt something on his right shoulder, and then he yelled, the part when the audience begun to laugh. This part, they have played it a little funny. Even so, Naruto has yelled too loud anyway.

The beggar looked at the man who was now beside him, on the ground too, but he didn't know what to think because it was just another beggar.

And so, it was almost the end of the play, and all that I wanted was to smoke and then, to see how it ends.

For the first time, the Gods listened to my wishes. When someone has announced a deserved break and the curtain has covered the scene for those minutes.

The first thing I wanted to do was as always to go outside and to smoke at the entrance and as always, Celine will go to the bathroom, for one thing or another.

But we've questioned each other with a mutual question, when we both looked at each other for a brief second.

"Naruto, do you need to go to the bathroom?" Celine asked Naruto and he seemed to still be in his little world or at least in the beggar's world, because he was the only one of us three that was still on his chair.

"Nope. I'm good." He said and Celine has walked away automatically, leaving me with him.

I sigh. And then I really thought that Celine still had her old tricks, and then, I just told him:

"Come with me."

I said and I walked immediately outside of the theater and also fast enough. Naruto would be sure thanking me if I would walk, a little slower but my lungs would kill me if I would do it.

I walked to one of the free public ashtrays from the entrance of the theater and I lit one a cigarette and while I was somehow in bliss I thought quickly:

'Finally, I can smoke!'

Even if for me, it was enough and the silence doesn't feel unpleasant at all, Naruto was having a hard time while deciding at what to look, at the huge old theater or at me, smoking as usual.

So he is now standing, leaning into the wall of the theater, and looks at me and after some seconds, he spoke:

"Why don't you smoke inside?"

"It's not allowed."

I answered and just then I realized something.

"It's your first time coming to a theater?"

I asked him and he quickly stopped looking at me. He has closed his eyes, and then he looked at the ground while talking to me.
"Yeah, so what? Anyway, you won't give me one of yours even if I ask you nicely, no?"

I've realized that he has changed the subject with something that would really work, the cigarettes that I don't want him to smoke, but I am not so young to don't know what he does but I just pretend I didn't noticed and I continue his game.

'I won't force him to tell me if he doesn't want to.' I thought and just then I answered him.

"I won't give you one, even if you'll beg me. You're still underage."

I said really relaxed and he didn't stare at the ground anymore but at me, smiling.

'That can't be good.' I thought quickly while I met his gaze.

"If I begin to shout like crazy, you'll give me one, no?"

He said and I responded, with smoking a bit more in his face.

"You can shout all you want. They'll throw you somewhere, not me, and you will have to stay on the streets until the play will end because you don't even have a key."

I said rather calm and he didn't seem to enjoy my answer. His smile has quickly disappeared.

I finished one cigarette just to search for the next one.

We sat in silence for one minute or two, and then I realized that it all goes naturally.

The way we talk, the way we act around each other, and even the way we attack with our arguments.

'Too close.' I thought and I immediately sensed the fact that I might be pale again, I feel my face cold.

He looked at me with no special expression, and for a moment I hated the fact that no one will wear a smile. The silence and the twilight is all that is around us.

The beautiful colors of an ending, but in the same time, it's the start. It can be a good beginning or a bad one. Even so, it no longer matters which one it is.

'Too much.' I thought and I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, he was no longer looking at me but at the ground again, I thought that this is it, but then, I heard him talking to me once again:

"Did I do something wrong, old man?"

With my cigarette finished between my teeth, I've put it in the public ashtray before me that is at the entrance of the theater.

The last smoke just flew in the air as I crushed it with my fingers in the ashtray.

"No, you did nothing wrong."

He quickly stared intensely into my eyes but I refused to look into his eyes.

'After all, we are all actors here.' I thought and then I heard his voice again, talking to me:

"Then, what upset you?"

He asked me and without noticing me, he refused to look into my eyes, too. With a frown on his face, I looked at him wondering why he cares so much.

"No one."

I said and walked back in the theater with my hands in my pockets.

And I could hear him almost running behind me, and right before entering the big hall, in the mirror of the door, I could see him.

Behind me with almost the same frown but looking at me, wondering, searching.

'You're the same as him.' I thought quietly in my head.

We sat at our seats again and the curtain was shortly raised before our curious eyes once again.

The two beggars were still in the same place, in the same position and all the other people were there too. Oddly, or not, it looked like someone has just pressed pause for the play to start again.

So the beggar has sat beside him, on the ground, and they have begun to talk, to tell their stories, to talk about absolutely everything and shortly after, they became friends.

The new beggar brought him food to the older one, and when he brought bags with food, they ate it in whole days, and he stood with him and only with him, in all those days.

Even months have passed in this way; they have learned everything about each other.

And one day, like any other day, they made some jokes, and they laughed too loud this time. Nevertheless, they didn't care at all, so they continued to be happy and joyful, full with smiles and laughs.

And so, without even looking at the immense crowd around them anymore, they continued to tell jokes and stories.

But, what they didn't realized was that they are watched, a person has stopped and looked at them, another one also did this, and he even closed his mobile phone, and they just stared at the two friends, then another one came and then another one stopped.

After some time, it was just silence; the only sounds were their voices who still told jokes and stories.

When they realize, it was when even their mouths have stopped talking. They were wondering in their minds why everybody was looking at them.

But some woman thought that they won't talk anymore so she sat beside them on the ground and she told them to continue their story, because she was interesting for her it and that she thought it was really funny and after that, many people have said that they wanted to hear too, they raised their hand to show to the two friends that they also want to hear it.

Naruto raised his hand because he also wanted to hear it.
So all the rich people sat on the ground around the two beggars listening to them.
"So this is the end of the play. I hope you've all enjoyed it."

The room was again full with light and full with the energy that the spectators wanted to give to the actors on the stage, applauding with their hands enthusiastically.

The actors have bowed and have welcomed the kind words, and then we decided that it was time to go.

As always, because the play took some hours, outside it was already night, so Celine said that she is tired, and she took a taxi home after she embraced both of us too tight.

On our walk home, we began to talk on the almost empty streets with the lit street lamps above our heads and the gray pavement under our shoes.

"So, you liked it?" Naruto has asked me suddenly and I just answered him.

"Well, it depends, the narrator said that there are millions of people around them, but there were just what? Ten or less?" I said calm but with a cigarette between my teeth.

"How do you expect millions of people to fit on a small stage?" He said somehow ironically.

"Well, if you think about it, all the spectators made a nice number; we all have sat there in silence listening to their story." I said while looking at the sky.
"Yeah..." He said thoughtful and then he talked again to me:

"I didn't think of that...but we weren't on the ground, we were on chairs." He said and smiled at me, proud with his new discovery.

"Well, I don't think any of the spectators were all that rich as how the story said those were, and there weren't beggars either so we are normal people, so we can stay on chairs." I said as a fact and I could hear a sound that I couldn't understand what it means, coming from Naruto's mouth again.

The sound stopped after some seconds and just our steeps could be heard on the grey pavement, we were shortly at the stairs of our block and soon enough, at the door of our apartment.

"We are home Felix!" Naruto almost yelled and I just stared at him and then at Felix that actually came at his call.

I decided that I shouldn't ask and I just walked to my room and I checked if there were any messages on my phone and without even realizing that I was expecting that as always there would be zero messages, I actually had one message.

The thing that I didn't like was that I didn't know whose number it is. And in the next second, I have thrown the phone on my bed.

What really surprised me was that I wasn't surprised when I saw Naruto on my bed, and I didn't even have heard him when he entered in my room. And I even closed my door.

I decided to ignore it and I walked to my closet and I've begun to put my jacket on a hanger.

While doing so, Naruto has begun to talk:

"Hey, old man..." He said almost calling for my attention, but I didn't said much:

"Hn."

"Do you believe in happy endings?" He said with a distant voice.

"Why do you ask?" I said while I started to fold some clothes.

"Well, I'm thinking at the play you know... It had a happy ending." He said with the same voice.

"Yeah, and?" I said, with my hands on the clothes.

"Do you think happy endings also happen in real life?" He said and just then, I turned around to look at him.

My eyes have met with his eyes. He really wants to know my answer, he's serious.

I sigh and then I thought about my answer.
'Well, it's been a long time from when I believed that a miracle can happen, and that I will have a happy ending. No, there are happy endings in real life.'

I thought and I sigh again.

"Yes, but not always." I said.

'It's not really a one hundred percent lie.' I thought while I tried to be positive.

But then I looked at him again and he was sad, looking down again, this time, at the wooden floor.

When he raised his eyes from the floor, he smiled to me, and he showed me my own phone in his hand, stretching it towards me.

"You've got a message, old man."

He said still smiling, and while I made the three steps that had closed our distance, I took my phone.

Without even knowing why, I opened the message, and he still looks at me from my bed while I am standing with my phone in my hands, in front of the bed.

And I read the message in my mind:

'I know you miss me'

To be continued…

Sooooo, who do you think it is?